Chapter 4
Four
Hannah
I bite into my bottom lip and hold it hostage for several seconds before releasing it. “He died.”
Aaric’s brow furrows. “I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head. “It’s okay. I didn’t know him very well,” I admit. “I only met him once.” I cringe. That sounds awful. I just admitted to being the hussy I am.
Unable to control my emotions, tears start falling down my cheeks. I try to turn away, but Aaric cups my neck, stopping me. “Tell me why you’re crying, honey.”
He started calling me honey instead of sunshine while I was in the bathroom. It’s so endearing. My heart beats faster. He makes me feel like I matter. I know I don’t, but Aaric at least pretends to care.
“I can’t tell if you’re sad that the father died or emotional from hormones or just exhausted. I want to help you, Hannah.”
A sob escapes my lips. “It’s my fault he’s dead.” It’s a relief to admit my role in Jeremy’s death.
“Oh, honey… I’m sure that’s not true.” Aaric sounds so certain, but he doesn’t know what I did.
I cry even harder.
He grabs some tissues from the nightstand and wipes my cheeks. “I’m sure if you were involved at all, it was an accident. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.”
I shake my head and take the tissues from him. “I do. I had very mean thoughts. That’s why he’s dead.”
Aaric’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?” He slides his hand to my back under the covers and rubs. “You can’t harm someone with thoughts, sunshine. I promise.”
Another loud sob escapes. More tears. “I did.”
“Tell me what happened, honey.”
I never intended to tell a living soul about my transgressions.
I’ve sinned. What I’ve done is between God and me.
He will punish me as he sees fit. He might even cause the baby to die in childbirth.
It’s what I deserve. I’m such a bad person that I should mourn the loss for the rest of my days.
But I’ve pleaded with God to spare my baby.
I’ve promised Him I would give the baby to a nice home where it can live to be strong and good.
I don’t know if He’s listened or will grant my wish, though.
“Talk to me, Hannah. I promise you’ll feel better if you let it out. Everyone feels relieved when they unload their burdens.”
Eventually, I stop crying so hard. I’m still sniffling when I decide to tell the truth. Maybe this is the beginning of my punishment. Aaric won’t look at me with such kind eyes after I tell him. It seems fitting that I should be punished by Aaric, too.
“He was Presley’s son.”
Aaric frowns. “Mmmm. I vaguely remember Vanguard having a son. What happened, honey?”
“When Presley bought me from my dad, Jeremy had joined the Army. He was away at boot camp. I guess Presley was lonely, and I suspect Jeremy had been taking care of a lot of things around the house. That’s why Presley purchased me.”
“Where was Presley’s wife? Jeremy’s mother?”
“She’d died several years before.”
Aaric nods. “Go on.”
“Jeremy came to the house after boot camp. He only had a few days’ leave before he went to war.”
Aaric’s face tightens. He licks his lips. “And you two had sex.” It’s not a question.
I nod, more tears falling. I’m so embarrassed. “I’m a harlot. My father called me a harlot, and he was right.”
Aaric shakes his head. “You’re not a harlot, Hannah. Never use that word again. People have sex. It’s normal human behavior. You meet someone, you have chemistry, and the two of you decide to get intimate. It’s not sinful. I don’t believe that, Hannah.”
I stare at him, my brow furrowed.
“What are you thinking, sunshine?”
“I’m not sunshine. You shouldn’t call me that. I’m a dark cloud.”
Aaric gasps. “You are not a dark anything . You’re everything light and good. You’ve had your head filled with nonsense. I’m going to tell you what a great person you are until you believe me.”
He’s lost his marbles. I shake my head again. “I had sex out of wedlock.”
“Honey, nearly everyone has sex before they get married.”
“It’s immoral.”
“I don’t believe that.”
I’m struggling to grasp why Aaric hasn’t shunned me and kicked me out of his home.
“No god is going to punish you for having sex, Hannah. I promise. Tell me what happened to Jeremy. Was he killed in combat?”
“Yes, and it’s my fault.”
“How could it be your fault, honey? You weren’t there.”
“I begged God to keep him away. I didn’t want him to come back. I pleaded with God every night that Jeremy would never return. And then he died. And it’s all my fault.”
Aaric’s face tightens again. “Honey… You are not responsible for Jeremy’s death. Not even a little bit. He died in a warzone. It has nothing to do with you.”
