Chapter 25
Fitz
Seven Months Pregnant
I rush to get past Santa Barbara and onto the coast highway before afternoon traffic hits. So far, so good. The cars are moving, and I sneak a few glances to my right and see the calm blue Pacific out the window as I head south.
Tessa asked that we have at least one date down in LA so she can show me why she likes it there so much.
I didn’t even consider saying no. City life is not my cup of tea, but I want to see it through her eyes.
She’s doing the hard work, driving up here all the time while pregnant, facing her fears, and getting on a horse.
I don’t have the luxury of coming down on a Saturday or Sunday because that’s when I meet with the restaurant owners and personally deliver their produce.
So it’s an out and back on a Friday, and let’s be honest, I don’t give a shit what we do.
I just want to see her. It’s the first time I’ve been down here in a month because her job has kept her in LA and I’ve been busy at the ranch.
Enough time for us both to be reminded that we have separate lives.
Enough time for us to drift back to our old ways, at least in my case.
Last night was particularly brutal with Chad passed out at the Hitching Post and me spending the night on his couch to make sure he didn’t go wandering around in a blackout state. The kind of shit that Tessa doesn’t need to see.
Maybe it was a good reminder that when I open myself up a little bit, it can lead to an avalanche of emotions and me spreading my mess far and wide. Next comes promises I can’t keep. I refuse to do that to Tessa.
I haven’t explained any of this outright, but maybe today is the time to do that.
A couple of hours later, I show up in Tessa’s driveway holding my backpack. Her house is a tidy Spanish bungalow with red geraniums growing in flower boxes on the porch, dark wood trim around the windows, and a bright red front door.
“Got everything.” She gave me a list of items to bring, and I threw every one of them into my pack, but in my worn jeans and a long-sleeved tee, I probably look like I belong on my ranch, not some fancy restaurant or wherever she plans to take me.
“Good job.” She smiles, looking relaxed and comfortable, and I tell myself to chill.
LA is just another place. Yes, it’s urban, and there will probably be hipsters at every turn drinking matcha lattes and walking into me because they’re busy texting, but I’m only here for one person. I’ll just focus on her.
Tessa ushers me through the house quickly, but I slow to take in the framed posters with sayings like “Keep calm, coffee on” and the bright-colored throw pillows with cats on them. One is wearing a space helmet, and the other is eating a baguette. Ridiculous. Charming. So her.
I tuck away these little observations, nuggets of information that tell me who she is.
Large glass doors lead to her back deck, where a full coffee cup sits on a round metal table. Metal candle holders are orderly, pillows fluffed.
“I figured you’ve been driving for two hours, might need a pick-me-up.
” She hands me the coffee, her fingers brushing softly against mine.
My pulse quickens at her touch, and I breathe easier now that I’m around her.
“Make yourself comfortable.” She points at a set of wicker chairs flanking the table and starts to take a seat herself.
“Hang on.” I grab her hand and pull her in front of me. “Lemme see that bump.”
She smooths her shirt over her belly, which looks like she’s smuggling a basketball underneath. “I’m huge. I keep trying to sleep on my side, but somehow in the middle of the night, I roll and wake up pinned under my stomach.”
“Wish I could be here to roll you back onto your side, Duchess.” I put a hand on her stomach, and she looks down proudly.
I feel a rolling ripple run sideways beneath her skin. I jerk my hand away in surprise but replace it just as quickly, absorbing another little kick.
“Whoa. That was a whole foot.” Up until now, I’ve felt little flutters of movement under her taut skin, but this is different. There’s force behind the kick. It’s a real person in there.
“I know, right? Little linebacker.” Tessa looks elated, but it’s nowhere near the awe I feel. I rub her stomach protectively, my heart filling with emotion over this milestone.
I nod and swallow hard. Over the past several months, I’ve known the baby was in there growing and changing—we have ultrasound photos and Tessa’s growing belly to prove it—but this is something else. A little foot connecting with my hand. A little person making its way toward us.
The movement inside her stops, and we both wait.
“Say something again,” she urges.
“What should I say?” I wait for the baby to kick again, but I get nothing.
“I don’t know. Say something sweet about how you wish you could be here. That seemed to do it before.”
