Chapter 34
JACQUELINE
Back in Chicago, I stood in front of the mirror in my apartment, assessing my first-day-back outfit with a critical eye. Miranda had tried convincing me to take a few more days off, but it was time to get back to work.
Work was good. Work would help. It always did, but more importantly, I knew things would be piling up in my office and I couldn’t leave it anymore. The mere of thought of everyone else shouldering more than their share because of me had started driving me crazy.
Once I’d given myself a thorough onceover, I decided that the outfit would do. Pencil skirt. Blazer. White button-down. I looked much better than I felt, so I headed over to my dresser and swiped up a pair of earrings.
The week I’d spent at Miranda’s cottage, mostly alone, had felt like both a lifetime and no time at all. Since she had responsibilities and a life outside of babysitting an emotionally unstable friend, she’d come back to Chicago after the weekend, but I’d stayed there.
I’d spent most of my time sitting on the little wraparound porch, getting exceptionally tripped up by my own thoughts. It turned out that the cottage was not a place where I should’ve been left unattended. There were no distractions in that town. No excuses to avoid myself.
All I’d done, for five days straight, was think. At one point, I’d even convinced myself that I’d made the right decision. Part of me still thought that I had.
As I slid the little golden hoops into my ears, I thought about that day Jesse had helped me find one on the floor and tears rushed to the backs of my eyes. I blinked them away, but realized my glasses were going to be better than contacts for the time being.
After everything I’d gone through with Thomas, it had been about time to choose myself and that was what I’d done. It’d been a proud, mature moment, but it’d only lasted for about five minutes.
Shortly after, I’d realized the problem with that reasoning was that somehow, some way, Jesse had very much become a part of me. I couldn’t choose myself and walk away from him at the same time.
Those two things were mutually destructive. Unfortunately, by the time I’d realized that, I’d already gone and done it, hadn’t I? I’d already walked away and Jesse had already stopped calling.
I slid my glasses on and went over to my bed, sitting down on the edge to pull on my shoes, but no matter how hard I tried, he was still front and center in my mind. It was odd, considering how long it’d been since I’d last heard his voice.
Although I’d wanted to many times, especially now that I was thinking rationally again, I hadn’t called him. I missed him something awful, but I had to set that aside for today. Today was about work, structured, predictable, and full of problems I could actually solve.
Finally dressed and ready, I stood up and grabbed my bag. Apologizing to Jesse would have to wait. At least until I figured out what to actually say.
Jesse had a duty to his family and their name. Generations of expectations and traditions were on his shoulders now. I’d known that from the beginning. I’d known that he was doing it for them and that I was only supposed to be a pawn, but I’d stopped pretending anyway.
I’d let it become real and I hated that. I hated that I was falling in love with him. That stupid, annoying man. A man I couldn’t have because his loyalty would always lie with his family—as it should.
Which was why I hated even more that I knew he felt the same way. Because there was no universe in which we could be together. No matter how we felt about each other.
If only… no. Don’t go there, Jacque. The Westwoods are never going to change.
By the time I dropped into my desk chair with a quiet groan, I was genuinely wondering how many times I could go around the same things over and over in my head before I would actually go mad.
I pressed my palms to my eyes and muttered out loud, hoping that might break me out of the spiral.
“Get it together. You are a rational, highly educated adult. Act like one.”
When I looked up again, I finally switched on my computer and dragged my attention to the stack of files waiting for me. Work. We’re focusing on work today.
It took a few more minutes before I got myself organized, but once I started, I got back into the swing of things with practiced ease. It was almost a relief, knowing that whatever else might’ve changed in my life, this never would. I genuinely loved the law and—
A knock at my office door cut me off mid-thought. I barely even looked up, already reaching for the next file. “Come in.”
I heard the door creak open, expecting to see Miranda or one of the other girls when I finally lifted my gaze away from the computer. Instead, Jane Westwood was standing there, a soft smile on her face as she hovered in the doorway.
For a full second, I just gawked at her, but then panic hit and I sat up straighter. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Do we have a meeting scheduled for today? I didn’t see anything on my calendar, but I’ve been away for a few days. I’m still playing catchup”
“No. No, don’t worry.” She waved a hand and stepped inside, still smiling as she turned to shut the door behind her. “You didn’t miss anything. I’m here on personal business.”
“Wyatt’s inheritance?”
She chuckled, coming over to lower herself gracefully into the chair across from mine. “No, but I understand why you might be confused. Around here, my personal business is your actual business, I suppose, but no. I came to talk to you about what’s going on between you, Jesse, and the family.”
Oh. Right.
Trying my best to gather whatever professionalism I had left, I leaned back in my chair and trained my attention on her, folding my hands together in my lap so she wouldn’t see the slight tremor in them.
“Of course. What can I help you with?”
Jane just looked at me for a moment, her expression still soft and open rather than that sharp, businesslike mask she usually wore when she came here. “I wanted to apologize.”
My mouth popped open and my heart started pounding. “Why?”
“For that scene at the house,” she clarified. “There was a bit of a misunderstanding.”
I frowned, my heartbeat kicking against my ribs so hard now that I could barely breathe. “What kind of misunderstanding?”
She tilted her head, answering my question with one of her own. “Jesse is overseas at the moment. Did you know that?”
“Overseas? No, I…” My frown deepened. It felt like I was trying to build a puzzle, knowing I didn’t have all the pieces to complete the picture. “No. I didn’t know.”
