Chapter 12
Chapter twelve
There is no air, no light—only an endless rush of time. A violent river of dreams and magic, of memory and distance, that hooks through my heart to pull me ever forward.
The lifeblood with which the universe is woven together.
An ancient and visceral magic. Powerful enough that it steals the breath from my lungs; freezes the beat of my heart; squeezes so tightly the blood stalls in my veins.
Worlds upon worlds rush by in a blur, some familiar and some still unexplored, all emanating an addictive elixir of possibility.
Once, it had been easy to fall into another horizon as I’d been anchored to nothing, but now my journey through the ward is steady.
It is no strain to cling to the land of dreams, when home is embedded in my soul.
A moment or perhaps hours later, I know I’ve aimed true. Not by the familiar sky, or the outline of the land, but by the agonizing pain that sears through me the moment the magic loosens and the ward releases me.
My eyes fly open as I land hard on my back. Black sand flies everywhere and a scream tangles itself in my throat. A scream I can’t release even if I wanted to, as my body has already rebelled against me. My jaw locks, and my teeth grit together against the onslaught of agony.
Unending, incessant pain. And at its center—ice cold and silent—lies my magic.
It seeps from its place at my heart, spreads through my veins.
Malignant and dark, it lights up every nerve-ending with pain until my breath stalls in my lungs.
It’s all I can do to roll over and bury my face in the sand as black edges my vision.
Death slides through every part of me—I taste its rot-sweet scent on my tongue, feel its shadows wash over the blue of my eyes, staining them with decay and void.
And though I know what’s coming next, there’s no way to brace for the breadth of torment as my death begins to lance through my skin.
It pierces through me like blades, wound after wound opening in my flesh, slicing through my skin until there is nothing left to hold me together; until I am only festering agony, a gaping laceration.
My muscles seize and my joints lock, sand coating my lips and teeth as I emit a guttural groan.
For a moment, I fear my skull has cracked in half.
Fear that this is it: the moment the pain is too much for my body to bear.
Perhaps I’ll shatter beneath it, ground down to little more than the celestial dust floating in the Letum sky.
The heavens could turn to dust.
My own words float back to me from somewhere in the fractured recesses of my mind.
But you and I endure, Willa.
A truth felt in the marrow of my bones. Inarguable. Sacrosanct. Because if I do not endure long enough to get back what’s mine, what was the agony for?
I force a breath into my lungs, piercing and rattled as it is.
Another and then another, until the world stops spinning and I’m able to flop onto my back with a muffled grunt.
I open my eyes to find the sky above obscured by slashes of darkness deeper than any night, wriggling and writhing over me.
And though they are the source of my pain—physical manifestations of my sins—I welcome my death back to me with conviction.
The ribbons wrap around my wrists and slide over my chest. They flay through the empty shell I’d been on the mainland, and ground me back home. Death, ruin, darkness: that is where my heart has always resided. Without it, I’d floundered, an aimless ship adrift in a never-ending sea.
I thought I could run to the ends of the earth to find a world without pain, but I have learned better.
Pain exists in every world. The agony of the mainland had been empty madness, but this pain—the weight of my kingdom pressing against my bones, the blade of my love running through my heart, the ice of my power in my blood—it is entirely full.
I have always existed on the fringe of dreams and nightmares. In the shadows of the intangible, the ethereal. And now, I am at home there again.
A gasp sounds from beside me. I turn to find Wendy’s wide-eyed gaze fixed in horror on the undulating movement of my ribbons. Fear has drained the color from her face, a noise of disgust on her lips.
If I had any energy, I’d laugh. I’d tell her, I tried to warn you of who I truly am. A monster of death. A king of carrion and rot.
But exhaustion and pain have scattered my thoughts, so there is nothing to say as she shakes her head in frantic terror and scrambles away from me to bolt into the forest. Leaving me alone with only the sound of the waves and the scrape of my death.
Good riddance.
I turn away from where Wendy’s disappeared to watch my ribbons frenetic movement above me for a few long moments.
I breathe against the sharp pull of them, until the fragments of my thoughts slowly begin to reorder themselves.
It’s then I remember I’m lying prostrate on an open beach, completely vulnerable to anyone who happens by.
The idea of moving even an inch feels impossible with the wasted state of my body. But the thought of dying on my knees at the Everlasting’s hand has me wrenching my arms beneath me despite my exhaustion. I’ll endure ten thousand lifetimes of torture before I ever get on my knees for him again.
