Chapter 19
William
I’d been in countless situations in battle.
I knew how to keep a calm head when shit went sideways.
So when everything happened at the banquet, I took it all in stride, preparing to give CPR if necessary.
But navigating Nairie’s walls was something else entirely.
I could feel her closing me out, and it broke my heart.
Her parents’ judgments about me stung, but hopefully, they’d come around in time.
Given the circumstances, I wanted to reschedule my return trip home and stay with Nairie for as long as she needed me.
I was even willing to miss out on Angus getting arrested.
I got the call a few days ago that the sting would be ending soon, but she was my priority now.
I wanted to be by her side for the bad times as much as the good because I knew this strong, beautiful woman who so rarely relied on others could rely on me.
It felt like an honor, but what Nairie said next truly shocked me. “I think we should take a break.”
I looked at her confused and stopped stroking her back as we sat side by side. It had been a few hours since we’d gotten to the hospital, and Nairie’s father was stable.
“Where’s this coming from?” I said calmly.
“There’s so much going on right now. You have to go back home, and I’ll need to take care of my Baba for who knows how long. It’s too much all at once.”
“Nairie, it’s a lot to take in, but we can work through this together. Your parents will come around.”
Her voice broke. “No, they won’t. Baba nearly died because I stressed him out so much.”
“Love, this wasn’t your fault.”
Nairie’s voice came out as a whisper as she squeezed her eyes shut. “Please. I’m so tired, William. I have to focus on my family right now, and you have to go back home.”
I kneeled in front of her. “Look at me.”
Nairie’s beautiful brown eyes were magnified by her tears.
“I can postpone my trip. I can stay for as long as you need me.”
Nairie sucked in a breath and shut her eyes. “I won’t let you do that.”
“Nairie . . .”
Nairie looked at me with so much sadness and desperation. “Please, give me some time. Please?”
My heart shattered. I couldn’t help but notice how different this pain felt from when I found Shannon in bed with Angus. I was sore about it for years, angrier at Angus than sad about Shannon.
I didn’t truly know pain until this moment. The thought of leaving Nairie was utter agony. My breathing constricted, and my eyes were on the brink of tears. My skin felt hot, and my fists clenched to try and hold onto whatever we had.
There was no debate about the depth of my feelings now.
I loved this girl with all my heart. My soul recognized hers.
I knew then I could never truly let her go.
What she needed was time, and she needed to come to the realization on her own.
The thought of leaving her in this state tore at the fabric of my being.
I wanted to stay, to make her see that she needed me and I needed her.
But I would do anything for her, even if it meant waiting for her.
I breathed in and stroked the side of her face. I brushed away her tears with my thumb. “If that’s what you really want. But this isn’t over for me, Nairie. It’ll never be over for me because I love you.”
I wanted to tell her under better circumstances, preferably in some romantic setting or in bed together, but timing was never on our side. She looked at me awestruck, licking her lips, trying to find the words, but I kissed her and left before she could respond.
Every step I took set us farther and farther apart. She would have a chance to say it back to me when she was ready.
***
The next day, I was saying goodbye to Elspeth at the airport and tried to ignore the twist in my gut. Elspeth agreed it was better for Nairie to work through this on her own, and I had to trust that.
Elspeth hugged me tightly. “She loves you, Will.”
“I know.”
“She’ll figure it out soon enough.”
I pulled away and smiled down at her. “I’ll miss you. Come visit me soon if you don’t fuck up the pub before then.”
Elspeth punched my arm. “So little faith. I’ve got things under control now. Thank you for helping me and staying for as long as you did. I’ll come see you for Christmas. Promise.”
“Good.”
We shared one last hug, and I boarded the plane.
Coming back home felt good and depressing at the same time.
The cold, wet rain was a stark contrast to those long summer days in LA, but I welcomed it since it so often matched my mood.
That familiar emptiness I used to carry before Nairie made its return, and I heaved a sigh as I drove up the small hill to the inn.
