25. Willow
Willow
I come back in pieces. The cold arrives first, seeping through whatever I'm lying on and burrowing into my skin. Then the pain, which is a dull pulse in my temples and settles deep in my aching joints.
It takes some effort to open my eyes, but when I finally do, I’m relieved to find we’re out of the forest. Instead of the pale, lifeless canopy, I’m staring up at the ceiling of a small cavern, the dark ice-rock shimmering faintly.
Thick roots spread through the rock like streaks of lightning, pulsing with an ominous red light.
I lie there, the previous events flashing through my mind like a horrifying picture book. The screaming. The winged monsters. Being taken. Screaming. Pleading for help. The horrible silence that followed. And then… darkness.
The last thing I remember is staring into the face of one of those things as they wrapped me in that horrible, sticky thread. After that… nothing.
Clearly, something happened. We are no longer in the forest, and my skin has been cleaned of that weird substance—which means we came across more healing pools at some point.
Why can’t I remember?
Panic squeezes, and I sit up, numb to the aching protests of my joints. I’m about to call out, but the feeling of someone watching me causes my words to dry in my mouth.
Glancing to the side, I’m surprised to find Cin’s slitted eyes blinking at me through the shadows.
“Cin…” I reach out through the dark and lay my palm against the side of his face. He goes very still. Then his eyes fall closed, and he leans into my hand, pressing into my touch like he's been waiting a lifetime for it.
As we sit there, more memories come flooding in. Cin tearing through the silk. Cin cutting me free. Cin killing the monsters. Carrying me out. Curling around me on the frozen ground. Refusing to let go even as he fell apart.
“You saved me.”
He opens his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Don’t.” He shakes his head. “Do not thank me. I… I do not deserve it.”
“Oh, Cin…” I brush my thumb over his cheek, and his entire body trembles. “Yes, you do.”
He opens his eyes, his mouth twitching in a sad smirk. “We will have to agree to disagree.”
I let it go. Arguing with Cin about whether he's worth anything has never once gotten me anywhere, and something tells me tonight isn't the night I finally win. Instead, I lower my hand and take a proper look around.
“Where are we?”
“Caverns. Leading to the core.” He twirls a finger lazily in the air. “You can feel it. Magic. Wild. Everywhere.”
I hold my breath, closing my eyes. I can feel the magic in the air when I pay attention. Wild, ancient magic.
It makes my skin crawl.
“The pit led down here?” I ask, opening my eyes.
Cin nods. “Yes. It won’t be long, now.”
I don't like the sound of that. I rub my arms, expecting to find some residue from the hive, yet I find nothing but clean, soft skin.
Before I can ask, Cin explains, “Healing pools. You were half conscious when we came here. Your mates did not think you would mind if they cleaned you.”
I bite my lip, grateful they cleaned me of that awful fluid that those creatures covered me with. “Where are the others?”
Cin points at a small shadowed tunnel I hadn’t noticed in the dark. “They are just in the other cavern, where the healing pools are. They would have stayed with you, but…their injuries were extensive. It’s best if they sleep in the water.”
“Vhalthor?”
“He and his remaining soldiers are with them.” Cin’s gaze hardens. “Vhalthor lost many.”
I look down at my hands, guilt clenching my chest. Those soldiers followed us in here because their king decided to come, and their king decided to come because of me.
Most of them are still out there in the frozen dark.
Alone. I send out a silent plea that their souls end up somewhere better than this place.
“What about you?” I ask, my voice cracking slightly. “Aren’t you tired?” Remembering the image of Cin’s mauled wing, I add, “Shouldn’t you be in the pools with the others?”
“I should. But I needed to see your eyes open before I closed mine for even a moment.” He stares at me unblinking, his gaze burning into my soul. “Are you really alive, serafyn?” he asks, laying a shaking palm on my cheek. “Or is this another twisted daydream of mine?”
“I’m here,” I promise. “I’m here. I’m alive. I’m okay.”
He lets out a breath, his entire body slumping with relief. "Thank the gods."
I lie back on the ice, and Cin lowers himself down beside me. Just that slight movement pains him. I can see it in the way his jaw clenches, and his eyes crease with agony—but he doesn’t call attention to it. Instead, he takes a deep breath and turns his head.
I've seen Cin sad before. This is not that. This is heavier, soul-crushing, and underneath it is a longing so deep and unguarded that it takes my breath away.
