Chapter 12
ARDEN
ARDEN: I need to tell you something and no one can freak out
BEA: Well that sound ominous
NESSA: Do I need a shovel?
CAL: Dammit – you have the shovels? I thought I lost them
NESSA: We never misplace the important things
BEA: (gif of woman spitting her drink out laughing)
ARDEN: No
ELLA: You need to just say it. You’re making me nervous
ELLA: And I seriously JUST saw you at the Poppy Seed! You didn’t say anything!
ARDEN: I couldn’t
LANA: What’s up buttercup?
ELLISON: I know! Pick me!
NESSA: No one asked you
ELLISON: They should’ve
CAL: Too bad so sad
NESSA: Why don’t you go find a farm animal to adopt…
BEA: Ladies…and Cal…
ELLA: TELL US!
Fingers hovering over the keyboard, I take a deep breath, my phone shaking as I type out the words.
ARDEN: I’m pregnant
NESSA: WHAT??
BEA: CONGRATULATIONS!
CAL: I KNEW IT
BEA: No you didn’t
CAL: Yes I did
LANA: Congratulations! But also – who is the father??
ELLA: Oh this is so exciting! You and Ellison are pregnant together! I guess that’s why you opted out of a coffee today…
NESSA: Can we circle back to who the father is?
ARDEN: Jude Rhodes
BEA: Damn, girl!
LANA: (gif of woman fanning herself)
ELLA: (six fire emoji)
CAL: 1000% yes on the baby daddy
ARDEN: So anyway, did we pick a book for book club this month?
BEA: Oh, you’re the cutest
BEA: Nice try
NESSA: There’s no way we’re letting you go on your way after casually dropping you’re pregnant
LANA: With Jude’s baby
ARDEN: I’m—we’re—still adjusting
ELLA: Are you guys dating?
ARDEN: We’re going to coparent
CAL: Does he know that?
ARDEN: See above.
CAL: Yeah…good luck on “adjusting”
NESSA: Adjusting to the size of that D
LANA: Nessa, have I mentioned how much I adore you?
CAL: We were all thinking it. She just said it
ELLA: Lady balls on that one
LANA: Arden, when are you due?
ARDEN: A little after Ellison. I was having feelings about my mother dating our father and traded a whiskey hangover for a Jude hangover
BEA: That’s so much, sweetie
CAL: (snorts) a Jude hangover #winning
LANA: We’re here for you every step of the way
ELLISON: Sorry, I had to go get a snack and then lost my phone
NESSA: Where was it?
ELLISON: In the freezer
LANA: Naturally
CAL: I have to ping it with my app like six times a day at school
ELLISON: Say something nice to me
CAL: You’re prettier than a sunflower in June
ELLISON: Cheesy
ELLISON: I know it’s a lot, Arden, but I’m so excited we get to do this together!
BEA: Y’all are gonna be the cutest pregnant ladies ever!
BEA: Oh! Maybe you can do one of those maternity shoots together!
LANA: I know a great photographer…
NESSA: (gif of woman with an exaggerated wink)
ELLA: I love your love story
LANA: Thank you! I got lucky
ELLA: We all did
ARDEN: Jude and I are…
BEA: Adorable (heart eye emoji)
NESSA: Fucking?
ELLA: Dating?
ARDEN: Figuring things out
NESSA: Bullshit
ARDEN: You can’t call bullshit—we are most definitely figuring things out
NESSA: And fucking. There’s no chance you’re not climbing that man every chance you get
BEA: Hush! You have to be nice!
NESSA: I am being nice
LANA: Two fuckings and a bullshit means she’s just really happy for you, Arden
NESSA: What she said
BEA: You’re impossible
ELLA: I’m so excited I get to be an aunt again!
ARDEN: Okay well I think this was enough socializing for the day. I’m going to go lie down or something
NESSA: She means have sex with Jude
BEA: Oh my God what is wrong with you?
NESSA: What? I said SEX this time
ELLISON: I fucking love you girls
ELLISON: And you too Cal
CAL: Fucking right
LANA: Amen to that.