It was perched at the top, so it had a good view of the sea.
The forest and mountains surrounded the inn, making it feel nestled and secret, and there were plenty of trails for guests to wander.
There was even a loch nearby where hikers could explore.
Each window had red shutters and flower boxes to make it homey.
I walked up the cobble steps toward the front door. Even though we renovated it, we kept the charm, like the chipped stoneware and moss growing over the sides of the building. A warm, inviting scent of freshly baked bread hit me as soon as I entered the foyer.
When we inherited the property, it only had five bedrooms, but we expanded to twelve and added five additional private cottages along the perimeter. Although two were taken up by Mum and I.
Mum decorated the whole inn, curating vintage furniture and rustic decor for each room and communal space.
It was a labor of love, but I was glad to have her passionate about something again.
For the longest time, she was putting in long hours at various odd jobs, cleaning or bartending.
Now she could enjoy relaxing a bit, even if relaxing to her still meant a full day’s work like leading the hiking tours, tending the gardens, and helping me manage the estate.
My steps were muffled by the worn runners protecting the original hardwood floors beneath.
As I walked through the main living areas to get to my office, I was stopped along the way by various employees.
Winnie, the head housekeeper, didn’t so much as say hello before going off into a rant about how the carts keep snagging on the second-floor carpet by the elevators.
Another fix I’d have to add to my endless list. Poppy took care of the front desk, making sure guests were properly taken care of, and trailed me as I kept walking.
She was an eternal optimist, and people often took to her very quickly.
She was also my cousin and caught me up on the latest family gossip.
She delved into her brother Henry’s current love life.
He was dating someone the family didn’t approve of for some reason or another.
It was hard keeping up while trying to sift through the mountain of mail and paperwork waiting for me at my desk.
There was no reprieve from all the work I had to catch up on. Phillip, the cook, had brought me my meals so I could do it all without taking a break. Luckily, he was the quiet type and left me to work in peace.
It wasn’t until dark that I decided to give it a rest. It helped that I never really took a break while in LA, so everything more or less fell into place now that I was back.
Mum and Poppy had done a pretty good job taking care of the things I may have missed, and I rubbed my face as I looked out the windows.
The dark expanse of the side yard bordered the forest. If I went past the trees, I’d find the sea, and I had an itch to go and take a walk, even though it was dark.
A soft rap at the door drew my attention, and when I turned back to the room, Mum was smiling softly.
She’d never been able to spend much quality time with Angus and me while growing up, so in recent years since I’ve been back, we’d worked on rebuilding our relationship.
She apologized for not being a more attentive mum, and it was the closure we both needed to move forward.
Slowly but surely, we were no longer strangers.
“How was your trip?” she asked.
Her short blond hair was streaked with gray, and she wore a different pair of floral glasses every day. Today’s was lavender, and it made her blue eyes shine a little brighter. I got up from the creaky wooden office chair and went to hug her.
She smelled like banana bread, coffee, and ocean air. “It was good. Took care of Elle as best I could. I think her pub should stay afloat if she plays her cards right.”
“How’s she doing with her mum’s passing?”
“She seemed strong but sad. She had a lot of help before I got there.”
“That’s good. I always liked Lindsey. She was a good woman. I wish I could have gone to the funeral.”
“When are you going to get over your fear of flying? There’s a whole world out there waiting for you.”
Mum scowled. “I don’t need to see the world. And in any case, I should be worrying about you. You look like hell.”
I rolled my eyes and scrubbed my face with my palm in tiredness. “It’s been a long day. I didn’t get much rest on the plane.”
Mum eyed me suspiciously. “Is that all?”
I’d spent years on covert missions where lying and espionage were a constant.
But put me in a room with my mum, and she’d know everything in minutes. “That’s all, Mum. I think I’m going to bed.”
She huffed and let me walk past her, but I knew the conversation was far from over.