Chapter 42
“BARKING AT THE MOON” BY JENNY LEWIS
Quinntessa Dawson was my little nightmare.
No matter how many times I convinced myself I was imagining the sensations that overtook me, it was all too much. Every inch of control I gained, this sweet-faced devil in disguise took three from me. She sucked the control out of me and replaced it with madness.
Ugh. I had such a migraine because of that adorable piece of shit.
And I fucking loved it.
I was sweating through my leather jacket.
Despite being the end of fall, I felt incredibly nervous waiting for Quinntessa to arrive.
I was on time this time, waiting for her on the train tracks near Cross Key Grove's only gas station.
She told me to be on time, and I did everything in my power to make sure that happened.
I licked my lips and paced over the tracks. The skin around my thumb nail was chewed up, my nerves getting the best of me. I bit at my nails and looked around at all the different sized rocks.
Was my heart beating too fast? Why was I so nervous about this?
It was just meeting a girl to . . . to what?
I don’t even know what Quinntessa wanted from me.
I didn’t know if she felt anything for me.
It was a little easier now that I knew she was bisexual.
The green light was there. Had I accidentally arranged a date without realizing it?
“Oh, fuck.” I ripped my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. “I shouldn’t have set this up.”
Breathe. It’s just Quinntessa. Nothing’s happening.
And maybe that was why I was so nerves. At least when I knew I’d end up in a girl’s bed by the end of the night, I knew what to expect and where the boundaries were.
On my third turn since checking my phone last, I looked up and spotted Quinntessa walking my way.
I was naked. My hair was too out of place and my boots were looser than appropriate. Obviously, she looked flawless.
Quinntessa’s curls fell over her shoulders, bouncing lightly as she walked. Her usual pink checkered vans had been traded in for black ankle boots with blood red socks.
I loved that color. I loved it even more on her. The black, long sleeve turtleneck made her red sweater and skirt pop out. It complimented the way the cold air flushed her cheeks with a natural blush.
She looked different from the girl I saw on the football field.
In every picture her father posted of her online, she was always so hard faced for the camera.
When I watched tryouts, I could hear her giving the boys a run for their money on the field.
I loved watching her trembling with excitement to jump into a tackle with someone.
This Quinntessa was just as beautiful. It was silly of me to think any different. Still, she looked different. She looked more understanding and open to meeting with me. She looked happier.
I liked that look in her eyes. If it was even possible, her freckles seemed to smile at me as she stopped on the other side of the tracks.
I stood there across from her, dumbstruck, and took her in. My mouth felt dry, and my heart kicked my ribs until I had no choice but to suck in a much-needed breath.
“Sorry.” Quinntessa brushed her curls out of her face. “Too much for burgers?”
“Not at all,” I breathed out.
We didn’t move. The tips of our toes touched the steel tracks. We stood there, staring at each other, the silence of Coven eerily coaxing the quick beat of my heart into my ears.
“Are we taking your bike?” She tugged on the end of her sweater and glanced toward my motorcycle a few feet away. “Should I go grab my helmet?”
“No.” I shook my head. “What’s mine is yours, right? I have enough glittery stickers on there to prove it now.”
She looked down at her feet and bit back a smile.
“It’s alright.” I kicked out my foot and crossed into her territory. Her eyes dragged up from my feet to meet my gaze, lashes fluttering the whole way. “You can mark your territory any way you’d like.”
“You wish.” Quinntessa scoffed and walked past me. She slapped my shoulder playfully and left me behind to grab the helmet sitting on my seat.
With a little bounce to my step, I followed her and took her hips from behind. My front grazed her back, my lips hovering near her earlobe.
“Do you need help getting on?” I whispered.
She pulled my helmet onto her head and turned to face me.
“No.” Quinntessa glanced around my face as I tightened her chin strap. “But you’ll drive slow?”
From this close, I could see each individual freckle on her face. I loved the way her skin looked like gold under her freckles in the light. Her eyes were a glorious gemstone stare, pulling me in and ready to run me down.
“I’ll drive slow,” I promised.
Quinntessa nodded and turned to get on my bike. I frowned a bit as I looked over her outfit. At the last second, I tore off my leather jacket and handed it to her.
“You’ll get cold quick. You should wear it,” I insisted.
“You sure you’re not tricking me into some cheesy date?” Quinntessa quirked her brow in my direction before swinging her leg over and climbing on.
Oh. Not a date.
I smirked and hid my disappointment by leaning into the motorcycle. She climbed up onto the seat and fixed her position back so I could join her.
“Would it be so bad if we went on a date?” I gently touched her knee.
Quinntessa looked down at my fingers as I traced little stars on the top of her thigh. She rolled her eyes and looked away from me, laying her hands flat on my seat.
She looked so sexy straddling my bike. I wanted to see her do it in her football pads and uniform after a game. All sweaty. All perfect.
“I don’t date pink-haired bikers.” Quinntessa shrugged. “Sorry.”
“Damn. If only you were here a few years ago.” I grabbed the handlebars and threw my leg over the seat. “My natural color is auburn.”
Quinntessa gasped behind me.
“You’re a ginger!” she giggled.
“Nooo.” I inhaled sharply as Quinntessa’s hands snuck around my torso. She was much more comfortable this time, but I could still feel her nervous tension along my body. “I have red hair, but not?—”
“You’re a ginger,” Quinntessa giggled.
“Has anyone told you you’re annoying?” I rubbed her hands around my stomach before turning over my engine. That way, she would know I was joking around.
I felt her helmet turn against my back. I noticed she did that when we started driving. Even though she’d ridden with me multiple times now, Quinntessa always preferred to focus on me for her nerves.
