Chapter 11
ELLIE
“I can’t wait until you’re here,” I sigh, staring at Liv through the screen of my phone.
“Me too. Not much longer.”
I nod. I’ve been counting down the days.
The guys are great, but I need another female around.
I’m starting to lose my mind with all this testosterone.
When I’m not surrounded by that, I’m alone, and I hate being alone.
I’m a social butterfly whose wings have been clipped.
My only friends right now are the guys, and though I love them, it’s not the same. I need girl time.
“Is Pacey excited?” I ask.
“Oh yeah, she can’t wait.”
Pacey is Penn’s little sister, who came into our circle a little after we met the band. She got out of a nasty relationship and overcame addiction, and I’m so glad she did. I can’t wait to spend more time with her. She’s quickly becoming one of my favorite people.
“I can’t either. Whatcha working on?” Liv holds up her latest project. It’s not finished, but I can already tell what it is. My heart aches in the best way for my girl. “Penn’s guitar?”
She smiles sheepishly. “Do you like it?”
“I love it. It’s so cute!”
“I’m making it into a pillow so I can sleep with it while he’s gone. But I’m also making a miniature version for our bookshelf. I’m going to surprise him with it when he’s home.”
“You’re so talented, Liv. How are the shop plans coming along?”
She puts down her yarn and adjusts the phone, curling up on the couch.
“It’s coming. There’s so many things that just pop up and I never feel prepared for them.
But my dad’s been really helpful. I was worried that he’d want to charge in and take over, but so far, he’s stood back and gently guided me unless I ask for help. ”
“That’s great.” Liv’s parents have always been overly involved in her life, even from thousands of miles away.
It was like she was stuck living under their shadow.
Then she met Penn. I truly believe her falling for him was the best thing that ever happened to her.
She came out of her shell, stopped being such a pushover, and is chasing her dream. I’m so happy for her.
“Yeah,” she sighs. “Things are good. Even my mom has expressed an interest. I think she just wants to make sure I’m not going to go bankrupt my first year and embarrass the family name.” She laughs a little, but I shake my head.
“I’m sure that’s not true. But if it is, fuck her. You’re going to do great, I know it.”
“Anyway,” she says, “tell me, how’s tour life? Any crazy stories to share?” She asks me this at least once a week, and every time I have the same answer—a depressing “no.”
“Unfortunately, any fun that’s being had is without me.”
“Aw, I’m sorry. No cute venue guys or anything?”
“I mean, yeah, but I just don’t have the time to make a connection.
I’m always so busy, and when I’m not, I’m tired.
” I used to give myself three dates to see if I vibed with someone in a physical way.
And I used that rule lightly. If there was an instant attraction, the rule was easily forgotten.
I wasn’t one to deny myself a good time.
I still feel that way, but no one is sparking anything in me anymore.
Though it’s hard to deny the way my body lit up like a Christmas tree when Travis and I were wrestling in the bathroom on the bus the other day.
Who am I kidding? I’m great at being in denial.
Sometimes I see what Liv has—a stable and supportive relationship—and wonder what that would be like. Having someone to come home to, a forever dancing partner. A permanent dick to suck—that could be fun. Then I remember what a crushed-up heart feels like, and the thoughts pass.
Travis and I had a bit of a whirlwind friends-with-benefits situation, and that’s the closest I’ve come to dating since I was in high school.
I was willing to be exclusive with him—only in the bedroom—but it was clear from his response that wasn’t what he wanted.
And by response, I mean crickets. He didn’t respond at all.
Instead, opting to forget I existed, even if only briefly.
I’d never admit it out loud, but it hurt.
“Well, don’t worry, I’ll be there soon, and we can cuddle. I know that’s not offering much, but it’s all I’ve got,” she says.
“I would love to cuddle, it’s been too long.” I fake a smile, hoping she doesn’t see through it. I know she means well. I also know there’s not a chance in hell Penn is going to let her out of his sight while she’s here.