Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
“Oh. Well…” He was adorable when he was flustered, which she suspected didn’t happen very often.
“I can’t believe you left work to come here.”
“You can’t? Really?”
“No one has ever done anything like that for me, except for Denny and Mrs. V, of course.”
“Well, that’s a damned shame. You should be treated like the queen you are.”
She fanned her face.
“Cut it out,” he said with a grunt of laughter.
“I will not cut it out. I was so happy after the other night.”
“I was, too.”
“I’m tired of being sad and devastated. I want to feel like I did with you. I felt so alive and young and…” She hiccupped on a sob.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. You’re strong and resilient, and you’re going to get through this and find your way to being happy all the time rather than just some of the time.”
“My kids make me so happy, but that night, with you… That was different.”
“It was for me, too.”
“I haven’t felt good like that in so long. Thank you for giving me that.”
“Please don’t thank me. It was a great night for me, too. I’m just so sorry you’re hurting.”
“I’m in shock more than anything. The past several days have been a lot.”
“Yes, they have, which is why I should probably go and give you some space to cope.”
She turned so she could look up at him. “Do you want to go?”
“Not even kinda.”
“Then please don’t. I feel better when you’re here.”
“Can I tell you the statistics for relationships following a divorce or the loss of a spouse?”
“Do you have to?”
“I feel obligated to tell you that we’re possibly setting ourselves up for disaster here.”
“Because you don’t do relationships, right?”
He winced. “That’s not what I mean in this case.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s an attachment forming here, and it wouldn’t be fair for me not to tell you that this is the worst-possible time for you to become attached to me or anyone else.”
“And it’s always a bad time for you, right?”
“Usually, but not with you. It’s different with you.”
“Why?”
He laughed. “The hell if I know, but it just is, and all my usual rules of engagement don’t seem to apply to you.”
“What’re those rules?”
“Be honest from the beginning, keep it casual, no emotions, no commitments, no promises, nothing that would give the other person hope that there’s a future with me.”
“That sounds like a pretty grim way to live, even if you’re doing it to protect yourself.”
“It’s worked for me.”
“I know.” She snuggled in closer to him and put her arm around his waist. “If you feel like this is too much for you, I’ll totally understand, because we’re a lot, and this situation is a lot, and I wouldn’t blame you at all if you ran for your life back to the office, where things make sense to you. ”
“Things make sense to me here, too.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Does that scare you?”
“Not nearly as much as it probably should.”
Theo came into the room, dragging his light blue blanket behind him. He stopped short when he saw her cuddled up to Julian.
She sat up and held out her hands to him. “Are you feeling better, sweetie?”
“A little.” He eyed Julian. “Did you bring the fishies?”
Julian’s lips quivered with amusement. “No, they have to stay at the office with my dad.”
“I love the fishies.”
“They’re so pretty,” Isla said.
“Lots of colors.”
Isla ran her lips over his forehead and was relieved that his fever had broken. “Are you hungry?”
Theo shrugged. “A little bit.”
“You want some animal crackers?”
He nodded.
“Do you want to stay here with Mr. Julian while I go get them?”
“Okay.”
Isla kissed the top of his blond head and settled him with his blanket against a sofa pillow.
“I see the puppies.”
She glanced at Julian. “Code for ‘please turn on Paw Patrol, Mom.’”
“I love Paw Patrol,” Julian said, earning a skeptical look from her.
“For real?”
“What’s not to love? Maybe Theo can remind me of their names.”
“He’d love to.” Isla turned on the TV and handed the remote to Theo, who was better at finding things than she was.
“That’s Rubble!”
“Who’s that guy?” Julian asked.
“Zuma!”
Smiling, Isla left them to get the animal crackers.
Mrs. V was in the kitchen with a cup of tea and one of the many catalogs she enjoyed receiving so she could “window-shop” without leaving her home—or Isla’s. She glanced at Isla with a million questions in her expression.
“Theo wants some animal crackers.”
“How’s he feeling?”
“Much better. The fever has broken.”
“That’s a relief.”
“I hope we don’t get it next.”
“Who’s that handsome drink of water you were hugging in the foyer?”
“My ex-divorce attorney.”
“I figured when he said he was a Remington, and he looks like a lawyer.”
Isla filled a small bowl with animal crackers and a sippy cup with apple juice that she diluted with some water. “What do lawyers look like?”
“They look successful like him. What’s up with him?”
“I have no idea, but I like having him around.”
“Is he the one you ran into at the store the other night?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Be careful, Isla. You’re already dealing with a lot.”
“I know, and he’s done nothing but try to help. Having him around makes me feel better. I can’t explain it. It just is.”
“Do you want me to go home?”
“No, not at all.”
“I don’t want to be underfoot.”
“You’re not. We love having you here. Please don’t go.”
“If you change your mind, you need only say so.”
She went to Mrs. V and hugged her from behind. “I’m not going to change my mind. I need all my people right now, especially you.”
Mrs. V patted her hand. “I’ll stay for as long as you need me.”
“Thank you.”
