13. Chapter 11
Eli
Before it gets to the hour when normal people visit others, I’m already at my breaking point. And I’ll be damned if I say out loud what has gone wrong.
I’m on edge. No, that’s not true. I’m absolutely livid. And there’s something else. It’s under my skin, and it won’t let up. Something inside me is restless, pressing against my chest. There’s a moment when I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack, but I don’t let panic take control of me.
I tossed and turned in bed most of the night, unable to find rest. Intrusive thoughts refused to leave my head, just like that nasty feeling in my chest.
And it’s all because of her. Zozo. It’s her fault. She must have cast some kind of spell on me or something. Voodoo dolls exist, I’m sure of it. Maybe she made one in my likeness?
Now I don’t even know what to think. One thing is certain. Ever since she didn’t answer my calls and then texted she was on a date, this burning sensation hasn’t gone away. It’s weighing on me, haunting me all night long.
That’s why, at four in the morning, I give in and get up. Pretty soon, I’ll have a well-worn path in my living room, proof of my obsession.
At five a.m., I give in to my weakness. With my laptop on my lap, I check Zoe’s location. It’s difficult because my leg is bouncing up and down, and that’s one symptom of my condition. Anyway, she’s at her place. Though that means nothing yet, because she could have invited him over.
I slam the laptop shut and start pacing the living room again.
Did she think my words were empty? Was she okay with him touching her? Did she let him have his way with her?
At the very thought, I ball my hands into fists.
I don’t understand what the hell is happening to me.
Two days ago, I knew I should stay away from her.
For the sake of all our peace of mind. Meanwhile, I’m turning into a sick asshole who wants to dip his hands in the blood of the wretch stupid enough to touch her.
The clock strikes six, and my anger reaches boiling point. Jumping into the shower, I let the icy water sober me up. Does it work? Fuck, no. Still, it was a gamble worth taking.
And so, at seven a.m., I park my car in front of Zoe’s house. I rush up the stairs two steps at a time. When my fist hits the wood of her door, I can finally take a deep breath.
Except she doesn’t open it for what feels like an eternity. Knocking three times, I’m about to pound on the door when the lock turns.
Zoe cracks the door open, and her sleep-filled eyes widen. Her hair is all messed up, yet it looks perfect. Just perfect. How that’s even possible is beyond me. But it’s true.
I let my gaze drift downward. She’s wearing nothing but a black tank top and tiny pink shorts. Creamy, silky-looking legs lead to bare feet.
My mouth waters, and I run my tongue over my lips. In fact, I want to touch her skin with it, along the length, up…
“What the fuck? Eli?” Her sleepy voice is hoarse. She blinks like she can’t believe I’m standing here.
“No. Santa Claus,” I growl and push my way inside.
My eyes dart around the living room and kitchen. I don’t see any scattered clothes, dirty wine glasses, or shoes. There’s no trace of another man in this house.
A sigh almost escapes me.
I’m tempted to head straight to her bedroom and confirm my theory, but she would probably break my nose and kick my ass for it. That seems like a small price to pay.
“Come on in and make yourself at home,” I hear from behind, followed by the sound of a door slamming. “What are you doing here?”
I turn on my heel. “I told you we needed to talk.”
“But at this unholy hour? Couldn’t it wait until noon?” I give her a hard look, to which she shakes her head and adds, “I’ll throw something on.”
She leaves me alone. Accepting her offer, I make myself at home. I turn on the coffeemaker to brew us some fresh drink. God only knows we both need it.
By the time Zoe reappears, the coffee is ready. Dressed in black leggings and a gray UCLA sweatshirt, she looks just as sexy. I notice the sweatshirt is two sizes too big for her, as if someone left it over.
“Did you go to college?” I point to her chest.
Zoe glances down at herself, then sits down and grabs the hot mug. “No. Ash and I didn’t have the money for that. And when we finally did, it seemed a waste of time.”
I know they didn’t have an easy start in life and an even harder childhood. I probably don’t even know a fraction of what they went through.
It’s impossible to take my eyes off her. It’s not that she wasn’t pretty before, but now there’s something so magnetic about her that my powerful will means nothing.
She interrupts my thoughts. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s going on?”
“Did you let him touch you yesterday? Or maybe you let him do something more?”
Seriously?
Of all the things I should bring up with her, this is exactly where I start. The strangest part is that my tongue has lost contact with my brain again. Before I even think, the words are already flying out of my mouth.
Zoe rolls her eyes and then gives me a deadly glare. Their green appearance doesn’t cause me any fear whatsoever. It stirs feelings different from the ones she wants to evoke in me.
“Really? Eli, I don’t think this is any of your damn business. You’re not my guardian or my boyfriend. You can’t tell me what to do or who to do it with.”
“I didn’t say what you can do. I said what he can’t do. That’s the difference.”
A soft laugh escapes her. “Oh, so I could’ve slept with him all right, but he couldn’t sleep with me? All I had to do was keep his hands out of the fun?”
“Don’t test me, Zoe.” I swear my voice has dropped even lower. Squinting, I try to piece together from her words what really happened yesterday. I can’t read her. “Did he touch you or not?”
Now, Zoe’s lips are a thin line. She stares at me for a moment. When she speaks, her words feel like a slap in the face. “Are you… jealous?” She wrinkles her nose in disgust.
My head jerks back with my jaw clenched.
Am I jealous? How could I be? She’s not mine. At least not yet.
It’s absurd. And yet part of me wants to break his hands.
This was supposed to be just sex, and I’m already screwing everything up right from the start.
Get a grip. There’s no room for feelings. Love isn’t in the cards for us.
Maybe it’s pure lust?
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snort. “Answer my question.”