Mustang held onto me the entire ride. I kept a watchful eye out for anyone who might see us as we entered and exited Murdafest. While Darryll’s was a great place for burgers and fries, there were better options out near the private school.
I had planned to stop at one of the diners, but I wasn’t ready for Quinntessa to stop hugging me.
Her sweetheart perfume flooded my senses. I struggled to keep my head clear as I drove. It felt like every inch of me was falling into a fever-induced coma.
Somewhere between leaving Murdafest and returning to Coven, I heard Quinntessa giggle. I turned my head to see what she might have spotted and smiled at the multiple cows along the fence line.
I eased us back around and carefully made a U-turn that wouldn’t frighten Quinntessa. She lifted her head, her chin on my shoulder blade. I pulled off to the side and turned my bike off a few feet from the cows.
“Do you really want to eat burgers, or do you want to . . .” I trailed off and peeked over my shoulder.
Quinntessa gasped. I felt her shift behind me before sliding off the bike. I wished I could see her eyes to know how genuine she felt about the idea.
Saving that thought, I grabbed her by the collar of my jacket and tugged her closer to me. The face guard popped up, and I smiled at the purely angelic gaze greeting me.
“Is this a date yet?” I asked.
“Nope.” She popped the p and looked up at me through those beautiful, long lashes. “But you’re so close.”
“Hm.” I released her and gently knocked her helmet’s side. “Keep this on. Never know what might happen on the side of the road.”
“What if a car comes and runs over my foot?” Quinntessa gasped. She walked away from me, turning around to continue backward toward the cows. “Or something nips at my ears!”
“The only thing nipping at your ears is me.” I winked.
Quinntessa’s teasing ended rather quickly. She blushed and turned around to hide her smile. I sat on my motorcycle and watched as she reached out for one of the large cows on the fence line.
“Hi, baby,” she cooed, melting my heart. “I’m Quinns, and this is—” She spared me a glance and waved her hand lazily in my direction. “Other Quinn.”
“Wow.” I rolled my eyes.
Quinntessa growled at me, squinting her eyes at my attitude.
“She might get confused!” she cried out.
“Sal, she’s a cow. They go moooo.” I turned and copied the cows as a few more approached.
Quinntessa giggled. I wished I had made her take off the helmet now. She looked adorable smiling and seemed to love the way multiple cows pushed toward her against their friends.
I dug my phone out of my pocket and quickly took a horizontal photo of Quinntessa and the six cows that came to greet her. I looked down at the photo and smiled, adding it to my favorites.
“Quince?”
I looked up at the new nickname.
“Are you going to join me?” Quinntessa asked, playing with the end of my leather jacket. “I can’t look stupid alone.”
“You could never.” I kicked my leg over the seat and settled my bike on its stand.
She waited for me beside the bug-eyed animals.
They sniffed in my direction, big noses turning left and right to investigate me and Quinntessa.
As cute as I found them, my heart throbbed recalling all the old memories I had with my uncle.
We would feed his old cattle through the fences in the pastures.
He’d pick me up and I’d reach over as far as my little arms could reach.
The blistering feeling returned when Quinntessa reached out and took my hand. I stared at our hands as she guided me in petting the large animal's long face.
“It’s a jersey,” I told her.
“A jersey?” Quinntessa hummed and looked around at the cattle. “How does Quincy Battles know what types of cows we’re touching?”
“Because my uncle had a farm. The one who passed,” I confessed. She didn’t need to know everything about it. “He had a lot of animals when I was younger. Cows, chickens, horses . . . pigs.”
“Aww.” Quinntessa innocently sparkled at my confession. “Were you around the farm a lot?”
“You could say that.” I shrugged.
She released my hand. I observed her as she picked up some taller grass and held it out to the eager cows. I stood back and let the cattle migrate to her. My fingers ghosted near her hips before recoiling. I shouldn’t get used to touching her when I wanted. It’s not my place.
“I’ve always wanted to live on a farm,” Quinntessa sighed.
“I thought you wanted to be a football player?” I tilted my head. “Go to the NFL? Isn’t that the goal?”
“It is, but—” She gave me one of those dreamy looks that made my knees weak. “If I could have it all, I’d have land. A big library in my house, dogs, a barn, one of those turn around driveways that go in a circle so I never have to back out again . . .”
I chuckled at her adorable confession.
“And a duck.”
“A duck?” I smiled. “We’d need a pond to have a duck, cutie.”
“Well, I like to fish, so it’s a win-win,” Quinntessa added with a smile.
We both slowly fell into silence. I blinked a few times and felt the weight of my words drop onto my shoulders.
My mind filled with heart-aching memories I hadn’t made.
Her. Me. Dominik’s farm. Fishing in the river through the woods with a stupid duck that might follow her and Estelle around.
It was the light at the end of my dark tunnel.
Until my nightmare infected that dream world. That awful memory of seeing the light in her eyes disappear haunted me. I shoved my hands in my pockets and refrained from touching her. There’s no telling what the beast inside me would do provoked by such . . . beauty.
Quinntessa blushed and focused solely on the cows as I stepped back up to the side of the highway.
I ran my hand through my hair and released a breath.
“Fuck.”
Quinntessa’s harmonic cooing to the cows felt like a knife through the chest. She seemed so happy, so innocent. How did she get so tied up in this mess? I wished Sebastian died years ago. Then, I never would have gone through this pain. She never would have moved to Coven.
My eyes closed, and I tilted my head back.
This was my reality. It was worse when I didn’t accept it. I didn’t pray. I swore a shit ton, but I didn’t pray. I didn’t know how to begin when it came to reaching for the stars above instead of below. There wasn’t a place for me where Quinntessa deserved to be.
I hoped there were duck ponds in heaven.