Chapter 20
Hank
Generally speaking,kids like me. Generally speaking, I don’t get worked up if they don’t.
Yet, I really love hanging out with Josiah and really want him to have a good time at my parents’ house for game day. It”s important to me that he feels comfortable around the chaos of my huge-ass family. So I’m armed with a bag of sweets and a LSU T-shirt for him. I’m not above bribery to smooth an introduction.
I don’t need to worry, though.
He’s an enthusiastic and grateful kid. His eyes light up at all the food in the kitchen, he immediately pulls the T-shirt on over his current shirt, he doesn’t balk at all the relatives cooing over him, and he readily agrees to go with me to check out the pond.
We’re fine, him and me.
Chastity, on the other hand, almost loses her shit when she realizes that, in order to get to the pond, we have to go in the four-wheeler.
“What?” She draws up short when we go out back to the driveway extension and I’m helping Josiah climb up. “No. I don’t think so. No way, mister. Over my dead body.”
I’m not sure if I’m the mister she’s telling no to, or if Josiah is, but either way, she’s not happy.
Josiah’s face falls.
I leave Josiah on the seat of the parked four-wheeler and lean in close to her. “Chastity, it’s fine. I’m just going across the yard, and there’s a helmet in there for him. I’ll drive real slow, I promise.”
“No. Forget it.” She looks to Nevaeh for backup, but her friend rips her eyes off of her new girlfriend Parker to shake her head.
“I’m not getting involved in this,” Nevaeh says.
“It’s dangerous, Hank.”
“Okay.” Time to back down. She’s the parent, not me. “If it makes you uncomfortable, we won’t do it. Come on, buddy, this makes your mama nervous. How about you hop on my back, and I’ll give you a ride that way?”
To his credit, and to hers since she’s raising him, Josiah recovers from his disappointment quickly and immediately tries to climb on my back. He keeps sliding and doesn’t seem to know he needs to wrap his legs around me. I’m squatting down. “Put your arms around my neck,” I tell him.
I could just haul him up myself, but he seems determined to do it, and I don’t want to squelch his independence.
Chastity keeps throwing her arms out repeatedly and stepping forward like she’s afraid he’s going to fall. Considering I’m still bent down, he’s going to fall all of about twelve inches, but her expression indicates she’s convinced he might sustain internal injuries or head trauma at any given second.
“Hey,” I murmur to her. I want to tell her to relax, but no one benefits from being told that, unless they’re getting a full-body massage. Besides, she’s been on her own for a long time with no help. She doesn’t need my childless opinion. “Do you want us to just stay here?”
She sighs. “No, of course not.” She bites her fingernail and finally gives into the urge she’s clearly been fighting to help Josiah wrap himself securely around me. “Just be careful.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I put my hand on the small of Josiah’s back to hold him in place and stand up. “Okay, kiddo, we’re ready to roll. Do you want Mama to come with us, or stay here?”
“Mama, stay!” he yells gleefully.
Chastity looks offended.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “We’re just going to have a little man-to-man hangout time, skip some rocks, eat this candy that’s in my pocket. We’ll be back soon. The game starts in twenty minutes.”
“He’s not wearing a life jacket.” She gives every appearance of assuming I’m going to let her child drown in the pond.
“We’re not swimming.”
“Mama, stay!” Josiah yells again.
I can see his arm pointed at her out of my peripheral vision. I might have started something I didn’t mean to because he looks downright thrilled to be ditching her overprotectiveness.
“Fine.” She relents, but she does lean over and kiss Josiah repeatedly on the cheek and head until he pulls away.
“Kiss Hank,” he demands.
I suspect it’s to take the heat off of himself. Just a diversionary tactic to slide his mother’s attention onto someone else so he doesn’t have to endure any more maternal smooches, but I’m not above taking what I can get.
“Yeah, kiss Hank,” I say with a smirk.
Chastity pulls away from her son and shoots me a look. But she kisses me on the cheek, her soft lips lightly brushing my cool skin. That’s two cheek kisses now. Whereas I once had her planting her naked butt in my bed like a sexy stalker, now I get the kind of kiss from her that my mother would give me.
So yeah, in case there was any doubt about it, the friend zone is bullshit.
I’ve never been in it until her, and I don’t like it. It’s stupid and dumb and I want to find the exit door immediately.
“Don’t be gone long,” she warns.
“We won’t.” I start walking, holding onto Josiah. He has a decent grip on my neck, though, so we’re all safe and secure.
“Are you excited to watch football?” I ask him.
“Yes.”
Josiah has the tiniest of lisps so that his s’s have a little hiss at the end, like a baby snake. It’s adorable. The kid is pretty dang cute, I have to say.
“Are you excited to play football when you get to school?”
“I guess. But I don’t know if I’ll be good at it.”
“You never know unless you try. I’m just fine at football. Nothing amazing, nothing terrible. I play okay, but that doesn’t mean I have any less fun doing it.”
He makes a noncommittal sound. Then he asks, “Is this your house?”
“It’s my mom and dad’s house. I live in an apartment, remember? Where we ate the oysters. I can’t have big parties like this at my apartment.”
“I don’t have a dad.”
He doesn’t sound particularly busted up over the fact, just very matter-of-fact.
“No? Well, not everyone does. But you’re lucky you have such a great mama.”
“Yeah.” He seems pretty solid about it. “She was a cheerleader.”
“I do remember that.” Oh, do I remember that.
I squat by the edge of the pond, and he slides off.
“What happens if you fart in the water?” he asks.
“You make bubbles.”
This strikes him as hilarious, and he doubles over with laughter. His laugh is so infectious that I start laughing too. Which makes him laugh harder. So I tickle him, and he squeals. He can scream almost as loud as his mother. But not quite.
Then I show him how to skip rocks. He picks at the dirt, he finds a worm. We discuss the fact that I’m a chef and that he’s actually an alien in Josiah’s body (according to him), and then we head back to the house.
Guy bonding complete for today. I figure it can’t hurt for him to have some form of male influence in his life.
“Why was he laughing?” Chastity demands the second we’re back up at the house. The patio has Dad’s jumbo outdoor TV, a fireplace, a fire pit, the table for crawfish, and multiple coolers filled with beverages.
I drop Josiah down onto the pavers. “Because something was funny.”
“Oh. What was so funny?”
“Farts.”
“Oh.”
“You sound psychotic,” Nevaeh comments to Chastity.
“I’m glad she said it first,” I say with a grin. “Here, Nevaeh, let me introduce you to some people, since you’re new in town.”
“That would be awesome.”
My mother appears out of nowhere, like a toxic mist. One minute she’s not there, and then suddenly she is.
“Chastity, come on over and help me with this gumbo.”
Chastity gives me a panicked look.
“Mama, let Chastity say hi to people before you put her to work.”
“I don’t really need her help, Hank. I just want to talk to her. Leave us be.” My mother waves me off.
There’s not much I can say to that. I figure me and Chastity are just friends, anyway, so there isn’t much damage my mother can do. Shrugging, I give Chastity a look of “I tried” with a smile and walk away.