Chapter 21
Nairie
After a couple of weeks, Baba was on the mend, and I was back to living in my parents’ house to help take care of him.
Things were still strained between us, but they didn’t bring up William, and I went along as if I’d never moved out in the first place.
Now my time with William felt more and more like a dream.
I’d been speechless as I watched William leave the hospital waiting room. All I wanted to do was roll up in a ball and cry. I wanted William to stay but also wanted him to move on. It was the right thing to do, even if it tore me apart. I was confused, tired, and sad.
Everything felt muted without him around. I was ashamed of how I pushed him away, but I focused all my energy on making Baba better. It was easier to do that than to face the chasm of despair.
Elspeth stopped by to visit regularly, and today, we were in the garden, soaking up the sun and drinking iced tea.
“So.” Elspeth lolled her head to the side to look at me. “I’ve been avoiding asking you this until your dad was in better shape, but has William contacted you at all?”
I looked back at her as she continued to bask in the sun. “He texted me once when he landed.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he’d still be there for me. Whenever I’m ready. And that he loves me.”
“Did you respond?”
“I can’t.”
“What are you afraid of?”
My eyes brimmed with hot tears, and I swiped them away. “Hurting my parents. They’ll never accept us together.”
Elspeth sighed and held my hand. “Do you love him?”
I avoided her stare and looked at a small bird pecking crumbs off the ground. “It doesn’t matter.”
She turned to fully face me. “I’ve never seen either of you so happy. And you’ve only had like, what, one panic attack since you’ve been together? And even then, he helped you through it. He’s good for you, Nairie. Isn’t it obvious?”
“I know. But it’s not worth the stress it’ll cause my parents.”
“It’s not worth it? What about your stress and heartache?”
She got up and crossed her arms in frustration. “God damn it, Nairie. You know what I would give to feel that way about someone?”
I looked at her, surprised. Elspeth had always been boy crazy and independent, never letting anybody tie her down.
“I thought you liked being single?”
Elspeth snorted. “Yeah, it’s fun, but it gets old. The truth is I don’t want to end up like my mom.”
“What do you mean? She was happy . . .”
Elspeth shook her head. “She was lonely. She was happy she had me, but after my dad left, she never got over it. She closed herself off to anyone and just focused on raising me. I didn’t tell you this, but the day she died, she told me she wanted me to find somebody to love.
That was her biggest regret. And remember what she told you? ”
I looked down. “She said to stop being so afraid of everything. To live a little.”
We both started crying, and Elspeth hugged me tight. I had been so busy taking care of Elle and the funeral and my parents that we never got to share this, and once it started, it couldn’t be stopped. It felt like we were kids again, clinging to each other like two lost and scared little girls.
After a while, Elspeth pulled away with snot and tears streaming down both our faces. “We should have done that a long time ago.”
I sniffled. “I know. I think we were holding it off for as long as possible. Elle, I don’t know what I’d do if my parents died. I don’t know how you’re doing it.”
“Every day it gets a little better, but you’re always going to feel a little bit empty sometimes, and that’s okay. It’s okay because that’s a sign there was something good there to begin with, and I know she’s with me. I feel her around all the time.”
“I just want Baba to be okay.”
Elspeth wiped her sleeve against my tear-strewn cheek. “He didn’t die. He’s going to be okay. But he needs to seriously change his diet and maybe take a vacation once in a while.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, right.”
“But that’s his life to live, Nairie. You give everything you have to everyone else. And you found someone willing to give as much back to you. I know you love William and he loves you.”
I started crying again. “Everything feels empty without him. I don’t know how to go back to the way things were.”
My mom cleared her throat and we both turned around. How much she must have heard, I didn’t know, but I refused to be ashamed.
“Your father wants to speak with you,” she said contemplatively.
Elspeth got up and hugged me tightly, whispering, “It’s not too late. I know you’ll do the right thing.”
Mom looked at me with an expression I’d never seen before.
A mixture of pity, caution, and defiance.
We weren’t a share-and-cry kind of family, and Mom didn’t say anything as I walked into my parents’ bedroom.
Aunt Lilit was sitting by Baba’s bedside, and it looked like they had just finished discussing something.
Lilit gave Baba one last knowing look and nodded toward me. “Hey, kiddo. I’m going to be leaving soon, but let’s get dinner tonight.”
“Okay.”
We hugged, and I went to sit beside Baba.
His speech had been slowly improving these past few weeks, but he still took longer than usual to get words out.
I held his weathered hand in mine. His olive complexion had time-worn spots and a few scars from various run-ins with car engines and faulty toasters.
He was always tinkering with something, and I loved that I could see the story in his hands.
They were my favorite things to draw of his.
I looked at his big brown eyes and smiled. “How are you feeling?”
He nodded and blew out a breath. “Okay, my dove.”
My childhood pet name made my insides warm, and I squeezed his hand.
His voice was soft and measured. “I wanted to talk to you about something we should have told you a long time ago.”
I froze and looked at him in confusion.
“Have you ever wondered where you got your talent from?” he said.
“My drawing?”
He nodded, but I just shrugged.
He pointed to his bedside drawer, and I opened it and lifted out a sketchpad from inside.
He encouraged me to open it, and I found beautiful illustrations of landscapes and villages.
