Chapter 16 - Arden
ARDEN
Eyes on the Prize-d Cow?
By Arden James
A quiet Saturday turned into allegedly organized mayhem when Jamison Downey’s cows got loose—again—in Blackstone Falls. Curiously, the cows were all adorned with large flashing buttons around their necks labeled one through five.
Miss Thelma Jean and Hal Greene were present and agreed this was the most fun they’d had since Jamison’s last cow-tastrophe. Sheriff Kade was not available to comment but sources at the police station are confident the situation is well in hand.
Or hoof…
Istare at the article. It's a simple distraction. A distraction from the thing I should actually be doing. My phone buzzes—speaking of distractions.
JUDE: True or false—the chocolate peanut butter cups taste different when they do the specialty shapes.
ARDEN: Random…but also true
JUDE: Deacon says they taste the same but I think that’s just because he eats them in one bite
ARDEN: The egg shaped ones are the best
JUDE: Agreed
I’m thankful for the momentary reprieve, but it’s not enough to save me from what I have to do.
I need to tell my mother I’m pregnant.
I should have told her the moment I found out, because out of everyone in this world, she's the one that should understand. But there’s something about having to admit to her that I made the same mistake that she did all those years ago that I can't shake. She’s never once told me that I wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to her, but what would her life have been if things had been different?
What would our life have looked like if Evan had stayed?
If he had chosen my mom instead of Ellison’s?
Those choices are decades old and I know in my heart I can’t dwell on the past, but it’s that past that brought me to Blackstone Falls.
And it’s that past that acted like a catalyst the night everything happened with Jude.
Tapping my fingers on the side of my laptop, I try and ground myself. I’ve been able to hide my pregnancy for this long, but I can’t wait much more. I brushed off her concern when I was tired or moody saying I was just overworked, and until a few weeks ago, that had been the truth.
Debating only a minute more, I set my computer on the couch beside me and stand, undoing and redoing my hair in a ponytail as I shuffle around the house. With my keys and purse in hand, I step out into the sunshine, the air warm as I get into my car and turn it on.
“One of Them Girls” by Lee Brice plays through the speakers, my hands shaking a little as I put the car in reverse and grip the wheel.
I can do this.
She’s going to understand.
I want to believe that, but the closer I get to her rental, the harder it is to believe it. Pulling over next to a little pay here stand with glass jars full of freshly cut flowers, I fish a ten from my purse and drop it into the box before selecting one jar for my mom.
I think they’re dahlias. The huge blooms with pink and orange petals look cheerful as it’s a girl whispers in my mind. I know it’s too soon to tell, but I feel it in my bones.
We’re gonna be okay.
Placing the flowers on the passenger seat, I drive the last few minutes to the small white, farmhouse-style rental with the red front door and shutters.
My mother has already tackled the flowerbeds, something that brings me absolutely no joy because I hate weeding.
They look great; maybe I can convince her to do mine.
Parking the car, I grab the flowers and push open the door.
“I wasn’t expecting you today,” my mother says, her dark hair pulled back into a low bun, as she waves from the front porch.
“Yeah.” I smile, joining her. “I wanted to talk to you about something but I stopped and grabbed these on the way.”
“Oh, they’re beautiful!” She beams, pulling me in for a hug before leading me into the house. “Is everything all right?”
The question comes from over her shoulder, her back to me as she sets the jar on the island.
It’s now or never.
And never isn’t an option.
“I’m pregnant.”
She freezes, her body stock-still as she turns slowly toward me, her lips parted and her eyes wide. “You’re pregnant?” Her voice shakes as her eyes drop to my belly, the loose sweatshirt hiding the bump. “How far along are you?”
“Almost twelve weeks.”
“Twelve weeks?!” she parrots, an octave higher as she blinks. “Who is the father?”
“Jude Rhodes.”
“The owner of that bar? Jesus, Arden, do you even know him? He’s the complete opposite of your father. All those tattoos and—”
“Yes, I know him,” I snap, my hackles rising as I cut her off. “And what does my father have to do with anything? He wasn’t around—you raised me entirely on your own.”
“That’s my point. How do you know he’s reliable? You can’t just jump into a relationship with a man just because you’re having a baby with him.”
“I am not just jumping into a relationship, Mom. Jude and I are both adults. He’s been great and we’re figuring things out.”
“Figuring things out? You’re going to have a baby. God, I never wanted this for you,” she says, resting her palm against her cheek.
“Because I was such a burden?”
“What? No. You were never a burden but that doesn’t mean I didn’t struggle. I didn’t have anyone I could rely on and—”
“And I’m a financially stable adult with a place to live and family and friends that are over the moon for me,” I cry, ignoring the way she flinches. “Even if Jude and I are only ever friends, he’s in this with me. He’s excited and at least he’s going to stick around.”
“This is all so sudden,” she manages, her eyes welling with tears.
“It is and I’ve struggled every day with it, but you know what? I was finally starting to be excited.”
“Arden, you should be. That’s not what I meant—”
“I don’t care what you meant,” I tell her, spinning on my heels and heading for the door. “And now I need to leave before I say something I can’t take back.”
“Arden, please,” she calls as I race to my car, shutting myself inside as I turn the key in the ignition.
I have to blink away the tears as I back out of the driveway, and I see my mother’s hand pressed to her mouth as she watches me leave.
It’s not okay.
I’m not okay.
Tapping the phone button on the wheel, I swallow hard and do the only thing that makes sense as I say, “Call Jude Rhodes.”