CHAPTER 18 Jake
Jake
“What the hell, man?”
I’m standing at the front door, watching the taillights of Amelia’s Uber disappearing down the street, taking her away from me. What just happened?
Taking in a deep breath in, I turn around to start this difficult conversation with Robby, who’s currently looking at me like I’ve just killed his puppy and told him that Santa Claus isn’t real at the same time. He’s so freaking dramatic. I put Amelia’s Christmas card carefully into the back pocket of my jeans, feeling the weight of whatever she’s written in there. I know I have to deal with my brother first, before I can deal with the contents of that card.
“Yes?” I straighten up to my full height and walk back to where he’s waiting for me, still rooted in the same spot where he’d first seen me kissing Amelia. Kissing his ex-girlfriend.
I have to navigate this carefully. We’ve done nothing wrong, but in his mind, there has been a betrayal and I can’t just ignore it.
“Care to explain what I just walked in on?” He looks sulky and I brace myself inwardly. This will not be easy; talking to Robby can sometimes be like talking to a five-year-old.
“What you saw is exactly what was happening.” I take a seat on the couch and he follows me, sitting in the overstuffed armchair so that he’s facing me. Glaring at me.
“You and Amelia?” he looks as confused as he sounds. “What? When? Why?”
I take in a deep breath, preparing to tell him the whole truth. “You know that first night? The one where we both met Amelia?”
He grimaces and nods.
“Well, that night I felt drawn to her in a way that I’d never felt before.”
He looks so shocked by this that I’m impressed by my own acting skills. I had thought my feelings for Amelia must have been obvious for anyone to see, but clearly not. Though, come to think of it, Robby isn’t the most observant guy with anyone other than himself, so it’s more likely he just missed what was there to see, for anyone who was looking.
“When the two of you started dating,” I continue, “I put all those feelings away. Believe me. I made sure I was only ever polite towards her. And then you broke up, and I still kept my feelings under wraps. But then you left the note, and she showed up here and…” I trail off, not knowing how to explain the events of the last six weeks. How we ended up here on this couch. Kissing.
“You had feelings for her the whole time I was dating her?” He sounds royally annoyed, and I don’t blame him. The whole thing is…tricky.
I shake my head. “Once you started dating, I forced myself not to think about her at all. And if you’d stayed together, she would have only ever been my brother’s girlfriend. But then you broke up. You have a new girlfriend and she and I…well, the feelings from that first night, they came back.”
He’s silent and I’m worried. A shouting Robby I can deal with; this version is unfamiliar.
“So, she feels something for you too?”
The Christmas card burns a hole in my pocket, begging to be read, so I can know for sure that she feels the same way I do.
“She does feel something for me, that I’m now sure of. We’ve grown…close in recent weeks. And I want to explore a relationship with her.”
His skin has taken on a green tinge, and I worry he’s going to vomit right here on my five-hundred-dollar rug. “But, but,” he sputters. “Isn’t that like…incest?”
I sigh again, a big, disappointed sigh. All my parents’ hard-earned money was wasted on Robby’s high school education. “No, it’s nothing like incest.”
“But it still feels wrong.”
Robby’s stubborn nature is kicking in and it frustrates me. Getting up, I pace back and forth in front of him, prepared to argue him into submission. I’m a lawyer. It’s literally what I’m trained to do.
“Explain to me what we’ve done wrong.”
This simple question stumps him. “There’s a bro code.”
“Come on, Robby. We’re not teenagers anymore. I get you feel weird about seeing me with your ex-girlfriend, but can you really, hand-on-heart, claim that you loved Amelia? That she was the one for you?”
His jaw clenches and he doesn’t answer my question directly. “Are you saying that you love Amelia? That she’s the one for you?”
Myriad of Amelia memories flood my brain and I don’t hesitate “Yes, to both. Amelia, if she’ll have me, is the one I want to spend my life with.”
“What if I feel the same?”
I stare him down, knowing that Robby has loved no one other than himself. He doesn’t have the capacity yet.
“I’d say, I don’t believe you.”
He deflates in front of me. The stubbornness from a minute ago now melting into the petulance I knew would ultimately appear.
“Whatever, man. She was mine first. This is all kinds of messed up.”
And that’s it. We’ve hit an impasse and there’ll be no reasoning with him. Robby sees Amelia as his toy, the one he had first and then put down when he got bored. He doesn’t want her, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have her, either.
“Fair enough. I hear you and I’m sorry you feel this way. But if Amelia wants to be with me, I’m not letting anything—anything—get in the way of that. Do you understand me?”