Scenes of people walking through busy marketplaces and historical churches that looked like they were from the old country.
I looked up at him, and he pointed to the pad and then to his chest and nodded.
“You did these?”
“I was an artist before you were born. But it never got me anywhere. Then I met your mother, and I had to find a way to support us because we wanted to come to America. I had to put it aside and focus on bigger things.”
I was shocked. The images in his sketchpad were absolutely breathtaking. Way better than anything I could have ever come up with.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me? When I started drawing, you just kind of ignored it.”
He took his time with his words. “I didn’t want you to fail. I wanted a better life for you, but I see now maybe that wasn’t my choice in the first place.”
I didn’t know what to say. I kept looking down at my father’s artwork and was in awe at the level of detail and skill.
“Almost dying can put things in perspective. Go figure,” he huffed. “I want you to live a full life, Nairie. You’re so talented. More talented than I ever was. If this is what you want to do, we’ll support you.”
My eyes started to water, and I squeezed his hand. “What about Mom?”
He smiled assuredly. “She’ll come around. Have you thought of taking classes?”
I chuckled. “Actually, I’ve been taking one recently. It just ended though.”
“You should enroll in more.”
I smiled. “Really?”
He nodded.
“Okay, maybe I will. I actually submitted a piece to a contest too. They should be announcing the winner soon.”
“Show me.”
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with him, but I took out my phone and showed him some sketches from class and walked him through the few options I had for the contest. It was odd and comforting talking to him about art and hearing his expertise.
He knew so much, and it was jarring to listen to him speak about it so openly now.
It felt like a puzzle piece finally fitting into place.
“I was debating between the octopus and the surfer.”
“I hope you went with the surfer.” He winked.
“Yes, actually.” I smiled fondly at the memory of William saying the same thing.
“What’s that smile for?”
“Nothing, it’s just . . .”
Baba patiently waited, and I was hesitant to bring William up, but he seemed to be in such a different headspace than before.
“William said the same thing.”
“You’ve known this William for a long time, yes?”
“Yeah, since we were kids. He actually bought me my first art set.”
Baba looked guilty at the idea and smiled sadly. “I’m glad for that. Your aunt was telling me more about him. She said she was impressed. She thought you two were a good match.”
I looked down. “We’re actually not together anymore.”
“Because of me and your mother?”
I shrugged. “It never would have worked anyway. He lives in Scotland. And family is more important. I need to take care of you.”
He squeezed my hand, the wrinkles around his eyes crinkling as he smiled.
“As much as I like to think the reason for your depression these past few weeks is all due to almost losing your father, I know it has mostly to do with this man. Life is short, my dove. So very short. And if William really is the right man, then your mother and I will accept it.”
My eyes started to water. “Really?”
“Your mother might need a little more convincing. She’s been your matchmaker, but I promise to try, and so will she.”
I leaped into his arms and hugged him tight.
The weight on my shoulders had lifted, and it felt like I could finally breathe.
We spent the rest of the day looking at more of each other’s illustrations, and even Mom joined in to give her critiques.
It had been so long since it felt like we were a family and not just going through the motions.
It healed some part inside me, and I went to Aunt Lilit’s with a renewed sense of hope.
We ate dinner on the patio and shared a bottle of wine, rehashing the day’s events.
“I can’t believe you were able to convince Baba about William.”
Lilit waved her hand. “Your Baba needs a kick in the ass now and then. It’s my job as his big sister. Sometimes he forgets that. Now tell me, how are you going to get your man back?”
“I don’t know. I thought about Face Timing him tonight.”
Lilit rolled her eyes. “How romantic.”
I wanted to text William immediately, but I still felt shitty about the way I handled our breakup, and I wanted to apologize properly. It was hard conveying the depth of regret and begging for your boyfriend to take you back over the phone.
Lilit left the table to grab another bottle of wine when my cell pinged. It was an email from a Limitless Co. address.
Dear Nairie,
I’m Tanya Teramoto, the social media manager for Limitless Co.
It’s my pleasure to congratulate you on winning the illustration contest for our mural in Venice Beach!
The next few weeks are probably going to be really busy for you.
You’ll meet with our creative team to talk about logistics for getting the mural up, do some interviews for our social channels, and of course, we’ll discuss your reward money. Let’s schedule some time to chat.
I was speechless. I double-checked to make sure the message came from a legitimate email, and everything seemed right. I actually won! My art was going to be displayed for thousands of people. I was going to get some cash and do another commission for their next store.
Once I calmed myself, I emailed back and luckily got an immediate response.
Nairie: Wow, thank you for picking me! I’m so excited for this opportunity. I’m available any time really. I’m fully dedicated to working with you guys.
Tanya: Fabulous. I’ll get something scheduled on the calendar soon. Did you have an idea of where you wanted to go for your free trip? It’ll be easier to get that out of the way now before we dive into everything else. It has to be in one of the cities listed on the submission page.
I pulled up the page and started looking through the list.
Queenstown, New Zealand
Santiago, Chile
New York City, New York
Maui, Hawaii
Cape Town, South Africa
London, England
Edinburgh, Scotland
I caught my breath and stared at the last one.
Aunt Lilit was puttering around inside as she called out to me, “Nairie, come help an old woman get ready for her booty call.”