Chapter 12
Twelve
Hannah
Somehow, I’ve completely lost all sense of modesty. I just don’t care that my sister, my husband, and Charlene have seen me completely naked. I don’t care that my husband gave me a sponge bath. Nor do I care that I’m lying in bed, wearing nothing but giant panties with a thick pad in them.
Putting on a shirt is a waste of time. I would just need to take it off every few hours anyway. I don’t have the energy right now.
Everyone helped me move to the other side of the bed so they could work to change the sheets. Now I’m nestled in a pile of pillows, the baby in the crook of my arms.
She’s sucking so hard on my nipple that it hurts, but I don’t care. All I care about is that we’re both alive, which is not something I imagined.
Aaric is propped up beside me, leaning on his side, watching. He’s been smiling for hours. “She’s so beautiful, honey, and so are you. I’m so proud of you.”
I beam at him because I’m also proud of myself. I had no idea I was capable of what I did. Although, to be reasonable, I had no other option. It’s not like I could have decided not to give birth. The baby mostly came out on her own. All I did was sort of push.
“Have you thought about what you want to name her?” Aaric asks.
I stare down at her tiny fingers. I can’t stop touching them. I love how she grips my finger when I set it on her palm. I haven’t thought of names. I hadn’t considered keeping her until about a day ago. But suddenly, it comes to me. “Eve. Eve Naomi. After my mama and yours.”
Aaric reaches out and touches my cheek. His voice is husky when he responds. “I love that, honey. Eve Naomi Gallant.” He scoots closer and kisses the top of Eve’s head before kissing my temple.
“I don’t know anything about babies,” I mutter.
“You’re doing a great job. It’s instinctive.” He strokes her tiny cheek next to my breast while she suckles. “I’m going to go rummage through the boxes in the living room and find the bassinet. Will you be okay for a few minutes?”
“Yes.”
He sets a thermal water bottle next to my hip. “Make sure you drink enough. You have to stay hydrated while nursing.”
“Okay.” I pick it up and take a sip, watching my husband stride from the room.
How did I get so lucky? It’s like all my life I’ve been dealt nothing but shit, and suddenly in forty-eight hours I’ve won the lottery. I have everything I could ever want.
I watch in awe as Aaric returns with a large box. He sits at the foot of the bed and opens it. Before I know it, he has attached the most modern bassinet I’ve ever seen to the side of the bed. It becomes an extension of the bed so Eve can sleep right next to me.
My husband is so thoughtful that he even did a load of laundry in the last few hours so there would be clean baby clothes, tiny soft blankets, and bedding. He sets it all up for me.
We haven’t put any clothes on Eve yet. She’s wearing nothing but a disposable diaper and a blanket. I giggled when Aaric attempted to use some internet instructions to swaddle her because, two seconds later, she wiggled her arms free and seemed to glare at him.
Aaric holds up the yellow nightie I held two nights ago. “It looked so tiny the other day. Now I think it will swallow her whole,” he teases.
I giggle. “She’ll grow into it. She’s not that small.” Charlene weighed her. She was six pounds two ounces. Apparently, that’s just fine.
When she’s full, she releases my nipple with a pop.
“Ouch.” I cringe. It hurts when she sucks on my breast. The midwife said that was normal. It will stop hurting in a few days. She gave Aaric about ten instructions on what to expect and how to care for my breasts.
I probably should have been embarrassed, but I couldn’t find the will then, and I still can’t now. My boobs are now a food source. He’s going to see them all the time. I’m over it. Sort of.
As for the rest of my body—especially the part between my legs—I blushed as Charlene told him how much blood to expect in the coming days, how sore I’ll be, and what signs he should watch for that would necessitate a trip to the hospital.
She also warned him about post-partum depression, which I know nothing about, but my husband took every word seriously.
I’m exhausted. It’s finally all catching up with me. My arms are shaking.
“Do you want me to take Eve, honey?”
I nod and hold her up for Aaric.
He gently supports her head and lifts her into his arms. She’s making the sweetest cooing sounds, and his face lights up when he snuggles her into his chest. “What a pretty girl you are,” he whispers. “You look just like your mama. You’re going to be a fighter, too, aren’t you?”
Am I a fighter? I’m grinning like a loon while I watch him. He keeps talking to her as he carefully lays her on the bed at my feet. He changes her diaper and then puts the onesie on her. It really is huge, but I bet it won’t be in a few days.
She’s wiggling and gurgling while he tends to her, his attention on her at all times.