“So, I’m supposed to live here with you while you date my ex-girlfriend?” He looks so appalled that I choke back a laugh.
“No, I would never ask you to do that.” He lights up. “You are free to move out at any time.”
And that’s the moment when Robby realises that he has no more moves to play. He lives here with me, rent-free, because I allow it. Because my parents asked me to help him out. But if the choice is between having Robby as my freeloading roommate or a life with Amelia…well, there’s no choice there, really. Amelia wins every time.
“I’m going to tell Mum and Dad about this.”
This is his last card and I throw it back at him, utterly exhausted with his nonsense. “I’ll save you the trouble,” I tell him as I walk out of the room. We’re done here. “I’ll tell them myself.”
With this parting shot, I leave my little brother to ruminate on his life decisions and hightail it to my bedroom. Now in the right headspace to read Amelia’s Christmas card, I’m dying to know what she came here to share with me.
Dear Jake,
First, let me say I’m sorry. For so many things. For sending that scary text message, for running away after we kissed, for the whole ‘dating plan’ of it all, for picking your brother that first night. That’s what I’ll forever be sorry for. For seeing you and choosing him. Because what I’ve come to realise is that…I’m actually yours.
I have been and I always will be.
Yours,
Amelia.
My heart is in my mouth as I re-read Amelia’s Christmas card to me. These are the words I’ve wanted to hear for so long, clearly articulated on the page in front of me, bouncing around as my eyes fill with tears.
She’s mine?
She’s mine.
The weight of what she’s written lightens the pressure in my chest. The pressure that has been there for so long, I don’t always notice it. But it’s been a persistent sensation, this idea that, even if she chose me, I would only ever be her second choice. The option she took after choosing many others before me. Turns out, she’d made her choice all along. It just took her mind a bit of time to catch up with her heart.
So, what are you going to do now? the nagging voice in my head questions me. Amelia has laid it out there and left the ball in my court. There are a couple of things left to juggle—namely Robby and my parents—and I know I will have to sort those out before I can fully commit myself to her. Amelia, your heart is safe with me. And I’m going to prove it to you. Just give me some time.
*****
The next morning, after the most solid night’s sleep I’ve had in months, I wake to find Robby shut away in his room. Refusing to talk to me.
“Very mature,” I mutter to his closed door after he’d yelled at me to get lost. “I guess I’m going to have to be the adult here.”
I spare his bedroom door one more glance before grabbing my coffee in my to-go cup and heading out the door. My plan is to see my parents before heading to Lilly’s café. I need some advice about how to proceed with Amelia, and her closest friends are the best place to start.
On the drive over to where my parents live, two suburbs away (not too close, but near enough that mum can drop around food regularly) I ask Spotify to play Taylor Swift, happy for it to pick which song is going to fit my mood. Today I’m feeling anxious, hopeful and in love, so I’m sure Taylor has something appropriate for every one of these emotions. When a song I’ve heard on the radio over the decades fills my car, I hum along. The lyrics once again capturing perfectly how I feel about Amelia. How she’s going to be the best thing to ever be mine.
Mine.
I park in front of the house where I grew up and take in a deep breath. I’m not sure how this will go. My parents are so protective of Robby, I can almost see them taking his side in this. Even if his side is ridiculous and without merit and will ultimately hurt me. They’ve spoilt him for his entire life. Why should this be any different?
“Jake?”
I startle at the knocking on my car door window, looking up to see my dad standing there, in his old dressing gown with the daily paper in his hand and a concerned look on his face.
Here goes nothing.
I open the door and let my dad take me into a tight hug.
“It’s early,” he frowns as he lets me go. “Come in, come in.”
I follow him along the well-manicured pathway to the front door, which is tastefully decorated with Christmas decorations. I’ve been so caught up in this Amelia situation, the Christmas spirit has passed me by.
“Jake?” My mum’s smiling face pokes around the corner from the kitchen. “Did we know you were coming over?”
“No, I just popped in for a quick visit.” My parents look at each other, doing their usual telepathic communication. “And I need to talk to you both about something important.”
My dad ushers me past him to where my mum has a cup of coffee waiting for me. How did she have that ready so quickly?
“Jake, you’re scaring us,” she says once we’re all seated at our well-worn kitchen table. “Is something wrong?”
How to answer this?“Yes and no.” I take a sip of coffee. “It’s complicated.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
A very good place to start.
“OK, I’ll do that.” And so I begin, telling them about that first night with Amelia and Robby and everything that has happened since. I emphasise that it was never, ever my intent to pursue Amelia and that where we’ve landed, where we almost are, results from timing and the two of us giving into our feelings. And that we never wanted to hurt Robby, not that I actually think he’s hurt.
