Schoolboy Shenanigans
ASTRID WOKE ME in the morning, physically rolling me out of bed. “Get up. You need to leave.”
I sprang to my feet, ready for a fight. Seeing Astrid lay out her gloves and calmly pluck her finger caps from the deadly zeroblade claws beneath, I relaxed a smidge.
The many scratches on my back stung from the night before.
Even with the caps, I wasn’t certain she hadn’t drawn blood. “What’s wrong?”
“You can’t be seen here,” Astrid said brusquely.
She’d never been one for softening her statements.
It was a part of her personality which I ordinarily prized, because I never had to search for double or triple subtextual meanings behind her words, but this morning, her asperity stabbed at my heart, so full from last night, like a pin at a balloon.
“Would it lose you the respect of your nobles to be found in bed with an enemy captain?” I asked, my mouth tight in frustration.
Astrid gave me a patronizing you-should-know-better look as she deftly pulled on the shoulder-length black gloves of her formalwear.
“Of course not. As Emperor, it’s my prerogative to take delectable members of a conquered nation to my chambers in order to serve my needs.
Several members of my court would be thrilled to see me take advantage of my prerogative for once, mostly because it would renew their hopes of seducing their way to power.
” She snrked at the thought, then planted a kiss on my forehead.
“However, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t try to use you to manipulate me.
You’ll be in danger if they know you were here with me. ”
“Oh,” I said. I didn’t want to be any more noticed by the Imperial princes than I had been last night.
If they all were as quick to pull blades as Count Gretsky and Count Gerasimov, then I wanted them to think me as little a threat as possible.
I pulled on my riding breeches and began looking for my mess jacket.
“It’s probably best my government doesn’t know about us either.
They’d assume I’d defected to the Empire. ”
“Or try to use you to manipulate me, along with every one of your so-called allies,” Astrid said, handing me my jacket. “I’m glad you agree.”
“I agree with the idea,” I corrected, pulling my second boot on, observing with slight dismay the scuff on its toe.
Wiktor would have a disapproving tut-tut for me.
“What I can’t wrap my head around is how I’m going to get back to my rooms without being seen in the most heavily guarded location in the galaxy.
This isn’t Royal Colonial, and those aren’t prefects I’m sneaking around after an evening with you.
The most paranoid people imaginable are here with well-armed guards. ”
Astrid grinned, this time with satisfaction. “Remember, most of those guards are mine.” She pulled one of the tassels hanging from the bed canopy, and a mirror swung aside to reveal a hidden passage. I couldn’t very well call it secret, though, since a liveried hordling waited inside.
“How may I serve you, Mistress?” the hordling asked in a voice soft and slithery as a whisper.
“Take Captain Boylan back to his rooms, and keep him out of sight until he gets there,” Astrid ordered. “Return unseen, and you shall be rewarded.”
“Of course, Mistress.” The hordling bowed low, then stood to face me. “Come with me, sir.”
Astrid put her hands on my shoulders, bending low to whisper in my ear. “I’ll see you tonight.” Then, just as I was about to follow the scaly hordling into the narrow servants’ corridor, she gave my ass an enthusiastic squeeze.
The mirror door closed before I could say anything or, more preferably, respond in kind. I gazed wistfully at the stone door before turning away. I’d have to repay her twice over this evening.
The trip back took me through several winding staircases and narrow corridors, giving me plenty of time to think on the events of the night before. What had that been? A rebound fling? A way for the Emperor to relieve stress after a hard day? A resumption of our relationship a dozen years past?
“This is where I leave you, sir,” the hordling said, opening a door in what I’d thought was another ordinary stretch of wall. I peered out to see it had taken me to the hallway outside the Royal Commonwealth suite.
“What are we doing here? You were supposed to take me to my room.”
“And I have, sir, as close as I can,” the hordling said with a professional grovel.
“What? The servant corridors don’t run through the Royal Commonwealth quarters?” I asked.
“Oh, they do, sir, but the Commonwealthers have put some nasty traps in them. Even if I could get past the security grid, I wouldn’t survive the autolancers. Or the gas mines. Your Commonwealther sensors are the best, you know.”
“They are?” I asked.
“Indeed, sir. We steal them every chance we get. Not here, though, Emperor’s orders.”
“Well, jolly good. Best follow orders,” I said, pleasantly surprised the Empire found any of our technology worth taking and even more pleased they couldn’t approach our private chambers.
“Indeed, sir. But here we are, and here I must leave you.”
“Well, thank you,” I said, checking both ways to make certain nobody was around to see me emerge into the corridor. When I glanced behind me, the doorway was gone, only an indistinguishable section of wall.
So far, so good. All I had to do was reach the dining room without anybody noticing.
I checked my pocket watch. It was early enough.
The parlor could be empty, but in case there was somebody waiting, I couldn’t look like I was sneaking in.
Quietly, but upright, as though I were trying to be polite and not wake anybody, I opened the door, slipped through, and shut it behind me. Good, no one saw me.
I was halfway across the room before Boleslaw spoke.
“Ah, Captain Boylan. Good to see you’ve returned.”
I froze, doing my best not to grimace. Colonel Boleslaw sat in the dining room, looking inquisitively at me over a jammy doughnut, one thin eyebrow raised. She gestured at the spread before her. “Care for a cup of tea? You got here early. All the good biscuits haven’t been taken yet.”
Resigned to my fate, I walked into the dining room and sat across from the colonel. She dunked her doughnut into her cup, then took a bite and swallowed before questioning me.
“So, where were you last night?”
I couldn’t lie, not fully. She doubtless knew I hadn’t made it back to my own room, and someone would likely report that I’d been in the Emperor’s chambers. I bought a bit of time by grabbing a shortbread biscuit and pouring myself some tea.
