Chapter Nineteen
CHAPTER NINETEEN
AUDREY
I wake up to the smell of fresh-brewed coffee and an empty side of the bed where my sister should be. She never wakes up before I do, especially on the weekends. With her being as bright-eyed and wired as she and Greta were when we arrived at three in the morning, it wouldn’t surprise me if Willa didn’t get any sleep at all.
I get ready and make myself presentable, but not too presentable. A full face of makeup would be trying too hard, and no one will care anyway.
Last night when we arrived Ingrid and Piero were asleep, and the inside was dark so I couldn’t tell much about the house, though the sound of running water sang me to sleep. This morning I’m having trouble picking my jaw up off the floor. The entire back wall is floor-to-ceiling windows looking out on a deck that’s built on stilts over a shallow, rock-strewn river. A grove of aspens towers over everything, their leaves shimmering silver in the breeze. The inside is lovingly lived-in, with organized piles of the detritus of life on the counter, forgotten slippers between the coffee table and couch. Family photos on almost every available surface, wall and table. Frayed blankets folded over the backs of chairs. A basket of knitting next to a recliner. A huge orange tabby cat sleeps on the top of a well-worn leather couch. Something delicious bakes in the oven. Bacon, if I’m not mistaken.
I’m surprised to find the kitchen deserted. I expected everyone to be down here drinking coffee and visiting. A normal weekend morning in a cabin in the mountains. Instead I see a coffee mug next to the coffee pot, no doubt left for me by Toni. I smile as I pour coffee into the mug. It is delicious, rich and dark, with just a hint of chocolate. There’s nothing better than a good cup of coffee on a chilly morning with the smell of bacon in the oven. Then I notice the coffee cake cooling on the counter.
I could definitely get used to this.
I pause for a moment, looking around once more, and see a few holiday decorations here and there: a Santa in a chef’s toque with a mixing bowl and wooden spoon in his hand in the kitchen; a set of three wooden carved wisemen and an angel with pressed-tin silver wings are on the mantel surrounded by fresh boughs of pine; a Santa with a big belly full of Hershey’s Kisses; a red-and-green crocheted quilt is thrown over a leather club chair with a very well-worn seat cushion. I can’t imagine growing up in a house like this, having a warm, inviting and loving place to go home to. I sigh and almost jump when I feel arms go around my waist and a chin rest on my shoulder. Willa.
“I can’t believe people actually live like this,” Willa says.
“In a multimillion-dollar house on a river in Aspen?” I tease.
“Well, that, too. Turns out they built this house decades ago before Aspen became ‘Aspen.’ Piero designed it. Anyway, I came to find you. We’re all outside.”
She leads me out to the deck where everyone is sitting around a fire pit, drinking coffee and laughing. The snow-covered ground and trees contrast with the warmth of the flames. Willa sits next to Greta, and there’s an open chair next to Toni.
Toni’s eyes light up when she sees me. She’s wearing the same Chris Evans fisherman’s sweater she wore to dinner at our house. Her hair is up in a messy bun, tendrils of dark curls escaping around her face and at the nape of her neck, and her face is bare and natural. Toni is relaxed, happy, and absolutely gorgeous. When she sees me, her smile widens. Somehow, her eyes are more electric and stunning here than I’ve ever seen them in Denver. She very subtly takes me in from head to toe and the thrum of desire that has been humming through my veins since yesterday explodes inside me.
These are going to be the longest four days of my life.
“I found sleepyhead,” Willa says.
“It’s only seven thirty,” I say. “That’s hardly sleeping in.”
“Leave her alone, Wills,” Toni says. “Here, come sit by me.”
“Wills?” I say.
“Toni’s decided to give me the Prince of Wales’ nickname,” Willa says.
“Is Willa being high maintenance?” I ask.
“No, she’s the perfect guest,” Greta says.
Ingrid and Piero stand and turn to me and I feel instantly at ease. I’ve never been into hippy-dippy stuff, unless you count smoking the occasional joint, but these two have an aura of peace around them that I can almost see. There is nothing but love in their body language and they have a connection and an ease with each other I’ve rarely seen, and that I envy. I’ve never had that kind of connection, I’ve never seen that kind of connection, and I want it. I glance at Toni and wonder if I’ve found that with her. Then inwardly blanch as soon as I think it. I’m not ready for thoughts of a future.
