Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Practice was a mess. Julian missed half his cues and kept losing the beat, two things that rarely occurred for any of them, let alone multiple times during one practice or gig.
“What the actual fuck, Julian?” Stix said after they’d stopped for the fifth time because of him.
“I’m sorry. Let’s go again.”
“This is feeling kind of pointless tonight, man,” Troy said. “Your mind is obviously elsewhere.”
Since Julian couldn’t deny that, he didn’t try.
“You want to talk about it so we can get back on track?” Vixen asked.
“No, thanks. I’m okay. It was just a crazy day in the divorce wars.”
“I don’t know how you deal with that shit every day,” Stix said. “Listening to people fight over the family china would make me insane.”
“That’s the least of what they fight over,” Julian said with a small grin, relieved that they were homed in on work stress and hadn’t picked up on the far bigger concern that was screwing up his concentration.
How, in the world, could he have actual feelings for someone he’d met three fucking times?
“Jules…” Troy’s exasperation was apparent. “You’re not even listening. Let’s call it. This practice is a bust. We gotta get our shit together before the Whisky, so let’s practice one more time. Who can do Monday?”
While the others checked their calendars, Julian tried to recall what he was doing Monday night.
Vixen said she had to work Monday, so they moved on to Tuesday.
They were at Wednesday when he snapped out of his own thoughts and pulled his phone from his back pocket to check the calendar. “I can do Wednesday.” He created a new event on the spot so he wouldn’t forget.
“Wednesday it is,” Troy said. Turning to Julian, he added, “And whatever’s going on with you, man, figure it out before then. This gig at the Whisky is the biggest thing to ever happen to any of us. We can’t blow it.”
“I will. I’m sorry about tonight.”
“Shit happens,” Stix said. “But let’s get it right for next weekend.”
The others were gone by the time Denny and Julian walked out together fifteen minutes later.
“I’ve known you a long time, Jules. You’ve never screwed up a practice like that or reneged on a commitment to a friend. Something’s up. It might be easier to tell me what it is, so I don’t have to be pissed with you.”
“It’ll piss you off either way.”
Denny stopped and turned to face Julian. “Tell me.”
Julian hoped that what he was about to say wouldn’t end a friendship he treasured. “I like her.”
“Who?” Denny asked, brows knit in confusion.
“Isla.”
Denny’s brows shifted from confusion to surprise in the flash of an instant. “Wait. What?”
“You heard me. I like her. That’s why I asked Jackson to take over her case. I’m ethically bound to step aside because I’m… you know… attracted to her.”
“You just met her!”
“Trust me,” Julian said with an ironic grunt, “I know. It makes no sense to me either.”
“You don’t ‘like’ women. You sleep with them and cut them loose.”
“That’s not fair. I like them all. I just don’t want forever with them.”
“And you expect me to believe that my sister is somehow different from all the others?”
Julian removed the ball cap and ran his free hand through his hair as he tried to find the words he needed to explain something to Denny that made no sense to him. “I wish I knew, but it was immediate and undeniable.”
Denny stared at him, incredulous. “I don’t even know what to do with this.”
“Neither do I, but I did the one thing I ethically had to do by stepping away from her case. Please tell me you understand that part.”
“I guess so, but none of this makes sense.”
“Remember when you first met Kath? You said you knew in five minutes that she was it for you.”
“This is like that? For real?”
“The immediacy, yes, but I’m not going to do anything about it, so don’t worry.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s the kind of woman who’d expect and deserve forever, and I don’t have that in me.”
Denny placed his hands on his hips as he stared Julian down. “Because of your work?”
“Among other things. Remember the shit show with my parents? Kinda spoiled us for the whole happily-ever-after song and dance.”
His friend tilted his head, studying him in a way that made Julian wish he hadn’t said anything about something that was never going to happen.
When the silence stretched on to the point of discomfort, Julian said, “What?”
“Hear me out on this.”
“On what?”
“I think you’d be good for her.”
Julian was shaking his head before Denny finished the thought. “I wouldn’t be good for her or anyone else because I don’t want the things they want—the white picket fence in the suburbs, with the kids and dogs and Christmas trees. That’s not my life. It’ll never be my life.”
“Who says?”
“I do, Denny. It’s not for me.”
