Chapter 19
My initial admiration for the market-square-like construction, with its buildings crafted from the surrounding nature, faded fast once the Heart became freaking crowded.
My three companions and I are now hemmed in by an angry mob of Vikans and mongrels.
The only faction missing seems to be the shapeshifters, though I suppose Aidon represents them well enough.
At least my earlier worry that no one would come was unfounded. Even if it might have been better that way. After last night, my temper is short.
I couldn’t sleep. Jestin couldn’t sleep. No one slept. How could we?
My skin pricks. Every crooked glance, every flicker of movement in the corner of my vision sets my nerves on edge, feeling like a threat, especially after what happened yesterday.
I knew entering the forest would be dangerous, but to this extent?
I am still in shock. The reality of what occurred will only fully sink in when I face Samira.
“How can we trust you if you didn’t even command your family to a peaceful rest?
” Maddox, the owner of Zeznia asks, and the betrayal I feel is immense.
I thought we’ve had an unspoken alliance, given I am his huge supporter, but no.
He puts me under as much scrutiny as the rest of the gathered folks.
What the fuck does he even mean? I have no idea, but that kind of questioning lasts for ages.
“That’s true, I saw Queen Barbara’s consort rummaging freely on Samhain; he looked miserable,” a redcap adds.
“I can assure you, I have done no such things,” I repeat a thousand times, each time with less conviction that I am telling the truth. Especially given Jestin and River’s averted gazes. I understand Jestin’s, but Riven’s?
Focus on the assembly, Aidon resonates in my head, cutting through my thoughts.
You’re right.
I look at the families around me.
“The point is, you don’t have much choice. If you don’t want to sacrifice your younglings to the war.” Jestin addresses the gathered, and my heart swells in response.
He helps me, even if he prefers to wallow in guilt. He stayed with me, instead of burying his friend with Samira.
“That’s true, I don’t want to send my boys out there; they are only 90 years old. Not skilled enough with their horns,” a Minotaur says, two pups and his mate on his side. The female nods in agreement.
Similar sentiments echo in the crowd.
I balance from foot to foot and address them, tugging on the gloves, hiding my bond with the Simon. “I understand your worries,” I pause, looking at the folks. “My neglect was shameful, but it’s not you who…”
I don’t think you should go that road, Aidon interrupts in my head.
Tough shit.
“But it’s not you whom I will answer to.
I am created for you.” I remind them of the ancient agreement between Gorok and the Fae-like, the pact that allows them to live in mortal lands so long as they are ruled by Gorok’s descendants, the Beriganders.
“You won’t stay in this realm without me,” I announce, praying the Great Architect agrees and he won’t smite me for it.
Murmurs go through the crowd; no one looks pleased, but it is a universal truth. At least it was, while my Grandma ruled.
“If that was true, why didn’t Gorok banish us out in those two years without a crowned Queen?” An older-looking nymph challenges me, getting the support of her kin.
I have no idea why, but I don’t say it.
“Maybe it no longer stands,” someone else says, correctly reading my silence.
Crap. It didn’t go as I planned. The crowd is growing more restless and upset, and I’m starting to doubt that I’ll leave this meeting victorious.
“High Queen Katorena delayed her coronation for seven days,” Riven says, his voice steady. “To mourn her child… and her mother. Gorok gave her time to set her mind.” His battle axe rests in full view as a silent reminder. If things go south, he will not hesitate.
He wasn’t close with Nulok, but he shoulders the blame.
“All is as it should be,” the familiar voice of the Forest Witch cuts through the air and the assembly falls silent, drinking in her every word. Envy hits me as I will never command that kind of respect.
“Hora,” I say, acknowledging her by her first name.
“I recognise Seleste Berigander as my rightful Queen.” She bows, and they follow. What the fuck? I gawk, not expecting cooperation from her. I inspect the crowd, and it isn’t relief settling in my stomach, but shame.
Shame at being unworthy. I want to drag them into their uprising. I don’t want to see the Forest bowing to me just because they comply with the Forest Witch’s influence. I shouldn’t be their only option.
Make them rise, says Aidon, nudging me in the ribs.
“Rise!” I order, waving my gloved hand.
The crowd obeys. The air shifts, heavy with murmurs and suppressed movement.
The Forest Witch holds my gaze with ease. You will meet me in my hut later. She doesn’t even open her mouth - her words linger in my head anyway.
Fuck, another mental intruder.
◆◆◆
“It went surprisingly well,” Aidon says after folks scatter their own way and we’re relatively alone.
“It could be worse,” Jestin agrees. It’s supposed to be funny, but his voice is washed of emotion. I ache to hug him, but there’s something I need to handle first.
Riven.
I go straight to him and stand face to face. His powerful frame threatens to bully me into backing down, but I stay firm.
“Care to tell me about the spirits?” I ask, watching how he recoils.
Jestin grips my hand, and when I turn to him, his expression makes my stomach tighten. He looks... sorry.
“What are you not telling me?” I demand, a nervous tremor rising inside me — nervous that the fragile bubble I’ve been living in will finally pop.
“Not now,” Aidon says, and then adds in my head, The forest is listening.
Gods.
I need to know. I need to hear it now. I close my eyes, clenching my fists, focusing on the storm, riding my power with a fierce grip of need. I need a safe space to have this conversation. My magic thrums, eager to obey my bidding. I keep hold of it, muscles locking from the effort of control.
From the ground rises an oval-shaped wooden teepee, big enough to accommodate all of us but without damaging the forest floor. It blends into the environment, an organic creation that belongs here.
