19| Clarity
I must have fallen asleep because last I remembered, the movie was playing and the next thing I know, I'm waking up to the rolling credits.
I sighed, shuffling around, rubbing my eyes.
I kept my eyes closed because I'm craving sleep really desperately right now.
And I was dozing off again when I heard the TV turn off and then shuffling around.
The sun had already set, I know that. Because we watched over three movies today.
"Bye," I heard Nathan say before the front door softly opened and then closed.
"Emma," he whispered. I didn't move. "Emma," he said, running his fingers through my hair.
"Hello," he sang, poking my cheek. I bit back a smile and continued pretending to be asleep.
He sighed, pushing the blanket off, and then stood up because I felt the couch lift on the other end.
He put his arms under me and picked me up.
Oh, don't drop me, please.
He walked up the stairs and set me down on my bed.
"Emma!" I heard my mom call out.
"Shit," I mumbled, finally rubbing my eyes open.
"Were you up this whole time?"
"No," I chuckled, standing up. "Stay here," I said, throwing my hair up before running downstairs. "Hi, mom," I smiled. Oh wow, it's 10 PM.
"Hi, hun. Did you have friends over?" she asked, looking at the couch.
"Uh, yeah, Kendall and just a couple of people more," I cleared my throat. I walked over to the couch and started cleaning up, putting the blankets away too.
"Nobody's staying the night?"
"No, Kendall was the only girl. Other than well, me," I chuckled.
"Oh, is it that Nathan boy your dad was talking about?" she asked.
"Yeah, and uh his friend Brandon," I said, glancing upstairs as I left the dishes in the sink. "Is it okay if I do these later? I'm kind of tired," I chuckled.
"Sure, honey. I'm gonna call it a night too," she said, kissing my cheek as she went into her room. I flicked the lights off and went upstairs.
I opened my room door and saw Nathan snooping around. He was looking at photographs that I had hung up on the wall beside my bed. "Whatcha doing?" I asked, standing beside him.
"Just looking," he said, "Who's that?" he asked, pointing at Kade.
Kade was my best friend, Zoey's brother. She was my best friend from Miami. We talk on and off now, it's hard now that I've left. "That is my best friend's brother," I mumbled.
He looked at me, "He doesn't look older or younger."
"No, they were twins. She was 20 minutes younger, so..." I shrugged, sitting on my bed.
He eyed me suspiciously. "That's just your best friend's brother or...?" he trailed off questioningly. A little accusingly too.
"He's also my ex-boyfriend," I sighed.
"Figured you don't kiss best friend's brothers on the cheek like that," he nodded, "So, what happened?"
I ran my hands over my sweatpants, "Uh, we broke up when I told him I was leaving. That was about 3 months before I actually left, but we both didn't want to do long distance, so we broke it off. Mutually," I shrugged.
"Hmm," he nodded.
"What about you?" I asked, "Any ex-girlfriends?"
"Just one," he said, sitting beside me.
"What happened?" I questioned.
"She uh, she left me."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I frowned, "But she shouldn't have."
He smiled, "You got any other exes?" he asked.
I shook my head, "Just Kade."
"Kade?" he asked, making a face.
"He was nice," I laughed. "And anyway, breaking up with him was worth it. It gave me clarity," I said.
"Clarity?"
I took in a breath, "When we broke up, I realized that I never want to date someone like him ever again.
Uh," I laughed awkwardly, "He was great as a boyfriend, he was very sweet, never forced me to do anything, but he gave up really easily.
You know... whenever we fought or argued, or like, for example when I told him I was leaving, he didn't really put up much of a fight.
It was like he didn't really think I was worth it.
Which is okay, I never thought he was worth doing the distance either," I shrugged.
"But I know now that I can't be with someone like that. Because it really depends on my parents. I could be moving at any time. I need someone who stands by me. At all times, does that make sense?"
He nodded slowly, staring at me, "That makes sense."