“We’re so glad you came,” Ingrid says.
“Sorry we showed up early and unannounced,” I say.
“Please,” Ingrid says. “Greta texted me as soon as you decided to come last night. We’re sorry we didn’t wait up, but we have a schedule we like to keep to.”
“That’s what happens when you get old and set in your ways,” Piero says. “Please, sit, sit.” Piero waits to sit down until I do.
“I like that sweater,” I say to Toni.
Toni grins. “I remember.” Our eyes meet and there’s so much heat between us I’m glad I can blame my burning cheeks on the fire.
“Audrey, we’ve been talking about the foundation,” Ingrid says. “It was your idea?”
“I suppose technically, but it’s all because of Toni’s dreams for her division.”
“Already making changes to my department, huh?” Piero says good-naturedly. Everyone laughs, and he continues, “No, no, I knew you’d hit the ground running, Toni. Just like you always have.”
“I’m starting to wonder if my eyes weren’t too big for my stomach,” Toni says. “There’s so much to do that I feel paralyzed most of the time.”
“That’s why you make lists,” I say. “Set short-term goals of easy tasks. Accomplish something, tick it off the list, move on to the next item.”
“This is a woman after my own heart,” Ingrid says.
“Mom is the queen of list making,” Toni explains.
“No work talk,” Willa says. “Let’s talk chopping down a Christmas tree. I hear I’m going to have to wrestle you for the ax, Piero.”
“Nope, no wrestling. You can have it.”
“What?” Toni and Greta say in unison.
“You’ve never let us touch the ax,” Greta says.
“Play your cards right and I’ll let you touch my ax,” Willa says.
Everyone goes quiet for a beat, then explodes into laughter.
Willa realizes why and says with a red face, “That came out much more suggestive than I meant it to.”
“On that note, I think it’s time for breakfast,” Greta says, to everyone’s general agreement.
“I’m going to sit here for a bit and finish my coffee,” I say.
“I’ll stay with you,” Toni offers.
“We’ll bring you some food,” Willa says.
When everyone is inside I say, “Alone at last.”
“For about five minutes, if we’re lucky.”
“What if I want more than five minutes?” I say. Toni raises her eyebrows, and I laugh. “That came out more suggestive than I meant it to.”
“Seems to run in the family,” Toni says. She stands, zips up her coat, and says, “Come on. I know just the place.”
Our boots crunch through the fresh snow along a thin, winding trail that hugs the bank of the creek running behind the house. We come to a cute little bridge, its rails piled with snow that fell overnight. The creek gurgles beneath us and a bird takes off from a nearby tree, sending a shower of snow onto the ground. A clear blue sky peeks through the trees.
“It’s going to be a nice day,” Toni says.
She’s looking up, giving me a chance to take her in. Her hands are shoved deep into her Fourteener blue down coat, and she’s wearing the hiking pants I like so much, because of course she is. Unruly strands of her curly hair stick out from her braid, dark and stark against the snowy landscape, and her blue eyes somehow more vivid in this light than they’ve ever been before. My stomach swoops as if I’m at the top of a rollercoaster staring down at the long drop, terrified and excited in equal measure.
“Beautiful,” I say, my eyes on Toni.
She drops her gaze to me, realizes what I meant, and blushes.
I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry about yesterday. How I snapped at you about Shae. It was completely uncalled for.”
“No, no, it’s OK,” Toni says.
“No, it’s not. You didn’t say anything I haven’t heard from my therapist and Willa. I don’t always react well when they say it, either. It’s difficult for me to hear because it’s true. I know it’s true, but I hate that it is. I hate that I turned into a person who would allow herself to be treated like that.”
Toni moves close and takes my hands. “Hey, that’s not your fault. That’s all on Shae. I’ve watched friends in bad relationships before. They never start bad. It usually happens so gradually you’re too deep before you realize.”
“I didn’t really understand how different I was when I was with Shae until Willa told me last night that she was glad to have her sister back.” Toni smiles softly at me and squeezes my hands. I swallow the emotion in my throat. “I wish I could say I didn’t know what she meant, but I do. I feel more like myself than I have in a long, long time.”
