32. Hattie
THIRTY-TWO
Hattie
“What do you mean there’s no plans for Thanksgiving?” Emmy asks in surprise.
“Well, Benny was the one who cooked. Lina can bake, but the rest of us don’t really know what we’re doing.” I sigh.
Thanksgiving used to be Benny’s favorite holiday, every year we’d have a huge dinner at Benny’s house.
She would be in the kitchen for hours, we helped out where we could but she was the one with all the recipes.
The turkey was always huge, and there were half a dozen sides and too many desserts to keep track of.
She’d have us rotate in and out, watching the parade and helping her.
We mostly did dishes or cut things for her, but she was the mastermind behind all the recipes.
I always thought she’d leave them to me someday, but I choose to believe she didn’t get a chance.
When Bells gave me the letter from her a few months ago, I sort of thought it might have a clue to where she put them, but it was mostly just a goodbye instead.
“I’d offer to cook here, but there isn’t enough room in your kitchen to cook more than two things in the oven or on the stove.” Emmy frowns.
“It’s okay, we can order from the diner or just go out. It’s not a big deal,” I lie.
“No way.” Emmy shakes her head. “I’ll take care of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you trust me?” she asks.
“Oh God, that doesn’t sound like a good sign.” I groan.
“Just trust me to take care of it. I’ll be back in a bit. I have something to do.” Emmy looks around the room, making sure Ollie isn’t hiding somewhere before kissing my cheek chastely. She grabs her coat and shoes before rushing out the front door.
Ever since our date night that had ended in our escapade on the washing machine Emmy and I had been sneaking PDA when Ollie wasn’t around.
It was cute, and a little bit hot. The other day, we snuck upstairs to “clean the bathroom” and made out while Ollie watched a movie.
It was like sexy foreplay just knowing we could possibly get caught.
Truth be told, I was relieved with how easy things had been going with Emmy.
She makes me feel relaxed in all the ways I used to find stress.
When she’s with Ollie, I know that he’s safe and being cared for, which makes it a lot easier to get work done.
She checks in a bit, but I know when she’s not it’s because she’s having fun with him.
Which has also made it easier on me when it comes to Christopher.
He has been avoiding me since that night at the bar—simple texts instead of long phone calls.
And not once has he mentioned his lawyer or going through court again.
I haven’t had much of a chance to talk about it with Emmy yet, because if Ollie isn’t around, we’re busy taking advantage of our alone time.
Either taking our clothes off or talking about us.
I don’t want to bring up something that I know will spoil the mood.
When Emmy still isn’t back, I check on Ollie.
He was hard at work in the living room, putting together one of the science experiment kits I had found him.
I have a bin in the kitchen full of ready to go kits, so when it’s time to work on science, he just grabs them.
I used to oversee things like this, but he likes it better when he can come to me for help instead.
I think it makes him feel more grown up if he doesn’t have me there. He smiles at me and waves me over.
“I was just about to call you!” he says.
“Oh, yeah?” I ask, sitting on the couch. He’s on the floor next to the coffee table holding one piece of what looks like cardboard. On the table is a bunch of straws and string.
“I need help tracing my hand. I did the right one, but I wanted to make the left too,” he explains.
“Of course.” I nod.
Ollie puts his hand on the cardboard, and I trace it with the pencil he hands me. Then he moves his hand, and starts cutting it out.
“What are you making?” I ask. Sometimes I remember what I put together, but right now it looked like a collage of trash.
“Robot hands!” he says excitedly.
I nod, interested to see how this will turn out.
He goes back to work, and I stay on the couch—watching.
He’s trying and practicing things before making final gluing, and I’m impressed.
I knew he’s smart, but I can also see how much he loves this challenge.
His brain is working overtime right now just trying to figure this experiment out.
By the end of it, he has two working robot hands.
Made by straws, string and his own handprints, he can make the fingers move by pulling the strings.
“Where’s Emmy? I wanna show her!” he says excitedly.
Realizing she isn’t back yet, I start to wonder.
“I’m not sure, she said she’d be back soon though,” I say.
“Maybe she went to the bookstore. She likes to go there sometimes and hang out,” Ollie says, and I laugh. He has a point, she might be there picking up a new book.
But I think about Thanksgiving again and get an ache in my chest. I don’t want to put any pressure on having a Thanksgiving dinner this year, because it only reminds everyone of who we lost. If I had her recipes or could even cook, I could host, but I wouldn’t want to bring it up only to push it onto someone else.
I know everyone is coping with the loss in their own way, but it’s been lonely not talking about Benny the way we used to.
It was almost like she was a ghost that we couldn’t talk about.
Even Ollie has stopped bringing her up as much as he used to.
Emmy walks back into the house, a big smile on her face. But before I can ask what’s going on, Ollie jumps up and shows her the robot hands he made. She’s tugging off her coat and boots while he’s explaining how he made it.
