Chapter 39 Evie
My knee connected with Aiden’s back but his step didn’t falter.
“Put me down, you ass.”
“Get on the bike. Come talk to me and if you don’t like what I have to say I will bring you right back.”
My arms crossed over my chest as I looked him over.
Aiden always had an edge to him—he was always moody and focused, which led to perpetual resting bitch face—but there was a softness to it now. A pleading behind his words that he only seemed to get with me.
“I’ll go,” I finally said. “But if I do want to come back and you don’t bring me here, we are never going to talk about any of this ever again.”
“Deal. Come on.”
I slipped my helmet on, before steadying my hands on his shoulders to swing on. Hard muscles rippled under my fingertips and I dug in just enough to leave a sting before letting go.
The engine’s steady hum should have drowned out my thoughts, but all I could hear was my own heartbeat. My grip on his waist was firm, yet careful—I didn’t press against him the way I wanted to, didn’t let myself melt into him like I normally did.
I was still mad. I wasn’t letting one ride fix that.
He must have sensed it. Barely a mile down the road, his hand slid from the handle, fingers brushing my thigh before resting there with a soft, deliberate squeeze. Heat shot through me, a warning I couldn’t ignore.
“You need to actually hold on to me,” he said, his voice rough through the helmet.
I didn’t answer.
“Evie.” His hand tightened on my leg, his thumb stroking slow circles over my jeans, setting my nerves on fire.
“I’ve ridden enough. I can figure out how to stay on the bike without touching you.” I felt brave saying the words, but my hands trembled at the thought of actually putting my hands on him. What if it was the last time? Could I really keep riding with him if we had to end what we’d started?
“I feel it when you’re mad at me. It’s like I can’t fucking breathe. You can be on the other side of the room or across the fucking town, and I feel it. It’s suffocating, and all I want to do is make you happy again so I can breathe.”
My jaw clenched hard as I held back what I wanted to say. I wanted to yell at him, tell him to maybe admit it was his fault I was mad this time. Instead, I let my hands drift over his shoulder onto his chest, dragging my nails light enough to make him shiver before I pulled them away.
His breath hitched. His grip on the handlebars flexed.
“Evie,” he warned. “Please.”
A wry smile tugged at my lips as I leaned in, my lips brushing against the back of his neck. “What?”
The bike wobbled slightly, but he readjusted, setting a calm pace down the road. I pulled back again, my hands dropping from him completely.
“Put them back,” he said.
“No. There’s no point. You want to keep it hidden forever and I don’t. There’s no fixing what we want, so it’s done.”
He cursed under his breath, pulling off into a secluded overlook, tires biting into the gravel and sending tiny rocks skittering as he killed the engine.
The second he pulled his helmet off, I saw it—the fire in his eyes, the war raging beneath his skin. He was holding on by a thread and I loved it.
Every inch of him was taut, coiled like a predator ready to strike, and it made my pulse spike. I loved it.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” he snapped, voice low and edged with danger.
I swung off the bike and ripped my helmet away, letting my hair spill free. “What? Is me telling you exactly what’s happening an issue?”
“No,” he growled, taking a step closer, the space between us shrinking with every heartbeat. “You backing out before it even started—that’s the issue. I’m not going to blow everything up only for you to run the second something isn’t perfect.”
My chest tightened, heat pooling low and high at the same time. I could feel the raw intensity radiating off him, the pull between us so sharp it could cut. I wanted to challenge him, wanted to see exactly how far he would push before losing control.
“Perfect? Do you actually think what is happening here has been perfect at all? Yeah, a love story for the ages, Ace. One day I blackmailed the man of my dreams, and then he was forced into finally falling for me.”
His eyebrows furrowed as he looked back down the empty street before turning back to me.
“Am I supposed to be the man of your dreams?”
“Oh, screw you, Aiden. Who else would I be talking about?”
A sheepish grin spread over his face, but I knew whatever was about to come out of it would piss me off.
“Well, I wasn’t sure if—”
“If you say the name Asher anywhere in that sentence I will take your bike right back to his house.” I flipped my hair, stepping closer to the bike.
“But you know what, now that I think about it, Asher would be happy to call Rook up and tell him we are together, unlike you, who wants to keep it a secret until we’re eighty and no one can even swing a fist.”
