Chapter 51 Peggy
I wake up anxious.
He is not beside me. The bed is cool. I pull the drapes and the world outside is white.
It is time.
He walks through with a cup of coffee.
“Sleep well?”
“Not bad, thanks.”
“Fresh batch.”
He places the cup down on my nightstand and leaves.
We eat oatmeal together at the dinette. He cooked it. Sammy pours too much syrup onto his. Drew begins to scold him but then he stops himself. We do not talk much. Sammy watches us. He looks at me and then at his father and then back at me.
Samson puts on his winter jacket.
“Be careful,” I say. “Icy on the towpath so keep well away from the edge, won’t you?”
He kisses me on the cheek. “Don’t worry so much, Mom.”
“I mean it. You’d perish in the water when it’s this cold. Strong swimmer or not.”
“Bye.”
Drew whispers something in his ear as he walks away leaving footprints in the snow.
Ten minutes later I take my purse and jacket.
“Can you be back at four?” says Drew. “If that’s OK.”
“Andrew. I’m not…”
He raises his finger in the air. “Don’t say anything yet, Peggy. You agreed to give me the day. Let’s talk at four like we said. We agreed, remember? I’m making a few changes and I think you’ll be… well, just wait and see.”
I smile a sad, resigned smile and walk off the boat.
The world is serene. Silver birches glistening with fresh powder. Rocks and fence posts coated with it. The sky is cerulean blue and I spot a plump robin dancing from tree to tree.
On the bus my stomach is unsettled. I am leaving. It won’t be easy, but Sammy and I must forge a new life. I have pawned all the jewelry I found in the bathroom. Every single piece Drew took from me. Mom would have approved, I think. She would have told me to run away and never look back.
Just as she once did.
I will get a cleaning job. Night work, if necessary. I will get us through.
Inside the town the snow is already gray sludge. Plows are out and people walk awkwardly, cursing the weather. My right foot is wet, but I do not mind because I have a future for myself and my son.
Poor Sammy.
So many mixed messages. He sees normal domestic family life for the first time in years, maybe even the first time he can remember, and then I drag him away. It is a lot for him to deal with. It is too much.
I pass the post office. A man in a parka jump-starts a rusting Bronco from his Toyota Tacoma.
Part of me thinks I am being selfish. We have managed for fifteen years. I could wait until after Sammy has finished this grade.
No.
This is over.
At lunch Mrs. Appleby takes me to one side and sits me down.
We talk for fifteen minutes. I have never chatted with her for so long.
She knows. I don’t know how she knows but she does.
Not the specifics, but the general gist. Mrs. Appleby has seen some things in her life.
As a nanny, as a secretary, in this library.
She tells me she has been thinking long and hard and she has decided to retire.
“Oh, no,” I say, taken aback. “Not yet, surely. We’d all miss you too much.”
“It’s time for me to move on, Peggy. Ed and I have been talking about it for years, truth be told. We might move to the coast. He’s got a niece in Fort Myers.”
“I can’t imagine this place without you.”
“Oh, I can,” she says. “Exactly the same as it is now. You’ll all get on just fine. You’ll do a swell job.”
“I don’t know.”
“I do. Which brings me to my question.”
“Oh.”
“Maybelle told me you canceled your interview with Mr. Karim. She said you canceled it.”
“It’s complicated.”
“I’m sure, dear. None of my business, of course, but what I want to say is part of the reason for me retiring, really, is it’s time to make room for you youngsters.
It’s only fair. Ed and I are set up just fine.
We’re comfortable. He’s got a decent pension from the state.
RV is paid off. I’d like to recommend Susan for my position. ”
“She’d be perfect,” I say, nodding. “She’ll be thrilled.”
“I hope so. And that’ll mean, if things fall into place, that her position will become vacant.”
I look at her.
“I’d like you to consider it, Peggy, if you would, please. I’d put in a glowing recommendation for you. Decent pay, though nothing to get too excited about. Health insurance and dental. You’d be perfect for it.”
I sigh.
She looks down at her hands. “I’m sorry, I thought you’d be pleased.”
My dream job. I need to take my son away from this town. But I also need to be realistic about how I will support him.
“I’m delighted that you asked me, Mrs. Appleby.”
“Grace.”
“Grace. Thank you, really. Can I have a few days to think it through? I’m not being ungrateful, honest. It’s just that life’s a bit…”
“Complicated?”
“Yes.”
Maybe I should stay until summer break after all.
I could save up for a deposit on a single-wide.
“There’s no rush, dear,” she says. “Take some time to mull it over. No stress.”
I walk home from the bus. The snow is melting, drips falling from the trees as I slip and slide down the wooded embankment toward the canal. Two broken rye bottles and a charred JCPenney catalog. I wish I had my mother to talk this over with.
I walk past Phoenix’s boat. The lights are off and the drapes are still shut.
As tempting as the job offer is, Sammy and I should make a clean break for it.
I approach our boat.
Something colorful catches my eye.
There are hyacinths in planters on the well deck. I stop in my tracks to stare at them. Intricate blue petals. Behind them is another pot full of miniature daffodils. The blue and yellow in stark contrast to the pale nature around us.
I step through the entrance cover and in through our painted steel doors.
He has lit two candles.
“Candles? Not like you, Drew.”
He says something unintelligible.
“The batteries flat?”
“No, they’re filled up.”
I remove my jacket and boots. Pull on my slippers.
“I should have made more of an effort these past years.”
He’s wearing his best plaid shirt and jeans.
“I’ll just change out of these clothes.”
When I arrive back in the kitchen Drew is holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a corkscrew in the other.
“Like the old days,” he says. “Shall I open it?”
I frown and shake my head. “Not for me. I need to pack.”
He shrinks a little.
“And I’ve got a headache coming on.”
He nods. “You want a pill for it?”
“No, it’ll clear up on its own. Thanks, though. You heard from Sammy?”
“Running late,” he says, blowing air through his teeth. “Forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on tight. Good boy, though, isn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“We’re bringing up a decent young man.”
I swallow.
“Got something for you, Peggy. It’s not much.”
“Drew, I’m sorry. It’s not… I’m not…”
He raises his finger. “Let me show you first. Can I? Can I, Peg?”
I nod.
He pulls a thin plastic bag from his jeans. He removes my gold necklace from the bag.
“How?” I say, staring at it, at the faint, familiar indentations in the metal. “How did you…?”
“Bought it right out of the pawnshop window display. Know it means a lot to you, Peggy. Boy’s teething marks. Your mother’s, originally, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” I say, smiling, moving toward it. It’s my last piece from her. My last remaining link. “Thank you. I mean it.”
“I’ll put it on you.”
“No, not now, Drew.”
“Come on. Turn around and I’ll clip it on.”
I turn my back.
His breath, warm on my neck.
Juicy Fruit.
The hairs on his forearms brushing gently against my shoulders.
He places the necklace delicately around my neck and instinctively I move my hands to it.
Only, it is not a necklace.
I start to turn.
He tightens the belt so I cannot scream.
I cannot breathe.