Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Selena
I stared at the ceiling, listening to the soft snores from across the bed. Everyone in the clan was accounted for, sleeping almost soundlessly in the special bed, even though Odelm still hadn’t woken up after ravishing me in the shower.
I heard what happened from both the princes and Xylo.
They made sure no details were left out—I’m not sure for whose benefit.
I had gotten over the whole “being watched while getting pleasured,” and to be honest with myself, it was never embarrassing—just something I didn’t think I would ever take part in.
Xylo made it a sport to watch me be pleasured by a nestbrother—and in reality, it was part of their species' social dynamic. The nestqueen mates with her Favored as the others watch. I hoped he didn’t start feeling neglected or replaced—but he seemed to enjoy himself or at least enjoy riding my pleasure with me as he watched.
Perhaps the Circuli saw it was a way to bond as a clan. I would have to ask them about it sometime.
Nudity? Wasn’t an issue unless I got cold. I preferred to be skin-to-skin with my nestmates. It just felt more intimate and right.
From what I’d read, there were species in the CEG who kept themselves covered head to toe, while others, like the Circuli, didn’t wear any clothing.
I could understand why they wouldn’t—they were more in tune with nature than most species and had no genitalia to cover.
Whereas the Aldawi always covered theirs with flowy, loose clothing.
Odelm and Xylo had me comfortably sandwiched between them as the princes slept near our feet with the cubs curled up between them. I kissed the center of Odelm’s back and squeezed the arm I had wrapped around his torso.
Xylo mumbled something into my hair, his breath tickling the back of my neck.
His vines squeezed the weighted blanket covering the three of us, enclosing our lower halves together.
Each leg had multiple appendages wrapped around them.
By their location, it had to be the princes trying to unconsciously seek comfort from me in their sleep as their nestqueen.
Xylo and Odelm had problems controlling their appendages around me until I permanently bonded with them.
As it was, neither prince had an issue—yet—but I was betting when we reunited on Destima, they would have trouble.
I wouldn’t postpone completing our bond any longer than that, knowing how painful it could be for them.
Our bond was all political, anyway.
There would be no way I could compare to the connection—and love—they had for each other.
I was an outsider to their relationship and could never become equal.
Not that it mattered—I didn’t want to force my way between them.
What they had together was special and helped them survive all these years together.
That didn’t mean I would mind being between them. I wasn’t blind—they were both handsome in their own way.
Both princes were prime examples of what a male in their respective species looked like.
They had a fuller muscular build than the other Circuli males in the Warrior Class, with more traditional coloring.
I was told other males wished for their coloring—while nestqueens wanted them in their clan, it was the fact they were together that deterred them.
The seriousness that radiated from them had been enough to make me question whether or not I should talk to them—until I bumped into them running off the elevator.
It was then I learned they were kind and caring.
While Odelm was charismatic and charming with his dazzling smile, he had a slim and delicate body that made me appreciate his unique coloring. Odelm was a kind soul—but that didn’t mean he wasn’t strong because he was a musician and not a member of the Warrior Class—he had proved it many times.
Xylo was the wild card. Unlike Odelm—who had feminine Ulax coloring—there was no other Wudox who came close to his uniqueness. Like Odelm, he wasn’t built like the members of the Warrior Class. None of that mattered because he was intelligent and caring.
I had an unexplainable instant connection to both of my original Circuli nestmates.
They didn’t care that I wasn’t like them and carried my own problems. The three of us were kindred souls, and I thanked the Fates and Stars every day for sending me into their paths.
They made me feel like I could do anything I wanted. They accepted my cubs as their own.
Something about them made me feel cherished, loved, and whole.
I know it was foolish to call what I felt for them love, but there really wasn’t any other word that could describe how I felt.
If either of them left me—even though they biologically couldn’t—or died, I would feel like a part of myself was missing, as if they had both carved their names on my soul.
I couldn’t blame the way I felt about them on the permanent bond we shared because Circuli nestqueens rarely fell in love with those not Favored.
Sure, they cared for those in their clan—to a degree—but I got the impression that anyone not Favored wasn’t treated well.
The Un-Favored either accepted they would never be in their nestqueens graces or overworked themselves to become Favored.
I hadn’t seen it personally since I avoided the others on the Destiny, especially after those three Ulax bothered me when I went swimming.
Odelm’s reaction in the shower concerned me and was proof there was some fear ingrained in the Circuli males about not being good enough—an instinctual drive to become their nestqueen’s Favored.
Nestqueens aboard the Destiny had, on average, three nestmates. Most of them kept only two, but others had three or four with a rare five. All of them had far fewer than their Queens, who had ten each.
