Chapter Sixteen
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AUDREY
I was wrong. There were at least two hundred presents under that Christmas tree and we’ve handed out nearly all of them, thank God. Watching Toni play Santa, letting kids sit on her lap and tell her what they want for Christmas with a sweet, steady smile and affection is incredibly attractive. Toni is effortlessly charming, but her charm is rooted in kind-heartedness, selflessness that you see less and less these days. Greta, despite her talk of not liking kids, is patient and sweet with every single child that comes up to give her a hug, and they all come up to give her a hug. All four of the Giordanis receive hugs from every family member. They have conversations with all of them, focusing on each, making them seem like the only people in the room. If I’m exhausted after merely smiling and handing kids presents, I can’t imagine how tired the Giordanis are.
We’re down to only a dozen or so presents when I look up to see where the end of the line is and see the last person I expect chatting with Piero.
Shae.
Shae grins and waves. She’s wearing her black-rimmed glasses and a newsboy hat I bought her. She looks good, but Shae always looks good. But this time there’s no desire, no quickening of my pulse. All I feel is frustration, anger, and confusion. What the hell is she doing here? And why is she talking to Piero?
Willa notices I’m holding up the line and follows my gaze. Before I can say anything or move, Willa is off, a thunderous expression on her face.
Oh shit.
I grab the nearest person I know and ask them to take over for me for a moment and walk as quickly as possible, but there is no way I’m catching my sister. I see Piero’s expression go from polite professionalism to confusion as soon as Willa opens her mouth.
“—got some fu— nerve coming here. What do you think you’re doing?” Willa says.
I put my hand on Willa’s arm. She’s vibrating with anger and I’m reminded of the scene fifteen years earlier when my mother kicked me out of the house. Willa means well, but right now she has tunnel vision, and that tunnel is bright red with anger and pointed directly at Shae. She’s forgotten, or doesn’t care, where we are. That no matter what the fuck Shae is doing here, we have to maintain our professionalism. We aren’t employees, we’re contractors, and guests at this Christmas party. We cannot make a scene.
I should be the one who’s angry, and I probably will be later. But a calmness settles over me. This conversation was going to happen eventually. Might as well get it over with.
“What the hell are you doing here, Shae with an E?” Toni says in full Santa regalia, including fake beard.
“Toni,” Piero says, a warning in his voice.
“Toni,” Shae says and looks her up and down. “You look better in biker drag.”
“I’ll walk you out, Shae,” I say. “Willa, will you take over for me with the kids? Excuse us.” I move forward quickly, try to grab Shae by the elbow to turn her around, but she takes my hand. It’s more important that I get her out of the building and save as much face as possible, so I don’t release her hand, but tighten my grip and pull her along. Once outside I search the parking lot for her car. I pull her towards it.
“I’m coming, you don’t have to drag me,” Shae says.
I release her hand and walk the remainder of the way. At her car, I turn and cross my arms over my chest. “What do you think you’re doing, coming here like this?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you. That should be pretty obvious by now.” Shae opens her mouth to respond but I hold up my hand. “I’ve said all I have to say, all there is to say. You need to leave. Now.”
“No. I’m not leaving until you tell me why.”
“Oh my God, you’re joking, right?” Shae starts to speak but I keep going. “One of the reasons was hanging all over you that night at Dewey’s. She’s one of a half dozen reasons, that I know of. I’m sure there’s more.”
“That wasn’t what it looked like.”
I roll my eyes. “Why do you even care, Shae? You were obviously never satisfied with being monogamous. Now you can do what you want to do with whomever, whenever. Is this all about saving face?”
“Saving face?”
“It must be humiliating that I left you. Big blow to your ego and reputation.”
“You didn’t leave me.”
I laugh. “OK, fine. Now’s your chance. Break up with me.”
“What?”
“Break up with me. That way you can say you were the one who tossed me aside instead of the other way around.”
“But you’re who I want.”
“If I was the one you wanted you wouldn’t have cheated on me multiple times.”
“Those women didn’t mean anything to me.”
“Well, they meant something to me ,” I shout.
“Calm down, Audrey.”
“Oh my God,” I say, and walk away. I see Toni, Willa, and Greta standing close enough to hear, but far enough to not interfere. Seeing them standing there, supporting me, steels my resolve. I hold my hand out to make sure they don’t move closer because this is my fight. I turn around. “How did you know where I was?”
“I knew where your new project was, so I guessed.”
