Chapter Twelve
When dinner was over, Quinn grabbed Cheyenne’s hand and led her outside.
Jocelyn, like the good hostess who hadn’t paid any attention to what had gone on, called to them asking about dessert.
Liam gave a look all the women would have understood, but Jocelyn rose to go looking for them anyway, brushing Liam’s hand off her arm.
He got up to go after her when Da asked for another cup of coffee.
Liam stood next to her and whispered in her ear, which stopped her from going any further.
After one last look out the front door, she replied, “Yes, Da, I’ll get that for you.”
Outside, Cheyenne found herself answering questions and explaining herself to Quinlan. “Honestly, I wasn’t driving, riding, or using heavy equipment and I’m not about to stop enjoying myself because you don’t like the way I do it.”
“You promised not to drink too much.”
“Quinn, you’ve had more than this and not thought a thing about it. I was not hurting anyone or anything. I wasn’t even loud or rude, something that might have said I had too much to drink. You don’t get to boss me around just because you can. I do get to make some choices of my own.”
“Cheyenne, we had an agreement, and you decided to ignore it. We also chose the consequence. Our relationship is built on mutual trust, honesty, and respect. You didn’t even want to tell me, when I asked at dinner, how much you’ve had to drink this afternoon.
This tells me that you know you went over your limit and that you’re avoiding the issue by not addressing it.
We don’t do that, and when we do, there are consequences. ”
“You mean when I do. The penalties are only one sided. You want me to be honest with you, but I’m always the one who comes out on the raw end of the deal. If you aren’t honest, and it isn’t right, I don’t get to paddle you. If I get angry and ignore you, I’m in trouble for that.”
She snorted her disdain. “There has to be some even territory here. I’m an adult and just because I allow you to respond to things you don’t like by swatting my butt, or putting me in the corner, or plugging me or whatever the hell you choose, doesn’t mean I lose my place in this world. I give you permission at those times.”
Cheyenne crossed her arms tightly across her chest. “I like to think that we are equal in the relevant things in this relationship and, if it isn’t true, then maybe we shouldn’t be in one.
I’m about to commit my life to you. Don’t you think that we should have some agreement as to how I can express my displeasure without bringing down the house around my ears? ”
“Respectfully done, you know you can express your thoughts, anger, fears, and irritations, whatever you want in private. Right here, right now, is the best way to do that. But when we have a standard already in place, and you violate that trust, then you’re subject to my choice of discipline.
Because you like it so little, which I think might change after we are married by the way, you often get a warm butt.
We enjoy some other things that might be implemented to be used for punishment if necessary.
But you disrespect us and our relationship when you do things that are unsafe, unhealthy, or against what we have already agreed upon. ”
“But how can you respect me or how can I believe you respect me when I’m treated like a child?”
“Cheyenne, if I treated you like a child there would be a great number of things different. I would not discuss whether you received punishment, for one. I would not ask you about finances, purchasing things, our future planning, I wouldn’t make sure you were left alone to make your career as you see fit.
I would be screening your friends, your activities, require you to get permission for every place you went and event you participated.
I would not wait for you until you decided what you wanted in your new house, I would just do what I thought was enough.
I would not make sure that I added all the little personal things you dream of having.
” He took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair.
He lowered his voice, raising the intensity.
“Do not confuse my attentions to you as changing your status in my life. You call me Daddy for a whole different reason, and you are well aware of those reasons.”
“But what wouldn’t change, no matter if I’m Daddy or Quinn, you’re my wife and you’ll always be responsible for staying safe.
You will always be accountable to tell me if there’s something not quite right.
I’ll always keep watch over the health, happiness, safety, and overall well-being of my family. ”
“It just seems so restrictive and unbalanced.”
“I know, piscín, but you know that in our relationship, maybe even more than the others, I not only require respect, but expect obedience. It’s a lifestyle you and I agreed to embrace and to enjoy.
When we’re like this, not playing, not in the bedroom, not in front of others, that respect is just in how we speak to each other.
How we behave towards each other. It’s in the tone of the conversation, not so much in your mannerisms or your actual words to me.
