Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Crew
“ Y ou don’t have to come inside with me if you do not want to.” I threaded my fingers with Aria’s, dread settling in my gut.
I didn’t want to walk inside that building. I wanted to walk away and leave all family obligations behind. And while I could do that with most things, I wasn’t sure I could do that with the man whose blood ran in my veins.
“If you don’t want me to go inside, I won’t. But you’re the one who repeatedly tells me that I don’t have to do everything on my own. That I have an entire support system. And you were always not so quietly by my side even when I didn’t realize I needed help. So let me be that pillar you lean on when it’s too much.”
We stood in the parking lot of the memory care center, and I turned, our hands still clasped, and I used my free one to push aside a strand of her hair. “You were always too busy saving everybody else to worry about yourself. Somebody had to do it.”
“Next time just talk directly into a mirror when you say that.”
I let out a sigh before I began pacing in front of the entrance. I let go of Aria’s hand, only because she stood back watching me. “I want to get my car and take you away from here. I don’t want to go in there.”
“Then we don’t.” She said it so simply but we both knew it was anything but. Yet she’d risk the world for me. Just like I’d do for her.
I had no idea how I’d been able to pretend to hate her for so long when all along it was this fiery passion and love I had for her.
This woman.
And that meant I didn’t want her to have to face my demons—ones I didn’t want in my life to begin with.
“Doesn’t that make me a terrible person? That’s my dad in there.” I pointed toward the glass doors. Nobody was outside, and with the angle we were at, the only people who could see us were those in the security booth. What would they think of my hesitancy? They probably had tons to say, then again, if they knew who that man was, maybe they would be on my side .
Aria moved closer then, her hand outstretched to cup my cheek. I paused in my pacing at her touch. “That man is your genetic donor. You know that. I’ve only met him a few times, and you always got me out of there since it was too much for everyone involved. You protected all of us before he showed his true colors. But I know so many of your stories. Of the way he would belittle you. Of the way he wouldn’t stand up for you but would shower your mother in affection after she did such terrible things to you.”
“Why can’t we just quit them?” I ground out. I ran my hands through her hair, knowing she was my anchor even though it might be too much for either of us.
Aria slid her hands over my chest, her fingertips playing with a small thread on my shirt. “In your case it’s because there is a sad man in there who doesn’t remember the terrible things he did. You’re not here for your mother, as she feels it’s easy to walk away when it’s too much. And it’s hard for me to even hear her name without wanting to claw her eyes out for what she did to you. She deserves to be in a jail cell. Not able to walk around this community with her head held high as people pity her for what her husband is going through. They don’t know the truth of the viper beneath her skin. But we do. Our family does. We’re not going to let her hurt you. ”
It was such a role reversal, her trying to protect me. It didn’t feel right. I wanted to be the one to protect her, and here I was, ready to drag her into the lion’s den that was this center with the man who had hurt me just as much as my mother even though it was rarely with his fists.
“Sometimes I feel like my dad is in his own prison. He can’t remember the terrible things he did, but he can’t remember himself. As he faces his own mortality and can’t remember the path of hate and fear he paved. Because that’s what this disease robs you of. It’s taking away a man who hated me and leaving behind a shell that doesn’t understand the complexity of how I feel. Hell, I don’t even understand.”
I’d never bared myself like this to anyone. Of course it would be Aria. There was only one person it could have ever been.
“We can walk away right now. You don’t owe him anything. But you do owe yourself. If you need closure, we will help you get it. I just want to keep you safe. Just like you always tried to do for me.”
I pushed her hair back from her face once more, wanting to kiss her, to hold her. I loved her so much in that moment, it was hard for me to focus.
I didn’t even know when I had first felt that pull toward her. That feeling had always been there, something I had hidden, pushed down. But it had always floated under the surface, waiting for me to acknowledge its insistence. And in the end, I couldn’t ignore it. Because here she was, the woman who had wrapped herself around every ounce of my being. And I never wanted to let her go.
Only I knew once we walked through those doors, she could get hurt.
So what kind of love was that?
I let out a gruff breath. “The nurse sounded scared. Or worried. Let’s just see what happens, and I’ll take it day by day.”
“Okay then. But you’re not doing it alone.”