“That’s impressive,” Jestin whispers, pride oozing from his words.
I seal it with the intention of keeping sound from escaping, and feel the added shell wrap around the walls. My power hums through me, satisfied to be used.
When I turn, I find their faces full of pride and it half shatters my resolve to extract the truth.
“Please tell me,” I whisper when we step inside, guilt twisting in me for making this moment about myself instead of grieving Nulok.
“The Lady asked you a question,” Aidon says, stepping in with his chin high, addressing the General directly.
My jaw drops. A few more moves like that and I’m certain it’ll dislocate.
Aidon offers me his smile. We are a team.
Jestin and Riven exchange glances, and my stomach twists.
“Answer me!” I snap.
Both males wince.
“As you wish, my Lady.” Riven sinks to the ground, and Aidon and Jestin follow. The latter pulls me into his lap.
I level him a glare.
“You’ll need it, trust me,” Jestin says. Aidon snorts, but I reluctantly settle between Jestin’s legs. When I do, he leans close, lips near my ear. “Whatever it means to you, I am sorry.”
I freeze.
“You don’t know one of the most crucial customs; the responsibility of your line. You were too young to witness it,” Riven says.
“Passing ceremony?” I dare to guess.
He nods.
Fuck.
“High Queen Barbara wanted to shield you from the Dead God as long as she could. And after the… incident, you ran away. There was no one left with the knowledge to tell you, even if you would have listened,” Riven explains.
“The High Queen must command the spirits to Gorok’s gardens; otherwise, they’ll be trapped in the Spiritland. Their souls slowly decaying, freezing in that world until they fade into nothing.” His gaze pins me, and I wish I hadn’t asked. “Your family’s souls are… deteriorating.”
“What does it mean? How do you know?” I ask.
He hesitates, uncertain if he should speak. Before I can snap, he continues, pain etched across his face so sharply it makes me want to throw up.
“Trisha’s spirit visited me.”
The world tilts. For a heartbeat, I forget how to breathe. Of all names, hers.
Trisha. The one Fae who was supposed to be loyal and turned out to be the biggest traitor.
My sister. My blood.
The one who broke my heart first.
The thought that Riven could have been close to her slices through me with alchemical precision. It’s too sharp to scream, too deep to cry. My stomach churns; bile burns my throat. Did he mourn her? Did he love her?
Please, Gorok, tell me I’m overthinking this.
He doesn’t look away. His expression is a mixture of guilt and pity, and I can’t stand either.
“You must do your duty, or the spirits will make sure you suffer with them before they die for good,” he adds softly.
I turn to Jestin, wanting to understand his role in this ruse.
“How did you know about that?”
He tries to catch my eye, but I avoid his gaze, still sitting on his lap, though I’ve never felt so unsafe there. “After Samira’s mating ceremony, Riven contacted me, asking if I knew your whereabouts.”
“And you couldn’t tell me straight?” My voice comes out barely as a whisper; his betrayal cuts the deepest, after our moment, after those days when we connected so much.
“You were out of control, barely sober, always snapping and defensive,” he says, reaching for my chin, but I jerk away.
“We decided to make you care another way. It’s too important,” Riven says, trying to support his co-conspirator.
“To leave it to my own judgment because I’m too unstable?” His lack of remorse blows the lid off my anger, and I shout the words, unashamed of the tears clouding my eyes.
Jestin tries to soothe me, but I jerk away and stand.
They stay silent, heads bowed.
“What is your role in this?” I step into Aidon’s space. My fingers shake, so I clench them tight. “Answer me!”
Aidon tilts his head, forcing me to meet his scarlet eyes.
“I knew from the first moment I saw Lord Navatian at our campfire. His mind was easy to read.”
“Couldn’t you have told me?!” My voice comes out weaker than I want.
He shakes his head. “You were constantly wallowing in self-pity; reasoning with you was impossible.”
You didn’t try.
No, I didn’t. I am sorry.
The realisation stomps on the heart I was barely beginning to glue together and shatters it all over again. This time the pieces are too small to repair. I was right. They would destroy me.
Joke’s on me for being a naive, desperate doormat. I don’t deserve anything else, and I shouldn’t let myself think otherwise.
And the worst part? They don’t believe in me. That thought overshadows everything else. I thought they trusted I could be a good Queen, even after what I’ve done. But they’re only here because I’m useless; they need to manipulate me into doing the right thing.
Their kindness was a scheme.
I count to ten to steady my breathing, hoping my words won’t come out in hiccups.
“We’ll talk later,” I command and turn away without looking at them.
“Don’t go. Please, let’s talk about that.” Jestin’s plea follows me, but I don’t stop, even as the remnants of my heart wallow in grief. I don’t want to add to his hurt, but… no. I need to be alone.
Yet I stop before leaving, one last truth clawing to escape.
“You know me. I’ve never hidden anything — my desires, my character — yet you’ve chosen to reveal only the truths you want me to see.”
Silence follows me as I walk through the Heart of the Forest. I lack the strength to appreciate its beauty. The elegant web of treehouses, the shimmer of lanternlight.
Shame burns my cheeks. Shame that I focus on myself when there are far more important matters: Nulok, the war, my family.
“We have time to fix it,” Aidon appears beside me.
“I said I want to be alone.”
“It wasn’t my ruse,” he says, catching my hand.
“You’re following me because you want to exploit my blood. I don’t know which is worse,” I hiss, feeling eyes on me.
“Didn’t you like it?” he asks, turning towards me.
I did. That’s why it hurts so much.