Chapter 30
IVY
“What?”
My words cut through the dark like a blade and my heart stills in my chest. “Hand me over,” I repeat.
“It’s easier for everyone. Just hand me over and let all of this be over.
” My voice quavers and tears well in the corner of my eyes.
I’m so utterly defeated that it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.
My parents are dead.
The Mafia wants me dead.
How much longer until Ruslan and all the people here who have helped me end up facing the same fate?
“No.” Ruslan’s jaw tics slightly as he stares down at me.
“Why not?” I croak. “We both know it would save everyone a whole lot of hassle. You can’t keep protecting me. It’s going to kill you and I-I can’t be responsible for any more—”
Ruslan’s on the bed next to me in a flash, leaning over me with one hand cupping the side of my neck. “Don’t you dare say that,” he snaps, his eyes dark. “You are not a hassle, Ivy.”
“I am! Look at everything that’s happened!”
“None of that is your fault. You’re not the culprit here.”
“But I have n-nothing left!” Pain floods the cavern inside me.
“I just buried my parents. Both of them. I-I know that’s something everyone does, but I—” The tears well up, catching on my lashes.
“My life is over. Everything and everyone I cared about is gone. I feel like I’m just a shell left over, like everything inside me has been clawed out and there’s nothing left.
Nothing. So who cares if I die? It would make everything go away. ”
“Stop!” Ruslan barks suddenly. “I would care, okay? I would care greatly if you died. Do you understand me? Everyone here would care. I—” He stops suddenly, and his brow dips as his grip against my neck grows firmer.
“Stop talking like this. I would care. I do care about you, Ivy. A lot. And I’m not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like you don’t matter. ”
His words, kind as they are, barely have any effect. “But—”
“No buts,” he snaps lightly. “I would care. And also, the Suit would look like a pushover if we just handed you over without a care, so don’t you dare act like your life or your presence has no value. Even if you forget the Suit…” He pauses softly and our eyes lock. “You matter to me.”
“Why?” My pulse begins to race. “Why do you even care?”
“You think I shouldn’t, but I do.” His voice softens.
“I care because you’ve been through so much that isn’t your fault.
I care because you’re a good and kind person.
I’ve seen that through how you treat me and Raven, how you were with Florence, even though she hurt you.
You make me smile, you make me want to be better so I can do more for you.
And sometimes, we don’t even need a reason to like someone because not everything can be defined like that. ”
I didn’t expect him to have a speech. If anything, I expected him to falter here and prove my own point, but Ruslan’s one step ahead, it seems.
My chest aches and, unable to answer, I surge forward and kiss him. My tears mingle between our lips and my distraction isn’t the greatest, but it works. Ruslan, despite a momentary hesitance, kisses me back tenderly and strokes his thumb along my jaw.
“Sure,” he murmurs against my lips. “This can be a reason. And a tool.”
“A tool?” Just as the words leave me, Ruslan presses me down onto the bed and rapidly sheds his clothes.
Between kisses that grow in intensity, he helps me out of my own. My blouse lands on the floor, he’s successful in removing my bra this time which draws a laugh from him, and then his hot mouth trails all over my body in a path of kisses.
I should feel something.
Excitement.
Desire.
Lust.
It’s there, but it’s buried so deep in my mind that I can’t comprehend the attraction beyond the physical press of our bodies. Grief clouds me, but I still clutch at Ruslan with both arms, determined to keep him as close to me as possible.
Skin on skin, sharing the same air between kisses and as heat builds, I’m ready to sink into another exciting fuck with Ruslan where I don’t have to think, where I can lose myself in him without a single care.
Ruslan has other ideas.
He waits until I’m strung out, until pleasure coils hot and low in my belly and my skin tingles with the paths he’s kissed over my chest, until my nipples are stiff and throbbing in time to my heartbeat thanks to his tender mouth.
He waits until his cock is deep inside me, his hands cradling my face while I cling onto his forearms like my life depends on it.
“You’re beautiful,” he says, his voice low and rough with each thrust into my body.
I don’t reply. I can’t. I focus only on the budding pleasure between my legs and the flutter of my heart. Faster and faster Ruslan fucks me, pounding deeper and deeper until my orgasm almost crests and I moan loudly.