She nodded slowly. “I thought you might not. Have you spoken to him at all since that day?”
“No.”
She let out a soft sigh, giving another slow nod before she straightened up a bit in her chair. “Alright, well, then you should know that when word got around that Jesse called off the… relationship, I did some digging.”
“Digging?”
“Yes. There were a few things that didn’t quite make sense to me, so I spoke to Jesse and we asked Nate for help, and what we found was that your family was unfairly treated a number of years ago when it came to an inheritance.”
My chest tightened. “Yes, that did, uh, I mean, yes. We felt like it was unfair, but in the end, our feelings didn’t matter much.”
“Feelings never do when it comes to legal matters. Trust me, I know that better than most, but the fact is that what happened in your case should never have happened. I’m absolutely confident you know that as well.”
I nodded, but I didn’t really know what to say. I’d spent years knowing it and living with the quiet reality that the law I loved so much had failed us, but hearing her—a member of the Westwood family—say it out loud was something else.
“No,” I finally agreed. “It shouldn’t have, but it was a long time ago.”
Jane held my gaze. “Be that as it may, Jesse and Alex are working on clearing that up.”
For a second, I wasn’t entirely sure I’d heard her correctly. “Why?”
She smiled. “I understand how it looks from the outside when it comes to how things work in this family, but it’s different when you’re on the inside. We take care of our own, and even if you weren’t tangled up in the Westwoods overseas, we’d still have your back.”
My throat went dry, my fingers curling around the edge of my chair, but under the desk. Where she couldn’t see it.
What she’d just said had hit more chords and sensitive places inside than I’d even realized I had. She was counting me as part of them, which I’d never thought would happen. I had so many issues around that exact sentiment that I could write a book about it.
“Thank you,” I said after a pause that had lasted a few seconds too long. Although I’d tried to hide it, my voice had also come out rough and thick. “That means a lot, but I’m not sure why you feel that way. In the end, I’m not a Westwood.”
“Maybe not yet,” she said lightly. “Setting aside the fact that your great-uncles are assholes, Westwood or not, you’ve become part of the family in your own right.”
I frowned. “How so?”
She gave me a knowing look. “Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t know that Jesse is in love with you. It’s so obvious. I know you know.”
I did know, but the fact that she spoke about it so casually knocked the wind straight out of my lungs. It wasn’t even just that. It was also the fact that she didn’t look upset about it, or worried, or disapproving. If anything, she seemed happy.
“Alex has finally realized it too,” she said, sighing like she was exasperated about something.
“That day when Jesse brought you to the house and my dear husband, stupidly, told Jesse to get engaged to you. Unfortunately, boys are silly, and by the time he put two and two together, the damage was done. You were gone.”
I stared at her, my heart starting to pound for an entirely different reason now. “What?”
She rolled her eyes. “Fucking guys, am I right? So after you left, apparently, Jesse had this look in his eyes that finally convinced Alex that Jesse was actually serious about you. He said it looked a lot like hope. Excitement.”
I shook my head slightly, but that didn’t help me clear it at all. My pulse was roaring in my ears, my thoughts scattering as I tried to reconcile what she was saying with what I’d believed until now. “The engagement was Alex’s idea. Jesse wasn’t serious about me. Not when it came to—”
“Yes, he was, Jacque. Jesse wasn’t even going to fight about it,” she cut in gently. “Even if Alex was dictating the timing, Jesse was going to ask you to marry him anyway. He came to talk to us about it a couple days before that.”
Everything in me went still. A couple days before.
Before the bomb had detonated in the press. Before they’d needed me to help them prove that Westwoods didn’t only marry for business. Before I’d sat there, feeling like a nothing more than convenient solution.
Oh my God. My stomach twisted sharply. Jesse was going to ask me to marry him anyway, but then I took it the wrong way and ruined it.
I let out a shaky breath, pressing a hand to my forehead and squeezing my eyes shut for a second. “I thought Alex was just using me because of the situation.”
I’d thought I didn’t belong and that I never would. I’d thought I was protecting myself by walking away from a family who would take what they needed, chew me up, and spit me right back out.
Jane exhaled a deep, long breath through her nostrils, an apologetic smile forming on her lips.
“I’m sure it did come across that way. That’s why I started by saying that there was a misunderstanding.
Alex assumed that Jesse had already spoken to you about getting engaged, so when he told Jesse that he had to do it now, he didn’t realize what it was going to sound like.
Frankly, he also wasn’t convinced Jesse was actually going to follow through with it until he saw that look in his eyes. ”
“God, that’s what he was trying to tell me. After, I mean.” I let out a quiet groan, dropping my head into my hands. “I feel like an idiot.”
“That’s a fairly normal part of falling in love.” Jane’s voice was kind, but there was a hint of amusement there now.
“Falling in love,” I repeated dryly, feeling like my heart was about to climb out of my chest. “I hate that.”
“Most people do.”
Finally, I looked up at her again. “Okay, so what do I do? I was so convinced I was right about everything that I didn’t listen.
Then I walked away and broke both our hearts.
Now I don’t even know where he is. I mean, I want to believe I can somehow fix it, but I honestly don’t even know how or where to begin. ”
Jane watched me for a moment, then leaned forward and locked her eyes on mine. “Well, I might not be able to help with the rest of it, but what possible reason does Jesse have to be in France?”