“You answer mine first.” She raises her head high in defiance.
“Stubborn little Raven. I’m not jealous. I don’t know what that feeling is. Your turn.”
Zoe processes what I said and bites her lower lip. All my attention focuses on that one move, that soft, tempting—
“He just kissed me.”
He just… kissed… me…
You genuinely think it makes any difference?
A bitter taste fills my mouth—God knows where it came from. The grimace is stronger than I can control.
True, I have a plan to kill him. I’m eager to see with my own eyes his blood running through my fingers.
Staring at her, I picture what I’ll do to him. Once again, I clench my fists. The heavy breathing stops. I try with all my might to calm down a little because my jaws can crush the hardest metal.
He just… kissed… me…
“It was nothing,” Zoe adds quietly, seeing my reaction.
“Nothing. Which part of ‘don’t let him touch you’ did you not understand? Do you really think I’m the type of person who talks for the sake of talking? You think I won’t act on my words?”
Meanwhile, she takes a sip of coffee, too damn calm. “Don’t overreact. What’s all the fuss about?”
Wanting to take some of the weight off my shoulders, I tilt my head back until something cracks in my neck. At the sound, her eyes go round.
I take a few precious seconds to calm my racing pulse.
“You’re walking on thin ice, Zozo. That evening when you kissed me, you made me an offer. Remember?“
Her cheeks flush pink. She runs her hands over her face, intending to put on a mask.
No way. I can see right through you.
“If I remember correctly, you were the one who kissed me, lover boy,” she replies.
“Do you really have to argue about everything?”
“And do you have to complicate everything?”
“How am I complicating it?” I can’t believe my ears. “Yes, I kissed you, but as far as I remember, you weren’t passive. You took part in it. Your tongue was in my mouth, for God’s sake.”
“So what? What’s your point?”
“My point is, I want to know how drunk you were at that time!” Nerves are getting the better of me.
I didn’t mean to raise my voice. Every time our paths cross, the fuse is already lit. It’s only a matter of minutes before something explodes between us. Most often, it’s another argument. Now it’s turning into a desire I can’t hold back.
Zoe blushes when she finally gives an honest answer. “Two drinks. It was just two drinks. I wasn’t drunk.”
Relief washes over me.
That’s good. It means I’m not wrong in my judgment.
“You said back then, you wanted me to be the one you’d give your virginity to. You remember that?”
This time she winces, looking away, ashamed. “Of course, I remember.”
“Were you serious?”
Finally, her gaze returns to me and she nods.
“I need to hear you say it out loud, Zoe.”
“You really do enjoy torturing people, don’t you? Yes, I’d like you to be my first. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you satisfied?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” I say. “It’s important to me. It should be important to you too. That’s why I want to be sure you know what you’re doing.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I want to be your first. God knows I have no idea why you chose me, but it’s an honor, and I want this.”
A minute passes. Zoe opens and closes her mouth like a fish out of water. My words have left her speechless, but I let her process my words in peace.
“Really?”
“If that’s what you want. I can teach you about sex. Show you everything. What it’s really like. How you should feel. What it means for a woman, but also for a man.”
“And you’d do that for me?” she asks in disbelief.
A light laugh escapes me. “Don’t fool yourself. I’ll enjoy this as much as you will. I may be a selfish son of a bitch, but I’m also a son of a bitch who knows how to give a woman pleasure. In this arrangement, we both win.”
“But?”
“But there are a few things we need to set if we’re to enter this arrangement knowingly. First, no one can find out about this.”
“That’s reasonable. I have no intention of standing in the street and shouting at the top of my lungs that the famous playboy Elijah Montgomery did me a favor and took my virginity.”
There’s a lot wrong with that one sentence. She labeled me a playboy, and although that might be true, it’s not something I’m comfortable with right now. Second, a “favor”? She’s clueless.
“Ash can’t find out either. Ryker will cut my head off if he finds out, and your sister will suck the last drop of blood from my veins.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t let them do that. But I promise Ash won’t find out from me.”
I nod because so far, we’re on the same page.
“And third, there’s no question of any feelings. Don’t delude yourself that this will have a happy ending. This isn’t that kind of story. It has nothing to do with damn love. It’s just sex, so don’t fall in love with me.”
My last point makes her cheeks burn even more. I love it. I like it when she blushes.
Looking at her face, I search for any signs that might suggest she’s hoping for just that. I don’t see it.
Her next words kill me. “What if you fall in love?”
I explode with laughter. Too loud. Too long. It’s like I’m trying to drown something out.
The conversation is serious, and I shouldn’t laugh, but this is stronger.
The laughter fades to a chuckle, and then it finally dies on my lips. “Don’t worry. There’s no chance of that. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it’s just not me. I’ll never fall in love. That’s why I want to spare you a broken heart and make sure you know exactly what you’re getting into.”
Zoe nods, pondering my words. She doesn’t seem to fully believe me, but that’s not my problem anymore. It’s her business.
“I agree,” she says eventually, rewarding me with a small smile. It spreads across her face with every passing second.
What now? In my head, I haven’t gotten past this conversation. Should I kiss her? Take her straight to bed?
That doesn’t seem appropriate.
“So we have a deal,” I say.
Just then, my phone vibrates. Taking it out of my pocket, I open the message. It’s one of my spies. I devour every single word he has written.
“Holy shit,” slips out of my mouth. My eyes dart up, and I see Zoe watching my every move. “Get dressed, Raven.”
“What? Why?”
“We have to go to Ryker’s.”
While I’m at it, I send a message to the group chat about an immediate meeting at Ryker and Ash’s apartment. My brothers haven’t responded, even though they’ve seen the message.
“What happened, Eli?”
“We need to meet. Now. And that’s not a request.”