“Well, maybe his pride is hurt,” I finish up, taking in a gulp of air. There, it’s out there. The whole sordid story.
“So, Amelia? Do you love her?” my mum asks, cutting through all the noise.
“I care for her a lot,” I answer carefully. “And I know we can be something real together.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
My mum and dad look so confused, I doubt myself. Did I not explain it properly?
“The big deal is that Robby is currently at home throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t want me with his ex-girlfriend.”
“So?” This is from my dad.
Huh? Not the reaction I was expecting.
“Well, I don’t want you to be upset with me, because I’m hurting Robby.”
Mum smiles at me. “You always were so protective of him.”
“We all were. We all are,” I point out with a meaningful look. They’re the reason he’s the way he is. An entitled brat.
“Yes, but you took on the role of protector of Robby from the minute he was born. We barely got a look in. It was always you who wanted the best for him. Wanted him to have more and do less. We just went along with it.”
That is not how I remember it. I tell them this with a frown.
“It’s hard to recall behaviour accurately from when you’re young,” Dad tells me like a wise old owl. “But it’s true. You had longed for a younger sibling, so when you got one, he was everything. To all of us, yes. But to you the most. And you’ve been babying him ever since.”
“You think I baby him?”
They smirk at each other. “Whose house is he living in for free? Who cleans up all his messes? Who covers for him when he makes mistakes? It’s not us.”
“I thought it’s what you’d want me to do,” I splutter, floored by their account of our sibling relationship. “Didn’t you want me to look out for him?”
My mum shrugs. “Sure, but he also needs to grow up and learn from his mistakes. He’s not going to if you’re always his soft place to land.”
I look at Dad. “Do you both feel this way?”
“We’re grateful that you’re always there for your brother. It’s what family should do for each other. But it should never be to the detriment of your own feelings.”
I take a minute to absorb what they’re saying. Are they giving me permission to forgo Robby’s feelings about me and Amelia?
“So, you wouldn’t have a problem with me dating Amelia?” I hold my breath.
Mum smiles brightly. “Of course not. We love her!”
“She thought you hated her.”
“Oh no, I hated her with Robby. She deserved better. And now she has it.” Mum pats my hand and I sit back, taking a minute to digest it all.
This is brand-new information.
“What should I do about Robby?”
Dad puts his arm around my shoulder. “You’ve always had such a kind heart. Don’t worry about your brother, he’ll come around. He has no choice. And if he doesn’t…would it change how you feel? How you’ll move forward with Amelia?”
I shake my head so violently my neck cracks. I’m getting old. “No way. Now that I may have a chance with her, there’s nothing that will stand in my way.”
“Then what are you waiting for? Go get your girl!”
With my dad’s words ringing in my head, I hug them both goodbye, grateful for their support, and head out the door. Next stop, Love, Lilly café to make a plan to get my girl.
Finally, a plan I can get on board with.
*****
The bell above the door rings as I enter the café, having covertly checked inside to make sure Amelia isn’t there. I know that she’s working today—I stalker-ishly know her schedule—but I didn’t want to risk her accidentally showing up and ruining any surprise in the making.
“Jake?” Bella is frowning at me from the counter. “What are you doing here?”
My mouth fills with saliva as I look at the brownies proudly on display and lecture myself not to get distracted. Treats are for later, there are more important matters to focus on.
“Are you looking for Amelia?” Bella asks when I’ve been silent too long, waging my internal no-brownie battle.
“No, I came to talk to you. And Lilly, if you have some time?”
She looks rightfully confused. “Me?”
“Yes.”
“You sit with Jake,” Lilly says, coming out from the kitchen. “I’ll come over when things die down here.”
I send her a grateful smile and walk to a table by the window.
“OK, mister. Spill it.” Bella is giving me a stern look, and I wonder what Amelia has told her.
“What do you know?”
She narrows her eyes. “Amelia told me about Robby busting in on you guys last night. And that she gave you a Christmas card telling you how she feels and that you haven’t contacted her since.”
Oh. So she knows everything.
“Yes, well. That’s all true,” I agree as Lilly sits down next to Bella, both of them with their arms crossed. “There’s been a bit to sort through, you know? With Robby…” I trail off when their expressions don’t shift.
Hmmm, what to do to get them on side?
“It’s really quite simple, Jake,” Bella says, unknowingly answering my unspoken question. “Do you care for Amelia? And if so, are you going to do anything about it?”
