Chapter 27
Cece
Ada and I spend the day lying around my hotel room, eating various types of cheese and sharing a bottle of champagne.
We drink it slowly, not trying to get drunk, just enjoying the bubbles on our tongues as we talk through the events of the past twenty-four hours, shafts of sunlight drifting through the open balcony door.
We make plans to meet up with Betty and her husband for a drink before we head to the formal reunion dance over at Silverlight Estate Hotel.
My parents ring a few times, and I let the calls turn to voicemails, which I won’t check any time soon. Ada’s parents don’t call at all.
We talk about Tristan. Ada gives him a lot of extremely rude names, and I agree with all of them, throwing in a few of my own.
We don’t talk about Davis, but we do talk about Jake.
“I love him,” Ada says with a dreamy smile I’ve never seen before.
“I know. Are you going to tell him?”
“Yeah. It’s too big to keep inside much longer.”
When we finish the bottle, we get ready in Ada’s room. She lines up brushes and palettes all along the bathroom counter and turns us both into goddesses.
“I look fabulous,” I say when I examine my reflection.
Ada’s given me an Old Hollywood look, winged liquid liner and matte lips, all traces of my freckles lost under a zillion layers of makeup designed to seem as though I’m wearing none at all.
My gold dress is doing the Lord’s work, somehow managing to make me resemble a pin-up girl and a high society lady at the same time.
“You are amazing,” Ada wraps her arm around me and pulls me in for a quick hug.
She’s gone for a more femme fatale vibe, with blood red lips and thick lashes.
She’s poured herself into a short white dress, whose satiny fabric gives the illusion of being see-through when she moves.
Jake is going to take one look at her and either swallow his tongue or come in his pants. Maybe both at the same time.
Like Davis did. In my office.
I roll the memory through my mind in slow motion and on repeat. There’s been an ache in me since we fought on Thursday, a hollow throb in my stomach that’s only grown deeper since we were together this morning.
With the last vestiges of my ‘Stable Cece’ fantasy in tatters, it’s hard not to see that I’ve been fucking up in all areas of my life, including the way Davis and I have been tiptoeing around each other.
The lines between us are blurry as hell, and no matter what happens, when I get back to Auckland, I need to straighten them out. Even if it means finding a new bouncer, because I can’t imagine he’ll want to come back.
The sun is setting when Jake knocks on Ada’s door, calling out so we know it’s him. Ada’s busy applying lip gloss so I go to answer.
He looks like Hollywood royalty in his suit and tie, and there’s a seventy percent chance I’m going to have to meet Betty and Mr. Betty by myself so Ada can suck his soul through his cock. Well-cut formalwear is her Kryptonite.
“Hey, Jake.”
“What’s up, Cee? You look great.”
“Thanks. So do you.” I step back to let him in. “How did it go with Bryan?”
He shrugs. “Still hates me, but turns out he hates Thrasher more. He’s onto it. Said he’s gonna talk to the Auckland city cops and run any paperwork through there so it doesn’t give any of the local boys a heads up.”
“That’s good.”
Ada appears in the bedroom door, and Jake grunts like he’s been tackled. “Fuck me...”
“I know,” she says, twirling for him.
He takes three steps and pins her against the wall, running his hands over her hips. “I gotta have you.”
“Later.”
“Now.”
“I’ll just be off then,” I say, checking my watch. We’re not meeting Betty for another forty minutes, but I clearly need to be elsewhere right now.
“Where are you going?” Ada asks, leaning around Jake as he blatantly sniffs her neck.
“To be very, very single downstairs.”
“You could call Davis,” Jake’s voice is muffled against Ada’s skin.
I pause. “He didn’t go home this afternoon?”
That gets his attention. He turns and stares at me. “Are you joking?”
“What? No. Why?”
“Is she joking?” he asks Ada.
She shakes her head. “I know. It’s painful to watch.”
“Cece,” Jake says. “Straight up, do you wanna be with Davis?”
I look at Ada’s exasperated face and know there’s no point denying it anymore. “Yeah…”
“And have you ever thought about telling him that?” Jake asks.
My cheeks heat. “Well, no.”
“I swear the two of you are as bad as each other. Why the hell not?”
My face is on fire now, and I stare at our unwashed wine glasses on the coffee table to avoid Jake’s piercing gaze. “Because… I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”
“Christ,” he mutters.
Ada bounces on her toes, her tits jiggling through her sheer dress. “Can I tell her? I want to tell her. Should I tell her?”
“Do whatever you want, babe,” Jake says, deeply distracted by her cleavage.
