19. Chapter 16
Zoe
“You know who I am, Lily,” Damien says with a stern tone.
“Sorry, but I don’t associate with many pharmaceutical company employees who get shot at on the street. I think I should head home.”
“Wait, please. You need to know that my job is challenging. Where there’s money, there are always opponents. The pharmaceutical industry has a lot of enemies.” He tries to convince me it’s no big deal.
Bullshit. He’s full of shit.
“I’m sorry.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Let me drive you home. Your safety is important to me.”
The drive home in a car filled to the brim with silence allows me to sort everything out in my head.
My trembling hand is intertwined with his. It’s the only thing connecting us, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
The funniest thing about this whole fucking mess is that I couldn’t have come up with a better script myself. Of course, I had nothing to do with it, but it gave me a crucial advantage.
I saved the life of a man who doesn’t deserve to live. Who kills hundreds, if not thousands, of people every single day. Whether through guns or drugs, it doesn’t matter. Death is death.
But no matter what, I saw it in Damien’s gaze, right there on that grimy sidewalk, while we were sitting. I saw surprise mixed with disbelief. Perhaps a hint of gratitude. And above all, possessiveness, a desire to drag me into his home and not let me out for the next decade or longer.
Someone outside Ryker’s social circle is also an enemy of Damien’s and wants him dead. I imagine this is nothing new for him. An open attempt to shoot him in front of potential witnesses is a show of strength and a declaration of war.
When the driver parks by my building, I grab the door handle. Damien’s hand holds me back, so I look at him in surprise. I have no doubt our time together has ended, but he brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. As with many times before.
He doesn’t speak to me until we’re in the elevator. “I’m sorry, Lily. Given what happened tonight, I know this might sound as though I’m being a hypocrite, but… I hope you believe you’re safe with me. I’ll let nothing like that happen again. You have my word.”
“You can’t promise me that,” I say.
“I can. I’ll make it up to you. Fuck. You must be terrified.” He rubs his face with his hands. “You go on a date with a guy and someone shoots at you.”
“Thank God no one got hurt.”
“And I’m fucking grateful to you that I can stand here with you right now. If it weren’t for you, I’d never be able to see your beautiful face again, or touch that silky skin, or kiss those tempting lips.”
Damien is trying to soften me up. He thinks he’s so cunning in this little game of ours. What he doesn’t realize is that I’m already two steps ahead.
The elevator doors open, and we step out into the hallway. I stop at the door to my apartment because this evening has to end here. I don’t want to think about what’s waiting for me inside.
“I appreciate what you’re saying. Seriously. But—” I cut myself off mid-sentence and bite my lower lip. A new obstacle to continuing this relationship is now forming in his mind. And that’s fine. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
“Don’t even say that, Lily. Let’s go inside, and I’ll clean your knee so it doesn’t get infected. Let me take care of you. We’ll talk about it.”
“No, Damien. I’ll clean this knee and—” I use this to fuel the image of my doubts.
In a gesture that says he means no harm, he raises his hands.
“I really can handle it.”
Finally, Damien gives in and nods in agreement. “Please get some rest. Think it all over in peace, and I’m sure you’ll see everything in a different light. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
I feign hesitation, but eventually, I agree to the plan. It energizes him to act. His smile is faint. This time, he gives me space and doesn’t kiss me goodbye.
“Sleep well, my sweet Lily.”
He stops by the elevator, waiting until I’m safe in my apartment.
And I know that right as I’m doing this—closing the door behind me—he’s doing the same. I turn the lock to be sure.
Relief rushes out of my lungs.
The apartment is pitch black. Only a sliver of light filters in from the street, and that’s enough for me. Enveloped in darkness, I walk through the living room and stand by the window. Damien is leaving my building. Stopping by his car, he turns around and looks up.
I know for a fact that he doesn’t have me in his sight. Once he is in the back seat, the car begins to move away from the building.
The skin on the back of my neck goes numb, and my hairs stand on end. It’s just a hunch but—
“I can’t decide whether to be glad or angry that you didn’t bring him into the apartment.” A low voice cuts through the silence.
This voice is all too familiar.
And I think I knew from the moment I walked in that I wasn’t alone. It was all over me.
Each time we’re in the same room, this happens. It’s similar to something electric that moves under my skin.
