Chapter 56
FLETCHER
We spent the winter settling into our new home, and our new routine. Adam’s job was remote, which helped because it meant he never had to go far—but it also meant that I was left to my own devices while he worked.
And I had baby fever.
My body and mind were really starting to press on me, craving a baby of our own, to love and to hold. To dote on and dress up and parade around town, a proud papa. Little coos and giggles, dirty diapers and baby burps…
God, I wanted it so badly.
I started reading stories on online Omega forums, which led me to baby name sites and adding all kinds of baby supplies to a new wishlist. Whenever I went to the mall, I browsed the baby clothes, so tiny and adorable, little onesies with tiny footies and hoods.
Ugh. We’d tried before, but maybe we just weren’t ready then. We’d been so young. We were older now. Wiser. We’d been through so much together.
Trauma makes you grow up, after all, and after nearly losing my mate? I was more than ready to settle down and start a family here in this idyllic little town of Greymercy.
Maybe it was time for the next chapter in our lives to begin.
One evening, after my shower, I stood naked in front of the mirror and framed my flat stomach with both hands, imagining how it might look round and swollen with child as Adam’s pup grew inside of me.
My eyes teared up. I wanted it so badly. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be a daddy. I wanted to make my dreams a reality.
I just needed Adam on board with trying again—and I had just the idea.
The following night, I made dinner for the both of us, putting my whole heart into it. Nerves and excitement danced in my belly as I made a chicken pot pie, with hearty chunks of rotisserie chicken and vegetables and potatoes, covered in a buttery flaky crust, with chocolate pudding for dessert.
As I was pulling the pie out of the oven, Adam came sauntering into the kitchen. He hummed his approval.
“Mmm. I thought I smelled something good,” he mused, smiling at me with his warm golden eyes. The minute I set the food aside to cool, he stepped into my space and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. “It looks wonderful, baby.”
“Thank you. You’ve been working so hard, I thought maybe you’d like the night off cooking duty,” I told him, smiling right back.
I set the table for two, poured us each a glass of sweet red wine, and served dinner. We sat down together, just like always, and I had planned to wait till dessert, but I just couldn’t keep it in.
“Adam?” I ventured.
He looked at me, tilting his head. “What’s up?”
“Can we start trying again?” I asked him, almost breathlessly. “My hormones are going crazy lately and my body and my heart want a baby so badly. I want to start a family with you. I always have. Ever since that first heat together. I know we tried before, but… Maybe it’s time now?”
My heart skipped a beat at the fondness that spread across Adam’s face, like sunlight beaming through a cloud.
He smiled warmly at me. “I’d love that, kitten. Raising a pup with you would make me the happiest Alpha on earth.”
Except…when my heat finally came, no baby was conceived. Not this time, nor the next, or the next.
The months blurred past, and I did everything I could think to do to make myself more fertile. Drugs, heat triggers—anything and everything.
After the fourth round of negative pregnancy tests, I broke down crying. “I just don’t understand,” I whispered, staring at the single line on the test as tears blurred my vision. “We’ve done everything right, right?”
Adam gently rubbed my back, his voice a soft hush. “Hey. It’s okay. Maybe there’s some medical explanation for this,” he said. “Maybe it’s me. Wouldn’t that be ironic, if the heir of the great Sinclair name was sterile.”
My eyes flooded with tears as panic jumped into my throat. “Don’t say that…”
If Adam couldn’t have kids, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I wanted to raise his babies so damn badly. Wanted to see that perfect blending of our genes.
“Let’s book an appointment, just in case, alright? We’ll figure it out, and then we’ll fix it.” He seemed so confident.
As it turned out, Adam was indeed very fertile—which meant the problem was me, and that scared me more than I was willing to admit.
We made an appointment to get a few tests done, routine bloodwork and an ultrasound. I was nervous, but the tech was super sweet and Adam was there by my side the entire time, holding my hand.
“It’ll be about two weeks before you get results,” the tech said as she led us to the door. “Your doctor will reach out to you once he gets them.”
Those two weeks were the longest two weeks of my life. After what seemed like an eternity and a half, we got a call and went in to talk to Dr. Foster.
My heart was alternating between doing jumping jacks and belly-flops as we sat down together in his office. He began asking questions, which we answered, and he replied with “Hmm…”
“We’ve got the results of your ultrasound,” Dr. Foster finally announced, like this wasn’t the most important part of this entire appointment. I swallowed hard, my guts in knots when the man frowned down at the folder. “Unfortunately, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
My heart immediately sank. “What do you mean?”
“From these scans, it seems you were born without a womb. You can’t conceive a child, because there is no place for one to grow. I’m sorry, Mr. Rose. You’re barren.”
I sat there for a moment, the words sinking in slowly. No womb. No baby. Barren. My heart stopped beating for half a second as time crawled to a stop around me.
Then— “There’s nothing we can do?” Adam’s voice rang out, dragging me back to reality.
“Biologically speaking? No,” Dr. Foster said, and tears flooded silently down my cheeks to blur my vision. “You could always use a surrogate Omega, and there’s also adoption. Plenty of shifter kids in need of a home out there. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear.”
I wasn’t sure how I got out to the car. Adam must’ve guided my sloppy mess of a self out there, because one minute I was sitting in Dr. Foster’s office, and the next, I was curled up in the front seat of Adam’s SUV, sobbing hard.
“It’s not fair!” I cried out, my voice rough. “Why me? This is all I ever wanted, and I don’t even get a chance? It’s not fair, Adam!”
“I know, baby,” Adam murmured, stroking his hand over my knee in soothing circles. “I’m so sorry, Fletch. We’ll figure it out.”
I jerked away from him, an ache so deep building in my chest that I feared I might be swallowed whole. “No we won’t,” I snapped, bitter. “Apparently the fates don’t want me to have a baby. I want to go home.”
Adam pulled his hand away, nodding soundlessly. As the car shifted into gear, I leaned my head against the window, tears blurring out the world around me.