Chapter 26 Neve #2
“No. I felt myself die. It’s a strange feeling, Neve.
Kind of like nothing at all. I was aware the moment my passing happened, and a sort of peace settled over me.
Then the cold came, and it was like something pushing me down until I was trapped in my broken body again.
I think I passed out. When I awoke, I was the only living person in a pile of dead, and I no longer felt the cold.
I made my staff when I finally climbed out of the bodies and collapsed into the frozen lake below.
I thought I was going to drown, but I just floated there until I eventually resurfaced.
There was a long branch on the shore, and I took it.
It helped me walk when I was weakened, and eventually, it became mine.
That was some weeks before I ended up in the dungeon.
I hadn’t been an ice mage very long when your parents captured me. ”
“So, when they wanted to know about your magic and the moon…”
“I had no idea. It took me a long time to learn how to use it, longer to accept it. I met the other Reapers when I finally felt I had a decent grasp on my gifts and left the Frostlands. They grew up, we became closer, and then the Mad Queen killed us. I don’t know whether it was always my fate to die twice or if I just have a habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. ”
I think over everything Ban tells me; it’s easier to focus on his dark past than mine. It feels less raw.
“I was twenty-six when I died,” he says in a voice so calm it’s hard to believe he’s sharing the tale of his death.
“After the dungeon, I wandered. I knew things were amiss in the kingdom, so I lingered, trying to understand. I once heard your mother talking about the frozen sleep and a spinning needle, and that started my search. It was some years before I heard more about it. Maybe seventy or so. I met the other Reapers when I traveled south to Sherwood, back when they were living mortals. Teens, in fact, when our paths first crossed. I didn’t grow close to them until about eight years later.
We were friends for almost a decade before the Mad Queen killed us again. ”
“So much death,” I whisper. “It’s all you’ve ever known.”
“When something is all you know, my queen, it becomes a part of you. I’m better for it.”
Sighing, I force myself to stand. It’s still dark outside, but the sky is a little bit lighter. The snow is more distinct. Morning approaches, and with it, all the burdens I’m avoiding.
I just want to stay here, in the snow, a while longer. I could go hide in the cavern again, but whatever secrets the frozen woman holds feel too daunting to contend with right now. If I go back to the kingdom, what’s left to find?
Cringing, I glance toward Ban as he rises too. “Where do we go from here?”
“First, we need to find the others. You should rest after your injuries, and we can go back to the capital when you’re ready–”
“My mother,” I say quietly, cutting him off. “I killed her.”
“I killed her. You can blame me for this one, Neve. She had already attempted to kill you by tearing out your spine.”
Reaching behind me, my fingers ghost along the cool spot at the back of my throat. “How, how did I survive?”
He holds up his hand, and I can see his palm when a little frozen snowflake appears above it.
“It was Odette’s idea. She suggested using my magic to fuse your spine into place.
I’m not a healer. I’ve never done that before.
I was worried I’d kill you faster. But we needed to get your spine repaired before anything else could happen.
” His voice hardens, and he crushes the snowflake with a fist. “Your mother ripped out your spine. Two big, frosty hands opened with her magic and tore it straight from your back. I killed her because I thought she had killed you.”
It’s like the memory from the dreamscape. “I… I sort of recall that happening. It all blurred together. The Sandman–”
“Sandman?” Ban interrupts. “Like what Glacia said?”
“Dreammaker,” I grumble, thinking it over. “There are a lot of names for him. Hans is also one of them.”
“You know his real name?” Ban asks, sounding stunned.
“Yeah. He came to me when I was…” I try to figure out how to word it. “After my mother ripped out my spine. He was there, showing me things. Davina and Lancelot leaving, for example.”
His fingers skim down my side, hesitant, as though he’s worried he’s going to hurt me. “We have much to discuss.”
Turning, I step a little closer, his fingers trailing along my hip instead of resting on my back.
I frown, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“My back aches, Ban, but it’s not unbearable like it was at first, or even when I woke up.
Whatever you did with your magic, it seems to be working.
I’m not going to break because you touched me. I’m stronger than that.”
He spins toward me, sliding his hand to the bottom of my spine.
He really is worried about my pain, his breath coming out in a little puff between us.
“You’re the first person I’ve seen die, Neve, who I’ve also been able to save.
Your magic and mine are similar enough that I could put your bones back together when your mother tore them apart.
Forgive me for being a little concerned that five days later you aren’t fully healed. ”
“It’s been five days?” I ask, surprised. “It didn’t feel that long in the dreamscape.”
“You slept for a hundred years and didn’t believe me about that at first, either,” he replies dryly, his other hand skirting along my hip.
Every little touch makes me feel alive. “I had to put ice across your back where your skin tore. Odette had some bandages; they sort of stemmed the bleeding, but for the most part, it was trial and error. Zarev had to help me move you, so we didn’t upset your injuries further, and I kept applying ice to keep you cool. The weather here also seemed to help.”
“I haven’t seen the injuries,” I say quietly.
“I know it hurt a lot at first, and I remember feeling you grab me, but that’s all there really is until I woke up.
Even the pain in the dreamscape wasn’t as bad as it probably should have been.
Now it’s just an ache, but a manageable one.
” I lean forward, dropping my head onto his chest. “Thank you for saving my life. Again.”
“Indebted to the Queen twice,” he replies, rubbing my shoulder. “Anytime, my Neve. I’ll stay at your back for any battle you have to fight.”
A strange warmth blooms in my chest; I’m not used to someone validating me. Even before, when I had my father and what I thought was my mother’s love, they didn’t talk me up like this. They were sure I would need guards, protection, a plan, allies, and all sorts of things.
Ban seems certain; all I need is him.
We stay pressed together for many moments, my hands wandering across his skin.
He’s still shirtless, the hard ridges of his body impossible to ignore with my cheek pressed against him.
His oversized shirt ensures the shredded dress doesn’t destroy my dignity, but with no one else around, I don’t really care.
Besides, I think I can see spirits now. Or at least the Icebound ones. If anyone did try to sneak up, surely Ban would know.
Leaning up on my bare toes, his eyes catch mine. He closes the distance between us, the frosty chill of his body welcoming mine. I swear it feels like the ice at the back of my neck holding my spine together trembles at the touch.
Testing the waters, because my heart and my body are not on the same page, I slide my hands down his naked chest to find the waistband of his trousers. Ban hisses, rocking his hips away from me.
Rejection hits me before he gets to speak. “Fucking hell, Neve.”
I pull away from him, his eyes nearly burning into mine. “I thought–”
He cups the back of my neck, and the ice under my skin seems to hum with life.
“Don’t be mistaken, little Queen. I would absolutely love to fuck you off the side of the cliff, but I didn’t spend most of a day rebuilding your spine to blow it out in an hour.
Give me another day of rest and I’ll give you anything you ask of me. ”
A thrill shoots through me. I really don’t want to give him another day; the ache in my back doesn’t feel like enough of a reason to stop me.
When it’s clear he can see the war in my eyes, he sighs and caresses my cheek. “I watched you die, Neve. And I barely got you back together again. Then you went and climbed a mountain instead of resting. One day.”
Finally, I give him a soft grin and nod. “Fine, one. If you don’t deliver, mage, I’m coming for you myself.”