“Because your folks messed it up, you assume you will, too?”
“No. Because my folks messed it up, I never want to put myself in a situation where that could happen to me, too. I don’t want it.”
“So it’s not that there’s something wrong with my sister, then. There’s something wrong with you.”
“There’s nothing at all wrong with her,” Julian said with a sigh. “That’s the problem. Trust me, with everything she’s dealing with, the last thing in the world she needs is a guy like me sniffing around.”
“Maybe you’re exactly what she needs—someone solid and steady and reliable.”
“What is wrong with you? I’m telling you I’m toxic to women, and you’re pushing me toward your suddenly single sister who’s one of the most precious people in the world to you?”
Denny looked away for a second before he shifted his gaze back to Julian.
“She’s not the only one who’s been through a lot with Gabriel.
He came between me and my sister. If I’d had any idea what was really going on with them, I would’ve gotten her the hell out of there ages ago.
So when I tell you that having her with you would give me peace of mind, I mean it. ”
“Don’t give me permission, man. That’s the last freaking thing I need right now when I’m trying to forget this ever happened.”
“How’s that going for you?”
Julian’s deep sigh was his only reply.
“Think about what I said.”
He wondered how he’d think about anything else.
“She deserves a big love with a guy who deserves her. That’s what she’s always wanted.
When she was little, she played bride and wedding and was Mommy to her dolls.
After our parents died, she never played those games again.
She was forced to grow up overnight, and the minute she was old enough, she found a guy to marry and committed to him with her whole heart, even though he never deserved her.
She’s the best mom ever and the absolute sweetest person I know.
It’s been so, so hard having to keep my distance out of fear of driving her away with my obvious, intense dislike of Gabriel. ”
Picturing little Isla playing dress-up as a bride gave him a warm feeling inside, until he remembered that going anywhere near a woman who’d fantasized about love and marriage was the last thing he ought to do.
“I hope she finds that. She deserves the best of everything.”
“Yes, she does.” After a long pause, Denny said, “I appreciate you being honest with me. I know it wasn’t easy to tell me this.”
“It wasn’t, but I don’t want trouble between us. Whatever this was has been nipped in the bud, and life will go on. Don’t give it another thought, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“And don’t say anything to her about it, please?”
Denny nodded.
“I’ll see you Wednesday, then.”
“See you then.”
“We’re all good?” Julian asked, needing to be sure.
“All good.”
They headed to their vehicles.
“Hey, Julian?”
He turned back to his friend. “Yeah?”
“Has this ever happened before? Where you had to step away like this from a case?”
“Not for this reason.”
“Huh. Interesting.”
That wasn’t the word Julian would’ve used to describe it, he thought as he hung his suit in the back of the G-Wagon and tossed his backpack onto the seat.
Julian would’ve said it was shocking, unsettling and a bit…
devastating. He felt the same way he had after he and Aimee broke up, which made no sense.
They’d been together for three years. He’d seen Isla three times, for less than two hours total.
Make it make sense.
He drove home on autopilot, exhausted and annoyed and out of sorts like he’d been since he saw Aimee last month. That should’ve been a reminder of why he needed to steer clear of these sorts of things. Not that he’d gone looking for this.
Hardly.
He was almost relieved when his phone rang with a call from Griffin. “Hey.”
“Jules… The kid is mine.”
Griffin Remington had been in complete shock since he’d received the call from McKenna’s attorney letting him know the paternity test results revealed that he was her daughter’s father. He had a child, and his entire world had spun out of control the second he got the news.
“Griffin.”
“Yeah, I’m here,” he said to Julian, who’d been his first call. His eldest brother always knew what to do.
“Where are you?”
“At home.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I’m already on my way. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Griffin put down his phone and dropped his head into his hands. How in the hell was it possible he had a kid and hadn’t known she existed until a few days ago?
He hadn’t moved when he heard his front door open and close. All his siblings had the code to his beachfront condo in Malibu, and he had codes or keys to their homes, too.
Julian landed next to him on the sofa and put his arm around Griffin’s shoulders. “What can I do?”
“Tell me this is some sort of weird dream and that I don’t actually have a kid?”
“Is that what you want me to say?”
He looked over at the brother who’d always been there for him and the others. Julian was usually their first call when shit went sideways, and his shit was most definitely sideways and upside down at the moment. “What am I going to do, Jules?”
