Chapter 49
“WHY” BY SAbrINA CARPENTER
The Chronicles were easy to navigate once I got the hang of looking at my grandfather’s favorite sections.
Sometimes, the names were hidden in comics, and sometimes, they were hidden in the ads.
Unlike my father’s enjoyment of a deadly poem or two, these were less noticeable and flowed with the papers.
I’d taken out four people for my grandfather.
Each time I did, he sent me updates about Chicago.
Although I was glad he kept his word and showed the coaches the football tapes I stole from the Dawson garage, it was depressing.
Every day we grew closer to Valentine’s Day, I felt like I was losing myself.
Focusing on these hit lists was easy. It kept my mind busy around the kennels and Estelle. It was Quinntessa who fucked with my head. Every second I thought about her, I was losing a part of me to her death.
In life and death, she’d have a hold on me.
It was late now. I’d already handled the guy my grandfather arranged for me and ditched the weapon in the river with the rest of them.
A soft whine brought me out of my sleepy state, lifting my head off the bars of the day kennel. I must have drifted off in my thoughts while working on my hunter’s assignment with the dogs again. My hand returned to Scrabble’s head and gently scratched the top of the old man’s neck.
“Do you miss your mom?” I asked him.
Scrabble’s eyes rolled up to look at me. He groaned and adjusted how he wanted to lie against me, his eyes sliding closed once more.
He should already be back in his kennel. Amanda wanted him on a tight schedule, but I felt like I was responsible for him. Quinntessa worried about him every day. I tried to keep her up to date, but I felt like she’d be sad to know Scrabble needed as much help as he did.
Scrabble was sweet. His fur was soft, and his ears flopped around when he played in the yard.
It took him some time to warm up to us, but he was coming around.
Every day, he made progress toward going home, and every day, I was here to take a new photo of him to show Quinntessa when she saw me at school.
“She’s playing football,” I spoke quietly so I wouldn’t disturb the other dogs. “I haven’t had much time with her lately, but she made captain. Captain . . . with her brother. Ah! Scandal.”
Scrabble huffed.
“I know. Your grandpa’s a man-slut,” I grouched.
Quinntessa did look like Christian. It was the little things that made it impossible for me to forget. When I saw them talking to each other, playing on the field together, and each time I compared photographs Levi would give me beside the pictures I had of Christian.
Sebastian was evil for keeping this from them both. They deserved to know they had a sibling. I know if Anastasia were here, I’d have a billion things to say to her. I enjoyed being a little sister and running to her whenever I needed someone to talk to.
I never really thought about how much Anastasia needed someone before she up and left. I wondered frequently where she’d gone. Sometimes, I thought my parents pretended she never existed for their own sake.
It was like she was never here, like our family wasn’t torn to pieces because of who we were.
Who we were . . .
I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
Just a few months ago, I was worried about my smoking affecting my kid. Now, I was making hits for my future in Chicago and luring the kindest soul into the pits of hell.
Scrabble lifted his head as I sniffled and used my long sleeve undershirt to wipe away my tears. My makeup smeared on the fabric.
“Sorry.” I sniffled. “I, um, I just feel really bad for lying to your mommy. When you accidentally bit her, did you feel this bad? You love her. You hurt her and didn’t mean to. I-It… She’ll forgive me, right?”
I wished he could understand me.
Carefully, I took his face in my hands and smooshed his wrinkles. He had a chunky muzzle with a small, cute nose at the end. I noticed when I gave him a bath last week, he has scars all around his neck and some on his stomach. Whatever he went through, Scrabble was living his best life now.
“I bet you hate the color pink.” I laughed lightly. “But you do it for her, huh?”
Scrabble’s orangey-brown eyes moved around my face. He pulled back from my touch and laid his head on my thigh, looking up at me.
I smiled when his tail gave a little weak wag across the tile. He might not like me too much, but he enjoyed when I talked about his mother. There were times I wondered if he only liked me because I smelled faintly of her perfume.
The door at the end of the bite risk kennel area opened, and Scrabble growled low and quickly stood. I pushed myself up from my seat and grabbed my notebook.
Amanda looked through a few kennels and stopped a few feet away when she spotted me in the kennel with Scrabble.
I smiled sheepishly and pointed to the dog.
“He licked my face.”
“Great.” She shot me a look. “Now get out of his kennel, Quinn. You can’t be in there without his muzzle.”
As Amanda approached, Scrabble paced his kennel and released a soft bark. He rushed out the doggy door and watched me with a low growl from outside.
“You’re going to go night-night!” I told him, kneeling and tapping the floor. “Come on, handsome.”
“Quinn.” Amanda opened the kennel door and grabbed my arm. “Come on, honey. Leave him be. Don’t force it.”
“He was just laying with?—”
“I know. He’s very sweet, but he’s also scared and unpredictable. Forcing his recovery at his mother’s pace will not help. If you want to aid him, you need to do what’s best for him and his family.”
I sighed and stepped out of the large kennel. My back pressed against the wall as I watched Amanda go inside and leash Scrabble when he finally came to her.
Scrabble came out and growled at me as he passed, making me roll my eyes.
“You’re as sassy as your mother, Scrabble,” I whispered to him.
I swear on my daughter’s life, Scrabble turned his head and gave me a huff on purpose. He sneezed loudly, his tail wagging lazily before he trotted to keep up with Amanda’s purposeful walk.
“Go home, Quinn.” Amanda paused in the doorway and gave me a kind smile. “Your stepson doesn’t need a kiss before bed.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes as she laughed and left me in the kennel hall.
“Not my stepson!” I called after her. “Dogs are not children!”
I was really glad Quinntessa couldn’t hear me right now.