I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers, just a soft caress to remind me I had someone to come home to. Though she didn’t technically live with me. She might stay at my place more than I stayed at hers, but we were still separate. Still trying to navigate this new facet of our relationship.
I wanted so much, even though I was afraid to grasp it. That hope.
I once again tangled my fingers with hers and we walked inside the memory care center.
“Hi, Linda,” I said to the familiar desk nurse.
She gave me a small smile before turning her attention to Aria. “Hello, you two. Crew, we have you all set up, I just need you to sign in. And who is this?”
“I’m Aria Montgomery. A friend of Crew’s.”
“Aria is my girlfriend, Linda.” I squeezed Aria’s hand, and she gave me a soft smile. “I already have her and a few of her family members on the list.”
Aria widened her eyes as Linda smiled. “No problem. Let’s get you set up with a visitor pass, and the doctor should be out soon to talk to you.”
I ran my thumb along Aria’s hand, once again needing that anchor. “Anything I should know?”
“It’s just been a hard day.”
At that solemn response, we finished signing in and put on our visitor badges. Everything was laminated on nice chains versus a sticky note or anything like that. Only the best for this care center.
Once the doctor and two nurses came out to speak with us, I nodded along, knowing that they were only doing what they thought was best. Because my father was never going to get better. They had to have an inkling of the difficult relationship I had with that man, but they still told me the inevitable. Only I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with the information. Soon he’d have to be moved to another center with specialized care, but I didn’t want that decision in my hands. It should have been in my mother’s. I couldn’t help but think this was another way for my mother to hurt me. It had taken me far too long to realize that. It was as if there was nothing left for me. The trainwreck of my childhood hadn’t fostered the adult sense of self that could carry this burden—but the ones I met outside my house of terror had been there nonetheless.
We made our way into the formal living room where my dad sat in his favorite chair staring out of the bay window. I did not know what he looked at, but he loved that angle.
He had thrown books, his food, and any item he could get his hands on earlier and had broken another window in the building. He had screamed and shouted, before finally calming down, and was only now allowed to sit here with two burly orderlies watching.
I nearly tripped over my feet when I realized that he wasn’t the only one in the room.
“It took you far too long to get here.”
As I hadn’t been expecting her, I flinched at the venom in my mother’s tone. She stood off to the side, staring out another window. She had on her pantsuit and high heels, her twenty-thousand-dollar bag on her elbow. I knew she had jewelry that was probably worth more than a small house covering her. As well as the two-thousand-dollar perfume she drenched herself in.
I liked nice things. I knew how to spend money. Hell, the jeans I wore were a couple hundred dollars because the cheaper ones I used to wear would wear out too quickly, and I decided to find a nice pair that would last. I knew my privilege.
But my mother lorded it.
I think what she wore bothered me because she was only skin deep. With poison beneath.
“I didn’t realize you could walk through those doors,” I volleyed back.
Aria squeezed my hand.
“Don’t get snippy with me. Your father needs you.”
“I do not.” I turned as my father stood up, vitriol on his face. Pure hatred. “You are no son of mine. For all I know, your mother spread her legs for some lowlife. My true son would have more meat to them. More dignity. Instead you’re covered with ink, paint, and have a whore by your side.”
I was moving forward before I even realized it, and Aria pulled me back.
“He’s not worth it,” she reminded me, and I froze.
Because beating up an old and feeble man when all I wanted to do was drown the memories themselves truly wouldn’t help anything. “If this is all tonight is going to be about, I am done.”
My father narrowed his gaze toward Aria. “I remember this girl. They tell me I don’t. But I do. She was always lapping at your heels. She probably wants your inheritance. Make sure she’s good in bed before you give her anything though. Just because they can suck your cock doesn’t make them worth a ring. She’s pretty enough, but not from good stock. She’s good for the side, but you need to marry well to keep the family name going.”
My dad continued on rambling, and I finally realized that I didn’t care. He could lash out at me constantly, but the moment he said anything about Aria, I was done. Completely done.
“Don’t call again.” I turned to head out, a quiet Aria at my side. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat and it was only Aria’s presence keeping me steady in this moment.
My mother’s voice brought me back to the nightmare that was my bloodline. “He might be sick, but he’s telling the truth. You have responsibilities to this family.”