“What are you doing here, Eli?” I ask and turn around. A silhouette emerges from the darkness of my kitchen. The only thing I can make out is an outline of his face.
He takes two steps and stops. As if lost in thought, he pays no attention to my question. “Then this whole thing would end right here and now. I can’t decide if I’d rather snap his neck or strangle him. No… That would be too swift a death.”
After tonight’s events and Eli’s words, I have absolutely no desire for any company.
“Go home, Eli. There’s no reason for you to be here.”
I need to take this damn dress off and take a shower. My strength is gone. I don’t have the energy for these games.
I head for the bedroom, but Eli catches up to me in two strides and grabs my shoulders. His hand reaches for the light switch. The soft darkness vanishes.
His eyes are dull, like something is destroying him from within. The muscle in his cheek jumps as he clenches his jaw.
And that’s fine. At least I’m not the only one who’s pissed off.
At a snail’s pace, his eyes travel over every inch of my face, then move down to my neck, my chest, and lower. For a moment, he stares at my knee.
“Zoe—”
“It’s merely a scratch,” I reply.
He doesn’t believe my words even though he’s seeing it with his own eyes. I can feel it under my skin.
“You got hurt in his company, and that’s no small thing to me. That’s all. Tell me, Raven, that you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I confirm, almost in a whisper. “It all happened so fast, and it was impulse—” I trail off. The gravity of what happened hits me all at once.
Fuck, I could have died out there.
My eyebrows knit. I press my lips together so I don’t say that thought out loud, though it explodes in my head and I can hear nothing but that one thing. It takes me a full minute to recover from it. Only then do I say to him, “Go home, Eli.”
As I break free from his embrace and take a step toward the door, I hear him.
“I can’t.” It’s a choked voice. “I just can’t.
Don’t you understand?” A strong hunch tells me this isn’t over, but I don’t turn around.
My heart races, though, and my hands shake.
“For God’s sake, don’t ask me what this is about, because I can’t answer with a single sentence.
All I know is that when I heard the gunshots over the phone, my heart stopped.
Literally. I couldn’t catch my breath. If Ryker hadn’t slapped me in the face, I think I really would have passed out. It sounds crazy, but it’s true, Zoe.”
“He slapped you?”
Why do his words strike straight to my heart? Why do I feel my soul awakening after a hundred-year slumber? What’s happening?
And then, for the first time, I realize I’m not the only one playing this game. I’m not in this alone.
With one swift motion, I turn to face him.
He stands before me with his shoulders slumped, eyes fixed on the ground.
He looks like a helpless kid, not a grown man. He’s out of his comfort zone; I have no doubt about that. A playboy, a womanizer, the city’s most notorious bachelor. And yet here he stands before me, looking like a lost boy.
“You were worried about me,” I whisper. His head snaps up. “You were simply worried about me. That’s how people react when they care about someone.”
“That too. But it’s clear to me it’s about something bigger.
Something I can’t even name. You don’t understand, Zoe.
You’re not the only one who had a fucked-up childhood.
According to popular belief, I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth.
That doesn’t mean life didn’t go to shit later on—” He pauses and shakes his head.
“When Ryker asked me to keep an eye on you, it wasn’t a task I was at all reluctant to agree to.
Then, and even before that, you were already in my thoughts.
I don’t comprehend what I want to tell you.
Jesus Christ, I’m as bad at this as a guy’s first time having sex… ”
Unable to take my eyes off Eli, I fold my hands. I don’t interrupt him; I let him analyze himself. Inside, I believe this is necessary for him so he can finally move on from where he’s been stuck for so long.
Eli takes a breath and continues. “I guess what I mean is that I laid out the terms of our agreement myself. It’s purely sex, no feelings, no love.
Love is an abstract concept to me. It seems I started breaking my own rules before we even made it to your bed.
I mean, I don’t mean that I love you, no…
Jesus, I’m screwing this all up again. I’m the one blurring that line in the sand, a simple and clear arrangement. ”
Unable to bear it, I stand in front of him. My voice gentle, I try to calm him down. “Eli, you care about me. It doesn’t always have anything to do with that magical L-word. You can care about family, close friends, and sometimes even a stranger. Like you care about your brothers.”