15. Violet
FIFTEEN
VIOLET
Sylvia: Who the hell took my bottle of red?
Everleigh: Not me.
Violet: Didn’t touch it.
Sylvia: One of you bitches did, and now you’re going to lie about it?
Everleigh: Hate to break it to you, Syl, but I’m pretty sure I saw you take it back to your bedroom like a week ago.
I’m forty minutes into looking over my notes for my language and literacy development class when the soft piano music on my phone comes to a sudden stop. My ringtone blares in place of it.
I texted Olive earlier to see what her plans were for the holiday break, but she said she was in the studio this evening, so I know it’s definitely not her.
I pick up my phone. Sebastian’s name fills the screen. When he drove me home from the cemetery earlier, I gave him a quick farewell, waved goodbye and flew up to my apartment with a heavy heart.
Watching Colson sink into himself, his eyes pleading for my help, for me to give myself over to him when he knew I couldn’t, was too much. While this push and pull might’ve been cute at first, it’s just hurting us now.
And I don’t want that for either of us.
I’m quick to answer the call, averting my gaze from my notebook. “Hey. What’s up?”
“Violet.” My name comes out of him in a winded breath.
My stomach swoops low. I drop my pencil on the desk. I don’t pay attention to it as it rolls off the edge and bounces to the floor. “Please just tell me he’s okay.”
“Physically, yes. For now, anyway. Emotionally…he’s fucking wrecked.”
I push out of my chair and slip on a pair of tennis shoes as I hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder. I don’t care that I’m in sweats and an oversized sweatshirt or that my hair is up in one of the messiest buns imaginable.
My throat is lodged closed when I ask, “Where are you? Where is he?”
“His mom’s place. I just stepped outside for a second because…” Noise filters in from the background, but I can’t make out what it is.
“Sebastian?”
“Sorry, I, uh, can you just get here? He’s losing his shit, and I’ve tried to calm him down, but he’s drinking. My only other option was to call my mom, but I think that would’ve just made it worse. He needs someone to ground him. You’re the only one who I thought might be able to do that.”
“No, it’s okay,” I insist. “I’m leaving now.”
“Be careful on the 401. He needs you in one piece, and Violet?”
I grab my bag and keys off the hook by the front door, my studies quickly forgotten and my body humming with alarm. I jab the elevator button repeatedly until the doors open. “Yeah?”
“I’ve never seen him like this. Just…prepare yourself.”
I ride the elevator down. My call with Sebastian ends, and I shove my phone into my bag as I race out of the building to my car. I fumble with my keys as I start the ignition and barely brake at the stop sign leading out onto Main Street.
Traffic isn’t as horrendous as I expect it to be, but dusk makes it difficult to see as the sun sets on the horizon. I take my time when it’s an absolute must and cross the Sycamore Memorial Bridge, pedal to the metal. I tap my brakes when necessary, then floor it.
I find Colson’s mom’s house easier than last time. My car comes to a screeching halt at the curb behind Sebastian’s Aviator, my body purring with nervous energy.
It’s like déjà vu as I follow the sidewalk up to the house. Not so long ago, Colson warned me about what we’d find inside the walls of the home he grew up in.
I believed him then, and I believe Sebastian now.
My legs are weak, threatening to buckle, as I skip up the steps and land on the stoop. I’m not sure if I should knock or just walk in. It’s hard to gauge which option is smartest but when I hear a crash and my stomach jumps up the back of my throat, I bolt inside.
The futon in the small living room is a crumbled mess in the middle of the floor. The coffee table is on its side against the wall. There’s a new dent in the drywall where the corner of it is stuck.
Someone shouts. It takes me seconds to realize it’s Colson.
It’s the angriest I’ve ever heard him.
A chair flies across the back of the living room where the room opens up to the kitchen. It smashes against the wall, tearing the wallpaper before thudding to the floor in a broken mess.
“Dude! You need to calm down!”
It’s slightly calming knowing Sebastian is here. That I’m not walking into this alone. I’m not scared Colson will hurt me. More so that he’ll hurt himself—that he already has—and I won’t know what to do to help him.
“Go the fuck home,” Colson shouts in a slur at his cousin. “I don’t want you here. Never fucking did.”
I make it to the edge of the wall and peek around the corner where I hear the commotion coming from.
