Chapter 46
Chapter forty-six
Afew days later, Tiernan and I stand barefoot on the beach. The sun hangs high in the sky, its rays casting an orange glow over the still waters of the lagoon.
I take a deep breath. “Please don’t let her drown me.”
It is a worrying prospect to accidentally wade into the seas of a siren, but it is far more terrifying to have been called to them.
Tiernan and I had been out walking in an effort to clear my head when the siren’s song had drifted over the water to snare around my ribs. Melodic and impossibly insistent.
“Drowning is probably the least of your worries when it comes to Lisian,” Tiernan remarks. At my incredulous look, he lets out a light laugh. “I’m kidding! Well— I’m kind of kidding…On second thought, maybe you should take a few weapons with you.”
“I can’t swim while carrying swords!”
He gives me a wink that should settle my worry, but it only beckons memories of the last time I nearly drowned in this lagoon. At the time, the sirens were the most terrible monster I could imagine—if only I’d known there were far more terrible ones wearing human skin.
“Just be nice. And if you’re not, I promise I’m a strong swimmer.”
I roll my eyes and wade into the chilly surf.
I expect waves to rise the moment I submerge, but the water remains as still as glass.
The swim is so easy that by the time I reach the siren draped lazily over one of the cragged rocks, I half-expect a sea serpent or some other similar horror to leap from the lagoon.
Nothing ever comes this easily in Letum, and I’ve learned well enough not to trust the things that do. So, when Lisian bares her teeth in a hiss, it is almost soothing, as violence is expected. Comforting, even.
I raise my hands in peace the best I can while treading water, but the siren is not assuaged.
She narrows her brilliant sapphire eyes, and flips onto her belly to crouch on her hands like she’s ready to pounce.
Her tail flaps angrily against the rock, the iridescent shimmer of the scales blinding in the sunlight.
When she hisses again, it takes everything in me not to flinch back.
She is beautiful in a terrible sort of way, her skin somehow the same shade as the surface of the lagoon—a clear blue beneath a shimmering tangerine.
The bangles at her wrists and throat jangle menacingly with each of her movements, and I swear, a few of them are stained with the copper of dried blood.
I swallow roughly, considering whether or not I can swim fast enough to retreat back to Tiernan, when the siren inclines her head just a fraction and says, “Long live the Queen of Dreams.”
I nearly drown, forgetting to tread water in my surprise. My cheeks heat, and I somehow manage to resume the motion of my legs before I sink to the depths.
“I—hi.” It isn’t the most eloquent of greetings, sputtered as it is and muffled by seawater.
Lisian’s snarl is replaced by a vague frown as she runs her eyes over me in assessment.
She must find whatever she sees to be lacking, as she sniffs in vague disapproval before relaxing her stance.
Her long tail drapes over the edge of her rock, flapping at the water in an annoyed manner, as she turns her attention back to the examination of her own talons.
After another long moment of silence passes, in which I awkwardly try not to drown, she lets out a sigh that is somehow as melodic as it is beleaguered.
“I don’t know why you humans suddenly believe I have the patience for odious greetings and dreary conversation,” she pouts.
“Unless you’re here to actually have some fun? ”
I decide this is as close of as invitation as I’m going to get, and haul myself up the rock. Lisian makes a noise of disgust as I flop beside her like a beached seal, ungraceful and sopping wet.
“What’s your idea of fun?” I ask, both wary and curious.
The siren considers. “Oh, you know…” she says merrily, her voice so smooth and beautiful, I have to resist the urge to lean toward it. “A little playing. A little drowning.” Her lips draw into a mischievous smile and her eyes sparkle. “A little gossiping between friends.”
“I…think I’ll pass for today.”
The siren crosses her arms with a hrmph. “Even the blasted king let me have a little fun.”
Her words snare something dark inside me, a sliver of insecurity. “You’re the one that helped him get back his ship, right?”
Lisian’s lips peel back once more to reveal her razor-sharp teeth as if I’ve highly offended her. This close, I realize with distant horror the edges of them are stained the same color as her bangles.
“I did not help him,” she snarls viciously, her eyes flashing. “Sirens are not servants to be wielded by children like Niko.”
“I—Niko is over three hundred years old.”
