Chapter Ten #2
Kira felt pressure to say something, so she tried, “It’s not easy to find a psychiatrist with security clearance so I can speak in front of them about an operation.
Those few are overworked and probably underpaid.
I would like to go to my own person. But we can’t go out and rattle on about special forces missions, can we? ”
Lula put the back of her hand over her mouth to speak before swallowing. “You cannot, no.”
“Ty is fine. I’m the one with issues. I love him very much. I’m full of gratitude.”
“I’m going to repeat what you’ve already been told and is one hundred percent true: Ty didn’t want to be part of the mission.
I wasn’t sure he’d go along with his orders, which would land him in the brig.
He didn’t have a choice. But then he met you, and he turned into the damned dragon at the gate to protect you. ”
Kira skipped that last part. “He had a choice. He didn’t want the consequences.
Of course, I see that he needed to manipulate me to get where he needed to be for the greater good.
That greater good was specific to me as well as the hundreds of people who might have been affected by the terror that Omar was involved with. Still …”
“Still?”
“You know what you could have done to get to the same place? You could have trusted me. You could have told me what was happening and why. You could have just told me what you needed from me. I would have done everything in my power to help you. I would have taken anyone who needed to be in that compound with me. I am brave, too. I’m allowed to be patriotic, too. ”
“Of course you are,” Lula whispered. “But the mission was constrained by who was allowed to know what. Those decisions weren’t mine. They weren’t even my superiors’; they came from very high up the food chain.”
Lula actually was a damned hero, Kira thought.
She’d been out hunting terrorists when she made a business connection between the bad guys and William Davidson.
Lula had gone forward with the case as “Lula” instead of being under cover as “White” because she’d known the Davidson family since she was a kid, and it was the patriarch of that family, William Davidson, that Lula targeted for access to the terrorist organization.
By exploiting her childhood connection to the family and heading the mission that brought the bad guy down and brought Ty and Kira together, Lula risked her safety for the rest of her life. That mission was something Lula deemed worth dying for.
Kira felt so small and petty when she thought of those sacrifices.
And yet, she couldn’t let go and trust.
Her family, via Uncle Nadir, betrayed her. Her friend Lula betrayed her. Her boyfriend, Ty, the man she loved, betrayed her.
And while she could laud and appreciate, at the same time, she couldn’t trust.
Ty hoped they would marry one day, but Kira didn’t think she could.
Maybe with time.
Maybe not.
“You two worked as a team and played me like a fiddle, and who wants to think they’re such suckers to manipulation?
My intelligence was insulted. And my sense of self-preservation.
I guess as much as anything, that’s the truth.
I don’t trust my own instincts, and that’s a terrible loss.
” She took a few paces in silence before Kira added, “Here’s an interesting one.
Maybe you can explain this to me. All my life before something bad happens—”
“Give me an example of bad,” Lula asked.
“My dad fell in the snow, hit his head, and died.”
“Okay, that’s not just bad, that’s horrific.”
“Before something bad happens, I get tinnitus in my ears.” Kira swirled her hand near the side of her head. “And my nose buzzes.”
“Weird.”
“Yeah.” Kira audibly swallowed. “It happened to me off and on in the lead up to Tanzania, but it always went away when Ty was there. It happened to me as I was getting dressed for London’s party, but I brushed it off.”
“What did you imagine might happen there?” Lula asked.
“I thought, William’s old enough to be London’s dad instead of her husband.
After what happened at his compound, the stress of that and the long flights right after, maybe he’d just up and die.
I honestly thought William might have a heart attack.
I even bought a defibrillator, and I put it in the kitchen and had the caterer tell all of the servers where it was. ”
“Where do you buy a defibrill—never mind. Listen,” Lula said. “I can’t explain why you get these body sensations.”
“No, that’s not what I want you to explain. It’s that for the last couple of days maybe a little over a week, it’s been happening. The tinnitus and the nose buzz. But today, when we drove into the city to go to my friend’s jewelry shop, I heard nothing, and my nose was just fine.”
“And you were fine at the shop. No one touched you.” Lula pointed out.
“True.”
“But you feel it at your house?” Lula asked.
“Yes. Sometimes.”
“Now?” Lula turned her head, scanning slowly.
“No. I felt it this morning, though. When we drove into the city, it went away.”
“Huh.”
“Exactly.” Kira looked off at the trees, falling silent. And Lula didn’t press. She gave Kira a moment to swirl her thoughts.
“I’m thinking this through,” Lula said as they walked. “I believe in the sixth sense. Truly. I have seen too much real-world evidence not to believe. Is there a reason you might feel unsafe in your home? Have you seen anything strange?”
“Define strange,” Kira said.
White shook her head. “You’d know it if you saw it. The strangeness would catch your attention.”
“No. Any suggestions about what I should do?”
Lula shook her head. “Get a big bad-ass dog?”