“You guessed I’d be at the warehouse? On a Saturday at four p.m.”
Shae’s face goes blank. She’s obviously trying to think of a lie.
“Are you tracking my phone?” I ask.
“No. You changed all your passwords.”
“So you tried.” What in the hell could she be using to track me? A chill goes down my spine. I’m staring at her Mercedes, bought from the same dealership as mine, containing the same software. I gasp. “You’re tracking my car. That’s low, even for you.”
“I’m going to kill her,” I hear Willa say. I don’t turn around. I have to hope that Toni and Greta will hold her back.
“I’m sorry, Audie. I had to talk to you. I want another chance.”
“I’ve told you no a hundred times.”
“Why not?”
I’ve told her why a hundred times. Maybe a hundred and one will be the magic number. “Because you’re a cheater, a manipulator, and a gaslighter and I’m done. Really done this time.”
“I’m none of those things.”
I shake my head and try to walk away. Again. She grabs my elbow. I wrench it from her grasp, and cross my arms over my chest.
“I mean, I know you believe that,” Shae says. “Which is why I’m going to therapy. To really interrogate myself on why you think these things about me. I’ve been three weeks in a row. I’m really excited about this therapist. She gets me, you know.”
We’ve been here before. Too many times to count. She promises to change (though she never admits to being at fault or having a fault), goes to therapy for a few sessions, loves the new therapist. She made it to the sixth appointment once, which was a record. As soon as the therapists stop listening and start digging, asking Shae to be vulnerable, to admit some part in our problems, Shae leaves and never goes back. And then she cheats. Even Freud wouldn’t be able to get Shae Baker to make it past six therapy appointments.
Why didn’t I leave earlier? I don’t like to fail, that’s one reason, the reason all the other reasons stem from. Shae knows me so well that she was always able to push the buttons that would make me doubt myself, the comments, turns of phrase and the subtext that would make me believe that the real problem was I wasn’t trying hard enough to make our relationship work. I knew it was a lie. I knew she was manipulating me. But she wore me down. Every time. And I stayed.
This time, it won’t work. I’ve had a glimpse of other possibilities, other futures. It’s time to end this once and for all.
Shae looks over my shoulder and smirks at Toni, Willa, and Greta. Willa’s expression is thunderous. Toni looks angry and gobsmacked. Greta’s brows are furrowed as she types something on her phone.
“Back off, Willa,” Shae says. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“You did not just say that to me,” Willa says, and lunges forward.
Greta holds my sister back and Toni moves closer, an extra layer of protection between Willa and Shae.
“You need to leave, Shae,” Toni says in a firm voice.
Shae looks at Toni, Greta, and Willa and laughs. “Seriously, Audrey? Call off your attack dogs.”
“We aren’t attack dogs, we’re her friends,” Toni says. “We heard what she said but you apparently didn’t. She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“We were talking just fine before you interrupted,” Shae says.
“Enough!” I say. I turn to my friends. “Can y’all please go inside? I’ll be right there.”
“I’m not leaving you out here with her. She might kidnap you,” Willa says.
“Always the drama queen,” Shae says.
“One more word out of you and I am going to fuck you up,” Willa says through clenched teeth.
“OK,” Greta says, turning around and literally pushing Willa backwards. “Let’s give them some space.”
Toni glances between me and Shae and says, “You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Toni nods. I can tell that the last thing she wants to do is to leave me, but she backs away. None of them go inside, though. Greta has a firm enough grip on Willa that I don’t have to worry about her launching herself at Shae.
I’d managed to keep my distance from my ex, but now she steps close enough that I can smell her cologne. I hate the way my body responds to it, to her scent. Chemistry was never a problem with us. Until I realized that I somehow wasn’t enough for her.
“Audie,” she says in the voice I know so well. It’s low and intimate, the voice she used when she was either fucking me or trying to manipulate me.
But instead of making me go weak in the knees, it snaps me back to reality and I cross my arms over my chest. “Why now?”
“What?”
“Why today of all days did you suddenly remember that you have access to my car GPS?”
Shae motions for me to come with her. “Let’s go talk privately.”
I laugh. “Not on your life. I want everyone to hear your answer.”
“Audrey…”
Adrenaline courses through my body. I barrel on. “You’ve texted consistently, but they seemed perfunctory. As if you felt like you should try to get me back but didn’t really want to.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it kinda is,” Willa says. “She showed me the texts.”
