Chapter 29 #2
“A couple of times, a long time ago. My mother bought her house up here when I was in college. I haven’t spent a lot of time here.”
“It’s such a pretty town. I love the Spanish architecture and the rugged coastline.”
Julian nodded in agreement as the turmoil within threatened to boil over. He couldn’t do that to her. Not today.
“What’s wrong, Julian? You’re so tense.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, did something happen? Other than, well…”
He knew she meant the decision they’d made together to stop this thing while they still could. How funny that seemed now that he understood there was no stopping destiny. “A couple of things happened, actually.” So much for not dumping on her today of all days.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Desperately, but today is your day. You’ve got enough to deal with.”
“Please give me something else to think about.” She released his hand and put hers on his leg, branding him with her heat as she moved closer to him. “Talk to me.”
Part of his job was knowing when all was lost in a situation, when he had to advise his client to take the best deal they were going to get and walk away with their dignity intact. In many ways, this reminded him of that as he threw up the white flag in surrender to the inevitable.
“I was sitting here before, watching the surfers, enjoying the day, and it occurred to me that I love you.”
She gasped. “What?”
He glanced at her, enjoying her astounded expression, flushed cheeks, wide eyes and kissable lips. “I love you, Isla. I’m in love with you.”
“You… I… I thought…”
“Yeah, so did I. We agreed this couldn’t happen because we want different things out of life, but as it turns out, the only thing I seem to want out of life is you.
And your kids, God help them. You’ve just been to your husband’s wake, everything is in an uproar right now, it’s the worst possible time for something like this, and yet…
there’s absolutely no denying that I love you. ”
“Julian…”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.”
After a long moment of silence during which he was increasingly focused on the feel of her hand on his leg, she said, “I’m pretty sure I love you, too.
No, wait… I’m absolutely sure I do, because when we decided to call this off, the ache was unlike anything I’d ever felt, even when I lost my parents.
I wouldn’t have thought anything could’ve been worse than that, but losing you was. ”
“You haven’t lost me. That is, if you’re willing to take on a major fixer-upper who’s probably emotionally stunted and the biggest skeptic in the history of the world that something this amazing can possibly last.”
“It can last if we both want it more than anything.”
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
She looked over at him, smiling. “That’s a pretty good place to start.”
“I also want you to know that despite all my vows to avoid the trappings of marriage, I’d do it for you if it’s what you really want.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder and gave his leg a squeeze that made him instantly hard for her. “You said several things happened while you were gone. What else?”
“I saw my parents.”
Her head came up as she spun around on the bench to face him. “What? Where?”
Julian pointed to the sandy path that led to the parking lot. “Right there. Holding hands, laughing, chasing after my mother’s little dog, Snowball, without a care in the world. They never looked my way.”
“Oh, Julian. My God. That must’ve been shocking.”
“Not as shocking as it would’ve been without Kaidan tipping us off that she thought they might be back together.”
“But still… To see it with your own eyes.”
“Yeah.”
“Have you told the others?”
He shook his head. “I was still processing it when I came to pick you up and using it to try to talk myself out of the thing I just told you.” His face lifted into a small grin. “As you can tell, I failed miserably at trying to talk myself out of telling you how I feel.”
“I’m glad you failed,” she said, smiling, “but I want you to know, even though you love me and I love you, you don’t owe me anything.
I understand why you feel the way you do about marriage and divorce.
I don’t blame you for wanting to avoid the whole potential mess.
I was also thinking after we talked the other night that I’ve learned, from my own experience, that there’s something to be said for being able to leave, if need be, without having to legally dissolve a family. ”
He hated to think about dissolving anything with her.
“As someone who dissolves families for a living, there’s a lot to be said for the freedom to leave if it comes to that.
I think it’s actually a bigger deal to be together simply because you want to be and not because the law says you have to be after you put on a puffy white dress and make public vows. ”
“I hate being the center of attention. If I ever get married again, it won’t be in a puffy white dress in front of people.”
“I love learning new things about you, such as you hate being the center of attention. Would it be okay if you were the center of my attention?”
She gave him a saucy grin that lit up her lovely eyes. “I think I could live with that.”
“That’s good, because I don’t think I could live without you now that I know you exist in the world.”
“Same.” She leaned forward to meet him halfway in a soft, sexy kiss full of hope and anticipation. “So, what does all this mean?”
“I guess we’re choosing to be together for as long as it works for both of us.”
“That sounds perfect,” she said with a sigh. “And you won’t have to deal with your brothers if we’re not getting married.”
“I don’t care what they think, and if it’s all right with you, I’d like to reserve the right to possibly change my mind in the future about marriage.”
“You can reserve all the rights you need to be comfortable in this arrangement.”
“I want to make you comfortable to do anything you want, whether it’s full-time motherhood or going to school or pursuing a career. Whatever makes you happy. But I do have one request.”
“What’s that?”
“I’d rather you not work at the Whisky. I’ve spent far too much time in bars and clubs, and it gives me hives to think about you being harassed by men while you’re working. I wouldn’t have a minute’s peace knowing you were fending off morons—or actual creeps.”
“I need to be financially independent.”
“You are financially independent. The money your parents left is yours. I could set you up with the woman who manages my accounts to help you if you want some advice. I’ll cover the day-to-day stuff, so you don’t have to worry about any of that.”
She bit her lip as she considered what he’d said. “I’m worried I might someday find myself back in the same situation I was in before—financially, that is—if this doesn’t work out.”
“Thanks to your brother and your parents, you’ll never again, for the rest of your life, be in that situation. But no matter what happens between us, I’ll always be there for you and the kids. That’s my solemn vow to you—and one I’ll keep no matter what.”
“Even if I do something terrible?”
He gave her a side-eyed look. “What do you have in mind?”
“Nothing at the moment.” She laughed at the face he made. “But life has taught me to prepare for all scenarios.”
Julian turned to face her, tucking a strand of her lovely hair behind her ear.
“I don’t want you to worry about anything ever again.
Whatever happens, we’re in it together. I’ll never leave you stranded or scared or uncertain.
I think you’ve proven, beyond a reasonable doubt, that you can more than take care of yourself and your kids.
How about you let me take care of you going forward?
Let me make your life easier while you make mine worth living. What do you think?”
“I think that meeting with a divorce lawyer is going to turn out to be the best thing I ever did.”
Smiling, he kissed her and then held her as close as he could get her on the bench. “I think you’ll turn out to be the best ex-client I’ll ever have.”