“You think I’m going to leave you like this? Spit all your insults at me, be the piece of shit you want to be,” Sebastian barks back. “I’m not bailing on you!”
Colson’s gaze turns to the ceiling for half a second before he brings it back down to Sebastian. But then his eyes flick in my direction, and my cover is blown.
Not that I was hiding exactly. More like finding the perfect moment to interrupt.
His blue gaze pierces into me like a thousand tacks breaking skin. It’s the worst feeling in the world as I watch him bring his tongue over his top teeth in disgust. He stares at me, and his words cut into me deeper than ever. “Why the fuck did you invite her?”
“Because you won’t listen to me.” Sebastian tosses his hands up. “You keep throwing shit around! Breaking furniture. You’re spiraling, man. You need someone to haul your ass back to the surface.”
“You think she’s gonna be the one to do that?”
I take careful steps toward the man my heart breaks for. I don’t know what happened after I left the cemetery or what transpired from the meeting with his aunt, but…something led him to drink. Something has to be responsible for this.
“Yeah, actually, I do,” Sebastian says, turning to look at me for the first time. His next words are directed toward me. “As you can see?—”
“Don’t fucking talk about me like I’m not in the room.”
Sebastian’s nostrils flair. Colson doesn’t see it, but he does run his hands through his hair and grip the disheveled strands. He tugs at them like he’s outraged. Like he can’t breathe. As if he doesn’t know how he’s going to get through the next five minutes let alone the next day.
He twists on his heel and trudges down the hall.
“What happened?” I mouth quietly.
Sebastian shakes his head. “He found out his mom was married. Kept it a secret. There was a lump sum of money that was supposed to go to Colson. The house, too, but it turns out he doesn’t have a right to any of it because it all belongs to Janie’s husband now.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yep.” He nods back in the direction Colson took off in. “They went to sign everything over and found out then. He’s been like this ever since.”
Talk about a hard pill to swallow.
“That’s not the worst of it.”
I wet my lips, listening intently for Colson, but he’s gone silent. “There’s more?”
“The guy she was married to is a big-time drug dealer in Harrison Heights, according to my parents.”
“Wait, what?” I can barely wrap my mind around what he says. Janie was married to a drug dealer? My mind goes back to Thanksgiving night. Was it that man? Was Colson’s stepfather in the same house as him without him even knowing?
Fuck, this is bad.
Sebastian glances down the hall and nods. We follow in Colson’s footsteps, on edge ourselves. We make it to the doorframe of his mom’s bedroom. Colson picks up a bottle of amber liquid from the nightstand and guzzles it down like it’s apple juice. I can’t imagine the burn that settles into his throat as he swallows. Maybe he’s had enough at this point that it doesn’t feel all that bad.
Sebastian is brave enough to approach and hold out a hand. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“After the day I’ve had? Hardly.”
“Give it to me,” Sebastian says. It’s less of a demand, more of a plea.
Colson glowers back with an angry stare. He points at Sebastian with one finger while the rest curl around the bottle. “Do me a favor…get her ass the fuck out of here.” He sways on his feet, and I hope to God it means he’s done throwing and breaking things. That now that I’m here, he’s ready to calm down. “Fuck, I don’t even care if you use her to keep your virgin dick warm. Just as long as she goes.”
Sharp, impaling arrows.
That’s what his words are as they come out of him. They hit me one after the other, biting into my skin like pesky razors, seesawing back and forth.
How can he say that to Sebastian?
How can he even think I’d entertain being with his cousin when the only person I want is him?
“Don’t talk about her like that, man. It’s disrespectful.”
“Oooh.” Colson’s icy glare turns into a mischievous smirk, and I just know he’s not done spilling blood. I may be bleeding out, but Sebastian isn’t yet. “Always the good guy. Little do ya know, she sucks cock so fuckin’ well, you’d never want another woman again.”
“Just stop ,” I holler, my heartbeat pounding out of my chest like you see in the cartoons.
Colson’s eyes meet mine in the doorway. As much as I know that he’s trying to hurt me and that I should take everything he’s saying with a grain of salt, it presses down on my love for him, cracking what’s left of my heart.
Shame and embarrassment coat my cheeks. If there was ever a time I wanted to slink out of a room, now would be it. But I’ve already spoken. And I can’t let myself leave Sebastian to deal with him alone.
