Chapter Nine #2
“I like them,” Clara said truthfully. She felt they lent an air of sophistication to his beautiful features and emphasized his untamed eyes rather than hid them.
Even if she did not say as much, her words seemed to please him because his mouth tilted in a partial smile.
Unfortunately, the smile was not quite the one she’d witnessed last night as he hovered over her in bed; they seemed to have returned to the types of smiles that did not reach his eyes.
Her husband was not cold—he’d always been anything but cold to her (goading, badgering, intentionally inciting, but never outright cold)—but…
removed. By her judgment, he’d seemed pleased with her in his bed the prior night, even if he had stopped short of completing the marriage consummation…
and he had given her a gift that morning.
She made the conscious decision to move beyond her examination of the nuances in his expression and simply appreciate how far they had come in the past few days.
His behavior had been odd, but perhaps this first morning in Edinburgh might be a new beginning for them.
She reached up and grazed one of the bobs affixed to her ears with reverent appreciation. “I came to thank you for my gift.”
“I am pleased they are to your tastes,” he replied pleasantly. It was followed by a shift in his quicksilver eyes, and she knew instantly that there was more he wished to say. Clara waited patiently for him to continue. “I thought we might have a conversation today.”
Clara tensed, feeling very much like a child about to be lectured. “Is this about yesterday in the carriage? Because I will not apologize. You deserved it—”
“No,” he said, cutting her off with a chuckle.
His eyes lightened for just a second before returning to the storm-cloud gray they’d been when he’d indicated there was something they needed to discuss.
“If the past week alone is any indication, we can look forward to a lifetime of battles and truces. It will certainly keep things interesting.”
Clara forced a farce of a smile, but she was disquieted by the somberness she read in the lines bracketing his beautiful lips—lips that had kissed and licked her so sweetly only hours before.
She may not have cared for Pearce for the vast majority of their acquaintance, but she had still learned to read him well—how best to learn one’s enemy and his weaknesses?
She’d become adept at interpreting his gestures and his expressions, as well as his silences, so she waited expectantly for him to clarify.
He began with a sigh of resignation. “I have been contemplating how to have this conversation with you since the moment it was decided that we would wed. Indeed, we probably should have already spoken of this as, no doubt, it would have explained a great deal of my behavior as of late. I was uncertain how to broach the subject until last night…transpired.”
Rather than feel more enlightened, Clara was simply growing more concerned. What could he possibly want to discuss in regard to what had happened in his chamber?
She interjected, “You have a mistress somewhere? Some depraved hobby? What is it?” The anxiety of it was fraying the last of her stable nerves; the past week had been far too much for even her to handle.
“If you quit rushing to conclusions and interrupting me, then you would know.” Though he scolded her, there was lightness to his tone that disarmed her slightly.
She settled back in her chair, spinning his ring on her finger as she’d done countless times since he’d placed it there during their wedding ceremony. What had begun as a fussing with something unfamiliar had somehow become a way to comfort herself.
Pearce shook his head—more at himself than at her, it seemed.
“I should have known only bluntness would suffice for you and your rampant imagination, Clara…” He leaned toward her.
“The reason I’ve been the way I have, the reason I’ve been hesitant to consummate our marriage is that I do not wish to father children. ”
Her eyebrows twitched as she slowly absorbed his statement.
“But surely there are ways to temporarily prevent conception,” she reasoned.
He choked when she nonchalantly added, “You have no other children by any of your past lovers—neither did Dori—so it stands to reason that there must be preventatives.”
When he finally caught his breath, Pearce said, “I won’t ask how you know all of this—I do not wish to contemplate it. But…you need to know that when I say I do not want to father children, I mean ever. Not with any woman. Not just yourself.”
Her lips parted in shock when the weight of his meaning sank in. “Never?”
He shook his head.
“What about your title?”
“It will pass to a distant cousin.”
“But why—”
“I have my reasons,” he snapped before that path of questioning could be traveled too far. “I think it is only fair that you be made aware of this decision.”
“Fair?” she croaked. “Fair would have been if I’d been made aware of his inexplicable decision before being committed to a marriage in which I would remain childless. At least then, I would have been consulted.”
“It would not have mattered. The marriage was going to take place either way. Your being privy to my decision ahead of time would only have upset you and made the circumstances more difficult.”
Clara opened and closed her mouth several times as she tried to find her words. How many times had she been made speechless by this man? The tally had surely surpassed an absurd number by now. “Please. I do not understand. Maybe I might be more accepting of your choice if you explain it to—”
“Enough!” He slammed his fist on the upholstered arm of the chair. “I am your husband and owe you no explanation.”
Clara had been the recipient of his annoyance and teasing, perhaps even his frustration, but this was anger—true and untempered. She stopped speaking when faced with that unfamiliar display.
“This is the way things will be, and I’ll not change my mind.” His tone was unlike anything she’d heard from him before—so foreboding and unwelcoming.
Clara looked down at her white-knuckled hands as he raked a hand through his hair. When he spoke again, it was gentler than before.
“This is…not a decision I take likely, and it is not something I discuss. Ever. I apologize if my outburst frightened you; that was not my intention.”
When she looked up at him, there were tears in her eyes.
Even she did not know if they were from pain or anger.
“You did not frighten me; you have just confirmed that there is to be nothing normal about this arrangement. If I did not resent you before for the role you played in altering my future, then I most certainly do now.” She stood and primly smoothed her skirts.
“It seems that you shall have your wish, because it is terribly difficult to conceive a child when your wife bans you from her bed.”
“Clara,” he said as she turned to leave.
He stood and repeated her name when she did not stop.
“We can still have a normal, fulfilling marriage without children; we only need to take some extra precautions.” He approached her and risked reaching out and gently grasping her upper arms. “I think last night proved that we could get on nicely—better even than I’d imagined. ”
“All that proved to me is that you’ve no conscience and few scruples. You…seduced me knowing full well what can never happen. As far as I am concerned, it was a lie, and I care not for liars.” She stepped back from his touch and fled from the room.
Pearce closed his eyes and let his head fall back. That had gone horribly. Not only had he alienated Clara, but he’d quashed all hopes of visiting her bed anytime soon—if ever. He pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the beginnings of a monstrous headache.
Pearce refused to feel guilty for his decision.