Chapter 39
Libby
Nothing gets a girl out of break-up hiding like finding out her bookstore has been broken into. I’m still in my pajamas when I drive to the store, not that I haven’t been in my pajamas for the last forty-eight hours but that’s beside the point.
When I get there, my heart sinks. The front window is completely gone. The hole where the window used to be is taped off and there’s still glass all over the floor. Kai is there, just finishing up with the cops who apologize to me and wish me a good night, considering.
I look over the damage but luckily, the store looks intact, and the cash register is still there. That’s when I tense up, looking around with dread.
“Chill out, sis. He’s not here,” Kai says.
“Who’s not here?” I ask.
“Listen, Lib. I’ve already done this once tonight and I’m not in the mood to do it again.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking abou–”
“I watched the security footage,” he cuts me off.
“So, you know who broke into–oh…my God.”
“Yeah.”
“”Kai…I–”
“Why did you hide it from me?”
For some reason, as bad as it is, that question almost makes me laugh. “Because we couldn’t possibly tell you. You wouldn’t have been okay with it.”
“Of course I’m not okay with it,” he cuts in. “He’s my friend. And you're my sister.”
“If it makes you feel any better, we didn’t plan it. Trust me.” I sit down in one of the wooden chairs in the reading area.
“Okay one, it doesn’t make me feel better.
You’re sleeping with my friend, Libby. And I almost saw it on camera, before I smashed the thing.
And two, I don’t trust you. Because you’re sleeping with my friend and didn’t tell me.
Listen, I’m not gonna lie. I always thought you finding a boyfriend would be good for you. But not Dax. It’s just wrong.”
“Yeah well…I’m sorry. But also, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. Because it’s over.”
As much as I hate it, because this is very much not the kind of relationship my brother and I have, I can’t think let alone talk about Dax without the water valve breaking. “He was using me.”
“Using you? For sex? I’ll kick his ass again.”
“No,” I cry. “Jesus, Kai, calm down. He was using me because Jenna is trying to take the girls from him.”
“And what does that have to do with you?” he asks.
“I guess if he is in a steady relationship, it looks better than a single, working man keeping full custody of two little girls,” I sniff.
“That’s bullshit. But also…it doesn't seem like something he would do. Not that I’m defending him or in support of the two of you. Because I’m not.”
“Well, I don’t know what to believe because as it turns out, he was lying to me from day one. Do you remember when I went on the First Pick date?”
“Vaguely,” he answers. “But go on.”
“I was supposed to meet a guy named Jax. It was a one-night sort of thing and–”
“Get to the point,” he grumbles like a teenager. “I don’t want to think about any of that.”
“Well, Jax never showed up. And Dax, who was there watching the whole thing pretended to be him.”
Kai is clearly trying to connect, and he sits down in a chair next to me. “Wait. That was at Tony’s. Fuck. I was the one who told him to get laid that night. I didn’t mean you though.”
“Yeah well that’s what happened. He lied about who he was because he needed to find someone to help him with his custody battle. And now I’m never speaking to him again.”
Kai turns towards me. “Hang on a minute. Dax is a lot of things. Stubborn, difficult, arrogant–”
“Are you sure you aren’t describing yourself?” I jab but he just flips me off and goes on.
“He might have fibbed because he was into you. But he wouldn’t use you. Not for something like this. He was upset, Libby. Dax only goes there on the anniversary of his wife’s death. He was looking for comfort, not a means to an end.”
I think about that but don’t say anything. I’m still not fully convinced. “He still lied,” I say. “He lied and then came in here intending to take the store from me. He still might, once he gets what he wants.”
“Oh, come on, Libs. You don’t really believe that do you?”
“Why shouldn’t I?” I shoot back.
“Because Dax never wanted your store to begin with. It’s not the best location for a Hemingway. Not only that, but he cares about local businesses. He always has.”
“Then why did he try to take mine? And why did he want to make it something it’s not?”
“Because Tess loved small businesses and they remind him of her. It hurts too much. It was my plan to transform this place into something else.”
“Why would you want to do that?” I demand and then it hits me. Honestly, it’s the third ton of bricks to hit me in the last two days.
Because it hurts too much.
Kai doesn’t say it, but I know that’s the answer.
“You don’t hate the bookstore,” I quietly say.
“No, I don’t hate the bookstore,” he admits kicking at pieces of glass on the floor with his shoe. “I just…see them everywhere, you know?”
“Why would you want it to go away?” I ask. “It’s all we have left.”
“Because they went away. And dad’s lopsided bookshelves and mom’s daisies painted on the wall aren’t going to bring them back. It’s a constant fucking reminder that they’re never coming back. We have to move on.”
I look at my brother and for the first time in years, I see him. It makes sense, the reason he acts the way he does. The reason he does the things he does. The problem wasn’t that he didn’t care at all. He cares too much.
“I don’t think we have to move on,” I tell him. “Moving on means forgetting. And we should never forget. But we do need to live. And they’d want us to do what makes us happy.”
“And what if I don’t know what that is?” he asks, his eyes red and angry.
I choose my words carefully. Because even if my brother is showing a softer side, he is still Kai. And Kai is complicated. “I think that once you stop trying to replace the memories with something else and focus on yourself, you’ll figure that out.”
He nods once before turning to look at me. “And what about you?”
“Well,” I sigh, looking around at the store.
“It’ll start with cleaning up the glass and replacing the window.
But other than that…I don’t know.” My eye well with tears again.
“I thought I found something that would make me happy. Someone who would make me happy. After my marriage with Shane, I didn’t think it was possible.
And now I’m realizing it was too good to be true. ”
“Now see, I don’t buy that,” he shakes his head. “So, he lied. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal!”
“But he didn’t do it to hurt you or take advantage of you.
You said yourself you were there to get laid,” Kai shudders before going on.
“And he was there because he was hurting. He was lonely, you got blown off and he took a chance. Cut the guy a break. Also, this Jax guy sounds like a dick. Even I haven’t ghosted a date before.
Walk of shamed more times that I can count but never ghosted. If anything, Dax did you a favor.”
“Again, he could have done it without lying.”
“Coulda, woulda, shoulda,” Kai shrugs with a grin and just like that he sounds like my brother again. “But for real, Libs. As much as it makes me throw up in my mouth, he’s happier than he’s been in a long time. And the girls are too. I think it’s real.”
“So…are you saying you’d be okay with me dating your best friend?” I ask. Not that I’m ready to make that decision right now. My heart is still a wreck, much like my store.
“Hell no. It’s fucked up. But there’s not much I can do about it, is there?”
Kai offers to give me a ride, even to stop at the all-night diner. But crazy enough, I’m not hungry.
“I’m going to hang out here for a bit,” I tell him.
“Alright. Well. Be careful.”
We don’t hug or say I love you. The conversation we just had is about as emotional as it gets with us. And despite the fact he isn’t really someone I go to for advice, I do find myself replaying his words.
I don’t want to believe Dax used me. But considering our entire relationship started with a lie, a lie he never intended to tell me, it makes me wonder what else he would lie about. Or who he really is.