I rack my brain, which suddenly feels devoid of all thought. “Well, of course, I wish I could be here. Do you think the baby understands what I’m saying, Duchess?” I get a hearty kick on the last word. “Aw. He or she seems to like it when I call you Duchess.”
“That makes two of us.” She smiles, and the dimple in her cheek pops. I bend down and kiss her. Tender and sweet. A connection between us.
“Mm, I missed you,” she sighs.
“Me too,” I admit. I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss her, but I remind myself to tamp down my feelings. I can’t afford to jeopardize our friendship and the future of our child.
I drink in her lips once more, kissing her the way I’ve been dreaming about for a month, but then I pull away.
Her eyes search mine when I back off, so I look at the ground. I don’t know how to tell her how painfully my heart strains inside my chest. I don’t dare tell her I fucking love her when I can’t move to LA or make good on any sort of promises I’d want to give her.
So I say nothing. Like a goddamn coward. All the more proof I don’t belong in a relationship.
She clears her throat and forces a smile, and I do the same.
Sitting in one of the chairs, she sips from her cup. “You drinking coffee?” I ask. She’d told me she gave up coffee a while back.
“It’s decaf. I still love the taste, and I was missing it, so this is my compromise.” Her eyes sparkle, and I can tell she’s been waiting to tell me something. I hope it’s a clue about what we’re doing because I have a very strange list of items in my bag.
“You gonna tell me why I brought all this?” I point at my backpack.
“In a sec. First, I have some news. Ask me what I’ve been working on, why I’ve been keeping such long hours at work?”
“What are you working on?”
“I met with the partners at work, and they’ve agreed that we can file a class action suit against the Tomahawk Corporation as a pro bono case.”
She seems excited but I have no idea what it means. “In English, please?”
“It means my firm will allow me to be the lawyer on the case, but we won’t charge anything. The firm takes a few cases like this each year, and I pitched this one to them. So no one in Willow Springs has to pay us, but I can represent everyone at once.”
Her generosity fills my heart. “Are you serious? You’d do that?”
“Heck yeah. I will do. I can’t promise we’ll win, but there’s plenty of precedent in other cases where the court has ruled against a big company.
And I want to try.” There’s a new fire in her eyes that I’ve never seen when she talks about her job.
The pale blue flares with a “don’t mess with me” fierceness.
“I love that you’re not afraid to go up against Goliath.”
She nods. “I’m not. I’m excited. Maybe for the first time since I started practicing law. This case feels important. And I think I can win, or at least give it everything I have.”
I rack my brain to think of reasons her plan won’t work, but every time something is on the tip of my tongue, I reel it in. Eventually, I’ve been silent for so long that Tessa gives me a nudge with her foot.
“You okay there, Tex?”
“More than okay. You are a rock star.”
“Well, maybe. Let’s wait until a judge rules in your favor before you say that, but I think our chances are good.
And I hate the idea that a big company like that is taking all the resources just because it did so in the past. The worst thing is that you’re all pitted against each other. It shouldn’t be that way.”
She’s right, but I never thought I’d find a hotshot LA lawyer who’d take the case.
Tessa heaves herself out of her chair and picks up my backpack, weighing it in her hands as if to test its worth. “So…did you bring everything?”
I run a hand through my hair, still baffled by the list of items.
“I did, but for the life of me, I have no idea why I need all of this.” I empty the contents of the backpack onto her table. She laughs when she sees the pair of heavy gloves that are practically oven mitts, a warm sweatshirt, a baseball hat and sunglasses, and an overflowing photo album.
I also take out the pair of toy handcuffs in Barbie pink and a giant bag of chocolate chips I’ve been instructed to bring.
“You really do follow instructions. I love it.”
“I fear I’m getting punked or something.” I hold up the handcuffs. “Care to explain?”
She grins and shakes her head. I spent the better part of the drive down here telling myself to keep my paws off her, but I can’t help myself.
I drag her chair closer and tickle her until she screeches with laughter, but I keep shaking my head.
“Not gonna tell! I’ll admit there might be a red herring in there. Or two.”
I hope it’s the handcuffs.
Actually, I hope it’s not.
“Fine.” I release her regretfully and settle into the chair, putting my feet up on the rail of the deck and taking in the view of the cityscape that stretches out below.
It’s an urban view, but I can see how it offers an escape, being up here looking down.
It’s not so different from the views of mountains and trees where I took her on the horse.