Lisian waves me off as if this is irrelevant. “And I am three thousand years old. What is your point?”
I stare at her, so thrown off by how long she’s been alive, I have a hard time remembering whether I had a point at all.
Will that be me someday, when time has spiraled far beyond my understanding?
And most importantly, will I still be myself, or will the remaining pieces of my soul be lost to the ever rushing current? Tick, tick, tick.
Lisian drags her talons through her jeweled hair.
“I did not help the Carrion King.” She begins weaving together a few strands, looking all too pleased with herself as she continues, “And trust me…he gave far more than I did. As I’m sure you heard.
” She hums in pleasure, the sound winding uncomfortably between my ribs.
“A siren never loses a bargain, after all.”
“The way I’ve heard it, a siren never makes a fair bargain,” I point out levelly.
She shoots me a dirty look, and thwaps her tail loudly against the surface of the water. “Because of the respect you showed to my sister, I will allow that slight to slide, Your Majesty. But it will be the only one.”
Lisian considers me for a moment. “He may be a child, but Niko is wise enough to know what he offered me. I did not cheat him. We both benefitted from our arrangement.”
“Because now he has your allegiance?”
“If that is what you’ve been told, you are the one who has been cheated.” Lisian tilts her head curiously. “I did not offer my allegiance to the king.”
“But you plotted with him to take back the Indomnitus.”
“Yes.” The siren drawls the words as if I’m being intentionally slow. “Because in giving up his truth, he proved his allegiance to another.”
My breath catches. “Me?”
Lisian doesn’t bother to mask her impatience. “I do hope our queen is not truly as daft as she’s being in this moment. Yes, Willa Darling. The king offered me his truth and in it…was you. His heart may be death, but it is pure. And you were in every terrible, beautiful piece of it.”
I swirl my toes in the clear water of the lagoon, feeling her words as aptly as if they were needles beneath my skin.
“I planned to drink his truth and give him nothing just as I always do. But when I found his allegiance aligned with my own, I offered my assistance.” Her eyes are terrifying as she sets them on me. “As I said before…long live the Queen of Dreams.”
“Why?” The word is quiet, pulled from somewhere deep in my chest. To ask is to show vulnerability, but I have to know why creatures who have always refused to involve themselves in mortal wars would choose to do so now. “Why would you bow to me when I haven’t given you any of my own truth?”
Lisian’s answering smile is vicious. “Ah, but you gave your truth the moment you showed kindness to my sister. We had tried to drown you only a few days earlier, and yet, you would not allow even an enemy to be degraded. You razed the earth to protect the Nyawa. You tore apart the heavens to save the man you love. You showed us your truth in all these things.”
Heat prickles against the back of my neck. “Those weren’t—” I cut myself off with a shake of my head. “None of those were something heroic. I did it all out of selfishness, not because I have a pure heart.”
“You do not need a pure heart to lead, Queen. You only need to turn the broken pieces into weapons against any who would threaten what is yours.”
Her bracelets jangle as she flips her hair over shoulder.
“Are men’s reasons ever picked apart and criticized when the end result is goodness?
It is only women who are derided for their ruthlessness.
Only women who are told they are not pure enough, good enough, humble enough to be lauded for their actions. ”
I tense as Lisian reaches for my hand, her talons digging into my skin as she drops something into my palm.
“You may just be a human, be we are sisters in that we are too vicious for their derision and too powerful to stand beneath their judgement. We raise each other up in blood and vengeance and imperfection…things we have all been told are meant only for men. There is beauty and there is horror inside you, Willa Darling. Both are needed to lead. Both are what drew a being as powerful as the Carrion King to you. And both are why we will serve you.”
My throat grows so thick, I’m certain I’ll choke if I open my mouth to speak.
I’ve spent two centuries alone. Two centuries of feeling like I was too monstrous, too broken to belong anywhere. I stripped myself of the parts society deemed unacceptable—shrunk myself and erased myself until I was no longer recognizable.
But every day I’m in Letum—even when it is hard and messy and heartbreaking—I have found pieces I thought were gone forever.
Here, sitting beside a creature who smells of sea and blood, I find another.
Why have I been atoning to a universe that would never do the same for me?
Why have I not been tearing through it with my teeth and forcing it to give me what’s mine?
