Chapter 55 #5
Flashes of my nightmares entered my head, but none of them were as horrifying as this.
I closed my eyes and wiped my tears away as much as possible, opening them and hoping this was just another psychotic nightmare. Hoping and praying my girl hadn’t just endured this pain all because of me. All because I was a monster.
Quinntessa was too drunk to care. She couldn’t see the redness on her throat like I could. She didn’t feel the fear that she should feel around me. Hell, she might not have even wanted me to touch her. She was drunk. She was drunk and I was . . . I was a fucking monster.
Quinntessa being intoxicated should make killing her easy, but it only made me more ashamed. A frustrated sob fought to escape my throat as I looked back to see her sitting up, coughing as if none of this was happening.
I took advantage of her.
What the fuck was wrong with me? This was wrong. Wrong. So fucking wrong. Quinntessa was a virgin, and I took advantage of seeing her body, touching her, choking her. Now, she was looking at me like she had done something wrong after I had failed once again to put her into a mindless sleep.
“No, no, I’m just . . .” I didn’t want her to get into her head, not when she was this out of it.
I frantically fixed her sweater to hide her neck and pulled it back down over her body.
“You’re so drunk, okay? I can’t be for you what broke me.
I can’t do that to you. I meant what I said about not hurting you. ”
I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.
Quinntessa stared at me, her eyes rimmed with a distant sleepiness. She tilted her head and pouted like the sweet girl I’d memorized her to be.
“You can try, but you can’t get me pregnant?” she asked, fluttering those big brown eyes at me.
At her words, a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I giggled. Although I felt like shit, she always brought me back around. It was her hand I wanted to pull me out of the dungeon.
“That…that came out wrong,” she mumbled, looking down at her fingers as she crossed her legs under her. “I meant . . . I meant you can’t get me pregnant, s-so we could kiss. A lot. I like kissing you.”
I reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, pecking her cheek. All my worries melted away when her eyes raised. Those pretty, sweet eyes. I leaned forward and hugged her torso, hiding my face in her neck and muffling my laughter there.
This was intoxicating, the way she could make me forget all feelings in seconds. Like she was some sort of siren, all I cared about was her.
I used her sweater to wipe my face dry of tears, but they silently continued to fall. I smiled to myself, feeling her pulse against my cheek and listening to her breathing.
“Quincy?” she asked.
“Yeah, Honeybee?”
“Am I just a player in your fun game?” She gulped down a nervous breath. “Like football.”
I pulled away and let her lay back down. She looked tired. Social situations like parties weren’t for her, so I was sure this entire night exhausted her.
And the fact she got slightly choked out. There was that too.
Quinntessa looked into my eyes as I traced her ear with one of my short black nails. She looked scared now. How did she manage to look so frightened over losing me, but losing her life meant nothing to her? How dark was her soul that she felt no remorse for the shadow looming over her?
“You’re a winner, Qupid,” I whispered, not letting my eyes leave hers. They lit up like Christmas lights. Those beautiful eyes reminded me of the gorgeous, buzzing honeycombs of raw bee farms. “Just like football.”
“I’m your winner?” she asked.
My thumb traced a small star near the heart drawn by her eye, imagining how beautiful she’d look with it tattooed instead of drawn. If Papa forced me to mark her for my kill, I’d put a heart inside the star. She’d take my heart with her to heaven. It’s the closest I’d ever get.
“You’re my winner, Cutie Qupid.” I meant every word.
“You . . .” She hiccupped, a silly smile playing on her lips. “You’re my pretty player.”
I sighed.
How could I ever kill her? Leave her? She was perfect. I was ashamed by how easy it was for her to control me like this. Forget wanting her to be mine, I’d been hers since the day I saw her through the window of her manor.
I leaned in and kissed her gingerly, my hands shaking as I touched her face.
We could always die together.
“Not a game, baby. You’ll never be a game. Just . . . remember that.”
Quinntessa closed her eyes and leaned into me as we laid on the bed together. She smiled to herself and nodded, as if that was all she needed to finally be happy.
It wouldn’t hurt to let her be happy a little while longer.
I closed my eyes and tugged her close to me, her legs tangling with mine. She melted into my embrace, trusting a sick monster without worry.
I was never going to recover from this. There was no power in the world that could stop her from ripping my heart out and turning me into a numb, sadistic fuck when she sobered up. No matter what happened, I had to let her go.
It was the only way to keep her safe.