“Davis loves you,” Ada singsongs. “Davis loves you.”
My heart beats a jagged rhythm in my chest. For a moment I wonder if this is another anxiety attack, but the electricity crackling in my veins is the good kind, not the thick kick that comes with gripping a boundary fence.
This is the kind that you feel standing at the edge of the diving board, excited to jump.
“He loves me?”
“Of course he does, you sweet oblivious dumdum.”
“He said that?”
She hesitates momentarily. “He basically said that. To me, and to Jake.”
My eyes flick from Ada to Jake, who looks away from her boobs long enough to give me a short nod.
“He’s my employee,” I blurt. “He wrote me a business plan. And he’s twenty-four.”
“Probably has great stamina,” Ada says.
“I have great stamina,” Jake mutters.
“We’re all very aware of that, Jacob,” I inform him.
Ada rolls her eyes. “What does it matter if Davis is younger and richer than you? Is he nice to you when he’s not being overbearing out of a misguided sense that he’s being helpful?
Does he treat people with respect? Does he look you in the eye when he talks to you and actually listen to your answers instead of just waiting for his turn to talk again? ”
“I… Yes.”
“Well, I know the bar for good male behaviour is through the floor, but it’s a solid start. And you can check out the rest along the way, if you’re keen. Are you keen?”
I am. I am keen on Davis. I have been for months. Ever since I met him. What I feel for him is… big. Unwieldy. Foreign. He is not the safe guy I’ve always dreamed of. He’s the polar opposite. His age. His career success. His gorgeous face. It feels like aiming too high. The drop could destroy me.
But what if there is no drop? the little voice whispers inside me. The Almost Girl in me flinches.
Because if there’s no drop, then there’s just us. Me and Davis. Joking and smiling and passing each other cups of tea instead of booze and soda over a bar, snuggled up watching movies with his cat. And that scares me.
Because it’s all I want.
The safety I’ve been craving? It isn’t the things—cars and jobs and picket fences. It’s the feeling. The certainty of knowing someone has my back. That they’re looking out for me. Someone I can fall to pieces in front of who’ll hold me instead of expecting me to stay strong.
Davis has proven over and over that he can do those things. So, if Ada’s right and if he does have feelings for me, it means the only thing that’s been stopping me from reaching for my own romantic happiness is… me.
Will seemed safe because I knew him. Davis is safe.
Fuck.
“I yelled at him,” I whisper.
“Who cares?” Ada says. “I yell at Jake all the time, and he’s still all over me.”
“It’s true,” Jake confirms, his hands actively all over her.
“What if Davis thinks I only want him now because Will turned out to be a flaming pile of horseshit?”
“Is that what happened?” Ada demands.
I shake my head, teeth digging into my lower lip.
“Then tell him that. Tell him you’ve seen the light, he’s Jesus, and you’re dying for the second coming.”
“I feel like that’s not the phrasing he’s looking for.”
“Why do you think he’s still here?” Jake asks. “He came to help out Ada, but he stayed because of you. I messaged him last night and told him you’d shaken off your fuckwit fetish.”
While I’m reeling from that new information, Ada steps around Jake and places both her hands on my shoulders. “For once in your life, ask for what you want.”
I’m moving to the balcony before she’s finished speaking, phone already in hand. I pull the door shut behind me and bring up Davis’s number. It goes straight to voicemail.
“This is Davis Sanderson. Please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.”
Fuck fuck fuck. What do I say?
“Davis. Hi. It’s Cece.”
It’s a shit start. The man has both my phone number and caller ID.
“… I’m sorry about what I said before I left the city. I’m not sorry I called you out on being overbearing because you were—”
Dial it back. Dial it back.
“—but I shouldn’t have said it like that.
I appreciate everything you do. More than appreciate.
I, um… Fuck, I like you. You’re so kind and generous, and I’m sorry if I’ve been a bitch, but I really, really like you.
Not as a bouncer, as a person, and maybe when I get back to the city, we could discuss any thoughts you might have on that. No worries if not. Okay, bye!”
I punch the button to end the call and stare at my phone in horror.
No worries if not? What the fuck, Cecelia?
I head back into the room, hand outstretched to Ada. “Can I borrow your vape?”
“On the table. How did it go?” For two people who looked on the literal edge of fucking three minutes ago, they’re both watching me closely.
“He didn’t answer. I left a message. It was bad.”
“Cece, you could strap him naked to the top of your car and cruise Queen Street while people throw eggs at him, and he’d still ask you to sit on his face when it was over. It’s gonna take more than one silly voicemail to drive him away.”