“You’re going to be a father to a child who didn’t ask to be born but is here now and needs both her parents in her life.”
“I’m not ready for this. I have no idea what to do with a kid.”
“You’ll figure it out the same way everyone else does.”
He buried his head in his hands again, not wanting his brother to see the tears in his eyes. The thought of being responsible for a baby… a little girl… was terrifying. What if he screwed it up somehow?
His phone vibrated with a text.
“You’re going to want to look at that,” Julian said.
Griffin was almost afraid to take the phone from his brother.
The message was from McKenna. I’m sorry, Griffin.
I know this isn’t what you wanted. I have no idea how this could’ve happened.
Trust me… It was as big a surprise to me as it is to you.
We don’t need anything from you. I just wanted you to know about her.
She’s the sweetest little thing. If you ever want to meet her, you know how to get in touch.
Her name is Hadley Jane, and she was born on December 23 at 6:35 p.m. She was seven pounds, six ounces and nineteen inches at birth. Here are a few photos of her.
He scrubbed at the stubble on his face, afraid to look at photos that would make her real. “Her name is Hadley Jane. McKenna sent pictures.”
“Are you going to look at them?”
“Yeah.” Griffin felt like he was having a heart attack, or something equally dramatic, as he called up the photos. Upon first glimpse at her tiny, precious face, the one thing that stood out to him was that she looked just like him. “Oh my God.”
“She’s you all over again.”
The massive lump in his throat made it impossible for him to say anything. Hell, he could barely breathe as he stared at the photos. “I’m a father.”
“Congratulations. I’m an uncle.”
“I have a kid, Jules.”
“Yes, you do. Mom is going to flip out.”
Griffin grunted out a laugh. “Yeah, she is. She’ll make Hadley call her Kate.” Hadley. His child’s name was Hadley.
Julian laughed. “No one will ever call her Granny.”
When Griffin rubbed at his face again, he was surprised to find his skin wet with tears. What the hell was happening? He couldn’t recall the last time he’d cried about anything. “We thought there wouldn’t be any kids to call her Granny. That was the plan.”
“Plans change. Shit happens.” He picked up Griffin’s phone and handed it to him again. “You should reply to McKenna.”
“Right.” He stared at the reply screen as he tried to think of what he should say.
“Tell her the baby is beautiful, which she is. Tell her you love her name. Tell her you want to meet her.”
He’d never been more thankful for Julian than he was right then as he replied exactly the way his brother had suggested.
You can meet her any time. Just let me know when. She’d love to meet her daddy.
Her daddy.
He was her daddy.
Hadley’s daddy.
Christ have mercy…
He was a disaster of tears and emotions he’d never experienced before. “What the hell is wrong with me?”
“You just had a baby,” Julian said. “Your reaction is totally normal.”
“She’s really gorgeous, isn’t she?”
“Despite looking like you, she is, in fact, gorgeous.”
Griffin chuckled at the predictable comment. The normalness of that brought him comfort during the strangest moment of his life. “Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out… Not so fast.”
“I know, right?”
Something about the way Julian said that had Griffin wondering what was up with him, but he didn’t have the bandwidth to ask right then.
He stared at the phone screen, scrolling through the photos over and over again, his desire to see Hadley in person growing with every minute that passed. Replying to McKenna’s last text, he wrote, Would tomorrow be okay?
She has a doctor’s appointment with shots that’ll make her cranky tomorrow, so Friday would be better. What time is good?
He started to say after work, but stopped himself, realizing he wouldn’t be able to think about work or anything else until he’d met his daughter. Would eleven be okay?
Noon would be better. She’ll be up from her morning nap by then.
Noon it is. Same address as before?
Yes.
See you then.
“Friday at noon.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“Thank you for offering, but you don’t have to. I can handle it.”
“Are you sure?”
Griffin nodded. “I appreciate you coming when I called. It really helped to have you here when I saw pictures for the first time.”
“I’m glad I was here, too. Congratulations, bro.”
“Thank you,” Griffin said with a laugh. “I think.”
“It’ll be okay. I promise.”
Since Julian had never broken a promise to him, Griffin took his brother’s words to heart as he counted down to noon on Friday when he would meet his daughter.