28. Chapter 28
I tug on Nina to take an aside with me, so we can talk. Before the actual reason for the meeting came about, I could see how she held herself together. Tried to fight for what she believed was right. I’m proud of how she spoke up for herself and her goals.
Each time she was shot down or redirected, a little piece of me caved in with her.
I don’t know if I’ll get another opportunity to talk before she gets a chance to bolt.
“Could you give us a minute?” I ask, not waiting for the tiny woman to dig herself into a deeper hole.
Her objections are valid. After learning what I have about her, I can feel the passion behind what she had been doing all along.
I can completely understand why she wouldn't want to give up on something so close to her own pain.
I want to be the person that can help her in this hurt.
I won't be able to do that when we're in a situation like this. The bosses are not going to back down, and they're certainly not going to when there's already this new faction being called into question.
"Nina, this is not the place to try and do this."
She crosses her arms, fully prepared to disagree with me on principle. She’s upset and I get it but this is the best outcome she could have hoped for. “I don't care about decorum. I care about being able to—"
"And I understand that. Honestly, I do. But, at the same time, this is not the time or the place. Let me help you do this movin’ forward.
If we work together, we'll be able to get everythin’ that you're lookin’ for.
I can help you get everythin’ that you're lookin’ for.
Security is my detail and I have more resources and men to put behind this. ”
"I don't want to rely on you to do something that was put on my heart. This is my charge.”
With a hand on her arm, I hold her in place to keep her from storming off as she’s liable to do. “And you're not. I'm only here to help. Despite my best efforts, I’ve never been in your way in the past, and that doesn't have to change."
"Except everything has changed because now I answer to you." Her pout is adorable though unnecessary.
"Which you already did," I say, with an eyebrow raised. "What's the difference here when it comes to bein’ able to get what you want and not havin’ to do it by yourself, which is undoubtedly more work and more effort, and just more difficult?"
Nina’s eyes grow rounder with her realization of what I’ve insinuated. She narrows then again, not backing down from what she wants. I never expected her to, but I do want to see her find reason in her conviction. “The point is that it's soothing something for me."
"And I'll continue to let you do that, but there's somethin’ else that could help you too."
"Do not start with me, Vertiz Marten.”
Couldn’t be bothered to be upset by her calling me by my full name.
If anyone is allowed to, it’s this woman in front of me now.
“I’m not, but I do think it's important to say you're hurtin’, and whereas what you're doin’ to ignore the pain that you have is helping other girls and women, it's still here. The pain that you have—it’s still unhealed trauma from a past you could be workin’ to let go. ”
I nearly lose my grip on her arm when she jerks away, destined to escape her truth. “Who needs that?" She spits like a wild animal who’s been caged.
"Everyone needs that. If you're hurtin’, you need to heal. There is no gettin’ around it, around me.”
"Well, I'm not hurting."
"My records say different,” I droll, not amused at her blatant dismissal. She won’t win in this battle of wills. It’s now or never in getting her on track.
"Fuck your records. I'm not doing that. I'm not answering to you. Not doing any of this, because at the end of the day, once you get tired of me and move on, who is going to have my back? Then I'll be right here at the same fucking place, trying to do the same thing."
After she’s said her peace, I let the words hand in the air between us. The vitriol that says more than the words, I’m scared, could.
She thinks I’ll leave? I’m not going no where without her. She’s for me and me only. I’ll be the shield that protects and the weapon that defends. My doll won’t be shattered by anyone else. I’m keeping her close and keeping her safe from this moment until our last.
"I would never let that happen to you."
"And so, what does that mean? I'm gonna follow you around like a fucking puppy, waiting for your orders?
What if I don't want to go back to Louisiana?
What if I want to be in Atlanta? What about that?
Have you ever considered that maybe I don't want to be your fucking sidekick on a project that I started? "
"Nina, I know you're upset, but I'm asking you to trust me."
She stomps a foot, now more upset than before. “I know you want to be in control, but I'm telling you that I am perfectly fine without your help."
I shake my head. “Do you realize that if you hadn't told them the answer they were lookin’ for, that your life could have been forfeited today?”
"And so what? It's just a life."
“Just a—” I grab her chin now, forcing her to look me in the eyes and answer for her petulant words. “Then what about me? What was I supposed to do if you were gone?”
Her digression from answering what I’m truly asking is impressive though frustrating. “Continue living. It's what you wanted, right? To be rid of me. You have someone to live for."
"And you don't, apparently,” I say more than question. She’s unwilling to see me, the man in front of her telling her that she’s not allowed to forfeit so easily.
"Not."
"What does that mean?"
"You think I don't know about you? About how you have all the patience in the world for a little brat like me until it's time for you to go back to your family?
What I was fighting for ruined your plans and it was easier to do away with the problem.
Well, I don't have one of those. I don't have anything to get back to.
These women are the best that I have, and after today, seeing how easy it would be for them to dispose of me, I would say I don't even have that. "
"That's not true. You saw that this was up for discussion. They just wanted you to do what was in the best interest for the family—which is not about just you or about just them. It's about everyone involved. If somethin’ happens to us, it happens to everyone. The same thing that we've been fightin’ to get control of is exactly what you are puttin’ into harm's way by tryin’ to do all of this by yourself.
I'm tellin’ you right now that it doesn't have to be just you, and though you think that you can outsmart me and do all these things on your own, it was gonna catch up to you.
I can help you, so that you aren't in that position. What is so bad about bein’ with me? "
Her eyes go glassy as she tries to hold my gaze, the anger in them simmering hot enough for me to feel, though the sadness of being defeated is much stronger in her expression.
She shakes her head. "It doesn't fucking matter. Just go back to the life you knew and leave me alone."
"Doll," I call after her, but she's already leaving, and I don't know what to do. I can't follow her because I have to be at this meeting, and I've already taken too much time aside here to have this conversation with her.
I have no choice but to watch her walk away, but what she doesn't know about me is I'm unwilling to let go of something I've claimed for myself.
That's my doll.
She's not Raquel's best asset anymore.
She's mine.
When she got on her knees and told me that she would be following my rule and my command, she didn't get an option to step out of it.
We're bound, and even while she is unwilling to understand what that means, I will never forget.
Before I leave, I see that Liezel has already come out to come after our girl, and hopefully she's able to get through to her in the meantime, when I can't.