I turned to her, chest tight. “You had a responsibility to raise me. Not to treat me like shit. Not to beat me.” She looked around since we weren’t alone in the room, but I didn’t care who saw her for who she truly was. “You hit me, slapped me. Pushed me down the stairs. You used Dad’s belt. You made me put my face over the steam coming off a boiling pot of water. You and Dad did all you could to belittle me and torture me to the point that I had zero self-esteem. If it wasn’t for her family, I would be dead right now.” I gestured toward Aria, knowing she had her chin lifted by my side. “We both know that. Maybe that’s what you wanted, but from what I’m seeing, you want some kind of legacy? No. I’m not going to be your legacy. Fuck you. Fuck him. I don’t care what happens anymore. I don’t care what you want. Everything you have ever done to me, the lashes, the words, they took their toll. Fine, you went there. But I am done now. I don’t care what you try to take from me, because I have already made myself without you. I have who I need. So fuck you.”
“You are such a vulgar human being. Did you teach him that?” my mother asked as she turned to the woman I loved by my side.
“I’m pretty sure the words that constantly flow out of your mouth did that.” Aria raised her chin before I could defend her. “You are a sorry excuse for a mother. You are supposed to love your children. Protect them. But you couldn’t even protect him from yourself. And you’re still doing it. I get that you might be scared about what’s happening in your life right now, but hurting your son repeatedly isn’t the answer. So if you want to come at him again, you are going to have to come through me. And everyone in my family. You do not get to hurt him anymore.”
I moved forward and gripped her shoulder. “That’s enough, baby. We can go. She’s not worth it.”
Aria glared at me as my mother stared at us both, such anger in her expression I couldn’t process who the hell this woman was. But Aria wasn’t done. “You don’t have to defend me anymore because she doesn’t matter.”
My mother finally broke in. “If I don’t matter, then why did you send the police to my home? Why did you have them question me like I’m common trash, like this little girl. I had nothing to do with harming your precious cars. Cars that my family’s money paid for.”
The woman who occasionally claimed to be my mother was lucky I refused to lay a hand on her. I wasn’t that person, and I wouldn’t become who’d she’d tried to mold me into. “First, I paid for everything in that garage with my money. With money I made from my art. That silly little hobby you hated. I guess I should thank you for not letting me starve and putting me out of the house when I was a little kid like you kept threatening. Because that roof you gave me over my head until I was sixteen allowed me to get through most of school and learn how to paint. Thank you for not killing me.” The sarcasm dripping through my tone was so thick I could practically feel it in the air. “But there’ s a reason the cops talked to you. Because I don’t trust you. You might not have stuck a knife in my tires, but you have done so many other things. We’re done. I’m done with all of this.”
I swallowed the emotion in my throat as I turned to my dad. Only I knew he couldn’t recognize me again. That odd look he got in his eyes when he thought I was a stranger came back, and part of me wanted to cry. Because he wouldn’t remember me. His own son. Yet wasn’t that a good thing in some aspects? If he couldn’t remember me, he couldn’t hate me.
And that was the family I came from.
Not the family that tried to protect
“Goodbye, Dad. Goodbye.” My voice nearly broke at the last word, and I turned, taking Aria with me. I tossed the visitor’s badges in the bin next to the desk, ignoring the pitying looks on everyone’s faces. Honestly, I was surprised they had let it go on for as long as they had. But perhaps they knew if it didn’t happen now, it would happen again. It was inevitable after all.
I slammed my way out of the building, Aria on my heels.
When I got to my SUV, I stood there, chest heaving.
“Crew, baby. I’m sorry for what they said. They had no right to hurt you.”
“Don’t be sorry. You had nothing to do with it. You didn’t even have to defend me.” I turned to her, throat tight. “I’m sorry my parents are such horrible people that they can’t see who you are.”
“They could never see who you were.”
“I should take you home.” My chest ached, hollow. I couldn’t have Aria near me and taint her anymore. Couldn’t she see where I’d come from? She didn’t deserve that.
Her brows furrowed. “And what, leave me there? No. I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to stand here and talk and you’re going to lean on me for once. I am not some weak little girl that you have to constantly protect. Let me be the one there for you.”