My mind still couldn’t wrap around how someone couldn’t at least care with whom they shared such a personal connection.
Which led me back to the princes. Yes, I offered the political union, but how would I be able to remain good friends with them? Sharing such an intimate connection, one that controlled their own sexual desires, with them would naturally attract me to them.
Sex wasn’t an issue, just like being naked wasn’t a problem for me.
I had sex with both Zirene and Kaede, and none of it mattered to them. It still didn’t make either of them less of an ishing frax.
I wasn’t nervous about having sex with the princes because for them—like the rest of the Circuli males—it was something more. The first time was about giving their nestqueen their bonding spores and linking themselves to her forever.
Mating was a biological need to permanently bond with their nestqueen. After that, the males only had the drive to perform whenever their nestqueen was in heat, which was once every five years or so.
What if I somehow broke Odelm even more than he already was?
“What did I say about having dark thoughts?” Xylo asked, his mental touch caressing me.
“Did I wake you?” I asked, smiling as I snuggled my rear against his waist petals. “What did you hear?”
“Enough to know you are worried about how to handle the princes,” he said, combing my hair with his fingers.
“I feel lost,” I admitted as I leaned my cheek against Odelm’s back, feeling the coolness against my skin. “When will things get easier? Every time I solve something, two more problems replace it.”
“It seems like that, but you have accomplished an impressive number of things in a short period of time.”
“Xylo?”
“Yes?” he answered, stilling his hand in my hair.
“Why did you keep those secrets from me?” I asked, needing to know the answer. I could no longer wait for Odelm to wake up to ask them both. I was afraid of what mental state he would be in when he woke up and having to wait longer to get the answers I sought.
His arm dropped to my waist as silence fell between us, the only sounds coming from those sleeping around us.
“Zirene knew how self-conscious you felt about your differences when you compared yourself to the other females aboard the Yaarkins ship. He planned to protect you from your doubts and explain things as they came. The demi-human community on your moon? He wanted to introduce you to them personally. The Assembly trial? He was worried about you spiraling due to fear and lack of confidence, making you incapable of defending yourself alone. He saw it happen multiple times, and cases go astray, closing with unfair terms.”
“So, he believed having me unprepared would allow me to come out with the best results?”
“Exactly.” Xylo squeezed me tight against him, breathing in my hair.
“But you weren’t unprepared. You studied hard and learned enough to understand what you needed to do to fight your own battle.
Selena, you were magnificent on the Assembly floor.
If I hadn’t been worried about being disconnected from you and not being able to explain everything to you, I would have smiled proudly. ”
“You weren’t embarrassed?” I asked, confused. I wanted to turn over to talk to him face to face, but the princes had their appendages wrapped around my legs. I was afraid to wake them, knowing they had a lot of responsibilities—especially with the Destiny settling soon.
“Embarrassed,” Xylo chuckled. “You stood up against those princesses and won your case. You made me proud to be in your clan, first chosen by you.”
“And the princes?” I sighed. “I need to know your thoughts about them joining the clan—political or not. Please don’t hold anything back.
I am already worried about Odelm and whether our conversation helped him.
I need to know the truth—your concerns and fears—because it wasn’t my plan to hurt either of you. ”
“It wasn’t our plan to hurt you either, Selena,” Xylo countered.
“I understand your reasoning for accepting the princes. They are respectable males and considered war heroes among the Circuli, even with the minor role they played.” A vine crawled up along my side, its flowered tip pressed against my cheek, pushing my face toward him.
Our gazes met as his teal pupilless eyes burned bright, preventing me from looking away.
“I will not have any ill feelings when you accept their spores, nor will I doubt our relationship if and when they sire any future offspring of yours. You are my nestqueen. I shall treat them like Odelm—a fellow nestbrother in our clan.”
Tears started to fall at his confession. Xylo replaced his vine with a hand and thumbed my tears away as his eyes dimmed in sorrow.
“I am sorry I never asked you or—”
“Selena, Selena, Selena, don’t cry. I am happy with who and what you are. Nothing will change that. If I sire none of your offspring, I will not feel any less for you. Just being your nestmate is enough for me. You have given me something I never thought I would have… I need nothing else from you.”
I twisted the rest of my body—forgetting about trying not to wake the others—and snuggled up against him, his arms and vines welcoming me.
“Xylo,” I sobbed into his chest, breathing in his sweet herbal scent.
His arms enclosed around me as his vines wrapped around any body part they could reach.
“Selena, I have you,” he whispered into my hair. “You are mine, and nothing you can do will make me let go.”