I love my sister but Jesus Christ. I turn. “Willa, shut up .” I glare at Shae, arms crossed. “You texted me to try to keep me on the hook so if things didn’t work out with your latest girlfriend, you could come back to me.”
Shae chuckles and tries for innocence. “Audrey, I’m not that manipulative.”
I laugh. “Oh, yes you are. Did your girlfriend break up with you?” When Shae doesn’t react, I continue. “Or maybe not, but she left for Christmas.” Shae looks sheepish now. “And you don’t want to be alone.”
“We’re so good together.”
“I’ve told you over a dozen times in a dozen different ways that this is over and you just won’t listen to me. It’s exhausting. I’ve tried to be nice, because of all we had together, the good times, and I don’t want to hurt you. But I cannot take this anymore.” I inhale deeply and look her in the eyes. “I don’t love you anymore. It is over. I will never come back. There is nothing in the world that you could do or say that would make me take you back. Do you understand?”
“No, we can make this work.”
“Oh my God, that’s it,” Toni says and moves so quickly I can’t stop her.
She’s got Shae by the arm and Shae is not having it. She rips her arm from Toni’s grasp. I can tell where this is going, so I move between them.
“Stop it. We’re in public, for God’s sake.” I turn to Shae and step back, putting distance between us, and pushing Toni behind me. “I’ve been patient with you, Shae, but I’m done. You’re harassing me, at my place of work. What are you thinking, stalking me here?”
“Stalking you? I’m not stalking you.”
“You tracked my car, Shae. That’s stalking. It’s also sad and desperate.”
“And pathetic,” Willa says.
I don’t scold her because I see Shae’s eyes widen slightly. Finally, something is hitting home.
Employees and their wives and kids are exiting the warehouse, loaded down with presents and baked goodies. They wave and say goodbye, while eyeing us all with curiosity.
Maybe public shaming will work. Nothing else has.
“When word gets around town that you made a scene at a business function about personal business,” I say. “Well, wow. Your reputation is going to take a pretty brutal hit.”
Shae’s eyes widen further.
“I mean I wouldn’t say anything, but—” I wave my hand at the stream of people leaving, and at Greta, Willa, and Toni.
Shae regains her composure quickly and she scoffs. “Please, no one would believe it.”
“Yet here you are, begging me to take you back. Shae Baker having to beg a woman to be with her.” I pull out my phone and wave it around. “It’s usually ‘video or it didn’t happen’ but I think audio will work, too.” Shae’s eyes narrow. “Or just leave me alone and this stays between us.”
“You didn’t record this.”
“Do you want to take that chance?”
Shae studies me. I have no idea what my expression says, but I hope it’s something along the lines of, Dare me, bitch.
Shae opens her car door. “You’re going to regret this, Audrey. You think this trail guide will make you happy?” She gestures to Toni and laughs. “In a month or so, when you get bored with this loser, don’t bother crawling back to me. I wouldn’t take you back if you begged me.”
“I wouldn’t beg you for water if I was dying of thirst,” I say.
Shae gets in the car, slams the door, and starts the engine. I turn to walk away, relief flooding through me.
Shae rolls down her window. “Hey.”
Reluctantly, I turn around. Of course, Shae needs to get the last word in.
“The promotion you lost? I might have let slip at a happy hour with your CEO that I was being recruited for a job in California and that you were excited to go with me.”
My stomach drops. “That’s a lie.”
“Not technically. I did get a call, once, about a job in California. But I wasn’t interested.” She winks at me. “Sorry about that.”
With that, she peels out of the parking lot.
My mouth gaping open, I turn to my sister and friends. I’m too stunned to speak.
“Why does that not surprise me?” Willa says.
“Why would she do something like that?” Toni asks.
“I don’t kn—” I start.
“Oh yeah you do,” Willa says. “If Audrey would have gotten that promotion, it would have been a bigger job and better title than Shae’s, and she couldn’t stand that.”
“Good lord,” Greta says.
“Jesus,” Toni says. “Even I’m not that competitive.”
“You were bluffing about recording Shae, weren’t you?” Willa asks.
“Yeah.”
“Too bad. She deserves to have that blasted out on TikTok,” Willa says.
“That’s the least of what she deserves,” Toni says.
“Hey.” Willa puts her hands on my shoulders and makes me look her in the eye. “Forget about that lost promotion. It wasn’t because of you or anything you did. You’re fine. What’s important is you are rid of Shae once and for all. How do you feel about that?”
I inhale, paying attention to how I feel physically. Elated, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Light. I smile at my sister. “Relieved and happy.”
