Chapter 15
Nairie
As I walked down the stairs, William was leaning against the front door on his phone. Of course, he looked drop-dead gorgeous in just a thermal and jeans. His shirt sleeves hugged his bicep muscles just right.
William looked me up and down as I joined him and put a hand on his chest.
He smiled with a twinkle in his eye. “Gorgeous.”
A blush colored my cheeks, and my stomach flipped.
***
Even after a long drive to a small cove in Malibu, I still felt gooey at William’s term of endearment. The streetlights illuminated his profile, and I admired it as discreetly as I could.
“So, is there a tour guide?”
He smirked, never taking his eyes off the road. “You’re looking at him.”
No surprise there. William was extremely athletic. If he wasn’t on the water, he was mountain bike riding, BASE jumping, or snowboarding.
His hands deftly glided over the steering wheel. “I packed us a little picnic once we get back to shore, too.”
The parking lot was empty, and the mountains towered behind us like gods watching mortals perform outdoor theater. The full moon illuminated the ocean—its dark waters glittering, reflecting the starry sky above.
William took the kayak toward the water while I changed into the wetsuit he gave me in the car. We weren’t intentionally swimming in the water, but just in case we fell in, William wanted me to be safe in the cold.
By the time I was done, William was also changing into his wetsuit by the trunk. I watched him pull up the material over his muscular thighs and his thick abs. His hair was disheveled and cute. I wanted to devour him.
Then, he took two life jackets and put one on me, which sobered my mood real quick. “I gotta wear this thing?”
He fastened it on top of my shoulders and squeezed my arms. “Afraid so.”
“But aren’t you a badass ex-soldier? You’d be able to save me.”
“That’s true. But just in case I get eaten by a shark before I can reach you, life jackets are mandatory.”
I gulped at the thought and carried the front of the kayak while William got the back as we walked to the water.
“You take the front seat so I can guide you on how to paddle.”
I stepped into the icy water, and it was like a million knives stabbing into my skin.
My breath hitched. “Oh, dear god.”
William laughed. “Hop in.”
I clumsily entered my seat, trying not to knock the boat over as William held it steady.
We set off on the calm water, and I tried to use my paddle, but we were stagnating.
“You’re using it backward. Try the other way,” he said gently.
I laughed nervously and tried again. We eventually found a smooth rhythm, with William doing most of the work, until we were farther away from shore.
My nerves ratcheted up as the sound of traffic slowly dissipated.
Small waves lapped against the kayak, making it more apparent that we were in deep water in the middle of the night.
I white-knuckled the oar. “Uh, could we take a break?”
“Sure.”
He seemed completely unaware that I was on the verge of a panic attack. Maybe I could get through this one in secret. The boat swayed as I tried to get my bearings. But the panic attack was imminent. My hands started sweating, and my heartbeat accelerated.
I held my breath. Not here. Not now.
“You okay?”
I squeaked. “Yeah, it’s just we’re kind of far out from land. And it’s pitch black.”
I heard the sound of him placing his oar down behind me. “Take a breath.”
A small wave rocked the boat slightly, and my fear spiked as I gripped the sides. I let out a yelp and shut my eyes, paralyzed with fear.
His voice was stern but calm. “Nairie, listen to me.”
I stilled but kept my eyes closed.
“I want you to lie back.”
“What?!”
“Trust me, just lie back. The boat isn’t going to tip over. I’m right behind you.”
“I don’t think I can move. Seriously. I’m terrified.”
“Nairie, listen to my voice.”
I tried to focus.
“Breathe in.”
I sucked in a tiny gasp of air.
“Breathe out.”
We did this a few times until I took in a proper deep breath.
“Alright, now slowly lean back into me. I’m right here.”
I kept a grip on my paddle and my eyes tightly shut but let my back fall inch by inch.
The back of my shoulders brushed against his knees, and my head rested in his lap.
William took his hand and gently caressed my face. “Open your eyes.”
I peeked one eye open and then the other. Above, the black sky was littered with sparkling stars, illuminating him like the mystical night king of my dreams.
“Oh . . .” I breathed out.
William smiled, his eyes glittering like the starry sky above. “I wanted to show you the view on the water.”
He stroked my cheek with his thumb, and I smiled up at him. “Okay, this isn’t so bad.”
William chuckled. “Glad we came out?”
“Well, I could have done without the panic attack.”
“Let’s just wait here until you’ve calmed down.”