“Don’t you see that I’m nothing but a stain on you and your family? That is where I came from. A woman who was going to gaslight every single fucking person in there to the point that I’m the bad guy. She wouldn’t even walk through those doors before now, and suddenly she will have them wrapped around her finger. But that’s what she does. Money talks, and she is fluent.”
Aria tilted her head as she studied me. “She doesn’t have any of us wrapped around her finger. You know that.”
“Only because she thinks all of you are beneath her anyway. That is who my mother is. And that glimpse you saw of my father? That’s who he always was beneath the surface and behind closed doors. Before this disease started to rip him from his own psyche. That is who I am. Who I came from. People who are so cruel it’s comical.”
“No, that’s who they are. We are not the summation of our parents. Maybe we can take some of the good things, some of the tics. But in the end, we are who we make ourselves. And don’t forget, you have been friends of the Montgomerys for long enough to take some of their traits. We wouldn’t be with you— I wouldn’t be with you if you didn’t come out of that horrible home as a good person.”
Why wasn’t she getting this? “I’m not a good person, Aria. I treated you like shit because it was easier than having you. Easier than telling you I wanted you. I wanted you when you were with other people. How is that a good person?”
“I didn’t say we were perfect. I am not perfect. I don’t want perfect. I want you.” Her lips twitched even as her eyes narrowed.
I snorted. “Well I’m far from perfect.”
“I don’t care. I’m far from perfect. But I want you to know that you are not your parents. I hate them. I want to go in and shank them. But that would only somehow make them feel better because then they can put me into jail. Just like Travis did with you. They don’t matter. Your mother is never going to change. And I don’t have any words for your father. Because I know it’s a devastating thing to see. But you cannot come out of there and think that I’m just going to let you walk away from me because of some stupid words your parents said. I don’t care what they think of me. I care what you think.”
“I want to hurt them for saying those things about you.” I cupped her face again, rage going through my body. “And I’m the reason you had to deal with it anyway. They could have hurt you because of me.”
“What they said means nothing. All that matters is what you and I say to each other. I’m sorry that might be the last time you ever see them. And yet, I’m not. Because every time you come here a little part of you dies inside and I don’t want that for you anymore. You deserve more.”
She saw so damn much it terrified me. “I don’t know what to say. I never want to go back.”
“Then you won’t. But I have one more thing to ask.” She met my gaze, and I swallowed hard. “What is she talking about with your cars?”
I flinched, realizing that I hadn’t told her yet. Things had happened too quickly, and now I had messed up. “The night Lex dropped me off somebody had broken into the garage and destroyed every single tire they could get to.” I explained everything that happened, including setting up more security.
Each word seemed to cement the anger on Aria’s face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to tell you today. And then we came here instead.”
“Let me get this straight. Everybody in my family that works for the security company knows. The cops know. Lex knows. I’m sure other people have details. But you didn’t tell me. Why? Because you didn’t think I could handle it?”
“Of course not.” I paused. “I was just tired of so much shit coming at us. I just wanted one night where we could just be.”
“I get the concept of that. I really do. But you yelled at me because I didn’t know how to tell you about the texts from Travis. And I was wrong. I should’ve told you. He hasn’t texted again thankfully, but I would tell you. So I need you to tell me when bad things happen. We can’t make this work if we’re afraid of hurting the other person with our own burdens.”
“I just want you safe,” I whispered.
“I’m safer with information. You were with me when I made the wrong decision. And I’m with you.”
“Good. Because I love you,” I blurted.
“Well I love you too,” she shouted .
And then we stood there, staring at one another, a smile slowly covering my face. “You love me?”
“You love me too. And it feels kind of apropos yelling it at each other for the first time.”
And just like that, all thoughts of anger, denial, and pain backed away for the moment. And I cupped her face. “I love you. So much so that it’s hard for me to remember when it started. And I have no idea how to love someone, Aria. You’re going to have to help me out, okay?”
Tears slid down her cheeks as she nodded. Then she slid her fingers in my belt loops and pulled me closer. “I can do that. Because I’ve never loved someone either. Not like this. And it’s really scary. Terrifying even. But I’m not going anywhere, Crew. Even when we are scared that something in our lives could hurt the other. I’m in. All in.”
And with that, I crushed my lips to hers, ignoring the rest of the world.
And just this once, the world let me.