No one would know he’s not her biological father.
She already has him wrapped all the way around her tiny finger.
And it warms my soul. Any doubt I had about him not being able to accept my baby has fled the house. He’s already in love.
I can’t even hear all the things he’s telling her as he tries to swaddle her again. This time, he proudly lifts her, all tucked into the blanket. “Ah ha.”
I smile at him as he settles her in the bassinet. She wiggles for a few seconds and then settles. Aaric stares at her for long seconds, still grinning. Finally, he looks at me. “I’m going to get a few more things. Be right back.”
It’s impossible not to keep grinning. I think my face is frozen this way. I don’t even know when I last smiled before the past few days. It’s been years.
Aaric returns with several more items in his arms. He drops it all on the foot of the bed and holds up an odd contraption that has two strange funnels on the ends. “What is that?” I ask, pushing onto my elbows.
“A breast pump.”
My eyes pop out of my head. “What’s it for?”
“Pumping breasts?” he teases.
“Why would I need that? The baby already sucked me dry.”
“Actually, she only ate off one side both times you fed her. If you pump in between, it will help your milk production and also allow you to sleep through feedings, because then I can feed her your milk from a bottle.”
I stare at him, my jaw hanging open. “Seriously?” Wincing, I push to sitting and look down at my boobs. They are huge, but the left one is fuller than the right. He’s correct. Eve only ate from one side. The other side is heavy. But that thing looks painful.
He chuckles as I cover my offended breasts, coming at me with that machine. “It’s important, honey. I’ve read all the instructions.” He sets it in my lap and helps prop me up a bit more.
I don’t say a word as he takes over, holding one of the funnels up to one breast and then the other. “Can you hold them in place for a second, sunshine?”
I cup the sides and press them against my huge boobs. This is madness.
He fiddles with the machine, and a moment later, the funnels suction to my breasts and pull my nipples in tight.
“Oh.” It feels so weird. It makes a whirring sound every time it sucks, and milk starts squirting out of my breasts.
It runs down the tubes and into two bottles.
Whoever invented this was a genius. In minutes, I feel so much better.
The pressure has been relieved. There isn’t much milk in the bottles, though.
“Don’t worry. Each time we do this, more milk will come out.” He disconnects the contraption and takes it away.
My head is spinning. I don’t know what to make of the way he takes care of me. It’s almost over the top, but I love it. I wouldn’t know any of this stuff without him. He didn’t just hand me the box and leave me to sort it out. He read the directions and managed it himself.
I think it’s sexy.
“Where did you put it?” I ask when he returns.
“In the refrigerator. When we get a stockpile, I’ll keep it in bags in the freezer. It will last longer there. Then I can just warm it up anytime it’s my turn to feed Eve.”
I can’t stop staring at him. He’s so pleased with himself. I think part of his plot revolves around the fact that he wants to have a role in her feedings. I can’t blame him. I feel very connected to her when she’s sucking from me. I suspect he’ll get a similar sense when he gives her a bottle.
Aaric is holding a tube of something now. He opens it and squeezes some onto his fingers. “Lie back, honey.”
I stretch out on the pillows, mesmerized once again. I don’t even ask what the heck he’s planning. I trust him. He seems to know a lot about this.
My husband leans over my body and rubs the ointment onto my nipples. He’s so gentle, but I wince a few times anyway. They ache.
“This will keep them from getting chapped and sore, honey,” he says softly, glancing at Eve. When he’s done rubbing the cream onto me, he picks up a white material, which I soon realize is a complicated bra.
“Can you lean forward for me, honey?”
It’s a struggle, but I manage to sit up. I’m dumbfounded as Aaric helps me into the bra. It seems unnecessary, but he settles it all around me and adjusts my breasts inside the cups before adding a round pad in front of each nipple. “There. How does that feel?”
Surprisingly, it feels better. It’s giving me support and protecting my nipples from rubbing against the sheets. “I think it’s good.”
He reaches for the front. “See? There’s a flap on both sides, so you don’t have to take it off to pump or nurse.”
I start crying. It’s like I’m a faucet lately.
He doesn’t even mention my emotional state.
He simply cups my face and kisses me gently on the lips.
“You need to sleep, honey. Drink some more water and rest. I’ll be right here beside you.
” He turns off the lights, leaving us in the dim illumination from the nightlight, and settles on his side next to me.
“Sleep, sunshine.” He wipes the tears from my cheeks, causing more to fall, but it doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.