Chapter 6 Penny
six
Penny
When I wake up, I feel like I'm lying on a cloud instead of Ace's bed. My body still feels strange, as if it's not even mine. Pressing my face into the pillow I'm cuddling, I breathe in deeply.
Smells like a mix of leather and faded cologne. Even when he’s not here, I find myself needing to breathe him in.
Can a man's scent really make someone calm? I don't know what else to call this feeling that's settling in my chest.
Safe. The word whispers through my mind before I can stop it. I feel safe.
After last night, I feel wanted, too.
He asked me to stay. Not just until things cool down, but from the tone of his voice, he was talking about forever. This is crazy. He's crazy.
Yet, here I am, considering it. I guess I’m crazy, too, for letting another man get his hands around my heart so easily.
Shaking my head, I try to remind myself why I can't. The biggest answer is easy. Leliah. I can't put her in danger, not when Ace is a club member of another dangerous biker gang. She's my world, my everything.
But that's the thing, isn't it? The last time I thought I was keeping her safe, I was running on empty and praying no one found us. Is this really worse?
When I roll over to bundle her in my arms, I find that the patch she'd been curled on is empty. In a matter of seconds, it feels like my heart has stopped in my chest as my blood runs cold.
No. No, no, no—
"Leliah?" Breathlessly calling her name, I sweep around the room to make sure she hadn't just slid off to find something to entertain herself with. Realizing I'm all alone, a choked cry leaves me as I stumble off the bed and out of the room.
I can't lose her. She's all I have. She's the only reason I have the strength to keep going—
I'm nearly in tears when I find her splayed out on the kitchen floor. She's got her coloring book in front of her, a blue crayon clutched in her small grip.
The air rushes back into my lungs so fast it hurts. So dizzy from the sudden rush of adrenaline, I’m left using the wall to keep me standing upright.
At the scent of coffee filling the room, I realize she's not alone. At the table, the same guy who'd clung to Ace's side rests at the table. The one who had her laughing with such ease. Smoke.
"Where's Ace?" The question leaves me in a rush, and I find myself searching for him.
I need him. The thought is instant and unwanted. I've spent weeks needing no one, trusting no one, and now here I am, barely awake, already looking for a man I met yesterday.
Smoke takes one look at me before his frown softens slightly.
He sees my panicked expression like he’d been expecting it.
"He needed to stop somewhere and asked me to keep an eye on you two.
" He sips at his coffee before turning his gaze to my daughter.
"She woke up a couple of hours ago. Gave her some toast and found her bag. "
My panic starts easing only slightly, but I creep toward Leliah just in case I need to grab her. If it were Ace sitting at the table, I think I wouldn't be panicking like this, and that realization is worse than the panic.
I don't know Smoke. Sure, Leliah doesn't seem to mind him, but that's not enough to lower my guard around him.
But Ace... Ace already feels different. I don't know what to do with that. Now isn't the time to push myself toward an inner crisis.
"Do you know how long he'll be gone?" Hating how shaky my voice is, it's hard not to make myself come off as small. Especially when this guy is built bigger than Ace. He's like a mountain in comparison.
He shrugs, not giving much of an answer. Returning his attention to his cup, I'm remaining clueless.
By the sounds of it, he's already been gone for a few hours. We stayed up late as it is. What is he running on if not sleep?
"My brother doesn't have much, but he's got some food in his freezer. Wouldn't trust his eggs or milk, so don't touch those." Taking a long sip, he lets out a sigh. "There is some coffee left. Looks like you need it."
Pursing my lips at the underhanded insult, I carefully step over Leliah and see she's covering a line art of a tiger in blue, stripes and all. At least its face is a shade of purple and green.
She's calm. She's safe. She's coloring like today isn't any different than any other day. If she feels relaxed, then I should too. Except, I don't know how anymore.
"Thank you for taking care of her. I'm assuming you bought her clothes, too." Murmuring the words, I hunt down a cup to use. Coffee will settle in my stomach better than food will, so I help myself to a full cup before settling across from him. "Do you have any of your own?"