“Deal.”
We both stared at the sky for a long time. William pointed out some constellations, and we were able to see a couple of shooting stars. He absentmindedly stroked my cheek as he spoke about some of his missions around the world, and my anxiety slowly melted away.
Eventually, I mustered enough courage to get back up and paddle to shore. We changed out of our wetsuits and brought some firewood from William’s trunk toward a nearby firepit.
He brought some hot dogs for us to roast, and we sat side by side, waiting for them to cook. He put his jacket over my shoulders and hung his arm around me.
I looked at him and smiled, embarrassed about my reaction on the water. “Sorry for freaking out.”
He returned my smiled. “No need to apologize. Do you get panic attacks often?”
“Not often.” I shifted uncomfortably. “Just when I’m out of my comfort zone. Or if I’m really stressed. And sometimes when I hear the heater turn on at the house, it makes this really scary noise. But that’s it.”
William laughed. “You and I lead very different lives.”
I snorted. “Yes, we do. I know you love this adventure stuff.”
“It helps calm my nerves, actually.”
“Oh?”
William shifted the wood in the fire. “Yeah, there was a lot of adrenaline when I would go on missions. You get addicted to it. Being active and doing new things usually does the trick.”
He played with my hands in his. “Do you feel better conquering your fear?”
“I don’t think I’ve conquered it quite yet, but yeah, it felt really good going out there. Thank you for taking me.”
William kissed my cheek, and we ate in comfortable silence, looking out onto the dark, shimmering water.
He discarded our trash in a bag we would take back to the car.
We snuggled closer, listening to the crackle of the wood and crash from the waves.
“Tell me about working with your parents,” he said.
I shrugged and traced his hand in mine. “It’s as good as it can be.”
William waited patiently.
“Fine. Is my mom a micromanaging dictator? Sure. Is Baba a hoarder, so all I do is organize paperwork that manages to double in size every time I turn my back? Yes. Is every day a nightmare that doesn’t end?
Not to mention, I do every single thing they ask outside of work.
I mean, not once have I said no to anything.
I go to all the banquets, family functions, and blind dates. ”
Realizing I had gotten a little carried away, I looked at him and laughed. His lips curved into a smile, highlighting his strong jaw in the amber light.
“It’s a work in progress. Maybe I’ll become a successful artist one day.” I sighed.
“There’s no doubt in my mind you will be, love.”
My insides turned to goo, and we continued to gaze at the water for another long moment.
“Can you tell me what’s going on between you and Angus?”
William’s body tensed. “It’s complicated.”
“I get it. He always seemed like a dick when we were kids.”
William chuckled. “Yeah, he wasn’t great.”
I snuggled closer to him on the blanket and leaned my head on his shoulder, squeezing his hand in reassurance.
It was a few minutes before he spoke again.
“Angus was always reckless. A lot of the time, I felt like the older brother because I’d remember to go to the grocery store when Mum was too busy working, or I’d make sure to get him to come home from the pub when he was out too late.
He also didn’t mind taking his frustration out on me if one of his horses lost at the races. ”
My heart broke. “I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“I didn’t want you to know. Visiting you guys was a break from it all. Lindsey was actually the one who paid for our plane tickets because we couldn’t afford it. ”
Thinking of the art set he bought me when we were young took on a whole new meaning now, knowing how long he must have saved to buy it. I held back tears and waited for him to continue.
“Needless to say, he got into some bad shit by the time I was a teenager.”
“Like what?”
“He was involved with a drug ring. I knew a lot of what he was doing was wrong, but for the first time in a long time, we didn’t have to worry about Mum working three jobs at a time just to put dinner on the table.
So I helped him with small things at first, like delivering messages or packages.
Then I started roughing people up for him. ”
My stomach plummeted. “How old were you when it started?”
“Fifteen.”
My heart shattered. I remembered that year. William was particularly surly and difficult around Elspeth and me, but I’d assumed it was teenage angst.
“I’m so sorry, William.”
He shrugged. “I was always good at fighting. Once they knew that, they wanted me to officially join. Become their designated hit man of sorts.”
“Did you go through with it?”
William sighed heavily. “I was going to. I was on my way there when something stopped me. In the beginning, one of the leaders of the gang paired me off with his daughter. He saw the potential in me. At the time, I enjoyed her attention, but I was young and dumb. The same night I was going to get initiated, I found Angus and her in bed together.”
My jaw dropped.