The world sways viciously as I sit up. My vision swims and bile fills my mouth and I collapse back to the ground with a strangle sound that could be a sob if I allowed it. Fuck. Dying may be a very real possibility, and soon, as there’s no way my legs will hold me.
My head lolls to the side, and I am just considering rolling myself into the purple surf to take my chances with the whims of the sirens, when a small pair of hands appear above me.
What the hell are you doing?
I squint, still trying to focus on the blur of fingers as Marina’s face comes into view.
The Everlasting has eyes everywhere and they’ve probably already reported your arrival, she signs furiously. And here you are, lazing about on the beach!
“Well, who doesn’t enjoy sunning themselves in the sand?” I warble at her, feeling half out of my mind as another sharp wave of pain lances through me.
I cough out a pathetically weak laugh at the way Marina’s nostrils flare in fury. Should I leave you to it then? she demands.
My head rolls, the movement of my muscles now entirely beyond my control. “I don’t see as you have much choice,” I reply, squinting at the surrounding beach to determine where, exactly, I’ve landed. “As I can’t move and you can’t touch me.”
The little pixie’s mouth flattens, and she makes a noise in the back of her throat I’m certain would be a curse if she still had use of her voice. You’re too pale to leave out here. You’d fry to a crisp.
I laugh again, squeezing my eyes shut against the resulting tremor of agony. “Would you be so kind as to tell me where I’ve landed?” I ask weakly.
The north side, about a mile from the Grove. She shakes her head in admonishment. And you should be thanking the star above you did.
I furrow my brows. “Why’s that?”
I don’t miss Marina’s hesitation. The Aeternalis is distracted in Caelum.
My hands fingers begin to jerk on my chest, a tight spasm rolling through my muscles like spikes of iron. “I’m not entirely sure he’s my most pertinent threat at the moment.”
Marina stares at me for a protracted moment. You mean Willa?
I hum, feeling increasingly unmoored as my death slices over my stomach to wrap around my ribs like a vise. I’m about to squeeze my eyes closed once more, when Marina signs, She’s also in Caelum.
My eyes snap open at that, sudden dread sluicing down my spine like ice water. “What’s happened?”
If the Aeternalis has already goaded Willa into losing her humanity, I’ll tear him apart. Her penance, her punishment—it is mine.
We have to move, Niko, Marina gestures angrily, ignoring my question. Now.
“Do you think I’m just laying here of my own accord enjoying the sights?” I grit out sardonically. “I implored Wendy to direct us somewhere far less exposed, but Darlings rarely listen, as you well know.”
At the mention of Wendy, Marina stiffens. Wendy’s here? The sign is sharp, and if it were a spoken word, it would be twisted with disgust.
“Mmhmm,” I hum, clenching my fingers tightly into fists at my chest to keep them from spasming. “Desperate times and all.”
The pixie’s lip curls. Clearly, as I can think of no other reason than desperation for you to crawl back to that sniveling bitch.
“I’m glad you feel no obligation to hold back how you truly feel on my account, Rina.”
I’ve never trusted her, Niko. She’s always used her morality as an excuse to take whatever the hell she pleases. Marina scans the beach warily, her clear blue gaze lethal. Where’d she go?
“As I dragged her here against her will and then horrified her with the sight of my true self, she’s probably skulking in the shadows somewhere plotting my demise.”
She’ll have to get in line, she signs viciously, as I’m one of your best friends, and I get to kill you first.
“A privilege I’d never deny you, of course. May I inquire which offense my death is in regard to?”
She ignores me, kneeling at my side with a harried sigh. Bile burns up my throat as I struggle to turn my head toward her, my death shuddering as every muscle in my body rebels against the small movement.
A sharp breath shoots from my lungs as my fingers go numb and my vision blurs. “Rina,” I gasp out before my jaw clacks together, rattling my skull. “I’m afraid I’m about to become even more useless to you.”
I’d laugh again if I could, because Marina has no patience for things like invalidity, but the sound remains as trapped in my throat as my screams. When she doesn’t reply, I wrench my head sideways to find she’s disappeared. I blink, the sunlight searing my retinas as I search for where she’s gone.
“Rina?” I rasp, my voice pathetic and weak. There is no answer.