Chapter 28
HAVE YOU EVER?
Acacius
“Tomorrow, at the first sunrise in the Land of Entity, we are to convene.” Acacius weaved the thick strands of Marina’s hair into a braid as he spoke. “In the Mortal Land, it will be closer to nightfall.”
They’d devised a plan with Ronin and Naia: Acacius and Naia were to meet with the Council and convince them to hold Soren accountable for his actions, and Marina would remain in Hollow City to meet with the traitor, ending in his captivity.
Soren would know they killed the falsified monster, and that Marina and Acacius were captured by the Blood Heretics. He’d be curious what became of them, and Acacius doubted Soren would expect Theon to connect the dots and spill their family’s secret.
Although, even if he suspected, Acacius was confident he would meet Marina tomorrow as if nothing had occurred. Trickster gods like Soren relished when the games that they weaved finally began.
“Do you think Iliana will listen to you?” Marina ran her hand back and forth in the cherry water. Steam drifted from its surface, clinging to her smooth skin.
It was nice to see her relaxed and in the moment.
When entering the hot spring, it had only taken her a few moments to work through her spiraling thoughts—deep breaths with his hand on her chest, peering up and counting the moths. Acacius held pleasure for his role in her progress.
He sat on the step behind her, submerged to his midriff with his fingers in her hair. Moths, white as a spider’s silk, fluttered around them, dancing across his skin.
“Honestly, I doubt it,” he replied. “But I promise to give it my best attempt.”
His mind stirred, the pressure weighing wearily on his chest at the thought of dissent between himself and Iliana, especially without Cassius present. He was the most levelheaded when it came to the three of them.
Marina went quiet, and the only sound between them was water sloshing as he braided her hair.
Soren’s betrayal struck deeply in her, and if he knew her as well as he believed, she berated herself for bringing him into Hollow City, so close to Ash.
“Tell me about the trickster.” He lightly pulled on her strand to get her attention. “Air your grievances. You’ll feel better.”
“I would prefer delivering my grievances to his teeth,” she muttered.
Acacius grinned a little. “Soren will have the same fate as the last god who crossed you, in the core of Tavora’s torment.”
Another long wind of silence passed.
Marina dropped her chin, the movement pulling her hair in between his fingers. “Do you recall the first time that I dueled Keirnan and lost?”
“A little.” Acacius recalled it vaguely. It was centuries ago, and while he’d recalled her fierce persona from Evander’s punishment, she was unseasoned in her power, annoyingly confident, and carried herself in a way that made it obvious she was used to fearful gazes back in Kaimana.
Keirnan had flooded her throat with his Night, suffocating her until she fainted. The duel lasted less than five minutes. Acacius had been the first to depart.
“That was a colossal hit to my pride.” Marina continued to swirl her fingers in the water. A moth landed on her knuckle. She lifted her palm and it crawled to the center of it. “I didn’t know Soren back then, but he was the one who offered his hand to me after I woke.”
Acacius frowned, his fingers pausing in her hair. “What about Viviana and Mansi?”
“Mansi was in Tenebris, hiding away from all the gods and her past, and Viviana stayed alongside her. Months later, I even introduced the false god to them. It’s how Soren and Viviana began their relationship, which only lasted a year or two.
But it was fun for a while, the four of us and whatever slop Mansi brought home.
” The moth trailed up her finger to the edge of her nail.
“They were all present when I received my title. Afterward, we celebrated in Isolde for weeks, lost in the vices it offered, until Mira required me back home.”
The moth flew away, circling the others above.
An ache droned in Acacius’s chest at the sound of her gloom, while wrath raged in his veins, visualizing their treasured friendship and the pain she was now in because of Soren’s ruse.
If Acacius had to guess, the High God’s motive had been to infiltrate Hollow City, use Marina to fish out information, and pin the attention on Acacius while he snuck around everyone to take the child. The question, though, that ate away at him, was why Soren wanted the child in the first place.
Acacius did not have much experience with the lineage of Trickery and Mischief and their exhausting games.
He assumed they were smart enough to avoid crossing deities such as he and his siblings.
The fact that Soren had brought Acacius into his little ploy told him everything he needed to know about the High God.
Soren thought highly of himself, of his power, and the position that he was in.
It would make it all the more sweet when they knocked the arrogant god off his pedestal.
“We won’t let that bastard get the child.” His fingers worked their way down to the end of her locks, twisting and tying the plait. “I will do everything in my power to convince the Council to punish him and keep Ash safe.”
“The meetings are not the same without your brother, are they?” She peeked over her shoulder at him. “Is it redemption that you seek with him?”
Acacius plucked a few of the roses from the nearby column.
“Brotherhood is a fickle thing when you’ve walked in it for as long as Cassian and I have.
My redemption is not necessary, but my truest apology is.
” He frowned as he pinned the roses throughout her braid.
“I want to be a better version of myself before approaching him. That, and I do not wish to disrupt his utopia in Augustus with his mate.”
“You will not bring your Ruin upon them,” she said quietly.
A desolate feeling spread in his chest.
He assessed the braid, noting the empty spaces, and plucked more roses from the vines. “I bring my Chaos with me everywhere I go. It is in my nature to disrupt the quiet.”