“Oh, and she swallows,” Colson adds, digging the knife deeper.
He’s too damn drunk to understand what he’s saying. Maybe he’ll wake up tomorrow filled with guilt or maybe he won’t remember at all. It doesn’t change that it’s not right. That he’s hurting two people who care about him.
My stomach is a water balloon falling from the rooftop of a ten-story building. It drops until it smacks against the sidewalk. “Tell me that gets you as hard as it gets me. Then again, maybe not. When was the last time you were with a woman?”
Sebastian’s fist swings straight into Colson’s face, and it’s so unlike him that I gasp and stare in shock. Colson reacts in a snap. He shoves his cousin out of his face with the bottle of liquor still in his hand. Alcohol sloshes up out of the rim. He grabs Sebastian by his shirt and puts all his weight into pushing him backward. Sebastian manages to get out of his hold and shoves him back. The bottle of liquor stays glued in Colson’s palm. And then Colson gets the upper hand and twists Sebastian's shirt in his grip. They move toward me so quickly I barely have enough time to get out of the way.
A scream bursts out of my throat. Sebastian’s back crumples against the wall next to me. Surprisingly, he doesn’t push back against his cousin but stands there and stares into his eyes. Like he’s not afraid of him one little bit. And maybe he isn’t, but I’m terrified Colson might do something irreversible.
“Stop!” I try to pry Colson’s arms off Sebastian. He’s so much stronger, and the alcohol enhances his strength.
“You should be fucking happy I’m offering her to you.” Colson spits it out as if I’m not standing right next to him. I tell myself he’d never say these things if he were in his right mind, but it doesn’t fix how my entire body deflates with each word that comes out of his mouth.
I jostle his arm. “That’s enough. Let him go!”
“That’s what you want?” Sebastian growls back. “You want me to take the only girl you’ve ever had feelings for and fuck her so good she forgets about you? You want some other guy to fill the void for her because your dumb ass can’t get his shit together?”
Oh…no .
Colson’s blue gaze turns a smoldering red. Sebastian shoves at Colson’s chest. It knocks him back half a step. Sebastian is stronger than he lets on. He may not constantly spar with a boxing bag nor is he under the influence, but he used to tackle men for the fun of it. He could easily take Colson down.
Their gazes catch. I don’t know who’s winning in the game of war they’re playing. It’s deathly quiet, and then, in a flash, Colson’s hand expands over Sebastian’s throat in quiet fury.
I clamp my hand on his arm urgently, doing everything I can to pull him off. “Colson, no. Don’t do this! Let him go! ”
He ignores me again. I smack a closed fist against his bicep as Sebastian’s nostrils flare for oxygen. He lets out this stutter of a noise and stands there and just takes it. Like he’s under Colson’s heel. Like he doesn’t care if Colson empties his lungs of air. But then I realize that he’s not reacting on purpose. He’s letting Colson burden him with his emotions if only to get them out.
My body fills with a mix of fear and dread.
Colson and Sebastian love each other. They’d never do this on an ordinary day. They’d never lay their hands on one another or throw low blows and cheap shots.
Colson holds Sebastian to the wall and brings the rim of the bottle to his lips. He gulps down three swigs while looking at the green eyes across from him.
And then, wham .
He bashes the bottle into the wall beside Sebastian's face. His cousin flinches. Shards of glass spray in all directions. A streak of blood appears at the corner of Sebastian’s mouth from the bottle’s flying shrapnel. The stench of whiskey overtakes the room. Whatever was left in the bottle drips down the wall, and without prompting, Colson releases him.
Just like that, he lets go.
Sebastian wheezes out a massive breath. Colson stomps out of the room. The bathroom door bangs so fiercely the walls shake. I immediately reach for Sebastian and cling to his side while glancing over my shoulder. He rubs his throat and looks past me in the direction Colson disappeared.
What the hell did I just witness?
That person…that is not Colson.
But then I remember how there’s an array of stuff I don’t know about him. How there are details of his life he's kept to himself, hidden away. I recall all the warnings he’s given me, saying how rotten he is. How I don’t deserve him .
And I recant on that initial thought.
This updated, grief-ridden, bitter version of Colson…maybe this is exactly who he is and the man I got to know and learned to love…is just a lie.