This I can answer. “I do and I am.”
Lilly grins at me. “Right answer. So, what are you doing here? Waiting for Amelia?”
“No!” They both jump. “No,” I repeat in a softer voice. “I came to talk to you both. You’re her best friends, and I want to make all of this up to her. The not returning her text, the whole Robby situation. All of it. I want to let her know how I feel in a way that she deserves and I want to do it right.”
They’re both silent, watching me with wide eyes.
“I need your help.”
“Well then.” Bella’s face is shining with happiness. “Our help you will get.”
“Starting with brownies!” Lilly bounces off to get us some treats, and I let out a relieved sigh. Part one, done. Friends are on my side. Now, we need a plan.
“What are you thinking?” Lilly places three plates filled with brownie and vanilla ice cream in front of us. I dig in immediately, chewing through my muddled thoughts.
“Amelia told me about the grand gesture Daniel did for you when the two of you started dating.” I swallow a big bite. “Maybe something like that?”
When Bella and Daniel were finding their way to each other, Daniel had copied a scene from Bella’s favourite TV show, Dawson’s Creek, and had won her heart with this gesture. Amelia had spoken of it often while dating Robby and I’d paid attention. I was always paying attention to Amelia.
“It was pretty romantic,” Lilly says while Bella blushes prettily. “Are you thinking something like that?”
I nod. “Amelia deserves to be wooed. Don’t you think? A grand gesture all of her own. She gave me what I needed with that Christmas card. I want to do the same for her.”
Bella’s face turns thoughtful. “That’s it. The Christmas card!”
“He can’t just give her a Christmas card back, Bella. That’s lame,” Lilly argues, while I silently agree.
“No, not the actual Christmas card,” Bella clarifies in a huff. “But where did the Christmas card idea come from?”
Lilly’s smile grows wide with recognition while I sit in the dark.
“Where? I’m confused.”
“Jake, have you ever seen the movie Love, Actually?”
I search through the recesses of my brain. It sounds familiar. “Maybe?”
Bella scoffs. “You men can’t ever remember anything important. It’s only the most iconic Christmas movie ever. With Hugh Grant playing the role of the Prime Minister of England?”
This is ringing more bells and the image of Hugh Grant dancing on the stairs to some old 70s songs floats through my brain. “Is that the one with all the different storylines happening at the same time?”
“That’s it!” They both look proud of me and my chest puffs.
“And it was while we were watching this movie that Amelia came to the realisation that it has always been you. Hence the Christmas card.”
I’m confused again. “Huh?”
“There’s a tiny scene where feelings are expressed with a Christmas card, Jake. Come on, keep up!” Bella looks annoyed again, so I nod, even though I’m lost. “And now we can use the same movie for your grand gesture.”
I keep quiet, not wanting to irritate her further. But I honestly don’t know what she’s talking about.
“Bella, give the man a chance to catch up,” Lilly chides. Thank you! “The boy brain doesn’t have immediate access to all the essential romantic knowledge like we do.”
Oh, OK.
Bella picks up her phone and starts typing. “Here!” She thrusts the screen in front of my face. “Watch.”
I take the phone from her. On it is a YouTube video where a young Keira Knightly is standing in front of a door, while the guy from The Walking Dead is expressing his love to her on giant pieces of cardboard paper. Ah, now it’s making sense.
“You think I should…?” I give Bella her phone back, pointing to where the scene is paused. “Do that?”
They both nod enthusiastically, hearts floating in their eyes.
“Do you think it would work?”
They look at each other and then back at me. “Oh, it will work. As long as you know what to say on the cards. She will eat it up.”
Huh?Declaring my feelings on large pieces of paper is not how I thought this would go down. But I wanted it to be a grand gesture, and what is bigger than this?
“Will you help me?”
They smile at me.
“Absolutely,” Bella says. “But the first thing you need to do is message Amelia. She’s dying a slow death with that Christmas card out there and you not responding.”
I nod. I can do that. “So, send her a message and then what?”
“You pour your heart out on six to ten large pieces of cardboard paper and leave the rest to us.”
My stomach clenches at the thought of putting myself out there in such a big way. But Amelia deserves it and hopefully, with the help of her friends, I can pull this off and we can be together. Properly, with no barriers or miscommunication between us.
“Done. I’ll message her now.”
Amelia’s friends hug me one by one.
“You won’t regret this, Jake,” Bella whispers in my ear. “Just trust us. After this stunt, you will have won the girl.”
I squeeze her back and hope that both Bella—and Taylor Swift—are right. And this is how I get my girl.