He shakes his head and grunts. There's a shift in his gaze, the hardened look cracking into a softer one for just a few seconds. "No, but if it happens one day, I wouldn't be upset. Though, from the looks of how things are going, it seems like I'll have a niece to spoil."
When he nods at my neck, I graze my fingers against the bruised skin before heat envelops my entire face.
Ace's mouth. His hands. The way he'd marked me like I was already his. I can still feel his hot breath brushing the skin.
As I sputter on some kind of explanation or excuse, he shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not the kind to judge. Ace likes you, and that's enough for me. Just don't go breaking his heart. Otherwise, you and I will have a problem."
A threat delivered so calmly, it's somehow worse. Thanks to that, I have a hard time focusing on the Ace liking me part. Is it the same kind of conflicting feelings I have clashing around in my chest?
He likes me. Not in a passing way. In a way that makes his brother sit me down and warn me off hurting him.
"Are you sure you're brothers?" Not only are their appearances completely the opposite, but their personalities are flipped, too. "Why are you so terrifying?"
Snorting at my question, his mouth slants into a momentary smirk.
"Grew up together as kids, I think that's good enough to call us that.
Just don't want to see him hurt, is all.
Never seen him get attached so quickly before.
It's new to all of us. Depending on whether you leave or not, I can't help but worry about the outcome. "
Whether I leave or not.
Those words shouldn't hit as hard as they do. I've always been the one who’s been left behind, never the opposite. Imagining being the person to make that decision doesn’t sit right.
I’m not heartless. Just thinking about hurting someone is enough to make any decisions harder than they already are.
Last night, Ace asked me to stay. He didn't tell me to, or make me feel like I had no choice in the matter. Smoke's making it sound like I could leave whenever I wanted to.
Do I want to?
Where would I even go? My home has been damaged to send a message, and I'm still being looked for.
After missing too many shifts without being able to call and give an explanation, there's no doubt that I've lost my job, too.
Wouldn't be surprised if those Outlaw Sinners threatened anyone there looking for me there.
My boss wouldn't want anything else to do with me then, I bet.
I have nothing. No safety net. No backup plan. No one is waiting for me anywhere.
Even if all of this mess were cleaned up today, and things could possibly go back to normal, how could they?
What even is normal anymore?
I'd still be alone, trying to take care of my daughter without any support, still be sleeping in a bed all by myself, wondering what I'd done wrong to get where I am in the first place.
Or I could stay. I could let someone else carry the weight for once. I could wake up next to a man who looks at me like I hung the moon. Who thinks I’m beautiful and shows it through his gentle touches.
That's terrifying in a completely different way.
"Shit..." Smoke sighs heavily and clicks his tongue.
"He'll be upset with me if he comes back and sees you like this.
Listen, whatever mess you're in, Ace will help you out of it.
He's not the kind of guy who expects anything in return.
Or, at least, he won't be with you. Trust me, by the end of the day, or the week, or the month, however long this mess takes to die down, he'll do whatever he can to make you happy. "
"That's what I'm afraid of." The words slip out before I can catch them.
Smoke raises an eyebrow. "Afraid of being happy?"
"Afraid of what happens when it goes away." I wrap my hands around my coffee cup like it's the only thing keeping me grounded. "Everyone leaves eventually."
He's quiet for a long moment. Then he sets down his cup and leans forward, and for the first time, I see something human behind his eyes.
"Ace isn't everyone."
"How do you sound so confident?"
"Because I've watched him bleed for people who didn't deserve it.
I've watched him give until he had nothing left.
He doesn't know how to stop caring once he starts." Smoke holds my gaze. "If you’re someone special to him, he’ll treat you like you’re the very air he needs to breathe to keep living. "
As poetic as that sounds, it’s also intense. The best and worst part, Smoke is being genuine. If he knows Ace well, then I can only imagine his words aren’t just reassurance. They’re a warning.
Telling myself to stop getting so worked up, I distract myself with the scalding hot coffee before swallowing thickly. "I don't want to put Leliah in any danger. If we get mixed up in whatever your club is doing—"