Chapter 14
Ace
I slowly rub my bottom lip, the taste of Pidge still lingering even two days later, my heart rate still not down.
The kiss, fuck, it felt so right, so fucking perfect, she tasted divine and all fucking mine.
Caleb giggles, drawing my attention, and I smile slightly, watching as he and Lyra jump onto Cole, Trigger's son. Aisling, one of Tank's beautiful little girls, watches them and laughs, her bright eyes on the pile and my stomach sink a little watching them.
I want this, kids, family, laughter, and fuck me, I want it with Pidge, but I don’t trust her, I don’t fucking trust anyone and I know I’ll throw it back in her face.
I’m not programmed to settle down, not anymore, yet I can’t stomach the thought of being with anyone else, even for an hour, who isn’t Pidge.
Fuck.
I sigh as I drop my head, shaking it slightly, my head fucking scrambled while the kids' laughter echoes around me.
My anger has slowly vanished, replaced by sadness. I feel like I’m going to fall apart, because I know I’m not good enough for that woman—even if holding her in my arms felt so fucking right.
Her kiss set off fireworks in me. When our tongues touched, I just wanted to take her away. Being with her felt like home. When she pulled back, I felt cold and lost.
She’s mine and I am without a doubt madly, deeply, fucking in love with the woman, pranks and all.
“Uncle Ace, watch me!” Lyra shouts, and I look in time to see her slide down the slide, and I grin at her, making her giggle before she goes back to the steps to go again.
She’d love Pidge as her auntie.
The thought echoes, and I look down again as I link my fingers, my elbows leaning against my knees.
I can’t give her what she needs, I just fucking know it, but I also can’t stop thinking about her, about the way she laughed when I smashed the egg on her head, about the happiness that floated through me as we messed around.
Fuck, I can’t stop thinking about how possessive I got when I realized she was going into the wrong field of work and how pissed I felt because she didn’t want to explain to me why despite knowing I haven’t earned that from her.
I called her a patch chaser for fucks sake and didn’t even get her side of the story with my bike, I instantly sided with Abby because I knew Pidge was the one and it scared me so I lashed out.
“Hi Granny!” Lyra shouts, and I tense as a body sits beside me.
Fuck’s sake.
“Hey, baby,” Mama calls before she says lowly, “I thought this would be the best time to get you to speak to me. You’re on kid watch, so I know you can’t storm off.”
“You’ve got some nerve, Mama,” I mutter as I look at the kids.
Dirty wanted a few hours with his woman, so I said I’d take the kids. While I was at it, I told Tank to go spend some time with Jas and took Aisling, while Cole followed.
I love spending time with the kids, but Mama pulling this stunt is out of fucking line.
“I know,” she whispers, “but I’m out of ideas. You moved off club property, son, you won’t allow me inside the diner, I just, I didn’t know what else to do.”
I shake my head at the woman. My hate, my anger towards Pidge, it’s all stemmed down by this woman next to me.
How could she do what she did to dad?
“I thought Dad was your world,” I say after a few minutes of silence when I see she’s waiting me out.
“He is my world, Luca. It’s no excuse but I was young and lonely, he was never home and I made the biggest mistake of my life but you were right, I liked the attention so I kept going back, while also sleeping with your father who was unaware,” she admits quietly and I flinch, “Your dad, he’s the reason why I breathed but while he was away on club business, I watched club brothers cheat on their women, I watched them screw the clubwhores while I was struggling being a new mama with your brother and I should have spoken to your dad instead of straying.
I should have told him how I was feeling, how I was scared he’d do the same as the brothers and I will always regret it Luca, always. ”
I look down, the blue ink that is nearly all gone catching my attention.
"I always knew deep down you were his, but guilt ate at me.
I told your dad everything. Even though I believed you were his, I suggested a DNA test for peace of mind.