It was why Ruelle had used him to cast her vengeance on his brother. His involvement was what spurred the strife between Finnian and Cassius.
“Just as you once told me, Chaos is needed to maintain balance.” Marina placed her palm on his knee and gave it a small, reassuring squeeze. “Regardless of what you think, you are never too much, Acacius.”
Warmth swelled in his chest, honeyed and spilling from the chambers of his heart. Nobody had ever told him that he was enough.
He leaned forward and kissed the top of her hair, finished with his craft. “I appreciate that, Rina.”
She gave him a small smile in response.
He dipped his hands in the water and ran them over his face, relishing in the heat against his cheeks. “And what of you and your nightrazers?”
Marina ran her fingers over the delicate blooms woven into her hair. “What of them?”
His nerves tangled in his stomach at the thought of her meeting Soren without him. He had full faith in her ability to overwhelm the High God, but Acacius’s anxiety crawled the trellis of his mind regardless.
After watching Ruelle cut her own thread, the trauma sowed a seed in him, fearful of the thought of Marina being harmed or taken from him. He needed the reassurance that if she was in danger, her nightrazers would come to her aid.
He brushed his finger over the piece of hair stuck to the side of her neck, watching crimson beads roll down her skin. “Tell me the true reason why you do not call on them.”
When he’d asked before, she’d told him that she no longer wished to rely on them to fight her wars. After learning about her traumatic experience with blood, it made sense that she wanted to overcome her aversion to it by dirtying her own hands.
However, now he didn’t quite buy that to be the only reason. As a creator of his own monsters, he saw them as an extension of himself, of his power, not as a weakness where they did his bidding.
Marina peered out at the lapping swarm of moths entering and exiting through the windows. “They were created out of a place of anger and desperation, manifesting from my darkest desires of revenge.”
“And you are afraid they will act on those innately dark desires?” As someone who regularly fought unhinged urges and deep emotions, he understood what she meant.
“I do not trust myself.”
Acacius lightly tugged on the end of her braid, guiding her head back.
She looked at him from beneath her lashes.
“My Olethros formed from my need for mayhem, but make no mistake in believing that is what holds power over them.” He wrapped his arm around her, settling his palm on her chest. “The will of our hearts is what drives our monsters, Rina.”
She soaked in his words, flitting her eyes over his face. The same way she had way back during Evander’s punishment.
“Thank you for going along with the Blood Heretics today,” she murmured.
Acacius’s stomach fluttered, and his cheeks kindled, touched by her gratitude. “I promised that I was on your side.”
“My side?” The corners of her lips lifted to the teasing lilt in her voice. “Does that exclude everyone else?”
“Your side.” He confirmed, returning the smile. “To hell with the rest of them.”
She lifted her hands up and slid her fingers into his hair, running her nails over his scalp. “I did enjoy watching you exercise restraint.”
He shook his head, grinning at the sound of her amusement as he lowered his lips to kiss her.
Come tomorrow, they would part ways, and just the thought of spending minutes away from her weighed on him.
Marina had become an axis in his daily life, a gravity that took up the majority of his mind.
And, for the first time in the long days of his immortal life, he daydreamed about his future—waking in bed with her snugly at his side, forging her shelves of jewelry, filling his empty kitchen with her favorite wines and the darkest chocolate, creating space in his closet for her dresses, drawing pleasure from her on every isle of Tavora.
I love her.
The realization caught his breath, and he pulled away.
She fluttered her eyes open, and he swam in her obsidian gaze.
Could she ever feel the same?
His fears and insecurities of unrequited love still lingered within him. This time, he wouldn’t confess his feelings first. Not without an assurance that it wouldn’t end with him in segmented, small remnants.
He stroked his thumb up the curvature of her throat to the tip of her chin before brushing the white strand of hair from her face. “Have you ever been in love before?”
“No.” She didn’t have to think about it. “I do not love so easily.”
Acacius drew circles on the side of her neck with his thumb. “Do you think you could? I mean, ever fall in love?”
With me.
He felt the muscles in her back stiffen as she sat up in between his legs and turned to him. The cerise water lapped over her breasts as she stared down, the corners of her mouth tugging.
“I am not sure if I believe in an everlasting love. One that does not evolve into betrayal or deceit or heartbreak.”
He detected the trepidation in her words. After Mira, and Vale, and now Soren, Marina had every right to feel her hesitation.
“You have been let down by those you love all your life, Rina.” He lifted her chin to meet his eyes. “But I will never be one of them.”
She folded her arms over her chest as if to hide herself, unwilling to connect with his gaze. “Can we continue what we are doing and not suppress it with a name?”
Her request sank through him, dejection bruising his heart.
Would they ever make a name for it? Be able to truly confess their hearts and what lay in them to each other?
He respected her, but he would not live out the depths of his anguish again—spending centuries of his life alongside another who he loved in unbalanced reciprocation.
At the sound of his silence, she looked up at him, brow furrowed. “Acacius?”
Perhaps now is not the time.
With the stress of the Council meeting and dealing with the trickster, they could talk about it when it was all said and done.
They would figure this out.
Acacius encased his feelings and gave her a half-smile, lowering his hand from her face.
“Right,” he said. “I understand.”