“Good girl,” Willa says. “Now, let’s wrap up this party so we can have some wine.”
I walk into the warehouse in a daze. Could it really be over? Hopefully the prospect of public shame will do the trick on Shae. The revelation of her sabotage of my promotion, seeing the shocked expression on my face, will make her feel like she won the war. How could she have done that to me? To anyone? How could my CEO have taken her word and not talked to me about it before making a decision? Maybe it had been less about me blowing the whistle on an inappropriate affair, and more about the fact that I didn’t like corporate politics. I wasn’t a kiss-ass, preferring to let my work speak for itself. Because I didn’t play the game, any hint that I might not be committed to the company for the long haul would have been enough to let them choose one of the “boys.” Did I really care? No. Like Willa said, I’m fine. Better than fine. I love this project and the people at Fourteener Sports.
Then, there’s Toni.
Sweet, funny, respectful, incredibly sexy Toni. I asked her to back off and she did. She believed in me enough to let me fight my own battle. I can’t really blame her for losing her patience at the end. Shae can be infuriating. And, as shallow as this is, she looks absolutely adorable in the oversized Santa costume. Watching her be so kind and energetic for hours with all the kids and families, when I know she had to be exhausted, was just…it shows the kind of person she is deep down. The kind of woman I want to spend more time with.
Toni and I head to the break room to change. When the door closes behind us, Toni says, “I’m sorry I jumped in there at the end. You were handling everything perfectly, it’s just…” She runs her hands through her hair.
“Don’t apologize,” I say. “You were amazing. Perfect.”
“Me? I didn’t do anything. You were the badass.”
“You did. When I told you I could handle it, you listened to me, and respected me. You backed off when I know you wanted to tear Shae limb from limb.”
“Oh my God, so much. You could tell?”
I hold up my thumb and forefinger so they’re almost touching. “A little.” I laugh. God, I’m so happy right now. I’m free of Shae, I love my job, Willa is happy, I’ve got an amazing friend in Greta, and an incredibly kind, sexy woman standing in front of me who looks at me like a Christmas puppy and makes me laugh. “Have I told you lately how much I love how you make me laugh?”
“A couple of times.”
“I do. It’s very sexy.” I look at Toni’s lips and think, Oh, damn it to hell . I grab the back of her head and crush our mouths together.
I’ve caught her off guard, but she recovers quickly, and we are devouring each other as if it’s been years since we’ve touched and not three weeks. My arousal pulses deep in my core, and I’m having a hard time remembering why I’ve been denying myself this. Why I’ve been denying both of us. We’re adults. There’s no reason we can’t have a little fun, like Toni suggested the night we slept together. We will have to be careful, keep it secret, but the way Toni looks at me, the way she’s kissing me, tells me that she will do whatever it takes to have this, to feel this. So will I.
Toni breaks the kiss, pushes me back to arm’s length. “Wait. We can’t.”
“What? Why not?”
“I understand now, Audrey. Why you need time. It was…awful to see you go through that. Has Shae been emotionally abusive the entire time you were together?”
My head jerks back. “What?”
“That was emotional abuse, Audrey.”
“Shae just doesn’t like to lose.”
“I wrote the book on being competitive and not wanting to lose. That is not what that was.”
I move out of her embrace and cross my arms over my chest and instinctively defend Shae and the dynamic of our relationship. “I don’t think you should judge Shae or our relationship based on five minutes of seeing us together. That was Shae at her absolute worst. She isn’t always like that.” As the words spill out of my mouth seemingly of their own accord, the other side of my brain screams, Audrey, what the hell? She was exactly like that, why are you defending her? She sabotaged your career!
I stop. Toni’s expression is a mixture of stunned and confused. She tries to put her hands in her pockets and realizes she’s dressed like Santa. I look down and realize I’m still wearing this stupid Buddy the Elf costume.
“OK, Audrey,” she says, holding her hands out in a placating gesture. “I know this is…well, like the high you feel after a battle. I know you just want to have a little fun, and I did offer that the night we were together. I’m just not sure I can do that now.”
The door to the break room opens and Willa peeks her head in. One look at us and she huffs. “You aren’t changed yet? I’ve somehow convinced Greta to sing karaoke at Dewey’s. We need to go before she changes her mind.”
“Hell, yeah we do,” Toni says. She grabs her clothes and follows Willa out the door without looking at me.
I watch the door close behind her and wonder what the hell I’m going to do now.