Yes, I used you to make him stay. I threatened something I never would have gone through with but you have to understand Luca, he almost left me and I know I would have deserved it, but I can't breathe without him. "
I look back at the kids, sadness surrounding me because I know she’s lying through her teeth to save face, to try and fix what she broke.
She would have aborted me to hurt him, I know it and so does she.
Pidge’s green eyes enter my sight, her laughter filling my ears, the fireworks I felt when she pressed her lips against mine, something she was even shocked that she did.
“I’ve fallen in love,” I finally choke out, and Mama gasps, and I whisper, “That is why I’ve been angrier at you than I had beforehand, why I cannot stand to be near you. I’ve fallen in love, but I don’t trust her, because you broke what little trust I held for women.”
“No,” she croaks, and I shake my head as I look back at the ground.
“She wrecked my bike,” I admit, “I’d just got back to the diner from a run because Dad refused to take care of it, I was pissed and a woman that I fucked a few times claimed Pidge had shoved herself onto my bike and I knew it was bullshit.
Her wrist was swollen for fucks sake and she looked stricken but I went off on her anyway and demanded that she pay for the damages and when she said she couldn’t afford them, I hired her at the diner. ”
“You felt that spark,” Mama whispers.
“Yep,” I grunt, “I knew she was supposed to be mine, that I was feeling exactly what every other brother has felt, and I refused it instantly. For weeks, I have treated her like dirt, and because of that, she’s been playing pranks on me.
Custard and ink balloons above the door, extra salt in my food, laxatives in my coffee, and slowly, she made me fall madly deeply in love with her without even realizing it. ”
“Luca,” she sobs, “I’m so sorry, so very, very, sorry that I made you lose faith in love, in settling down and I’m sorry I broke your heart like I broke your dad’s but please, this woman, don’t let her go because of what I did.
Please don’t push away your happiness because of me, even if it means staying off club property. ”
“She kissed me,” I whisper, and she let out another sob.
“We were talking about her being in the wrong classes for school, and she clearly wanted out of the conversation so she wouldn’t have to open up to me, and she smashed an egg on top of my head.
I felt, fuck, I felt happy. We got into a food fight, and nothing but happiness spread through that kitchen, and suddenly, her lips were on mine, and I felt at home.
I didn’t want to let her go, but I know I can’t trust her because of what you did. ”
“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, but I just shake my head and look down.
She took away the future I thought I’d have, and now I feel so fucking lost.
“What is going on? Ace, what the fuck did you do?!” my dad demands, and I just scoff.
“Scott, get back inside!” Mama croaks, and I swallow hard as I look at the kids who thankfully are unaware of the tension, though Cole does keep looking our way with concern.
“But you’re–”
Mama cuts him off, “I said, get back inside now!”
Dad's quiet for a moment before we hear the back door open and close, and Mama turns to me, her cheeks stained with her tears, her eyes red.
She demands, “Give her a chance!”
I shake my head, “Mama…”
“No!” she forces, “Give the woman a chance, don’t close yourself off, not now, not when you’ve realized that you love her, please, don’t ruin your potential happiness because of what I did, because of my insecurities.”
“And what about the danger?” I ask her, and she smiles sadly.
“We’ll all make sure, every single one of us, that she won’t be put in harm's way, any woman that you’ve slept with to run from what I did, what I made you feel, they’ll have to deal with me, she won’t get hurt, please Luca.”
I look back at the kids and swallow hard.
My whole body gravitates and screams to be with Molly, my girl, but my head, fuck, it’s scrambled.
I’m fucked up, I know this. I fucked around a lot, no thanks to the rebellion I began since hearing Mama's words. I still get the itch to do a line of coke, something no one can fucking see, and I have trust issues.
Pidge deserves more than that, more than me.
“Please, Luca…” Mama whispers, and I gently shake my head and drop it, knowing I can’t bring Pidge into my fucked up world, and she lets out another sob, and I bite my bottom lip to stop my own tears from forming.
Pidge is better off without me, I just know it, yet my heart is calling me a liar.