“I did it all by myself! Mama just helped me trace but I did it all! Do you like them!?” Ollie asks, jumping up and down.
“I love them! So cool!” Emmy smiles. “Do you think I could talk to mommy for just a moment? It’s about boring grown-up stuff.”
“Okay, but then can we play dinosaurs? I think I can pick them up with the robot hands,” Ollie says.
“Of course.” Emmy nods.
Ollie disappears upstairs and Emmy starts cleaning up the mess he made while she waits for him to be out of hearing distance.
“Okay, so I went to talk to your friends and we’re having Thanksgiving at Bells house. I’m going to be cooking with her. She said she can tell Lina about it, but do we need to invite anyone else?” Emmy asks.
“Wait what?” I’m thinking I didn’t hear her correctly.
“Which part?” She frowns.
“Uh, all of it?”
“I drove over to Tilly’s house and she wasn’t home, so I drove to Bells house and Tilly was there.
I asked about Thanksgiving and Tilly said the same thing you did, so Bells sent Tilly away and we agreed to host. She has a big kitchen and dining room, plus she can actually cook.
So we’re going to do it together,” Emmy explains.
My eyes start to well with tears. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Emmy reaches for my hands, holding them over her legs.
“I wanted to. I know how much Thanksgiving means to you and Ollie.”
“Ollie?” I ask, confused.
“Shit. I promised I wouldn’t say anything.” Emmy pauses. “He loves Thanksgiving and was afraid to ask you about it because of how sad you are about Benny.”
The tears fall from my cheeks. “Oh.”
Emmy reaches for tissues and hands me the box. “It’s okay. He knows you’re grieving and he’s sad too. But it’s clearly a very important holiday to the both of you. So I want to make sure you have it, even if it can’t look the same as it used to.”
“I thought he might not care about it. I didn’t know he felt that way,” I say, crying.
“Like I said, I wasn’t going to say anything…”
“Mommy?” Ollie is at the bottom of the stairs looking anxiously at me. Emmy and I immediately pull apart and drop hands. “Are you crying?”
“I’m sorry, Love Bug, I am.” I wave him over and he hugs me tightly.
“I’m sorry, Mommy. Why are you sad?” He looks at me with his big brown eyes and I melt.
“I’m just sad about Thanksgiving and Benny,” I admit.
Ollie looks at Emmy, biting his lip. “I told Emmy I was sad about that too.”
“Oh yeah?” I say.
“Yeah, I thought you might be too sad to talk about it. But I miss Benny and I wish she was here.” He starts to cry too, leaning into my chest.
I take a moment, letting the tears fall, and rub his back gently. Emmy looks at me solemnly and mouths, “should I go?” but I shake my head. I need her here right now.
“It’s okay to feel sad about it. Your mom was telling me about her sadness too. So I went to talk to Aunt Tilly and Bells, and we’re going to have Thanksgiving at Bells house. What do you think?” Emmy explains.
“Really?” Ollie looks up at her, wiping his tears off with his shirt.
“Yeah, if that’s okay with you and your mom.” She smiles.
“Is it mom?” Ollie looks back at me. “Wait! Who’s going to cook?” He looks between us.
“Emmy and Bells can, it might not taste exactly the same as Benny’s food but I think it’ll be pretty close,” I say.
“Oh yeah, Emmy is the best cook.” Ollie nods. “Can we make soup?”
Emmy and I laugh, Ollie definitely had an addiction to soup.
“Of course,” Emmy says.
“If you want to talk about Benny, you always can with me, Love Bug. I’m sorry if I haven’t brought her up or gave you the chance to. Sometimes when someone dies it’s hard to talk about them. But talking about them is the only way we can keep their memory alive,” I say.
“I know. I like talking to Emmy about it, she doesn’t get so sad,” Ollie says shyly.
“I understand.” I nod.
“And I love hearing the stories, from both of you,” Emmy adds. “I didn’t know Benny, but she sounds like a great lady.”
“Maybe this year on Thanksgiving we can go around the table and say our favorite Benny memory?” I suggest.
“I’d love that!” Ollie smiles.
“I love you, Love Bug,” I say.
“I love you too, mama.” He hugs me tightly again, but this time he pulls Emmy in too.
I almost gasp. It’s the first time the three of us have had a group hug but the sentiment isn’t lost on me.
I choke back another set of tears, this time happy for how close Ollie is getting with her.
His safety felt by her is obvious in the way he embraces her.
Emmy looks at me with a huge smile, soaking in the hug too.
Ollie squeezed between us while we both rub his back softly.
I relax, being hugged by my two favorite people in the world. I could stay like this forever, but Ollie gets antsy and asks if he can go play with Emmy now. I smile, watching as he takes her by the hand upstairs, feeling happier than I have in a long time.