“I’m afraid I made a bit of a tit of myself,” I said carefully, as though trying to spin bad news better. Boleslaw waited patiently, so I continued. “During my audience with the Emperor, I passed out.”
“You saw the Emperor last night?” Boleslaw asked. “Again?”
That’s right. I’d not been publicly invited. I decided not to reveal the fact that I’d been kidnapped. “Her servant found me in the chaos following Von Potiorek’s death.”
“What did she want with your fourth rendezvous?” Boleslaw’s implication was clear.
“She wanted to talk to someone she knew,” I replied lamely.
Boleslaw raised an eyebrow. “Just talk?”
I shrugged. “It’s possible she had more amorous intentions in mind, but, as I said before, I passed out rather quickly.”
“Passed out?” Boleslaw asked dubiously.
“I haven’t been sleeping well. With the strain of yesterday’s events, I was simply unable to stay awake.
The Emperor had her doctors rouse me, but when they determined it was lack of sleep, they slapped me with a tranquilizer and laid me out on a couch in her parlor.
Her servants only woke me a little bit ago.
Fall of a stim injection,” I lied, rubbing my neck as though I’d slept on it funny.
Boleslaw looked unconvinced. “We all were worried sick about you. Lynwyzc was preparing to issue a diplomatic protest.”
“No need. Just a misunderstanding,” I said, perhaps a tad too quickly.
“Well, glad that’s settled. Wiktor would have been truly distressed if you’d gone missing,” Boleslaw said, her disarming smile flashing again.
I snorted. “I think he’d dance a jig of freedom.”
“You wound me, sir,” Wiktor said in a droll monotone from his customary position at my elbow.
I jumped, spilling tea all over my lap. Wiktor gave my trousers the barest of glances which, somehow, perfectly communicated his annoyance at having to clean yet another stain from my clothes.
“How would you like your eggs this morning?”
“Over-easy on toast, if you would,” I managed to say, my shock fading.
“Very good, sir,” Wiktor said before gliding towards the kitchens.
“One Fall of a servant you’ve got there,” Boleslaw commented.
“He’s on loan. I don’t get to keep him,” I replied.
“Isn’t that a shame,” Boleslaw said, then leaned forwards on the table. “It’d be another shame if you fell unconscious before learning anything of value last night.”
“I know she didn’t expect to win this war,” I said, deciding that was safe, but useful information to give.
“She’s got a funny way of showing it,” Prince Aureli said as he entered the suite. It seemed he had spent his evening elsewhere. I wondered if his partner had been as energetic as mine. She could not have been as enjoyable.
Boleslaw enticed the prince to sit next to her with a plate of jammy doughnuts and other breakfast sweets. “How was your evening, Your Highness? Successful, I hope?”
Prince Aureli snagged a chocolate-covered biscuit as he sat. “Successful enough, I pray. Screwing sense into Despotate delegates is harder work than it seems. They’re so bull-headed. They get an idea in their head and they worry it like a hungry dog with a bone.”
“Are we sure they’re worth the effort? We’ve fought most of this war practically without them,” I said.
Prince Aureli fixed me with a disapproving stare. “The Despotate may be reduced to a sliver of its former territory, but those systems have provided millions of soldiers to help stem the Imperial tide.”
“Despotate soldiers are good fighters,” I conceded. “It’s the lords commander I have problems with.”
“You’ll just have to get over that. They’re our allies, and we need them to negotiate a unified peace with the Empire.
” The prince dunked his chocolate biscuit in the tea handed to him by a valet.
“But I can tell Boleslaw about my evening later. What is it you said about the Emperor not wanting to win the war?”
“Well, she wanted to win, but not quite so well. She expected a stalemate somewhere in the League, which she could use to negotiate for a few border territories to add to her Empire and prove herself a good choice to wear the Imperial crown. But then…”
“Then Yezhidia defected, the League dissolved, and the Despotate collapsed,” Boleslaw continued.
“Leaving only us left to conquer, and a horde of victorious demon lords to appease,” Prince Aureli concluded. He took a deep, cleansing breath before saying, “That explains why she’s been so sensible in discussions.”
“If I may, Your Highness, I don’t think it does. She’s on the edge of final victory. Whatever troubles would result from winning, I feel she’d incur worse by snatching that victory away from her warriors after they fought so hard to win it.”
Prince Aureli and Boleslaw exchanged a glance which told me there was more going on than I knew. The prince eyed me as he dunked another chocolate biscuit. “How do you know all this?”
“He attended the Emperor last night,” Boleslaw said.
“What? Again?” He gave me an appraising look. “And you’re sure the two of you aren’t screwing yet?”
“Apparently, he was too tired to stay awake,” Boleslaw replied for me, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“I didn’t think it would be a good idea, sleeping with the enemy,” I said stiffly.
Prince Aureli laughed. “There’s sleeping with the enemy, and seducing information from them. The latter is encouraged, the former forbidden.”
I fell silent as I realized which I’d clearly done last night. But I had also obtained information from the Emperor. Did it matter whether I got some satisfaction out of the arrangement as well? Did I even know that last night was more than a one-time fling?
Wiktor arrived at that moment with my eggs, and I decided to take them in my chambers. I wanted a moment to myself to consider the morning’s events and think about my future.
I didn’t know why I hid my renewed romance with Astrid from Boleslaw and Aureli. After all, Aureli had already had at least three affairs which I knew about. I’d only had one.
Then again, all three of Aureli’s affairs had been with our allies. Mine had been with the enemy’s monarch.
Maybe I hid my romance from them because I didn’t know that it was a new romance.
It was only as Wiktor helped me change into my new day’s outfit that I realized Boleslaw and Aureli had cleverly redirected me from questioning why the Emperor would choose to pause the war now.