I chuckled awkwardly, tucking loose hair behind my ear, "So, what about you?" I asked, sitting on the floor against my closet, looking up where he sat on the edge of my bed.
"What about me?" he asked, sliding down onto the floor, sitting opposite me.
"What happened to your ex-girlfriend? I would say you don't have to tell me but I just told you about my last relationship, it's only fair for you to tell me a little bit," I shrugged.
"My ex-girlfriend," he nodded, leaning his head back against the bed. "I'm trying to decide if I'm ready to tell you this."
"Take your time," I replied. It might be something really serious, I don't wanna force him to tell me anything.
"I've only known you a week," he said, narrowing his eyes at me.
"Up to you, Nathan," I shrugged.
He nodded, taking a deep breath, sitting straight, "Her name was Chloe." I nodded slowly.
I know that name from somewhere.
"And I started dating her in freshman year.
She was also my best friend before that, so she knew me better than anybody else.
And she's the one who told me she liked me, then she asked me out, organized our first date, everything.
And I really liked her, of course. I'd known her.
.. forever. But people didn't really like her.
That includes Brandon. She was a little fucked up.
And she fucked me up too. Pretty bad. Uh, she knew some of the wrong people, but I liked her, she liked me, so nothing else really mattered.
" He was getting queasy. I didn't like seeing him like that.
"You don't have to tell me if you're feeling uncomfortable," I said.
"I should tell you though," he nodded. He groaned, running his fingers through his hair.
"Hey, strawberry," I chuckled, nudging his leg with mine. "Don't tell me, it's okay."
"Maybe later?" he sighed.
"Yeah," I nodded, smiling at him, "Later's good." We sat in silence for a little bit. He was staring at the ceiling, I was staring at him. I don't know him at all. I know nearly nothing about him. But I think I like him. Like... I think I have a crush on him.
That makes it so pathetic, what I'm feeling is stronger than a stupid crush.
I care for him. Like I genuinely worry about him. And I like spending time with him. I want to know him better. But I'm starting to think he's not gonna give me that chance, and earning it will be a lot harder than I thought it would.
"Do you wanna play 20 questions?" I asked.
"Is this your attempt at knowing me better?" he smiled.
"Yes, it is my very desperate attempt at doing that," I chuckled.
"Okay, let's play," he nodded, "I'll start. Favorite color?"
"How creative, Nathan. I like black," I shrugged, "Yours?"
"Red." He doesn't wear it much.
"Favorite movie?" I asked.
"Uh... The Hangover," he shrugged.
"I love that movie! Especially the part with the stun gun thing, in front of the students," I laughed.
"Your mom's gonna hear you," he chuckled. I stopped laughing and waited for him to ask the next question. "Are you a virgin?"
"What a typical guy question," I rolled my eyes, "No, I'm not a virgin."
He eyed me suspiciously. "I don't really believe you when you say that. We're not playing this if we're not being honest. I'll ask you again, are you a virgin?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Favorite place you've traveled?"
"Don't dodge the question," he chuckled, "Are you?"
I groaned, "Oh, my God. Yes, yes, I am. Happy?" I huffed, groaning into my palms. "Don't judge."
"I'm not judging," he shrugged, "I was just curious. Favorite place? Um... Hawaii. I went with Brandon's family last year," he answered.
"Biggest fear?" I asked.
"Dying. Yours?"
"Deep waters," I said, shaking my head, "I don't fuck with the ocean, no more than chest-deep. Oh, I have another. What was your first impression of me?" I asked.
"The first day, I thought you looked a little like Chloe. In my old jersey and everything, but um," he stammered, "You don't. You don't look like her, you don't act like her, you're nothing like her," he shrugged.
"Nathan," I said slowly, "The other day at the cafe... you called me 'Chlo' didn't you?"
He can't run from this one now. "It slipped out of my mouth, yeah, sorry," he winced at his words.
"It's okay, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't hearing things," I laughed it off.
But I understood.
He's either still affected by whatever happened between him and Chloe.
Or he's still in love with her.
.
.
.
.
.