Chapter Thirty
CHAPTER THIRTY
AUDREY
It’s barely past six when I walk into the house and run into Willa walking out, dressed and ready for work.
“Well, she made it home finally,” Willa says, grinning. “I guess it went—” Her expression falls. “Audrey, what happened?”
“She said it was fun, and left.” I burst into the tears I’d been holding in on the drive over.
Willa drops her computer bag and takes me into her arms. “Oh, sweetie.”
She ushers me into the kitchen, sits me down at the table, and makes me a cup of coffee. When she’s seated next to me, I tell her what happened. Every little detail. Probably more than she wants to know, to be honest. By the time I’m done, my grief at the comment has changed a bit to anger.
“How could she do that? Tell me it was ‘fun’ and then leave. It was raw and emotional and when she looked at me, Willa, she didn’t have to say a word. I just ca?—”
Willa holds up a hand. “OK, OK. I really don’t need the details again.”
“It wasn’t just sex. We made love. It was life-changing. Jesus, I literally couldn’t walk. She had to carry me into the bedroom.”
“Well, that’s hot.”
“Right? It was like I weighed nothing. She just scooped me up and carried me to her bed. If I wasn’t totally in love with her before I would have been right then.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“What?”
“That you love her?”
“Well, no. I could barely think. After she, you know, I fell asleep.”
“So, let me see if I have this straight. Toni suggested role-playing the first night you were together. Said it would be fun.”
“Yes.”
“She mentioned it again, obliquely, yesterday, said it could be fun. You went to the Chicken Head to see if she was sending you a signal.”
“Yes.”
“You two role-played, picked each other up, had amazing sex, you fell asleep.”
“Yes.”
“Instead of just leaving without saying goodbye, Toni wakes you up, tells you she had fun, and leaves.”
“Right.”
“Why would Toni think you wanted anything but fun? She made it pretty clear yesterday when she said ‘It could be fun’ that she wasn’t looking for or expecting anything more.”
“Because that was not ‘role-playing and picking someone up at a bar’ sex. It meant something.”
Willa looks me in the eye for a long moment. “Maybe it didn’t to her,” she says quietly.
I gasp. How could she say something so awful to me right now? That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, that it meant nothing to Toni. That the love in her eyes when she looked up at me was fake, her tenderness when she carried me into the bedroom was part of a ruse, or that the way she caressed my back as I fell asleep in her arms…you didn’t do any of those things with a woman you were just “having fun” with.
My breath catches in my throat. Maybe this is what Toni does. She’s had fun, no-strings-attached sex with dozens of women over the years, many of whom have had a hard time letting go. Maybe she looks at every woman the way she looked at me.
“She’s probably protecting her heart, Audrey,” Willa says. “Can you blame her? It’s only been two months since Christmas. The last time she opened up, and I’m using your words here, you put a stake through her heart. Toni isn’t about to put her heart on the line again. Been there, done that, got the participation trophy. It’s your turn to put your heart on the line.”
“That’s what I did, meeting her at the bar.”
“No, you role-played as different people and picked her up. Did you tell her you loved her?”
“I didn’t have time.”
“You could have told her instead of role-playing,” Willa says. “Why didn’t you?”
I open my mouth to respond, but have nothing to say. No answer whatsoever.
“Yep. That’s what I thought.” Willa stands and puts her computer backpack over her shoulder.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“Work.”
“It’s barely six thirty in the morning.”
“I’m trying to beat Greta into the office.”
“Why?” I ask.
Willa gives me a Cheshire Cat grin. “Because it will piss her off.” She walks down the hall toward the garage.
“Would you two just fuck and get it over with?” I ask, more than a little irritated that Willa is leaving me.
“This is much more fun,” she says over her shoulder.
She’s closing the door behind her when I call out, “Says the woman who has been celibate for five years!”
The door is almost closed, but opens up a bit. Willa sticks her arm through the door, gives me the bird, then closes it behind her. A second later she opens it back up and sticks her head through. “You know what you need to do, Audrey.”
“No, I don’t!”
“When you figure it out, you know where to find me.”
With that, Willa is gone. I hear the garage door rise and close.
I put my head down on the kitchen table. She’s right. I should have just told Toni I love her the moment I saw her. I expected to have time later. How would I have known I was going to fall asleep so quickly? I assumed we would have time to talk like we did the first night. I smile, remembering the intimacy we shared after making love the first time. Our hands lightly touching, talking quietly, joking, smiling. My smile widens at her description of fair ups, and I laugh. So competitive, even when it comes to orgasms. I lift my head. What is our orgasm tally? I’m pretty sure she’s ahead.
Well, that won’t do at all.
It’s time I even the score, in more ways than one.
Twenty minutes later, wearing the same clothes I wore to work the day before, I walk into Greta’s office. Willa is there, sitting at her computer at the small conference table, Greta looking over her shoulder at the computer screen. They look up in surprise when I walk in.
“Greta, I need some hiking boots.”