Chapter 6 Mira
MIRA
“That one is gorgeous,” Mom says, standing proudly behind me as I stare at myself in the mirror. “But this might do an even better job showing off just how truly beautiful you are.”
I try not to sigh as I step down from the pedestal at the center of the boutique.
I’m on my third wedding dress now, but this is the only one that’s actually fit right.
The first was too tight across the chest, and the second felt like a corset that was actively trying to compress my insides with enough pressure to create a diamond.
Of course the pressure I’ve been feeling since this wedding was announced may be more of the issue than the dress.
I take the gown from her and stare down at the silk and lace. A feeling like a fish swimming in my stomach nearly causes me to vomit. The dress seems more like a noose than a bridal gown.
I never dreamed my life would go like this.
But what can I do?
I’ve been backed into a corner by my father, the sinister mastermind. So I take the dress into the dressing room and start the difficult changing process.
I have to make sure today is a nice day.
A fun day between mother and daughter. Because I know she’s sitting out there in the Victorian-style pink chair, her cashmere scarf hiding the remaining wisps of her thin hair, fighting this goddamn cancer that could take her any day.
I know that if I don’t pretend to go along with this wedding, Dad will make sure she doesn’t get her next round of chemo. And then I’ll lose her forever.
I should have screamed at him.
Beat him up even.
But instead, what did I do? I came here to try on dresses.
Honestly, this one is actually pretty nice.
It’s simple ivory silk, doesn’t show too much cleavage, and has short, delicate lace sleeves.
No crazy frills or jewels or anything like that.
It’s not exactly me, but neither is this wedding.
Neither is Tyler. So what does it really matter?
All I have to do is tolerate walking down the aisle in it.
Thankfully, Mom seems to love it. When I step out of the dressing room, she clutches a hand over her mouth. “Oh, Mira, you look wonderful!”
Her voice is trembling like she’s going to cry, and I hate the fact that I actually like seeing her excited to see me in this godforsaken thing.
“Do a spin!” she says eagerly. “Do a spin!”
I turn slowly, and her eyes shimmer with tears just waiting to fall. “You look just like her…”
“Just like who?” I ask, my throat tight. This day is turning out to be much more emotional than I had anticipated.
“My mom.” She smiles, reaching into her purse and removing a small velvet box. “I thought I might wait until the wedding, but this feels like the right time.”
“What is it?” I ask, crossing to her slowly, a knot in my throat. Jesus, now I’m gonna cry. All I wanted was to get away from Tyler and Dad and spend some time with my mom, and now I’m about to break down.
She opens the box, and inside is a gold locket I’ve never seen before. It’s clearly antique, delicate and slightly worn, with a thin gold chain. A single pearl is nestled into an ornate floral etching. A tear falls down my mother’s cheek as she opens it.
Inside is a tiny portrait of a young woman, chestnut hair and hazel eyes—just like mine.
“Is that…Grandma?” I ask, my throat quivering.
Mom nods, smiling. “She wore this when she got married. It’s nothing super fancy, but it’s important. Sentimental. Understand?” All I can do is nod back. “She said to me once that love is like a seed—”
“You have to water it?”
Mom shakes her head. “No—well, yes. That too. But she always said that love can take root in the darkest of places, but with a little light, if it’s real, it will grow into something precious.”
It’s quaint, and a little cliché, but for some reason, it actually strikes a chord with me, and I feel a pang in my chest like I’m missing out on something.
Mom stands and tenderly places the locket around my neck, clasping it against my nape. My eyes begin to sting. I don’t deserve such a gift. Not for a wedding built on familial blackmail.
Maybe if this was given to me to celebrate my engagement to Finn…
“Mom, I can’t—” I start to say, but she cuts me off immediately.
“Mira, I know this might not be the wedding you…wanted.” Her voice is low and soft. “And your heart may be in another place…”
My eyes snap to hers.
Does she know? How could she?
“What do you mean, Mom?”
Her lips twist into a knowing smile. “You think I don’t know my own daughter?
” she asks. “Ever since you were born, you were filled with light, excitement, and enthusiasm for the world. If you were truly in love with Tyler, you wouldn’t look at me like the world was ending every time I bring up the wedding. ”
My heart sinks. I have to look away.
This whole time I thought I was hiding my fear from her. Putting on a good show of being a good, happy, perfect daughter. I should have known she’d see right through me. God, if I’m feeling this bad about the wedding, I can’t imagine how awful she feels.
“I…I don’t have a choice,” I whisper, regretting it immediately. I shouldn’t put this on her. I can’t. She has plenty of other things to worry about right now.
But with that same motherly care she’s always given me, she reaches up and cups my cheek. The skin of her hand is more dry, more wrinkled, but the tenderness is still there. “You always have a choice, dear. Even if it’s a tough one. Even if it costs you.”
I shake my head, biting the inside of my lip. I can’t cry. Not now. “I only want you to get better, Mom.”
Her eyes shine as she reaches up and brushes away her tears with the back of her hand. “You can’t sacrifice your life to save mine, honey. That’s not how it works.”
Does she know Dad’s blackmailing me? How could she?
“Mom, if I don’t marry Tyler—”
“Your father will stop treating me,” she interrupts, her voice knowing as a weary smile fills her lips. “He doesn’t have control over me like that, Mira. No one does. And it’s not your job to live for your mother. You have to live for yourself.”
I’m quivering now. What a revelation. I thought today would just be dresses and some good old-fashioned mom-and-daughter time.
I can’t stop myself now. The tears fall, and they fall fast. I reach for my shirt and press it to my eyes to soak up the moisture.
This isn’t how things are supposed to go.
I can’t have my mom worrying about me like this.
She needs to focus on herself. Her life literally hangs in the balance.
And if I lose her…I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Don’t worry, Mom.” I smile, taking a deep breath. “Tyler and I will be a good match. He’s smart and successful. He’ll take good care of me.”
My mom takes a deep breath, her eyes fixed on mine. Does she know what I’m doing? Can she tell that I’m lying? If she can, she doesn’t show it. In fact, her whole body relaxes, and she slowly nods.
“If you say so, honey. If you say so.”
Great, now I’m lying to my mom. Look what this engagement is doing to my family. “So what do you think?” I ask. “Is this dress the one? Or should we try another?”
Mom laughs and throws a happy hand in the air. “Why not try a couple more? We have plenty of time, right?!”
I smile as she hands me another dress, trying not to think of the precipice growing beneath our feet.
Yeah, plenty of time…