I know I have a higher standard of expectations than many others do.
My sisters and mother have told me that for years.
“Nevertheless, it isn’t like you, ghrá, to challenge me so much, especially when we have a sound understanding. Is something else wrong? Are you feeling isolated, or needing more attention?”
He pulled her close to him and ignored the slight resistance, “Or do you need your daddy?”
“No... maybe I do. Honestly I don’t know. What I know is sometimes I feel overwhelmed and I look at you, Mr. Totally-In-Control, and I wonder, is it me? Am I less than? Will you get tired of me soon?”
His hand brushed her hair away from her face. “You are all I have ever dreamed of. I love every molecule of your being. But we need to work on these feelings of insecurity. That’s on me. I missed your cues. We work on that. It’s a start.”
He placed a kiss on her lips, starting light and deepening it before releasing her. “Tomorrow we can go look at the house. There isn’t much, but we can walk the floor and plan for what we will want in the private side of the basement, if you like.” He grinned.
“Sure. It’s just, I guess I’m feeling a bit out of place.
I worry I won’t feel comfortable around everyone.
Part of me just wants to get married, because I’m afraid that you’re going to start finding reasons not to marry me.
I expect you to tell me that since you’re changing jobs, we have to wait longer, or you’re waiting for the house to be completed, or something. ”
“Whoa, lómhara. I don’t want to wait any longer than we have to. My family is big on weddings, while small affairs usually, they are all going to be in attendance, so we planned the day. Otherwise, I’d elope in a heartbeat.”
“I don’t know, I guess part of me feels you’ll get tired of me because there isn’t this great cowgirl underneath my clothes. I worry I’ll really mess up sometime, and that will be it.”
“Do I expect too much?”
“Sometimes?”
Sitting on the bench outside the main stable doors and bringing Cheyenne down on his lap, Quinlan reached up and lovingly moved her errant hair out of her face again. Then, reaching carefully, he kissed her deeply and slowly, evaporating most of her insecurities in his touch.
He lifted his head, then leaned his forehead on hers for a few seconds, slowing pulling back and caging her chin with his fingers. He spoke somberly.
“Mo mhuirnín, you need to listen to me and believe me when I tell you that I’m never going to get enough of you.
When you look at me with those eyes that say you’re giving yourself into my care and allow me to do for you, I’m so thrilled, I’m almost giddy.
When you allow me to make decisions that I can make for us or trust me to decide when to rein your actions in and when to let you go, it builds me up.
It’s empowering to know that you believe I’m worthy to be your protector. ”
Cheyenne pulled her head back, and Quinn let go as she shook her head.
“It isn’t that I don’t enjoy it sometimes.
Just not always. You have to remember to treat me like an adult that does kinky things with you.
I’ll figure it out. I’ll make mistakes, but you have to be okay with that.
Right now, I’m conflicted all the time, but I won’t be if you let me find my way.
I’ll come back. I just need to be confident that you want me, warts and all.
You can’t create perfection in a non-perfect being. ”
“Oh, baby, I’ve done you a disservice. That isn’t what I want at all.
I’m honored to be allowed the responsibility of you and later our children.
No one else has the power to thrill me. I pay such close attention to what, when, how, why you say things, do things, so I don’t miss any nuance that will indicate I need to adjust myself for you. I’m insecure with you sometimes, too.”
Quinn caressed her arms. “When we play, I’m desperate to know you better, to read you better so that I can give you more of what you want, what you need, crave. See, by meeting your needs more completely, I meet my own needs more completely.” He drew her into him again, rocking slightly in comfort.
“You always seem so confident.”
“Well, I’m not. The longer we’re together, the more confident I am, though.
When you’re feisty, I’m excited. When you’re sad, I’m on alert to find the source and eliminate it.
When you’re angry, I look for the root, address it, and hope to find the appropriate response to you.
When you’re disobedient, it causes me pain to discipline you, but I know it’s the only way to keep you safe and healthy.
At times, I know you need it.” He smiled warmly.
“You get naughtier when you want a spanking.”