“Be careful with that sinfully handsome man. He’s got ‘dangerous’ written all over him.”
“Is he sinfully handsome? I hadn’t noticed.”
Mrs. V snorted with laughter. “Liar.”
Isla smiled at her friend and then took the crackers and juice to Theo, who was talking Julian’s ear off about the Paw Patrol characters and their various roles in the story.
“Mawshall is the fire dog. He keeps everyone safe.”
“That’s an important job.”
“He’s a Dal… a… Mommy, what is he again?”
“A Dalmatian.”
“I can never remember that,” he said with a grin for Julian.
“They made a movie about Dalmatians,” Julian said.
Isla shook her head. “Too scary.”
“That movie wasn’t good at all,” Julian said.
“I wanna see it!”
“Sorry,” Julian said with a grimace.
Isla laughed. “Hopefully, he’ll forget about it.”
“No, I won’t.” Theo pointed to Julian’s burgundy silk tie. “Why do you have to wear that?”
“That’s a very good question, sir.”
“Does it squeeze your neck?”
“Every day.”
“Why don’t you take it off?”
“I think I will.”
Isla and Theo watched, fascinated for different reasons, as Julian slid the tie free and released the first two buttons of his gray dress shirt.
Then he hooked the tie around Theo’s neck. “Want me to show you how to make the knot?”
Theo nodded eagerly.
“Come sit on my lap.” When Theo was seated facing away from Julian, he reached around him to show him the moves to make the knot.
“That looks hard.”
“You get so you can do it in your sleep.”
“You can’t do anything in your sleep but sleep!”
Julian laughed.
“Three-year-olds are very literal,” Isla said.
“So I’m discovering.”
Mrs. V came into the room, carrying Mila. “Miss Priss is up and asking for Mommy.”
Isla held out her arms to the little girl. “Here I am, sweet pea.”
Mila gave Julian the side-eye.
He wiggled his fingers at her, and she dove into Isla’s shoulder to hide from him.
“She’s grumpy when she first wakes up,” Theo told Julian as he continued to try to replicate his moves with the tie.
Julian guided him patiently until they had the knot tied.
“I did it, Mom! Look, I did it!”
“You sure did. Great job, honey.”
“I want to do it again.”
Julian untied the knot and walked him through the steps a second time.
Isla thought about the much more important things Julian probably should’ve been doing but couldn’t bring herself to tell him to go back to work, that she’d be fine. She didn’t want him to go, and he didn’t seem in any particular rush to depart.
He glanced over at her while Theo worked on his tie.
She met his gaze, still holding Mila. “This is my life.”
“I know.”
“You should be running for your life.”
“I know that, too.”
Mila squirmed to get free from her mother, so Isla put her down to play on the floor with Theo, who had Julian’s tie looped around his neck. “So why aren’t you?”
“I don’t want to. Unless…”
“What?”
Julian took her hand and linked their fingers. “Would you rather put this on hold for now? I don’t want to intrude during such a difficult time for you.”
“You’re not intruding. I’m glad you’re here, and as hard and shocking as the past several days have been… I’m trying to focus on the future rather than the past and figure out what’s best for myself and the kids and… I don’t want to put anything on hold, even though the timing is less than ideal.”
“That’s good news, because I don’t want that either, but I do want you to promise me something.”
“What’s that?”
“If it starts to feel like too much on top of a lot, you have to tell me. You won’t hurt my feelings, and I’ll still be here when you’re feeling ready.”
“I can do that.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
With their heads resting on the back of the sofa, gazes locked, hands joined, a thrill of anticipation zinged through her. It’d been so, so long since she’d looked forward to anything or been excited about something that wasn’t related to the kids that she’d almost forgotten what it felt like.
“What’re you thinking?” he asked.
“That it feels good to feel good.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling good.”
“I’m still sad and stunned, but I’m glad you’re here, too. I guess all those things can be true at the same time.” After a pause, she said, “Will you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“You should hear what it is before you say anything.”
“Not changing my answer. What do you want me to promise?”
“That if this…” With her free hand, she included the kids. “If it turns out to be more than you bargained for, or if you decide you want to stick with the stubbornly single life, will you tell me? I’d rather you come right out and say it than disappear or ghost me or whatever people do these days.”
“I’d never ghost you, and I promise I’ll tell you if things change for me. But… I need you to tell me if I screw up, because I haven’t done anything like this in almost twenty years, and I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how.”
“You’re doing great so far.”
“It’s early days. Don’t let me screw this up, okay?”
“I won’t.” She looked down at their joined hands, marveling at how natural and normal it felt to be holding hands with him when she’d met him less than a week ago. “Do you need to go back to work?”
“I’m covered for today.”
She still couldn’t believe he’d covered his day, no doubt a complicated proposition, to be with her. He’d done that for her.
“Do you want to get out of here for a while? Take a ride maybe?”
“That’d be nice. We’ve been cooped up all weekend. Where do you want to go?”
“I need to take a run up to Ojai. We’ve got a ranch up there with horses and other animals that my grandfather wants one of us to check on. The kids might enjoy that.”
“They’d love it. Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”