“I wouldn’t necessarily wait until we were eighty. Maybe sixty? He could still swing, but it wouldn’t hurt as bad,” Aiden said, a cocky grin on his face.
“Forget this,” I said, shaking my head as I turned to walk away. “I don’t care if I have to walk back. I’m not standing here letting you mock me all night.”
Before I could take another step, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me back—hard.
I gasped as I collided with his chest, my hands slamming against his shoulders.
His grip on my wrist was tight, his other hand grabbing my other arm as he backed me up against the bike.
“I told him once,” he said with a quiet urgency in his tone. His head dropped with a sigh as he continued his confession. “A few years ago, I told Rook one time that I did like you.”
A pang of guilt stabbed me. He’d risked everything by even admitting that years ago, and now I’d spent months forcing him to admit it again. How many times had I pushed him to the edge without even realizing it?
I pulled back, shock moving up my arm. “What?”
“It was before he talked about any rules or the leaving you alone shit. I told him that you were fucking amazing, a dream come true, and I told him I had always liked you.”
“Oh my god, what did he say?”
“He punched me in the face. Hard.” Aiden grinned, his fingers continuing their lazy circles on my thigh.
“Then he made sure it was clear that having both you and having the life I was building would never be an option. That he wouldn’t jeopardize your comfort for any crush I had.
I thought it would go away. That I would listen to him and life would go back to normal at some point. ”
“And then you honored his demands so hard I thought you hated me.”
“Of course I hated you, I wanted you and couldn’t have you,” he said, pulling me hard against his chest. “Hating you was the only way I stayed sane enough to not kiss you every second of the day. Life never went back to normal, Evie. My life became you. Day and night, I was only thinking of you and what you needed—what you wanted—how I could fix every issue you had. The crush never went away, it grew until one day I woke up and realized I would never be able to live without you.”
“And now you want to. You don’t want to tell anyone we might be together.”
“No, I don’t want to tell anyone because you might be taken from me if I do.”
“Don’t lie to me. You are also scared I’m going to change my mind. You said it earlier, it’s why I left.”
He ran a hand down my face before taking a step back.
“I said that because I was angry. I thought you were trying to ruin things to protect yourself and in my defense, you have done that. I shouldn’t have said it, though. I fucked up and I know it, but I’m here because I would like to un-fuck-it-up.”
“Why? You don’t even want this,” I said, waving a hand between us.
“I do want this,” he ground out, his voice wrecked. “I want you. But if I say that—if I let myself have you—” His fingers wove into my hair, his hand fisting like he was struggling so bad he had to hold me back. “I won’t survive losing you.”
My chest rose and fell in sharp, ragged breaths.
“That’s your excuse?” I whispered. “That you’re too scared?”
His jaw tightened. “I’m not scared of loving you, Evie. I’m scared of what happens when I fucking lose you. If we blow up what we have now, and then you choose someone else—I don’t know how I would make it.”
I swallowed hard, heat curling through me, anger and wanting mixing into something dangerous.
“Look around, Aiden,” I murmured, pressing my palms flat against his chest. “You already have me. And now you’re already losing me.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. His hand slid down my neck and arm until his fingers tightened on my waist, pulling me flush against him. His chest rose and fell fast—exactly like mine, always in sync.
“We keep doing this,” he rasped, his forehead nearly touching mine. “Back and forth.”
“Because you can’t decide if you want to break the rules and be with me or be the loyal second-in-command. That isn’t my fault.”
“I’ve never had so much in my life,” he said. “You know I’ve never had a family that wanted me. You know what Rook is going to say, what he might do. I know the choice you would have. Are you really going to choose me over Rook? Over your family? I wouldn’t let you lose them.”
“You really think Rook would tell you to go?”
“Yeah,” he said, his grip tightening on me. “I do.”
“Maybe that won’t be his decision.”
“I’ve lied. I crossed lines he asked me not to. He deserves to make the choice. And what if that happens?” He leaned in, so close he could kiss me, but he didn’t.
A wave of sadness washed over me, knowing how badly he wanted to protect us—and how terrified he was of losing even one of us.
I couldn’t imagine the world without him.
He had never had a family that wanted him, and the thought of how much I’d threatened what he’d built made my stomach twist. Choosing him had never even been a question.
It wasn’t even a question if Rook and the rest of the pack would choose him—even in this mess, they would all choose to keep him.