Chapter 5 #3
He deserved that. “It’s not a problem, exactly.” She shook her head a little. “But, about…before.”
“When we kissed?”
“It felt like more than a kiss.” Her voice was uneven. She cleared her throat, tried to calm her nerves. “It felt like a prelude to something.”
“Something we agreed we would not happen,” he finished for her.
She pressed her teeth into her lower lip and nodded.
“Perhaps that was a stupid promise. Perhaps we should instead say that sex between us means nothing. That no matter what happens physically, we know this marriage is fake.”
She turned back to the view, because it was almost impossible to have this conversation whilst looking right at him.
He was too handsome, too desirable. She was losing herself in his gaze.
“The thing is,” she said, unevenly, “I’m not…
” she cleared her throat again before forcing herself to spit out what she wanted to say.
“I’m not familiar with sexual chemistry. ”
“What does that mean?” he asked, then, with a soft laugh. “Are you trying to tell me you’re a twenty-four year old virgin?”
Just the way he asked the question showed her how ridiculous this was. She was mortified. Quickly, she spun away from him, shielding the hurt on her face. But she heard his soft curse, in his native tongue, and a second later, he’d moved his body to stand in front of her.
“You’re a virgin,” he repeated, this time, his tone held confusion and amazement. “Is that what you’re telling me?”
She jerked her head once, still not meeting his gaze.
“How? Why?”
She groaned, turning away from him, but his hand caught her arm and gently spun her back. “Stop running away from me.”
Her throat was thick. She hesitated then nodded her agreement. “I just…am.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Why not?”
“Because you are a very sensual, very beautiful woman.”
Consternation brought her brows together. “Only with you.”
He stared at her without reacting, except for a pulse point at the base of his jaw, that was throbbing visibly.
“I’ve just never…felt like I wanted to, you know. I’ve never met anyone who’s made me…want things.”
“I see.” He moved his body then, closer to hers, resting one hand on her hip, one powerful leg sliding a little way between hers, so a burst of awareness flared through her, reinforcing why they were having this conversation. “But you do, with me.”
It was a statement, rather than a question, yet she nodded anyway.
“And that scares you?”
She considered that carefully. “It doesn’t scare me,” she said, finally. “But I am way out of my depth.” She sucked in an uneven breath. “I don’t think I would have been able to stop what was happening in there.” She shifted her head ever so slightly, indicating the room behind them.
He nodded thoughtfully. “So you’re asking me to have enough willpower for both of us?”
A smile flickered the corners of her lips. “I guess so.”
“What if it’s not possible?”
Her smile slipped.
“I have a confession.”
“You’re a virgin, too?” she said, but the joke fell flat because something was pulling on her nerves, making her feel tense.
“I have the experience you lack,” he demurred, lifting a hand and holding her cheek then tilting her face a little, so he could look directly into her face.
Her heart began to thump, slow and hard at first and then fast, like a bird was trapped inside her body.
“But this is new to me. You are new to me.”
“What does that mean?”
“I enjoy sex, Allegra, but I never lose control. I never look at a woman and want her in a way that drives me to distraction.”
The bird in her chest beat its wings harder. “But?”
“But with you,” he said, simply. And there was no need for him to continue. She understood. The chemistry they shared was exactly that: shared. It pulsed equally inside of them, threatening to take over if they let it. “You drive me crazy.”
“I’m sorry.”
He laughed, a deep, husky sound that made her stomach twist into knots of desire. “Don’t be. If you were anyone else—,”
“If I were not your wife?” she couldn’t help asking, tone droll.
“Yes,” it sobered him. “Our marriage is the complication. Without it, we would be free to explore this, to enjoy it for a time.”
A time. A short time, she guessed. Luca seemed like someone who would stave off commitment however he could.
“I just don’t know how to be around you and not…”
“Want to rip my clothes off?” he teased.
She nodded, flushing to the roots of her hair.
“Then I’ll do my best not to let you. I don’t want to hurt you, Ally, and I don’t want to be your first.” He dragged his thumb over her lower lip, regret obvious in his features.
“Your lack of experience is even more reason for those rules we spoke about. No sex,” he underscored, but he didn’t move his body from hers. “It’s the only way forward.”
She nodded, but inside, a thousand and one arrows were darting through her, making her want more than she’d ever known possible. She knew he was right, but suddenly, what she wanted more than anything was to go to bed with Luca—as soon as humanly possible.