Kira frowned at her.
“Apologies. I don’t mean to be flip. I just don’t have any answers for you.
I’m sorry. For now, let’s try to find some peace and smell the sun on the sweet little leaves trying to unfurl.
” Lula said, pointing toward a grandfather tree with lumpy roots stretching wide.
“Hey, I was at Iniquus Security in December. I saw Ty in the parking lot,” she said as the two women settled, leaning back against the rough trunk.
“He was there for an interview.”
“With one of the tactical forces?” Lula asked.
“A Cerberus Team.” Kira closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted.
“Oh? Is that in the works? He’s still with the Unit, isn’t he?”
“He is,” as Kira said that she thought she felt Lula release her tension, but Kira might have imagined it.
“But he’s leaving the military?”
“His contract is up soon,” Kira said. “Rory’s retiring and will go live with his previous handler. So Ty is trying to develop a plan that’s a win-win situation.”
“Is it something you can tell me about?”
“There’s a thing called an IMA, do you know this?” Kira kept her eyes closed, reaching out, trying to let her intuition sense what was going on. Lula never said why she was in Durham.
Durham was a strange place to just stop by when you were a CIA field officer.
There was more to this visit than Lula was telling her.
Kira’s instincts whispered, “Pay attention.”
“IMA—Individual mobilization augmentee?” Lula closed her eyes and turned her face toward the sun. “Yeah, I’ve heard of that. The Pentagon keeps people with high skills in the military, with only so many days a year when they need to function.”
“Twenty-eight days, something like that.”
“Do you know where he’d be assigned?” Lula asked.
“Well, if things worked out with Iniquus, he would be with either JSOC or the DIA in the role of some kind of K9 consultant.”
“He’d maintain his security clearance, his rank, and his MOS as a military working dog handler.
That’s good. I could see why the Pentagon would like to have a foot in the door at Iniquus and vice versa.
As an IMA, he’d keep his government ID and have access to secure facilities. The Pentagon has signed off on it?”
“They want him. But Ty doesn’t want to sign if he’s not working for Iniquus because he would either stay in his role with the Unit or need to find something else. It’s all up in the air.”
“Iniquus interviewed him months ago, and they haven’t said one way or another?”
Lula was really pushing for details. Was she here in Durham because of Ty?
“No. Well, he hasn’t said anything about the process since he got back, and I assumed it’s because he signed an NDA.
Surely, they’d want someone with Ty’s capabilities.
” Kira stood, feeling unsafe and exposed in the open park.
“I think I want to head back to the house.”
Lula pushed into the tree as she stood, then brushed off her backside.
“You know the nice thing about getting the gig with Iniquus and staying involved with the Pentagon is that no one would be shooting at Ty anymore. He’d go help people in trouble, then serve as the liaison between the military and the alphabets.
The CIA could call him up and ask for his good counsel on how to best do something with their dogs. The FBI. The Secret Service.”
Kira’s phone pinged, and she pulled it from her pocket to see who had dropped a text. “Speak of the devil.” She swiped it open.
Ty: Don’t expect me back tonight. I got word it’s going to be a late night.
Kira pressed her lips together and held the screen out for Lula.
“If he’s letting you know his team is out late, it’s not a deployment,” Lula said.
“I don’t know how the Unit wives do it. Babies on the way, kids in the hospital, they call their husbands, and no one answers. Poof gone. No heads up. No idea when or if they’ll get back home.” Kira’s pace matched her agitation.
“You understand why that’s important,” Lula said as they stepped back on the sidewalk.
“My head understands. My emotions are not as good. In this day and age, they could be ghosting. Not if they’re married and living on base. There’s security there. But if you were just dating a guy.”
“You’re not dating Ty. You’re in a committed relationship with him, right?”
“We’re feeling our way forward. I still wake up with nightmares.
He still feels partially responsible. I don’t like who I am right now, all clingy and fragile.
I’m easily bruised. I don’t want to talk to people.
It’s hard for me to leave my house. When Ty’s not around, I don’t go out. It’s not healthy.”
“You’re telling all this to your psychiatrist?”
“Yes. But I’m not improving. I have this existential threat that has been consuming me.
In my dreams, it’s getting closer when I’ve been working so hard to gain distance.
I just want these sensations to go away.
I want to feel like myself again, not this untrusting, ever-flinching hermit. I feel old in my bones.”
“Kira, you saw your best friend shot in the head.”
“I did.” Kira looked up at the sky. “They called her to the front, and they shot her in the head. And she fell to the ground. And Ty held me back so I wouldn’t rush to her.”
“He probably saved your life by doing that. Though I’m sure it made you angry, and that might have a good deal to do with why you got so angry with Ty when he pushed you today.”
“Lula, London lay there bleeding, and no one did anything. I did nothing. What kind of person does that make me?”