Yours is the darkness carved between the stars.
I have loved Niko’s cruelty and ruthlessness wholeheartedly, but hated the same things in myself.
No more.
Lisian is right. The Carrion King was drawn as much to my darkness as he was to my light, and so was the island. It’s time I stopped running in fear of what I could become, and embraced who I’m meant to be.
And when I open my fingers, it feels like the star itself has given me its blessing. Because in my palm lies a tiny golden seed.
“Chrys traded a truth to ensure that if all else failed, the last seed of hope would be entrusted to you. Guard it with your viciousness, and nurture it with your compassion.”
I don’t know what to say, but Lisian doesn’t appear to care.
Her hand flutters at me impatiently, her eyes lighting with terrifying excitement.
“If you could jump off my rock now, I’d appreciate it.
I’ve just spotted one of my favorite playthings, and I can’t promise you’ll appreciate the song I spin. ”
I follow her gaze to where Tiernan waits on the beach. “He’s mine,” I growl in warning. “And he’s off limits.”
Lisian scoffs petulantly, her expression the picture of simpering innocence. “I only wanted to drown him a little,” She makes a gesture over her heart. “Promise.”
“Not even a little,” I tell her with a stern look.
Lisian lets out a huff of rage. “Ugh! You’re as tedious as your consort.”
I let out a small laugh at the idea that Niko is anything near mundane. “Thank you for speaking with me, Lisian. There will come a time in the near future I am going to need you, and I promise it will be anything but boring.”
Lisian straightens, slightly assuaged. “I will hold you to that, Your Majesty.”
I give her a smile, and jump into the cool water of the lagoon.
Tiernan helps me up the sand a few minutes later. “Did you get what you needed?”
I nod, feeling lighter than I have in a long while. “That, and more.” I jerk my head in Lisian’s direction, where she’s taken to gazing lovingly at her own reflection in the water. “I’d watch out for that one. She seems pretty interested in you.”
Tiernan does not greet this news with the terror I expect. Instead, he tilts his head thoughtfully. “Interested, huh?”
“Oh my god, Tiernan! You aren’t seriously considering it, are you? She’ll eat you alive.” I shiver before adding, “Literally.”
Tiernan’s answering laugh is not reassuring. Neither is his irreverent shrug. “Life gets a little stale on an island, Willie. Could be fun.”
“Or it could kill you.”
Tiernan rolls his eyes. “You’re literally in love with the king of death, and you’re going to lecture me on ill-advised romances?”
I glare at him, even as a laugh barrels out of my mouth. “You make a fair point.”
Tiernan grins, as we step off the beach into the shade of the canopy.
I run my fingers along the multitude of flowers, their vibrant petals reaching toward my magic.
I remember the first time I saw them—how their colors had lodged beneath my ribs and nearly made me cry, an appreciation of beautiful things honed by years of nothing but death.
Because that’s what makes life meaningful—it’s eventual end. Life is meaningless without death, just as death is meaningless without life.
Both are needed to lead.
Lisian’s words float through my mind, halting me midstride. Tiernan stumbles into the back of me. “What the hell?” he exclaims, steadying us both before we tumble into the dirt.
“He created something he couldn’t sustain,” I mutter to myself, staring at the incandescent flowers.
Tiernan’s brow crinkles in concern. “Uhh…okay?”
I touch the base of my neck where my tattoo begins, an idea unfurling in my mind like petals. “Fate. Possibility. Polarity. Energy. Rhythm. Cessation. Essence.” I clap my hands in excitement, whirling on Tiernan. “We need all of them!”
Tiernan stares at me. “I…never knew you were so into astrology.”
I smile broadly. “We have to get back to the Lunaedon. I have an idea.”
“Oh good. I don’t suppose you’re going to clue me in.”
I’m already running toward where the carriage waits. He starts after me, muttering, “Of course not! No one ever bothers to tell Tiernan what’s going on. Why would we start now?”
I’ve just leapt up the steps when the place behind my heart pulls taut. Violent and sudden, it rips a gasp from my throat.
Tiernan, who has just climbed in behind me, manages to catch me before I tumble back down the steps. “Willie?”
But I can’t speak. Everywhere I’m anchored to the island burns and sizzles, awake.
The wards are open. The Aeternalis has returned.