Chapter Forty-Three #2
We lie there for a while, tracing idle circles on each other’s skin, marking and mapping this new territory.
At a certain point, I realize I have no idea what time it is—or perhaps what year—so I crawl up and over his chest to look at the clock on his nightstand.
But I’m distracted because sitting right next to the clock is my bracelet, the one I wore the night I went on the pull with Sadie, the one I thought I’d lost. I grab it and wave it in his face. “Thief!”
He almost blushes. “Oh yeah. Amina must have missed it when she came in and got all your stuff. I know I should have brought it to the training center or something, but it was the only thing of yours left in the flat—well, that and a massive clump of hair in your shower drain, but that looked a bit weirder on the nightstand.”
“Clumps of hair are so last season.”
He pulls me into his chest and locks his arms around me and his laugh shakes my body. “I kept it there because it reminded me of the night that I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“Knew that I wanted to be with you. That night you went out with Sadie.”
“Oh.” I can’t help it; my shoulders sag a bit.
I’m sure he feels it, because he rolls me away so he can look at me. “What? Why does that make you sad?”
“It just kind of sucks that you didn’t find me attractive until I got all dressed up and put on a ton of makeup and heels and the whole nine yards. Like, not until I specifically tarted myself up.”
Now he pulls away from me entirely and shakes his head. “Whoa whoa whoa, my friend. I said that was when I knew I wanted to be with you, not when I first found you attractive.”
“Is that not the same thing?”
“No. Noooo,” he says, drawing it out. He takes the bracelet from me. “I thought you were pretty when I first saw you in the car park, because who wouldn’t want to fuck the Sphinx?”
“Such a weirdo.”
“Yeah, well, since I thought I’d never see you again—or that maybe you weren’t actually real—I put it out of my mind.
But then when we had our first conversation in your office and you absolutely rinsed me for not being interesting enough for Twitter, I found you attractive.
Very attractive. And I thought, okay, well, this is cool, I’ll just have a sexy colleague.
That’s fun. And then that quickly changed into, okay, well, this is cool, I’ll just have a sexy friend.
That’s also fun. And my brain kept you in a wee box called ‘Sexy Friend’ for a very long time.
But then that night with Sadie, it hit me that I wouldn’t be able to keep you in that box forever.
It wasn’t what you were wearing, it was that you were about to go meet some tadger in that bar and then what we had would change and you wouldn’t get to be my Sexy Friend anymore, not like you had been.
And I was filled with such a panic, Stripes.
I actually left the gala and drove to where you and Sadie were.
I sat in my car and talked myself out of going in for a good thirty minutes. ”
“Beep beep beep.”
“Ah, I forgot about the Serial Killer Alarm! But yes, fully deserved.” He drapes the bracelet over my wrist, his fingers brushing the soft skin there.
“I was going mad. I wanted so badly to run in there and take you away from any man who was going to take you away from me. So yeah, that’s when I ‘knew.’ Or maybe that’s when I let myself know.
And then there were several months of the deepest possible denial while I tried to figure out what to do with my life, but the truth was there.
And after you moved out, I went into your room and found the bracelet and it was like a physical reminder that I needed to grow a pair and sort my shit out.
It was the first thing I saw every morning, which meant my days would be full of you and how I’d ruined it and what I was going to do to fix it.
” He does up the clasp, but doesn’t give me my hand back.
Instead, he places it on his chest and holds it there.
“And here I was thinking it was in my couch cushions or something, not off somewhere imbued with mystical talismanic powers.”
“True or false: Dating you is going to require a thesaurus.”
“True, I’m afraid. It’s from a lifetime of trying to impress Josh.”
“You’ll find I’m much easier to impress,” he says.
“Something in this relationship being easy? I’ll believe it when I see it.”
He laughs at that, but then falls quiet.
There’s a long stretch where he just stares at the ceiling.
Right when I’m about to check for a pulse, he exhales.
There’s a tremor in his voice, and he won’t look at me.
“Abby, I’m so worried I’m going to mess this up.
Maybe I’m not ready. Or you’re not ready.
Or we’re rushing it.” He swallows. “I don’t want to hurt you again. ”
“Hmm, yes, I would prefer not to be hurt again.” I run my fingers across his bottom lip like I can coax it into a smile. I want to let him know it’s okay. I want to let him know that I’m scared too, but I trust him. I trust us. “But more than that, I want this to work.”
He closes his eyes as if in prayer. “Me too. So much.”
“Because let’s be honest: There are a lot of ways this could go wrong, and we’re probably insane for trying it.”
He laughs again and turns toward me. “Absolutely mad. Barmy.”
“But worth it?”
Lachlan curls a finger under my chin, tilting it up and toward him. He covers the distance between us in a slow, deliberate movement, and his soft kiss answers my question.
We’re sharing a pillow now, nose to nose.
If I never moved from this position, I would die happy.
But there’s still something I need to say, because I have to advocate for myself here.
I let out a long, slow breath. “I realize the irony of me saying this while I’m fully nude in your bed, but what if we take it slow?
Not burn it out by moving too fast, not rush into anything.
I’ll keep my own flat, we’ll get some of those ‘friends’ everyone is talking about, we won’t see each other 24/7, and—most importantly—I’ll clean all my hair out of your drains. ”
He loops a curl around his finger. “That’s a hard bargain, because I’m nearly finished with my life-size sculpture of you, and I’d rather not have to cut it off your head while you sleep.” Then he bursts out laughing. “You know what, I’m going to go ahead and ring the alarm on myself for that one.”
“I mean, honestly, mate. All the beeps in the world.”
“I agree to your terms, though. Reluctantly, because I want you to move back in right now. But you’re right, we’ve got to do it proper if we’re going to do it forever.”
My heart flutters at this thing, this moment between us, this understanding we have.
Hard-won, battle-tested, built to last. I tug his earlobe, like I did in his dream.
He kisses me, softly, sweetly, and it’s the most perfect moment…
until my stomach rumbles. He rubs his hand over the curve of my belly, with a look in his eyes like he can’t believe he gets to touch me there.
“Let’s get you carbo-loaded so we can go again. ”
“True or false: Dating you is going to require the physical stamina of an Olympic athlete.”
“True, I’m afraid. From a lifetime of trying to impress Bashie.”
“Oh shit,” I say through my giggles. “That reminds me: If I don’t text Sadie soon, she’s going to break in here and demand a play-by-play, or maybe a live reenactment.”
Lachlan raises an eyebrow. “That can be arranged.”
I smack his ass. “Go be useful and make me a sandwich.”
He smiles and crawls out of bed, and though I already miss him next to me, I can’t help but feel so grateful, so lucky that we got to this place.
And then I rummage in my bag for my phone and see I have seventeen texts from Sadie, and I feel so grateful and lucky for a thousand more reasons, for this little life I’ve built.