I turn my face into the pillow and cry while Aaric rubs my back some more. He doesn’t leave. He doesn’t even seem to blame me. I don’t know why. He should. I do.
When I can’t cry another tear, I return to sniffling and accept more tissues from Aaric.
“Why didn’t you want him to come back, Hannah?” he asks gently.
“Because I didn’t like what he did to me. It hurt. I didn’t want him to do it again,” I whisper.
“You mean when you had sex?”
I nod, not looking at him. I’m so embarrassed. People don’t talk about these things.
“If it was your first time, it was bound to hurt a bit, honey. That’s normal. Did he help you reach orgasm and make sure you were wet before he made love to you?”
Turning my head a few inches, I meet Aaric’s gaze. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Aaric frowns. “Hannah… Honey, did the two of you make the decision to have sex together?”
“Of course not. Why would I do that?”
Aaric swallows. “So he forced you?”
“It was all my fault. I shouldn’t have been so slutty around him.”
Now Aaric’s face turns red. “Did Jeremy tell you that?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry to put you through this, Hannah, but I need to know exactly what happened. Are you saying you didn’t agree to have sex with him?”
I cringe and stiffen. “No. That would have been sinful.”
“Where did he…have sex with you, Hannah?”
“In my bed.”
“You were already in bed.”
“Yes. I was asleep. He came into my room.”
“And he forced you…”
“I shouldn’t have taken a shower and returned to my room with only my nightgown on. I shouldn’t have let him see my skin.”
“What skin?” Aaric sounds angry now. He should. I’m a bad person. “Your feet, Hannah? Your wrists? Your neck?” His voice rises.
“Yes. See? I’m a harlot.”
Aaric’s nostrils flare.
I wince, afraid he might hit me. I’m so scared I even lift a hand instinctively to cover my face. It’s been a while since Presley hit me, but I’m no stranger to being slapped around.
“Hannah.” Aaric gasps. “Honey…” His hand leaves my back, and he gently circles my wrist. “Do you think I’m going to strike you?”
I nod.
“Never. I will never ever hit you for any reason, honey. Not in this lifetime or the next. No one will ever strike you again. No one will force you to have sex, either. From now on, you’re in control of your own autonomy.
No one should ever take something from you that you don’t freely offer. Do you hear me?”
His voice is so intense, and I’m not sure what he’s talking about, but I nod because it seems like the right thing to do.
“You are not a harlot. Don’t use that word again.
Ever. You did not deserve for someone to come to your room and invade your body against your will.
It’s illegal. If he were alive, I’d call the sheriff.
None of this is your fault. Now I understand why you prayed he wouldn’t come back.
I don’t blame you, but you’re still not responsible for his death.
If anything, Jeremy was the sinner for taking what you did not offer.
I don’t believe in a vengeful god, but if there is one, he punished Jeremy for his sins. Not you for yours.”
For some strange reason, I almost understand what Aaric is saying. It makes sense. Jeremy shouldn’t have touched me. Maybe he did get punished for doing so. “But…”
Aaric shakes his head vehemently. “No buts. It wouldn’t matter if you’d walked around that house completely naked; he still had no right to touch you without your permission. That’s the law, Hannah.”
“It is?”
“Yes, honey. He lied to you. I’d hunt him down and kill him myself if I could for taking your innocence and brainwashing you into believing you were at fault. That’s called gaslighting.”
I frown.
“Don’t worry. That’s a concept for another time. But trust me, Hannah, Jeremy deserves all the blame. You deserve none of it.”
I chew on my bottom lip. Maybe Aaric is right.
“Be right back.” He rises from the bed and hurries into the bathroom. A minute later, he returns, and he’s holding a wet washcloth like earlier when I first arrived.
Aaric tips my head back and gently washes my face. Then he kisses my forehead, letting his lips linger for several seconds. When he releases me, he hands me the bottle of juice. “Drink, sunshine.”
After he flips the top, showing me how, I take it from him and guzzle a lot of the cool liquid. It tastes like heaven and soothes my throat.
Aaric sets it on the nightstand and bends to kiss my temple again. “Sleep, honey. If you need me, call out. I’ll leave the door open an inch.”
All I can do is watch as my savior strides from the room. He’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, and he’s also the kindest. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m so very lucky that I’m here. At least my baby has a chance at survival now.
Closing my eyes, I let exhaustion take me under.