Then he stops.
I blink, my chest heaving as lust ravages me like a fever and I clench down around him. “Ruslan.”
“Tell me how worthy you are.”
“What?” I blink up at him, panting. “What?”
“Tell me you’re beautiful.”
A protest rises on my tongue but just as my lips part, Ruslan thrusts again and all that escapes me is a moan.
“Tell me,” he insists, slightly breathless. “Tell me or you won't get to come.”
“What?” My head snaps up and I dig my fingernails into his forearms. “Don’t you dare!”
“Oh, I dare.” He grins. “Tell me.”
“Fine,” I gasp as that tight pleasure begins to dissipate. “I’m beautiful!”
“Tell me you’re worthy.”
“I’m worthy!”
“Tell me you’re valued.”
“I-I’m valued!” Each time I speak, Ruslan resumes thrusting for a few seconds, but it’s never enough. It’s always just a teasing thrust that brings me back to the peak of pleasure and then fades.
“Now say it like you mean it.”
“I-I can’t,” I gasp, throwing my head back. “I can’t. It’s not… I just wanna…”
“What do you wanna do?”
“Let me come!” I yell, clenching hard down around his cock. It draws a deep, filthy moan from the base of his throat and he laughs, then he kisses me.
“Make me believe it and I’ll let you come.”
I lose track of time. Over and over again, Ruslan makes me repeat my worth and rewards me with several thrusts that leave me dangling on the edge of an orgasm that never arrives. How he knows how to read my body is beyond me, but he plays me like an instrument.
“Now,” Ruslan gasps, panting to the same rhythm as me. “Tell me you understand that I care about you and nothing is going to change that. Tell me that you know there are people in this world who still want you around. Tell me.”
“Ahh!” He thrusts deep inside me, scratching that aching desire deep in my core but it’s not enough.
It’s never enough. “I understand!” I gasp hoarsely, turning my sweaty face into his hot palm.
“You care about me. You do. You care about me a lot. And the others do. They care. I-I’m not alone. I’m not!”
Ruslan kisses me hard and spends the next ten seconds fucking me hard and fast, dragging me over the edge and into an orgasm so powerful that I’m left gasping for air and trembling in his arms. Wave after wave of intense pleasure courses through me from head to toe, leaving a trail of shivers over my skin and jitters in my joints.
Ruslan spills inside me almost simultaneously and then finally rolls off me.
He lands on the bed and immediately pulls me into his strong arms.
As the covers drape over our shoulders, he kisses my forehead and caresses my hair. “Good girl,” he murmurs. “Good girl.”
“I’m sorry,” I croak.
“Don’t be.”
“I am, though. I… it felt like everything was over.”
“I know. And it will feel like that again, so don’t apologize. Don’t you dare.”
“But—”
“No, Ivy. You have nothing to apologize for, you hear me? Grief and pain… it can’t be explained. It just is. So I will be here for you, understand? I will be here and I will remind you as often as you need reminding, in any which way that gets through to you.”
The urge to apologize rises again, but I swallow it down and bury my face in his shoulder, eyes closed.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was falling in love with him, but those feelings on top of everything else inside me are too intense for me to focus on right now.
Instead, I settle against him and run my fingertips over his abdomen until the lull of his breathing and the soothing warmth of his presence lull me off to sleep.
Somehow, I sleep through the night and wake the next morning still wrapped up in Ruslan’s arms. This time, I don’t have to pretend to be asleep to soak up his presence.
I can just enjoy it. Yawning, I stretch my arms above my head while his arms tighten around me and he buries his face into the back of my neck.
“Good morning,” Ruslan murmurs.
“Morning,” I whisper, lightly kissing his forehead as I turn. Reaching over him, I pick up my phone and find a single message from Moira.
A plea to talk face to face so she can truly apologize.
“Oh.”
“What’s up?” Ruslan lifts his head. “What is it?”
“Moira. She wants to talk.”
“When?”
“Today. Can I… Can I go?”
Ruslan meets my gaze. “Do you want to?”
I nod. “Yeah… yeah, I think I do.”
“Okay, I’ll take you. But I have to attend a meeting first.”
“Can I come?”
Ruslan smiles and kisses my nose. “As long as you don’t mind waiting in the car.”