“What is it?” I ask. “What’s wrong?”
His expression crumbles. “I thought… I thought I was going to lose you. When I heard you scream, when those things took you away, I was sure you were…” He doesn’t finish. “All I kept thinking was how I could not go on if you were gone. I could not… I would not survive it.”
“Cin…”
“Please”—he gasps—“just… please, let me get this out. I don’t… I won’t get another chance, Willow. I’m worried about how fast I’m slipping. The pieces are getting harder to hold on to, and I… I don’t think I have much time left.”
“That’s not true. We’re going to fix it, Cin.”
“There is no fixing me,” he says. “This is how I was made. Unwhole. Wrong.” He closes his eyes tight, his face creasing in pain.
“I am a danger to my brothers and myself. But what’s even worse is I am a danger to you.
Someone so good, and sweet, and pure of heart.
” He takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes.
“That’s what makes this so much harder.”
“What… what do you mean?”
He reaches for me.
The movement is slow, and it clearly hurts him, but his hand finds my arm and pulls, and I let him take my weight. He draws me across his chest, one arm sliding over my shoulders, the other locking around my lower back, and then he just holds me there.
I can hear his heart going too fast beneath my ear, and his ribs shudder every time he takes a breath.
His hand moves to the back of my head, fingers spreading through my hair, holding me against him.
His chin comes down to rest on the top of my head, and I feel the violent shudder that runs through his body.
“I don’t want to be without you, Willow.
” His deep voice cracks over every other word.
“I can’t—not any more. Not now that I know what it is to love you.
Not now when my soul has found its home in you.
When I can scarcely breathe to be away from you.
When the thought of lying alone in the furs without your head on my chest makes me want to die. ”
“Cin…”
I raise my head, and as our eyes meet, he takes a ragged breath.
The slits of his pupils are so slim, it looks like they’ve disappeared entirely, and the emotion creasing his face breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces.
“Willow… my Willow. I am so hopelessly, pitifully in love with you, it makes me want to rip my teeth out. I can’t bear to be near you any more than I can survive being apart from you.
It’s driving me mad—and I know madness, my sweet serafyn.
I cannot tolerate this… this torture. Please, Willow… put me out of my misery.”
I lean down, pressing my forehead to his thrumming chest. I have no idea which words to say to convey the depth of what I fell for Cin. Only…
“I love you too, Cin,” I say. “I love you, and I’m yours.”
I reach up and press a kiss to his forehead, lingering there a moment longer than I should. I want more than this. I want to know what it's like to kiss the male I just confessed my love to. But I already know there's nothing left beneath his mask to kiss, anyway.
This will have to be enough.
A soft rustle sounds beside me, and I turn to find Noox already there, coiled and watching through those glowing serpentine eyes.
I never heard the familiar arrive, and I don’t know how it got down here. But I do know why he’s here. I’ve been through this three separate times before with my other mates.
Even though it is familiar, my pulse pounds like it’s my very first time.
Noox slides closer without a sound, gliding up over my stomach and settling around my throat like a dangerous necklace. His scales are cool against my heated skin, and it actually feels kind of nice.
“Hi, Noox.” I gently slide the tip of my finger across his body. He’s being far gentler with me than his size and reputation should ever allow. In fact, he’s coiled so loose that if I wanted to, I could easily pull away.
I look down into his slitted eyes, and I understand. Noox is waiting for permission.
Cin's palm finds my cheek, tilting my face up to his. His hand is trembling, and his voice comes out quieter than I've ever heard it. "Is this truly what you want, Willow?"
I know what he’s really asking. Would I really bind myself to a monster like him?
Instead of answering with words, I turn to look into Noox’s eyes, nodding my head once.
I choose this. I choose Cin.
Noox opens his mouth slowly, leaning in and clipping the side of my neck with his teeth. It's no more than a pinch, the pain gone before I can even flinch, and then he’s sliding off my shoulder and away into the dark, having completed what it was brought here to do.
I meet Cin’s heated gaze, and the air crackles with electricity.
The bond floods into me before I can brace for it, building fast and spreading outward toward my fingertips as it solidifies.
Bliss comes first, filling me with endless pleasure and bursts of starlight.
Then, right behind it, something heavier follows.
It’s darker, heavier—an infected vein, a river of ancient evil.