“That’s great, Audrey.”
“Yeah, it is.” I can’t help it; my gaze goes to Toni’s lips, before finding her beautiful eyes again. “I like you, Toni. A lot. What you said yesterday, about giving me space and time, made me like you even more. Everything about how you handled yesterday made me…” Want to fuck you senseless , I think. “…realize that…”
God, how do I say this to her without revealing too much?
I exhale. “What I told you the night we were together is still true. I’m not ready for a serious relationship.”
“Sure, of course. Like I said yesterday?—”
“But I am ready to have fun now, take things slow, and see what happens.”
Toni’s mouth falls open a little. She dips her chin and looks at me skeptically. “Are you absolutely sure? Because I can wait. You’re worth it.”
Christ, could this woman be any more charming?
“I can’t,” I say, grasping her jacket and pulling her to me. The hunger I felt for her yesterday, and have been trying like hell to suppress for weeks, flares inside me again. I can’t pull her close enough, kiss her deep enough.
We have too many clothes on for me to feel the contours of her body like I want to. I unzip my jacket, then hers, and press our chests together, remembering how her hardened nipples felt against mine that night, her moans when I took her breast in my mouth.
“Oh my God,” Toni breathes into my mouth between kisses. She slides a leg between mine and pulls me close. “You kiss me, and all my resolve goes out the window.”
She pushes me against the bridge railing and kisses me. Snow plops into the river below; a tree branch creaks in the distance. I grind against Toni’s leg, the seam in the crotch of my jeans pressing against my clit. I groan.
My hands find her hair. “Oh my God I love your hair. And this sweater.” I slide a hand up her sweater and capture her naked breast in my hand. I pull back. “No bra?”
“A very happy coincidence.”
“I’ll say.” I run my thumb over her hardened nipple. How am I supposed to be strong for the next three days when the feel of Toni’s smooth skin and breast in my hand brings back so many wonderful memories? I am so turned on right now that the slightest touch of Toni’s would make me come. I’m half tempted to unzip my pants and direct her hand where I’m desperate for it to go, but I don’t. I can’t. “You are incredibly sexy and naughty and you absolutely bring that out in me.”
“Does that mean you’ll come to my room tonight?” Toni says, her voice husky with desire.
Oh my God I want this woman so much. “OK, when I say have fun now, I didn’t mean this weekend. In the same house as your parents and Greta.”
Toni’s lips are on my neck. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had sex with the threat you might be heard or get caught.”
“Maybe, but not by your sister or your parents.” I put my forehead against Toni’s. All I want to think about is her breast in my hand, her pebbled nipple against my palm. Her gasps. The crisp air that smells like pine and wood smoke. The sound of the creek trickling over stones beneath the bridge. A far-off woosh of snow falling from a tree. “This moment is perfect,” I say.
“You’re perfect,” Toni whispers.
My instinct is to deflect, to disagree. Instead, I let the compliment sit for a moment. When I decide what to say, we hear Greta yelling at us to come eat.
Toni and I sigh. I remove my hand from beneath her sweater and zip up her coat, while she zips mine.
“Maybe,” I say.
“Maybe you’re perfect?” Toni teases.
“Oh, no. I’m perfect. And if you play your cards right, maybe I’ll come to your room tonight.”
I know it’s not a good idea, but I crave the intimacy we had that night, lying next to each other, hands barely touching, and talking. I hadn’t had that with Shae in a long time, maybe never. Vulnerability isn’t her strong suit. Hell, it’s not typically mine, either. But Toni isn’t afraid to put herself out there and tell me exactly what she wants. She thinks I’m worth waiting for. She’s amazing, and I want to show her how much I want her.
The happy smile on Toni’s face is a sight to behold. I grab her hand and pull her along back toward the house. I stop at the edge of the creek. I bend down and pick up a small gray rock with a white line slashed diagonally through it. I hold it in the palm of my hand and turn it over. It’s cold and wet and smooth.
“I’m not punching a hole through that,” Toni says.
I push my mouth out in a small pout.
“Oh my God, fine,” she says as if it’s the biggest imposition in the world, though happiness is written all over her face.